It's Your Funeral!: Plan the Celebration of a Lifetime--Before It's Too Late

by Kathy Benjamin

Overview

You can’t attend your own funeral. But you can have a blast planning it!
 
Death is scary—but planning your funeral doesn't have to be! It's Your Funeral! will help demystify death, decrease your anxiety, and put the fun back in funeral, whether that means a drunken bacchanal or a somber reflection on just how great you were. Every stage of the legacy planning process is considered, from a burial outfit to a funeral theme. Practical and cheeky questions alike are answered, including:

   • What is the most eco-friendly burial method?
   • Can I write my own obituary?
   • Can my body be shot into space after I die?
   • How can I manage my digital legacy?

Offering a plethora of curious facts, strange stories, and inspiration to help you think outside the coffin, It’s Your Funeral! includes worksheets that will ensure your wishes are recorded for posterity. Planning for death should be the time of your life, so let’s get started!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781683692584
Publisher:	Quirk Publishing
Publication date:	08/17/2021
Pages:	176
Sales rank:	637,048
Product dimensions:	6.10(w) x 8.60(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Kathy Benjamin’s writing has received more than 100 million hits across some of the most popular humor and trivia websites in the world, including Mental Floss, Cracked, Grunge, The Smoking Jacket, and Uproxx. Kathy is also the author of Funerals to Die For: The Craziest, Creepiest, and Most Bizarre Funeral Traditions and Practices Ever.

Read an Excerpt

An Introduction to Your End

According to the National Funeral Directors Association, the average funeral today costs over $10,000. That’s such a ridiculous amount of money that if you weren’t already dead, the shock of it might kill you. It’s enough to make you understand if your relatives chose to just dump your body in a field under cover of darkness. Yet, despite the expense, few people plan their funerals ahead of time. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
     What other event of such magnitude do people drop Benjamins galore on with no arrangements in place? Weddings, vacations, births of children, car purchases: most of us prepare for months, if not years, for such milestones. But none of those are sure to be a one-off. You could have any number of marriages. Dozens of vacations. Dozens of cars. Dozens of . . . children, God help you. With a funeral, you pretty much get one shot to nail it.
     But this defining moment of your existence (or nonexistence, as it were), the one chance for your friends and family to come together and remember who you were, what they loved about you, and how you left your mark on the world, is an afterthought. No, worse—it’s an anti-thought, something many people avoid thinking about completely. This isn’t healthy. You are going to be worm food one day, and it’s time to deal with it.
     Which brings us to Nicolas Cage. Everyone loves Nicolas Cage. His films have made five billion dollars. He’s got an Oscar. He named his son after Superman. Yes, he blew his fortune acquiring such esoteric items as a dinosaur skull, a pet octopus, and not one but two castles, but what’s important is that in the middle of his spending spree, he realized he could not take any of it with him.
     One of Cage’s many purchases was a nine-foot-tall pyramid tomb in a famous New Orleans cemetery. It’s gleaming white and engraved with the Latin phrase OMNIA AB UNO (Everything from One). Still only in his mid-forties, he’d decided to take charge of his own afterlife in the most Nicolas Cage manner possible. No way was he letting his busload of ex-wives bury him under a simple tombstone. He looked death in the face and said, “I was Ghost Rider. Did you see that movie? It was absolutely murdered by the critics. Which I think was unfair because—anyway, my point is, you do not scare me.”
     You need to be at least as rational as Nicolas Cage when it comes to planning your funeral. That is a very low bar. If the star of the direct-to-DVD film Vengeance: A Love Story has put his affairs in order, it’s time to get serious.
     But not too serious. Because planning the biggest event of your afterlife should be a blast. A fun-eral, if you will. Within the pages of this book, you have the chance to make sure your send-off is exactly what you want it to be, whether that’s a drunken bacchanalia or a sober, somber reflection on just how great you were. The decisions to make are many, as are the pitfalls to avoid. Every stage of the legacy-planning process will be considered, from selecting a burial outfit and accessories to choosing a funeral theme. Guided-journal elements and worksheets will not only help you think outside the coffin, but ensure that your wishes are recorded—which will be a massive help to your loved ones.
     Just imagine: your mourners screw up your send-off because they have to throw together a five-figure event in a couple of days while sobbing uncontrollably. Having a plan will both ensure that you get the funeral of your dreams and take the burden of major decisions off them.
     If all of this sounds too sad or scary to contemplate, it’s okay. You’re not alone. Take comfort in knowing that the best way to conquer your fears and anxiety about death is to face it head-on. Although you can’t choose the time or manner of your demise, at least you can make sure you have a say in what happens after. By working out the details in advance, you won’t have to cross your fingers that your spirit will find a way to communicate your funeral wishes through a psychic. And doesn’t that make you feel just a little bit better?
     Planning your own funeral is an act of love, an important aspect of positive mental health, and—thanks to this book—it’s going to be a heck of a lot of fun.

