Is It Me, Is It My Hair, Is It My Skin Color, Is It My Eyes, or Is It You?: The Real Relationship Between African American Women and White American Women
132
Is It Me, Is It My Hair, Is It My Skin Color, Is It My Eyes, or Is It You?: The Real Relationship Between African American Women and White American Women
132eBook
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Overview
IS IT ME, IS IT MY HAIR, IS IT MY SKIN COLOR, IS IT MY EYES, OR IS IT YOU?: The Real Relationship Between African American Women and White American Women and Our Perspective is sometimes a conversation between two friends as well as a serious account of real issues that exist between the two cultures. Evidence of past history that still lingers today is brought to the forefront for examination. This book is ideal for women studies, book clubs, workshops, seminars, and conferences.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781546272458 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 03/31/2019 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 132 |
| File size: | 921 KB |
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Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
WHERE IT ALL BEGAN, SLAVERY
* * *
My father used to say that stories are part of the most precious heritage of mankind.
-Tahiu Shah
Cultural Norms
In the South before the Civil War, many slaves were diagnosed with forms of mental illness because their behavior violated cultural norms. Drapetomania was a psychological disorder in which a slave had an uncontrollable urge to escape from bondage. Dysaesthesia Aethiopica was a disorder in which a slave was disobedient to her or his owners. Although labeling the desire to be free and the resentment of human bondage as disorders seems ludicrous today, such labeling illustrates how culture can shape our perception of mental illness. How many false perceptions of truth prevail today?
Albert Einstein is thought to have said, "I think the most important question facing humanity is, is the universe a friendly place?" It is up to us to decide whether to believe in a friendly or hostile world. When you trust in goodness, that is what you tend to find. If no one will step up and admit that we have some responsibility for the pain of others, there is an impasse with communication and a denial that our behavior will have an impact beyond our current time in history.
Slavery was so long ago. Can't you forget about it? Our answer is, no. Our lives are like an open book that forms a real life's narrative. Whether one thinks it is worth reading depends on their willingness to form an authentic relationship. It is much easier to show your own photos than for you to look at my book. The United States was not a nation until 1776; therefore, we cannot be accountable for the years of slavery before the country was founded; therefore, Blacks were not in slavery for four hundred years. You cannot claim that you were in slavery for four hundred years because there was no nation. Makes sense, doesn't it? Maybe to you but not to the discordances of slavery.
Our lives have a way of accelerating, making the past not so distant. Count it by hours, count it by days, count it by years and however you count it, it will add up to a life time of repercussions from slavery. Every aspect of African American women's lives is influenced by the aftermath of slavery including health care, economics, education, housing, religion and entertainment. Nothing can undo history and we cannot let history repeat itself. Reversal is not a choice. So, we dig our heels in and try to build a relationship with you. Who will step across the line first? There is a system set in place to deliberately inhibit our chances to succeed. To understand African American women, you cannot ignore our history, as ugly as it may be. It is what we bring to the table. I found it odd and amusing that a person of another race would recommend that I go see "I am not your Negro" by James Baldwin because I would find it insightful and an eye opener. Really? "The objective reality is that virtually no one who is white understands the challenge of being black in America." Pin a sign on the back of a white American woman that says treat me like I am black and pin a sign on the back of an African American woman that says treat me like I am white. What do you think would happen?
In a foreword to the book, Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome authored by Joy DeGruy Ph.D., Randall Robinson writes that African Americans are being urged to forget slavery, to forget Jim Crow and to forget about what Africa was prior to the advent of trans-Atlantic slavery. "In as much as African Americans are the only Americans whose forebears were dragooned to America against their will and enslaved in American for nearly three centuries, a curiosity about our past, questions about ancestors known and unknown, and a need to know about Africa before we were torn from its breast is not only normal, but, indeed, is a sign of a healthy intellect, psyche, and a soul." What is so bad about the middle passage, slavery, Jim Crow, lynching, killings by policemen, unemployment, uneducated, undereducated, poverty, drug infested neighborhoods,?. Get over it; move on!
Let us be realistic; we didn't get off to a happy beginning. We started as slaves. There was no sisterhood bonding. It must be remembered that it was not just men who owned the enslaved. Some women built up their own plantations and others inherited estates from deceased husbands. Enslaved women were often given to white women as gifts from their husbands and as wedding and Christmas gifts or if young as companions or play friends. Harriet Jacobs in Incidents of a Slave Girl (1861) was scathing about the treatment meted out by the slave owner's wives explaining it as retaliation for their husband's sexual interaction with enslaved women. The mistress, who ought to protect the helpless victim, has no other feelings towards her but those of jealousy and rage. Mary Prince recorded that Mrs. Flint's nerves were so strong, that she could sit in her easy chair and see a woman whipped, till the blood trickled from every stroke of the lash. If dinner was not served at the exact time on that Sunday, she would station herself in the kitchen, and wait till it was dished, and then spit in all the kettles and pans that had been used. Perhaps she thought this would prevent the slaves from eating left overs.
