Table of Contents
Introduction xv
Part I The Populists 1
In which our author bravely takes on 600 of the enemy with nothing besides his wits, which is particularly impressive since they all have guns.
Chapter 1 Flippin' Whippy 3
Chapter 2 Baptist Row 14
Chapter 3 Underthinking 34
Chapter 4 I Was Sent Here by God 49
Chapter 5 The Table of Knowledge 55
Chapter 6 Canadian Key Parties 70
Chapter 7 An Unclean Spirit 83
Chapter 8 The 33 Party 95
Part II The Elites 103
In which our author gets invited to a secret society that controls the world and his wife finds it boring.
Chapter 9 Resistance Dinner Parties 105
Chapter 10 The Loop 113
Chapter 11 Puppet Pig 132
Part III The Populist Elites 145
In which our author debates a famous cartoonist, dances with Tucker Carlson, and offends anyone who has ever owned a boat.
Chapter 12 Dilbert 147
Chapter 13 Care Actors 165
Chapter 14 A Meme Guy 176
Chapter 15 Littering on the Death Star 185
Chapter 16 Son of Fidel Castro 199
Chapter 17 The Boat Elite 204
Chapter 18 Tucker 216
Part IV The Elite Populists 241
In which our author recruits a person society has afforded no opportunities into the elite, partially by buying him a burrito. Okay, mostly the burrito.
Chapter 19 The Time Travel Mart 243
Part V Saving the Elite 257
In which our author creates a new, unbeatable party out of the elite left and elite right to save society, and spends far too much time coming up with a catchy slogan for it.
Chapter 20 The Meeting of the Concerned 259
Chapter 21 I Said, "Good Day, Sir!" 276
Chapter 22 The Love Dare 285
Epilogue - Needing the Elite 301
Chapter 23 Toilet Paper and Haircuts 303
Chapter 24 Drive-in Church 325
Chapter 25 Adult Rumors 344
Acknowledgments 373
In which our author acknowledges that, as with all acknowledgments, there is no reason to read this one unless you believe you might he acknowledged.
