Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

by Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD
Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

Insecure in Love: How Anxious Attachment Can Make You Feel Jealous, Needy, and Worried and What You Can Do About It

by Leslie Becker-Phelps PhD

Paperback

$18.95 
  • SHIP THIS ITEM
    Qualifies for Free Shipping
    Choose Expedited Shipping at checkout for delivery by Wednesday, April 3
  • PICK UP IN STORE
    Check Availability at Nearby Stores

Related collections and offers


Overview

Has your romantic partner called you clingy, insecure, desperate, or jealous? No one wants to admit that they possess these qualities; but if you find yourself constantly on the alert, anxious, or worried when it comes to your significant other, you may suffer from anxious attachment, a fear of abandonment that is often rooted in early childhood experiences.

In Insecure in Love, you'll learn how to overcome attachment anxiety using compassionate self-awareness, a technique that can help you recognize your negative thoughts or unhealthy behavior patterns and respond to them in a nurturing way—rather than beating yourself up. You’ll also learn how insecurity can negatively affect healthy dialog between you and your partner (or potential partners) and develop the skills needed to stop you from reverting back to old patterns of neediness and possessiveness.

If you suffer from anxious attachment, you probably know that you need to change, and yet you have remained stuck. With compassionate self-awareness, you can successfully explore old anxiety-perpetuating perceptions and habits without being overwhelmed or paralyzed by them. By understanding the psychological factors at the root of your attachment anxiety, you will learn to cultivate secure, healthy relationships to last a lifetime.

If you’re ready to stop getting stuck in the same hurtful relationship patterns and finally break the cycle of heartache, this book can show you how to get the love you deserve—and keep it!

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781608828159
Publisher: New Harbinger Publications
Publication date: 06/01/2014
Pages: 200
Sales rank: 168,150
Product dimensions: 5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, is an internationally published author, speaker, and psychologist. She is a trusted expert on relationship issues that people have with themselves, as well as with others. She is author of Insecure in Love and Bouncing Back from Rejection. She writes the Making Change blog for www.psychologytoday.com. In addition, she has created a library of short videos on her YouTube channel to offer people the opportunity to learn how to feel better about themselves and their lives.
 
Becker-Phelps has a private practice in Basking Ridge, NJ; and is on the medical staff of Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital Somerset, where she previously served as clinical director of women’s psychological services, and chief of psychology in the department of psychiatry. She lives with her husband and two sons in Basking Ridge. Find out more about her at www.drbecker-phelps.com.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments vii

Introduction 1

Part 1 The Bedrock of All Relationships

1 Early Connections: A Foundation for Love 9

The Basics of How You Connect 10

Four Styles of Attachment 13

Discovering Your Attachment Style 22

2 Understanding Why You Relate the Way You Do 25

Proximity: Protection from Danger 26

Safe Haven: The Need for Comfort 26

Secure Base: Support for Exploring the World 28

Balancing Autonomy and Closeness 29

Managing Your Emotions 34

Two Ways to Earn Security and Happy Relationships 40

Part 2 Discover Your Potential: Being Worthy of Love

3 Opening the Door to Change 45

Learning to See Yourself in a Positive Light 47

Confirming the "You" You Know 48

Confirming How You See Others 51

Closed-Loop Relationships 52

Pursuit-Withdrawal: A Common Relationship Problem 54

Summary: Gaining Perspective 59

4 Overcoming Obstacles 61

Self-Deception 62

The Logic Stops Here 64

How Pain Motivates Change 67

The Need for New Experiences 69

Part 3 Compassionate Self-Awareness: The Antidote to Relationship Anxiety

5 A Path to Deep, Lasting Security 73

Self-Awareness 75

Self-Compassion 82

The Healing Power of Compassionate Self-Awareness 87

6 Developing Self-Awareness 91

Facing Your Ambivalence 92

Nurturing Awareness of Emotions 93

Transforming Your Thoughts with Greater Awareness 104

Mentalizing 108

Final Thoughts on Self-Awareness 112

7 Creating Self-Compassion 113

Common Humanity 115

Mindfulness 117

Self-Kindness 123

Compassionate Self-Awareness in a Nutshell 129

Part 4 Lighting Up Your Love Life

8 Finding Someone Who Will Accept You and Warm Your Heart 133

Set a Goal for a Healthy Relationship 133

What to Look for in a Partner 135

Panning for Gold 139

Spin a Supportive Web 142

9 Nurturing a Relationship You Feel Secure In 145

Self-Disclosure 146

Interdependence: Being One "Whole Half" 147

Keeping Your Connection Going 151

Accentuate the Positive 152

On Being Grateful 157

It Takes Work to Tango 159

10 Working It Out 161

Asking for Support 162

Talking Through Conflicts 165

The Gift of Forgiveness 167

Moving On 170

Closing Thoughts 175

References 179

Interviews

Becker-Phelps lives in Basking Ridge, NJ.

From the B&N Reads Blog

Customer Reviews