In the past, it was assumed that female slave owners were not as brutal as their male counterparts. However, there was no a sex divide. There were good and bad male and female slave owners. Some of the harshest treatments could be meted out by a slave owner's wife against a female slave who her husband had been intimate with or an enslaved child that was the result of a sexual encounter between her husband and a slave. Some European women took out revenge on the enslaved for their punishment by cruel fathers or husbands. European women's cruelty shocked many observers in the Caribbean. Mary Prince stated that her mistress caused me to know the exact difference between the smart of the rope, the cart-whip, and the cow-skin, when applied to my naked body by her own cruel hand. And there was scarcely any punishment more dreadful than the blows I received on my face and head from her hard, heavy fist. She was a fearful woman, and a savage mistress to her slaves. White women must have been angry at black slave women because their husbands considered sexual access to them as part of his property rights. Are they still angry? Enslaved women usually had a double task as a slave and as a wife and mother. As a result, women often worked much harder than men. The physical abuse bestowed on the enslaved persons was generally not gender separated. Whether a man or a woman, a slave received equal amounts of physical abuse such as beatings.
While some historians, such as C. Vann Woodward and Catherine Clinton, have argued that white women were secretly opposed to the system of slavery, scholar Elizabeth Fox-Genovese demolished this notion with her work, Within the Plantation Household: Black and White Women in the Old South Fox-Genovese draws on white slaveholding women's diaries, letters, and postbellum memoirs, along with the Works Progress Administration's narratives of enslaved black women as her source of material to make a convincing argument that even though they worked in the same households there was no "shared sense of sisterhood" among black and white women.
Why is there a lack of relationship and bonding among white American women and African American women? The disconnect comes when one party fails to acknowledge the present lasting influence of slavery. Can't we all just get along? Slavery happened a long time ago so why can't you get over it? These refrains about a distant, non-slaveholding past are commonplace among white people. The first is meant to suggest a lack of connection to the institution of slavery, and therefore, a lack of responsibility for understanding it; and the second is meant to suggest that historical amnesia is a salve for social ills. Just as slavery could not have been successful without the help of white American women, neither could discrimination and Jim Crow laws.
It must be remembered that it was not just men who owned the enslaved. Some women built up their own plantations and others inherited estates from deceased husbands. Also, some wives were given enslaved workers by their husbands as gifts, or by fathers to daughters mainly to carry out the household chores, or were if young as companions or play friends, like Mary Prince was in her early days in slavery. Other wives brought slaves to carry out their own small ventures, with a bit of independence from their husbands. Harriet Jacobs wrote in Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl that sexual relations between elite white women and enslaved men, "how upper-class white women who engaged in these (relationships with male slaves) relationships used sex as an instrument of power, simultaneously perpetuating both white supremacy and patriarchy."
Why?. "Some of them were simply bored or sexually frustrated. But perhaps, at least on a subconscious level, sexual exploitation of slaves was a means of compensating for their lack of power in other aspects of their lives."
Given the context of white women during this period in history, this is a plausible reason for sexual relations with slaves. It would also address the failure of white women to "defend" or attempt to prevent the mistreatment of slaves. The women slaves were looked upon as competition, or even as an object of jealousy whereas the black male slave's true affections were with the black slave woman. Sexual relations with black male slaves gave white women a feeling of power, supremacy, superiority over the black woman.
A culture which held white women in the highest esteem would not enable a white woman to stand against the system. That supremacy enabled the slavery system to remain but specifically placed her above her "sisters", women of color who were enslaved. Black women sexual rivals? White male dominance must surely have damaged the white female psyche. Attention white slave masters aimed at black female slaves surely provoked resentment among slave master's white female mates and this attention did not gone unnoticed. Society held that black women were inherently lustful, possibly creating fantasies in the white masters in contrast to the pureness of the white female.
Harriet Jacobs was able to write well because her mistress until age 12, was considered a kind, considerate friend, (in her opinion) who taught her to read and spell. In addition, Harriet was placed in circumstances with intellectual persons who gave her opportunities for self-improvement. No matter how kind, white female slave owners did not set slaves free when they had the power to do so. Upon the death of the mistress, the black female slave was bequeathed (as chattel) to another family member. The mistress did not own many slaves but each one was either bequeathed to family or put on the auction block. Either way the slave was gotten rid of but not freed.
The mistress taught "Whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even unto them." "Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself." Apparently, the mistress did not recognize her slave as her neighbor. A young girl's slave mistress borrowed money from the slave woman and promised to pay it back without benefit of a written promise to repay. This is the "good friend" whom the slave woman trusted. The money was not paid back.
Sophia Auld had never owned a slave before Fredrick Douglass. She became Douglass's slave mistress. "She was the pinnacle of white womanhood; caring, benevolent, a woman of the kindest heart and finest feelings." Slave ownership turned her into a monster. In his 1845 Narrative of the Life of Fredrick Douglass, Douglass describes her transformation from a kind woman who tried to help him learn how to write, into a cruel mistress. The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass Quotes says, "The fatal poison of irresponsible power was already in her hands and soon commenced its infernal work." Accounts of slavery and white women vary. Sometimes a white woman starts out kind and becomes cruel; sometimes cruel becoming seemingly kinder.
