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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781524668983 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | AuthorHouse |
| Publication date: | 02/03/2017 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 108 |
| File size: | 169 KB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant
Some of you may want to get straight to the point and ask, "How did she get pregnant from her past?" Well you must first know that I didn't even know I had conceived such thing. It took until the time of my due date to come to realize that I have been impregnated by my past for nine long years. Yes, I know it takes nine months to carry a child full term but in this case it took nine years for me. Had I not been trying to find God, nine years would have turned into eleven! I would have been carrying an elephant than. This past had me so numb I wasn't able to detect the symptoms. My last week being impregnated my body underwent a sudden change but I was still unaware that an impregnation had took place, I lived everyday carrying this thing deep within my womb without knowing.
Some of you out there at this very moment have become impregnated by the past and you don't even realize it. Thanks to my doctor and a pastor for opening my eyes to see what I couldn't and what my mind could not comprehend. I am so thankful that I was obedient enough to receive what he had prophesied to me; it was time to deliver my past. I encourage all of you, especially the ladies, and young girls reading this book that have been through some unthinkable things in life to take a home pregnancy test because you too may have been impregnated by the past, do not find out too late like I did. I think it's better to know than not to know. Knowing you have allowed your past to enter in, will put you in a better position to get the proper care, and comfort you need to bring forth the new life that is waiting for you. In case you don't understand what I'm saying, I will break it down for you a little bit more so you can come to terms with the concept. The past that you are pregnant with or all the hurt and pain you have kept inside for a long time will be released when your water breaks and it comes out as something so beautiful; the same process you will go through as if you were physically pregnant. A new life is about to soon be free to live. When you have been bound and you've been chasing after God trying to find answers he will allow a way for you to be free from bondage and your past.
Everything that you go through is a process. I believe God allowed me to go through my process for nine years because it's what he had ordained for me and he knew I wasn't able to handle a new life. Everything takes time, if you rush through a process the outcome may not be favorable. When you conceive a child the sin is in the sex right? The seed you have inside of you will be brought in the world as a new life when the process of your pregnancy is over. God takes you through a harsh and painful labor but the result of it will be a precious life you always desired of having, it's the same as if you were holding on to the past for so long and finally become free. So sometimes it may be best and ok if you don't know that you have been impregnated by the past. Going through certain test and trials will make you look at life a little differently and it also gives some of us the strength we need to keep pressing forward. Now if you have been reading this book and determined you too have been knocked up, why not get the proper care and treatment you need? Knowing will make your days, months, and even years in some cases a lot smoother. Your doctor can prescribe you with the medicine you need to keep you healthy until it's time for the process to be over. Another way to put it, seeking help from a close friend, a pastor, or someone you feel that you can confide in, care for you, and help you get through any complications you may have, and be there up until the day it's time to deliver. More importantly the word of God is the best prenatal vitamins, and pain medicine you will ever need.
Don't think it is the end of the world because you have been impregnated by the past, look at it in a positive way. In fact, it is the start of something new and better, look what came after I gave birth to a new life, I was blessed to be able to publish my first book. I trusted God during my labor and he got me to the end of my process. Again if it had not been for a great pastor I would have never known what was about to take place. He seen what was instilled inside, and God instructed him to apprise me of what I had allowed to happen due to harboring the things from the past. So take a moment and began to pray and ask God to reveal to you the things you have been holding on to, and ask him to help you deliver them. We all have been traumatized by our past situations, some a little more than others but please do not become discourage and allow the devil to get a grip. Your process will be over soon and you might go into labor early and that just simply means you didn't feed it with sin, or speak negative things. Instead you acknowledged God's good grace before you were due and you became an open vessel unto him, which however may be the quickest way to put an end to your process and no longer be hurt or bound. I wish I would have allowed God to work through me. Obedience is far better than sacrifice.
