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CHAPTER 1
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Caterpillar Eyebrows
Majoring in creative writing truly seemed like a good idea when I was nineteen, scribbling lyrics for my punk band into spiral notebooks. Unfortunately, the major required more than adjective-laden, impassioned poetry and a couple unfinished plays.
My school required four semesters of a foreign language. I selected French, assuming it would be the "easiest," and, after a brief perusal at the bookstore, because the textbook was the least expensive.
French 101 was held in a large room with more than 40 students. Most of the class consisted of listening to crackly cassette tapes and call-and-response exercises.
I was utterly unengaged.
Three months later, I failed my first exam.
This failure was a red flag for my scholarship and a week later, I plopped into a chair in my counselor's office with a frustrated sigh. I launched immediately into the litany of reasons why French and I needed to obtenir un divorce — I looked that up before my appointment to emphasize my seriousness.
My counselor's name was Mr. Aardvant. He reeked of academia gone rancid. His sallow complexion was yellow under the office fluorescents, and his tie only matched in this anemic light.
At a school as large as Louisiana State University, counselors such as Mr. Aardvant do not have the time to listen long to the bemoaned ravings of a procrastinating sophomore. Though the college brochures claimed, "the counselors' doors are always open," unofficially we were allowed to schedule fifteen minutes of face time a semester — and this fifteen minutes should be all business.
Aardvant eyed me from depleted features, taking in my blue shock of hair with its occasional haphazard dreadlock, my shoeless feet, and my green cape.
I eyed him just as warily as I rambled on. Tattletale blood vessels ran along his red nose. Saggy eyelids and jaw line. Caterpillar eyebrows and wedding ring bound in fat on both sides. A hair curling from the inside of one ear. He was unamused. He scratched at his ear delicately with the eraser of his pencil, sighed, and chuckled.
I paused, waiting to know exactly what it was that he found so funny, still too young and pinhole selfish to see myself through other eyes. Mr. Aardvant met my eyes for a moment, noticed the lip ring I was chewing on, and quickly looked down, saying, "Well, ah, French can be a bit tricky at first, especially if you choose not to study."
An appalled pause, as he placed down the presumption between us and I looked at it skeptically. "You seem like an, ah, artsy type, uh ..." he shuffled and pretended to clear his throat, sneaking a glance down at the file in front of him, "Kaycee. Why not a more, ah, picturesque language, like, ah, Japanese, my dear?"
I waited; still chewing over the impertinent presumption that I hadn't studied (I hadn't, really, but still ...) I gauged his levity. I knew he was joking when a smirk snuck into the corners of his sallow mouth.
"What ... Do you mean I shouldn't? Or I should?"
Aardvant's smirk broadened, and he covered it by tipping his shiny head towards me, shuffling again. "A joke, dear, a joke. I strongly recommend you take yourself to the Français study hall, and get yourself some tutoring. Bien?"
"Umm. No, not bien. What do you mean?"
The way he kept facetiously calling me "Dear" was making my skin feel clammy.
"Well, my dear, if French is tres difficile, perhaps a more challenging language might be, perhaps, invraisemblable?
Whether this was bait, or an honest if not callous mockery, I have no idea. Aardvant's bushy eyebrows never clarified for me whether he was poking fun at my uncanny appearance, or whether he saw something I did not. My guess is the former.
I do know that my response was as predictable as my nose ring.
"Withdraw me from French, Mr. Aardvant. I'd like to sign up for Japanese next semester." At least, I thought, I'd be rid of French and could postpone difficulty another semester
Mr. Aardvant smirked at me, silently, and filled out the paperwork, shuffled it back into the manila folder and slid it across the desk, already bored.
Fall found me in Japanese 101, with six business majors and a fastidious Japanese woman who refused to speak English to us. It was a five-hour course, and it was hard.
Compared to my feisty literature seminars and writing workshops, the pace and rigor of my Japanese classes felt like Advanced Calculus at MIT.
I ended up in tutoring, surrounded by pages and pages of scribbled kanji and note cards. I got a C my first semester: the first C of my academic life. But I loved it.
I worked two jobs to pay for college: waiting tables on the night shift from ten at night to seven in the morning at a diner, and as a nude model for the art department. At four AM, the diner witching hour, hung between the drunken late night crowd and the early risers, my manager Fred would quiz me repeatedly from the backs of the flash cards.
Though I translated my studies into a minor in Asian Studies, this minor didn't exactly increase my career-readiness. During my fourth semester of Japanese, Dohi-Sensei handed out a flyer for the JET Programme. "Teach English in Japan!" The bold red letter exclaimed over the outline of the Itsukushima Shrine.
Over beers that night, I pulled it out and shoved it across the sticky table at my best friend Deanna, who held it up to the dim red bar light.