Mammy took care of the white children and the white family took care of Mammy. Mammy is characterized by whites as an asexual woman. (Mammy was maternal and deeply religious). Mammy type women worked in the house and wore better clothes than the field slaves. This was not better treatment of the Mammy slave. This better treatment reflected of the owner's wealth.
Enslaved women were accused of being seductresses, a "Jezebel", tempting the white master. Even now, black women are portrayed as oversexualized or "Jezebels" by the media. Images of the Mammy stereotype are still prevalent as well as in Aunt Jemima. Mammy is viewed as a "safe" black woman which whites (women) are comfortable with. Mistresses often beat enslaved women for having sex with their husbands. The husband was not held accountable.
Madame LaLaurie, a New Orleans socialite, owned a mansion in New Orleans circa 1833. She owned slaves. A slave girl, Leah, accidentally snagged Madame LaLaurie's hair as she combed it. Madame LaLaurie chased Leah around the room with a whip. The girl ran down a hallway that led to a balcony. Holding on to the railing to escape the whip, Leah's foot slipped, and she fell to her death. Madame LaLaurie was charged a $300 fine for abusing slaves. Her mistreated slaves were taken from her and sold at auction. Madame LaLaurie sent a relative to purchase the slaves and return them to her. Slave quarters were attached to Madame's mansion. The quarters were in deplorable condition and the slaves appeared to be starved.
A fire occurred at Madame's mansion in 1834. Firemen found disfigured bodies of slaves who had been locked in a small attic crawl space. The enslaved appeared to be victims of medical experiments and were chained to walls. One male slave appeared to have undergone a botched gender reassignment surgery while a female slave had her arms amputated and skin pulled off. Two slaves were discovered chained to the kitchen stove. It is reported that the slaves were chained to the stove when they attempted to get food to the slaves. It is believed these two may have set the fire to alert the authorities of their plight. A contradictory report states that "a slave chained to the stove confessed to setting the fire as a form of suicide. Slaves were said to fear punishment going to the 'upper room' from whence no one ever returned." Some slaves were found suspended by their neck when firefighters went in. Slaves with limbs stretched and torn claimed to have been in that position for months. Slaves were found buried under floor boards during a renovation. Neighbors reported screams. Some were found hung or stretched by their limbs; others had missing body parts. Other slaves were found wearing spiked collars.
Madame LaLaurie was known to put mangled, tortured bodies on display. The crowds were so appalled that LaLaurie's mansion was overrun. The LaLaurie's family escaped to Paris to avoid prosecution. There are reports that Madame LaLaurie was polite to blacks and solicitous of her slave's health. There are court records of her freeing her slaves.
Coerced sex was used by white females to perpetuate white supremacy. White women took out their frustrations on enslaved males they owned with excessive violence, cruelty and forced sex to combat feelings of powerlessness in a patriarchal society. "Some (male slaves) are disobedient wrote a Southern mistress. Much idleness, sullenness, slovenliness ... used the rod." Thavolia Glymph challenges the depiction of mistresses as "friends" or allies of slaves. Mistresses were powerful in the hierarchy of slavery. Glymph cites systematic violence by women against enslaved women and debunks the idea of some form of gender solidarity trumping race and class in slave households. Whatever was done has had a lasting impact on the relationship between African American women and white American women. It has prevailed and been passed down with our genes.
Alex Manly, editor of the Daily Record, published an editorial challenging the myth of pure white womanhood stating, "our experience among poor white people in the country teaches us that women of that race are not any more particular in the matter of clandestine meetings with colored men than the white men with colored women." Is the experience among poor whites any different than the experience among well-off whites? The main difference is financial.
White women cannot comprehend that they could be oppressed and still be oppressive. "White women will try to ravage us from the inside out with a smile, a comment, a betrayal, a vital inaction, Da look." They "choose comfort over effort."
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Is it me, Is it my hair, Is it my skin color, is it my eyes, or is it you."
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Copyright © 2019 Brenda Y. Person & Jane K. Fieldings.
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Table of Contents
Foreword, xiii,
Chapter 1 Where it all began, slavery, 1,
Chapter 2 Racism, 13,
Chapter 3 Disrespect, 19,
Chapter 4 White American Women Privilege, Black America Women Burden, 29,
Chapter 5 Diversity, 43,
Chapter 6 Bonding and Relationships, 49,
Chapter 7 Harmony and Dysfunction, 53,
Chapter 8 Empathy, 59,
Chapter 9 Black Men, White Women, 65,
Chapter 10 New Trends, 75,
Chapter 11 Is it me, is it my hair, is it my skin color, is it my eyes, or is it you., 79,
Conclusion, 88,
What Needs to be Said, 90,
What African American Women Want,
White American Women To Know, 92,
Sources, 101,
Photos, 110,