Table of Contents

An introduction to Your End 10

A Brief History of Funerals 12

Part I It's Your Body

Burial and Beyond: From Six Feet Under to Sixty Miles Up 18

Common Methods 19

How to Avoid Being Buried Alive 21

Getting Creative with Cremains 24

Worksheet: My Cremation Creations 28

Eco-Friendly Methods 29

Pet Cemeteries (The Not-Evil Kind) 30

Funeral Traditions Explained: Viewings 34

Futuristic Methods 37

There's No Dying in Baseball! 41

Donation Methods 42

Becoming Poor Yorick 44

Funeral Traditions Explained: Nine Nights 47

Traditional Methods 48

Turning Body Art into Fine Art 50

Worksheet: What to Do with My Body 51

Build Your Own Coffin 52

Worksheet: How to Contain My Remains 53

You Can Take It With You 54

How to Fend Off Grave Robbers 56

Celebrity Burial Hoards 60

Worksheet: My Burial Accessories 62

Worksheet: My Final Fashion Statement 64

What Can Be Cremated with Me? 66

Funeral Traditions Explained: Wakes 67

Part II It's Your Funeral

It's Your Funeral, and You Can Die If You Want To 70

Funeral Traditions of Major Religions 71

Funeral Traditions Explained: Shemira 73

Funerals for the Living 74

Funeral Crashers 77

Choosing the Perfect Venue 78

Worksheet: My Funeral Venue 81

Assigning Funeral Roles 82

Worksheet: My Funeral Dream Team 84

Funeral Themes 85

Fashioning Your Funeral 87

Worksheet: My Funeral Design 90

The Eulogy 91

Eulogize (But Don't Plagiarize) 93

Worksheet: My Eulogy 96

Funeral Readings

Worksheet: My Funeral Readings 100

Funeral Music 101

A Celebrity Performer to Entertain Your Mourners 103

Worksheet: My Final Playlist 104

Worksheet: My "Do Not Play" List 105

Rent-a-Mourner 106

Funeral Traditions Explained: Jazz Funerals 107

Worksheet: Photo Finish 108

Setting a Selfie Policy 110

Rewarding Your Funeral Guests 111

Worksheet: My Guest List and Pest List 112

Lightening the Mood 114

Worksheet: How to Lighten the Mood 115

Planning Your Eternal Rest 116

Worksheet: My Eternal Rest 120

Part III Its' Your Legacy

Don't You Forget about Me (Ever) 124

Marking Your Postmortem Territory 125

Iconic Funerary Monuments 130

Epitaphs 131

Worksheet My Perfect Monument 136

Famous Graveside Rituals 138

Worksheet: My Graveside Ritual 142

Funeral Traditions Explained: Famadihana 143

Extraordinary Cemeteries You Need to Visit (Before You End Up in One) 144

Obituaries 147

Worksheet: My Obituary 150

Your Material Legacy 152

Worksheet: Who Gets My Stuff 154

Where Theresa Mill 155

Funeral Traditions Explained: Month's Mind 157

Your Digital Legacy 158

Worksheet: My Digital Assets 159

Your Intangible Legacy 160

Worksheet: Ten Things I'm Proud of Accomplishing 161

Coming Back to Haunt Someone 162

Worksheet: My Haunting Game Plan 163

Worksheet: A Message to My Loved Ones 164

How to Craft a Bucket List 166

Worksheet: My Bucket List 167

Epilogue: The End of the Beginning of Your End 168

Further Reading 170

Index 172

Acknowledgments 176

Editorial Reviews

06/28/2021

In this surprisingly fun handbook, humorist Benjamin (Funerals to Die For) instructs readers in both simple and novel ways to prepare for death. She begins with a consideration of what to do with humanly remains, whether that means an environmentally friendly coral reef burial or turning one’s ashes into a vinyl record. Benjamin then considers how one’s obituary, funeral, and legacy are all ripe for personal touches. For example, choosing the music to be played at one’s funeral is a great way to allow one’s individuality to shine. Among the lighthearted instruction and intriguing anecdotes (such as the rise of “rent-a-mourners” in the U.K.) stands the notion that planning one’s own funeral is an act of love to those left behind. As such, readers are prompted to write down specific wishes and thoughts, including instructions for spreading ashes and what to do with digital assets such as email and social media accounts. Though some prompts are silly, such as “My Haunting Game Plan,” the suggestions for making grieving easier for loved ones will be welcome to any reader. This illuminating, brisk guide breathes vibrant life into a topic many would rather avoid. (Aug.)