"Wanna move to Japan with me next year?"
Deanna grinned wolfishly. She'd been squatting in Amsterdam while still in her teens, but decorated her wanderlust with a veritable slew of talents and a knack for learning languages — Russian, French, Spanish and, rapidly, Japanese — that would burn me green with jealousy.
A year later, Deanna and I boarded a plane for the Eastern Hemisphere.
Studying Japanese taught me that I loved challenge and rigor.
It also taught me that belief is the first step to anything, even if that belief is stubborn and foolhardy.
Yoshida
I moved to Yoshida, in Shizuoka Prefecture, while Deanna ended up in Nagano. It looked rather close when we saw it on the little map in my Japanese textbook, and I'm ashamed to admit that's about all the research we did. I ended up on the coast, not in the mountains, with Mount Fuji a looming, constant companion.
Deanna ended up in a house so cold in the winter that she kept her shampoo in the refrigerator overnight, to prevent it from freezing in her bathroom. For my better weather, for my springs filled with cherry blossom petal snow, I considered myself randomly fortunate.
Presumably because of my studies, I was hired not just to be an assistant teacher but also to help revitalize an English Program. A teacher named Kai from Hawaii and I were asked to build a language lab, run the summer camp, manage video projects and the English conversation classes, and encourage authentic discussion in classrooms with the Japanese high school students.
Yoshida looks much like a small town in a Miyazaki movie. I rode my bike six kilometers each day along thin, winding, cement-topped roads through rice and tea fields. On summer nights, the frogs in the rice paddies would chant in loud orchestras, only going silent when the swoosh of the wheels of my bike alerted them to my presence. This void of noise would create an eerie pocket of stillness, the amphibian gero gero in front and behind, but on either side, a complete stillness filled only with the rushing of the rice stalks.
The cicadas offered no such stillness. Every summer their ceaseless meeeeeeeeeeeee resounded across Yoshida, causing a racket that would make me raise my voice in the classroom if the windows were open — and, as Japanese schools have no internal heat source or air conditioning, in the summers they usually were. I would lay in my sweltering apartment and listen to their incessant noise; their piteous calling for companionship.
In my relative isolation, their thrumming was often comforting. Their little exoskeletons were everywhere, the broken shell split down the back, releasing the noisy winged monster from its former life. The younger children would take them to the streams and set sail little paper boats filled with them, broken chrysalis pirates. Over all of this, Mount Fuji stared resolutely, a dominating centerpiece to the flat or lightly rolling landscape.
I was cicada-lonely in Japan for the first few months, until I managed to find a rhythm; so different from the one I was accustomed to. I look back with pity for my neighbor, who I never considered at the time. I filled my apartment with loud punk rock and fermented strange concoctions on the front porch. I wore long sleeves to hide my tattoos, because in rural Japan body art is still associated with yakuza. I carried a battered dictionary, covered with stickers, to the small grocery store, struggling to determine whether this or that kanji was meat or dairy-related. I stirred up large pots of curried rice and fresh tofu, enough to feed a potluck, and ate it for days.
My little house was steps from the Oigawa River, and each evening I went on long jogs along her still edge. I followed her path all the way to the ocean, taking mental inventory of the day's new vocabulary, whispering the new words to myself like a mage apprentice. At twilight, on the edge of the Pacific, I stared out across the dark horizontal line of sea and sky, stared out towards home.
Dozens of paths twisted and turned, a delta of walking tributaries. Yoshida was a tiny town full of deep squat grey buildings and corner stores, porn kiosks, construction sites, and the endless fields that spilled to the edge of the Oigawa River and the sea. And as Japan does not name their streets, I used chalk and a watch to find my way around, carefully writing an arrow for the direction I went, and the time I did so, and tried to track my way back.
On the weekends, I would bike the ten kilometers to the ocean, blaring music in my headphones and sipping sake from a vending machine, and I would stick my toes deep into the sand and remind myself that I was learning about true distance, defined by the stretch between myself and home, and because of a different culture and language, and even a distance from the myself I had been. Each day I learned a little better to survive in the vacuum of a new place, so very different from what I had known.
My college life had been so full of people: punk shows, road trips, classroom discussions, co-ops, art projects, dumpster diving, bike rides, art cars, Critical Mass, four AM arguments over whiskey and cigarettes, a youth-fueled cacophony that burned through my days. During my first year in Japan, I found the silence, even when filled with scissoring cicadas legs or gulping frog songs, to be disturbing.
The very best part of that first year was teaching.
