IRRELATIONSHIP: How we use Dysfunctional Relationships to Hide from Intimacy

by Mark B. Borg, Grant H Brenner, Daniel Berry

Overview

No matter how committed two people are to being together, why can't they get away from feeling something is missing?

In this important and transformative guide, three experienced practitioners identify the widespread dysfunctional dynamic they call "irrelationship," a psychological defense system two people create together to protect themselves from the fear and anxiety of real intimacy in a relationship.

Drawing on their wide clinical and life experience, the authors examine behavioral "song-and-dance routines" repeatedly performed by couples affected by irrelationship. Readers will find a valuable framework for understanding their challenges with action-oriented tools to help them navigate their way to fulfilling relationships.

Mark B. Borg, Jr., PhD, is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute.

Grant H. Brenner, MD, is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss.

Daniel Berry, RN, MHA, has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987 and has worked for almost two decades in community-based programs.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781942094012
Publisher:	Central Recovery Press, LLC
Publication date:	09/28/2015
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	288
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Mark B. Borg: Mark B. Borg, Jr., Ph.D. is a community psychologist and psychoanalyst, founding partner of The Community Consulting Group, and a supervisor of psychotherapy at the William Alanson White Institute.
Grant H Brenner: Grant H. Brenner, MD is a board-certified psychiatrist in private practice, specializing in treating mood and anxiety disorders and the complex problems that may arise in adulthood from childhood trauma and loss.
Daniel Berry: Daniel Berry, RN, MHA has practiced as a Registered Nurse in New York City since 1987. He is currently the Assistant Director of Nursing for Risk Management at a public hospital serving homeless and undocumented victims of street violence, drug addiction, and severe traumatic injuries.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Introduction

Using this Book

Part One: Irrelationship on Stage—Your Song-and-Dance Routine

Chapter 1: Anatomy of Irrelationship
Chapter 2: Performer or Audience?
Chapter 3: Short-Circuiting the Possibility of Love
Chapter 4: The Threat of Intimacy

Part Two: Getting to Know You—Spotlight on the Performer and the Audience

Chapter 5: The Performer—Intuition Backfiring into Isolation
Chapter 6: The Audience—Resisting Care

Part Three: Backstage—The Inner Workings of Irrelationship

Chapter 7: Patterns and Pitfalls
Chapter 8: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Adulthood

Part Four: Raise the Curtain on Recovery—From
Irrelationship to Real Relationship

Chapter 9: Brand New World
Chapter 10: The DREAM Sequence—Step-by-Step Recovery
Chapter 11: Living the DREAM
Chapter 12: Zoe and Victor Break Free

Part Five: Encore—Cracked Open for Love

Chapter 13: Cracked Open at Last

An Invitation from the Authors

Chapter Notes

Bibliography

About the Authors

Editorial Reviews

The road to recovery is stated in user-friendly, self-help terms—discover the unrealistic song-and-dance both partners are playing, seek to repair it (by sharing responsibility for the problem), and thereby empowering each other to make changes (alternative ways of thinking and behaving) through a mutuality of experience that permits the expression of love in all its wonderful, vital, unpredictable, even downside forms, as the way to find continued growth and collaboration for both members of the couple.” —Martin Bloom, PhD, Professor Emeritus, University of Connecticut



“Irrelationship is an invaluable user’s guide to the care and maintenance of adult relationships. It shines a light on challenges we often choose to ignore—the adoption of roles that limit us, the replaying of damaging patterns formed by our earliest experiences—and offers insightful and concrete advice on how to do the work necessary to build stronger and happier partnerships.” —Carolyn Parkhurst, Author of The Dogs of Babel and The Nobodies Album

“Irrelationship crosses the frontier of “self help” into a new area which the authors call “self-other help.” The DREAM Sequence used for recovery from irrelationship is designed for couples to work together and help them reconnect with the wonderful chemistry and emotional connections that initially drew them to one another.” —Diana Kirschner, PhD, Bestselling author of Love in 90 Days

From the Publisher