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Irish Farmers
By Ciara Ryan St. Martin's Press
Copyright © 2016 Ciara Ryan
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-250-08877-2
CHAPTER 1
GARETH
I'm a qualified adventure-sports instructor for rock climbing, paddling, mountain biking, and skiing.
JAN
I had a pet peeve once, but he was run over by a tractor.
JAMIE
I can crack an egg with no hands.
My dream job? A male stripper.
I was letting the chickens out one morning and the geese, who hate me, spotted that I was cornered and decided to have a go at me. Me being the "athlete" I think I am, ran and jumped over them. Unfortunately I did not escape unharmed as one of the sneaky bastards managed to bite my meat and two veg.
What moment of the photo shoot are you glad did not get captured? When I was getting my makeup done.
Interesting Farmer Fact: Jamie is Gary's son.
GARY
What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you in connection with livestock? I was removing rope that had been caught up round the blades of a grass mower, on my knees cutting away with a knife, when Timothy, a huge texel ram decided it was his opportunity to, let's say get a bit friendly. He jumped me from the rear pinning me to the mower. I called the wife to get him off, she called back "Now ya know what it feels like, darling."
JOHN F.
The worst stereotype about farmers ever is that we are all old and wear tweed and wellies and stand around talking about the war or something. During the harvest I'd be sitting in the harvester in shorts and vest top with my Ray-Bans on listening to the latest tunes.
STEPHEN
I can play the spoons to two national anthems.
STEPHEN
My perfect date is a female version of me!
I HAVE A BLACK CAT CALLED TEAPOT. HE HAS A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR.
RICHARD
I'm a great man to boil an egg.
If I was cooking dinner and I could invite anybody, it would be the Marx Brothers.
STEPHEN
My least favorite animal is the Loch Ness monster.
THE WORST STEREOTYPE ABOUT FARMERS? THEY ARE ALL TRUE.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Irish Farmers by Ciara Ryan. Copyright © 2016 Ciara Ryan. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press.
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