Publishers Weekly

2022 Imadjinn Award Finalist

“Benjamin exposes readers to death in a light, humorous, and practical way.”—Chicago Tribune

“Kathy Benjamin puts the fun in funerals by making readers chuckle, kind of in a shoulder-nudging way that lets us know it's okay if we don't necessarily want crying beside our crypts.”—PostBulletin.com

“This illuminating, brisk guide breathes vibrant life into a topic many would rather avoid.”—Publishers Weekly

“Just the right touch of macabre....helpful, introspective, and fun.”—Library Journal

“A complete, non-depressing reference to end-of-life planning that every household should have and every person should read.”—BookTrib

“Laugh-out-loud funny.”—GeekMom, 5/5 stars

“[A] concise but comprehensive guide with charm, wit and more than a little absurdity. It's the rare book that I'd recommend even to someone who hates the subject matter (in fact, I'd argue that's precisely who needs it the most).”—Jason Pargin, former executive editor of Cracked.com and author of John Dies at the End

“Fact-packed and funny, It’s Your Funeral! is essential reading for these changing times.”—Florence Isaacs, author of Do I Have to Wear Black to a Funeral?

“Glib and slightly irreverent, this quirky tome is packed with useful nuggets for planning one's final send off. With breezy writing and helpful planning guides, It's Your Funeral! makes the task of funeral planning seem less daunting, and dare I say a bit of fun.”—Todd Harra, undertaker and author of Mortuary Confidential

“Dying seems bad—which is why I never really planned to do it—but Kathy’s hilarious and informative book proves that it doesn’t have to be. I laughed, I learned and I even started coming up with basic plans for my own funeral including a funeral cake (which, Kathy’s right, should be a thing). I’m still not entirely sold on the *idea* of dying, but I at least feel better equipped to handle it on a logistical level.”—Daniel O'Brien, writer on Last Week Tonight

From the Publisher

09/01/2021

A light but practical guide to planning a funeral (for oneself or a loved one) by humorist Benjamin (Funerals To Die For: The Craziest, Creepiest, and Most Bizarre Funeral Traditions and Practices Ever). The book is rooted in Benjamin's research on funereal practices throughout the ages (including eco-friendly burials, minting cremains into an object like a vinyl record, and hiring mourners to fill out a funeral service), but it's mainly functional. Benjamin has information about the myriad options available for each component of a funeral and offers unintimidating worksheets and templates to help readers plan or pre-plan the event. This useful read contains helpful anecdotes to help readers look at the big picture of funeral planning and take care of details ahead of time. VERDICT Benjamin's humorous tone makes the dark subject matter more palatable; her book pairs well with Caitlin Doughty's Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory. Given the popularity of the "death-positive" movement, this title is recommended for any library's nonfiction collection, especially where "Death Cafe" programming is offered.—Thomas Beheler, Arlington P.L., VA

Library Journal