The school day and year in Japan is very long. Broken into three semesters, school wraps the years round. In addition to their classes, all of my students had mandatory club activities after school. Some played soccer and baseball long into the night; others practiced kendo, judo, ping-pong, or volleyball. They took public transportation or rode their bicycles to school; the parking lot included a two-story garage just for the student's bikes. Uniforms were very strict, the major infraction was wee skirts rolled up around their belts to be more kawaii or cute. The entrance was filled with rows of shoe cubbies; students changed into indoor slippers which were color-coded by their grade.
Rebellion amongst the students was an act of fashion, not feeling. The kids who loved the Sex Pistols had backpacks covered in metal studs and punk buttons, but had never listened to their songs, and did not know about the demise of angsty Sid, though they imitated his hair with the assistance of copious amounts of hair gel. When I would play music for them, they would laugh and shake their heads confusedly. When I would ask them about their style, they would shrug and say, "It's, ahhh, fashion, you know Kaycee-sensei, fashion?"
I was annoyed at the co-opting of punk for faddish vogue because it was a politick infraction. Later, when I had more distance from my teenage self, it just made me smile. I wanted these kids in a small Japanese town to embrace a life that I had embraced at their age — not just the accoutrements.
The largest behavior problems in my classes were the students texting on their keitai under their desks. When caught they would apologize, very formally and often sincerely, and immediately snap it closed and put it away. My students in Japan didn't have true academic struggles, but I was concerned about their lack of participation, their flashes of startling apathy.
In the hallway, I was treated like a celebrity. Students who were not in my classes would grin goofily, greeting me with a poorly pronounced "Good Morning" and awkwardly waving. My own students would lurk around my desk on my off periods. My daily lunch became a source of deep curiosity for them, as I would normally throw my leftovers from dinner into my bento box, rather than making the traditional rice-based Japanese hirugohan. As a vegan, I had learned to make large quantities of food when I cooked, and my students would giggle and point at the microwaved pasta and spinach salad in my bento each day.
Responsibility was both expected and ingrained in these children. Japanese students clean their own classrooms and bathrooms; during osouji jikan children would hurry up and down the halls with the dust mops and rags, and climb dangerously out onto the roof to wipe the outside of the windows, while wartime work music was piped in through the speakers.
Miho and Yuki, two of my favorite girls, used rubber bands to attach sponges to their slippers and rubbed the room's corners, laughing and chattering about purikura and makeup as they did.
Everyone worked incredibly hard, the teachers especially. I constantly complained about the long hours, but I had far fewer responsibilities than the other sensei. The English teachers I worked with put in extremely long weeks.
Besides their responsibilities as teachers, each had a "homeroom," sometimes with upwards of 35 students. They stayed with their homeroom and students for all three years of their high school experience, tracking their grades, meeting with their parents, keeping them accountable to their club activities, and even keeping tabs on their weekend antics.
Yet despite the sacrifice and labor, a sense of joy pervaded both the children and educators. Children loved their homeroom teachers, teachers loved their jobs, and society revered and deeply respected the work being done. There was a sense of both building and belonging, a general feeling that good work was being done to the best of everyone's abilities. Parents were highly accountable to the schools, and constantly communicated with the homeroom teachers. Homeroom teachers were fiercely proud of their hard work and their students, bragging over them much like a parent would.
I spent two years in Yoshida. Teachers at Yoshida High School went out of their way to include me in their activities. We went to karaoke on weekends and embarked upon the duplicitous nomihodai, all-you-can-drink izakaya bars. Eventually, I made friends, traveled extensively, and studied Japanese. I befriended the old woman who ran the ramen shop near my house, a stop that seemed to exist for construction workers on their way home from larger places. Each week I ate ramen in her shop, chatting with her and these dusty men in their tabi toed-shoes, learning an odd mix of slang used by old grandmothers and playfully crass, unmarried men. I took the train to Tokyo to see music on the weekends, and discovered I needed music to be less aggressive than I used to. I went to a shamisen concert and felt my heart vibrate with each string.
In time, the cicada and frog songs became less mournful and sounded more familiar: the background buzz of home.
Sugar
The rice paddies and tea fields of Yoshida held me for two years before I moved to Mishima, a larger town further up the coast towards Tokyo. In Mishima, I was hired at a private school to teach children between the ages of four and eight. After two years of grueling but rewarding hours at the high school, working with small children was a delight. Japanese children don't always have a lot of interaction with gaikokujin, and on their first day of class they would eye the tall foreign woman with long, straw-colored hair suspiciously as they kicked off their little Anpanman shoes at the door. Their anxious, enthusiastic mothers would bow and chatter in the entranceway, waving them goodbye with a "Ganbatte, Shiho-chan." Do your best, Shiho!
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Katrina's Sandcastles"
by .
Copyright © 2014 Kaycee Eckhardt.
Excerpted by permission of Microcosm Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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