I say to those who wants to be free now and speed up the process, seek God. If you still don't know if you have become impregnated by your past, ask yourself these questions. Have I turned away from God because my pain and hurt makes me feel like there's no hope? Have I committed sins because of the things that happened to me in the past? Do I have thought of harming myself because the pain is hurting me so deeply? Those questions alone will give you a positive pregnancy test. Therefor go ahead and seek a physician (Pastor) now so you can get help, and the proper care you need. Don't wait until it is too late like I did. In order to be free your past must be released. Staying hurt by your past situations is not a good feeling. It will have you feeling so ashamed, it will leave you with suicidal thoughts and have you hating yourself causing you to have some low self-esteem issues. Now that I am free I look back, and ask myself why did I want to hurt for so long? Why didn't I speak out sooner? Those are the effects it has on you when you are impregnated by your past. The best advice I can give is to go ahead and let it go before it kills you. I'm telling you once you come to realization, you would want to deliver the past and see what new life is waiting for you. Do you want to get the chance to see the happy you? Wouldn't you like to have peaceful sleep at night instead of crying so much because everything is coming back to haunt you? I can finally say the pain was not worth holding on too and I would never want anyone to have that same bondage weighing them down. Thank God I am finally able to be free. Now it's your turn!
CHAPTER 2
Conception Of The Past
Now you may be wondering when and how did I conceive my past. What could have possibly gone wrong in my life that allowed me to be so depressed and broken? What really got me pregnant that I was holding on too? I wondered the same thing, but like anybody else I had a rough life. I knew that I had a lot of secrets that I never told anyone but I didn't know that holding all of that in would cause me so much hurt and pain. When I say rough, that is pretty much an understatement, I often wondered why God didn't just let me die in the mist of my pain. A lot of things happened in my life that I believe no child should have to endure. Somehow I had allowed so much to come in for this conception to take place. Beginning with the first incident that caused me to become mute, angry, antisocial, and afraid to open up to people, is not having my parents close in my life. When I tell you that pierced me deep in my heart, I mean just that. It was enough to traumatize any child and I believed this made a gateway for other things to enter in. Not having them in my life made jealousy, hate, envy, and unforgiveness to come in. Seeing other kids with their parents made me jealous of what they had. My heart felt like it deserved the same love from my parents also, but for whatever reason I was not getting it which led to a strong hate and not willing to forgive.
I'm the last of seven kids on my mom side and I always stated to people that told me to forgive her because she made a mistake, is that you can't make a mistake seven times. I wouldn't say she raised any of her seven kids on her own, all seven of us were scattered about with different families and they had to finish her job. That separation till this very day is taking a toll on me and the rest of my living siblings. We barely talk to each other, and that's not how it should be. However, it is not our fault when the one person that was supposed to keep us together took us away from each other. Let me tell you a little bit about the person that gave birth to me, she apparently didn't receive the same love from her parents. Just like she gave her kids away, she was given away also. So I later understood why she did what she did to a certain extent, it was a generational curse on my family and she had allowed it to overtake her. With the mindset that I have. I felt that being someone that experienced the same hurtful thing that you went through that you would do everything in your will not to do it to someone else. That is one of the reasons why I am afraid to have my own kids. At an early age I had to grow up being a crack baby because drugs became more important than my well-being. I can never remember a time living under her care, I always hear people tell me I lived with my grandmother from the time I left the hospital. It took some years to understand why she did what she did. Yes! I eventually forgave her and today I love her as if nothing happened, still not the unconditional love I need and wanted but I still manage to love her anyways. I do have my days where I feel like she's a burden but true forgiveness starts when you treat a person like they never did anything to you. She always stayed in and out of jail so it was still no hope of receiving any guidance that I longed for. I just pray for her daily that she will get her act together and get things right with her children before it's too late. As for my father I do remember him trying to be there for me until a lie came about that probably caused him to walk out of my life and not be the father he had desired in his heart to be. Later on in my life he came around but honestly there was no real father-daughter bond. Did that lie change things? I truly believe so. Don't think too deep as to what the lie may be, I'm not going to leave you hanging.
I can picture this incident so vividly as if it happened yesterday. I was maybe four years old, and I was living with my mother's adopted mother. It was the middle of the night, and a close relative had come home from a night out in the streets when she suddenly woke me up asking me questions pertaining to the times I stayed the night with my father and other siblings. This lady was so confident in asking these questions as if she had already planned on getting him in trouble, truly she was the enemy in disguise. She asked me did my dad ever touch me inappropriately, I honestly don't remember telling her that he did but she insisted on changing my words around. Being so young I was so confused and sadden as to why she would force me to do something so evil. She began to tell me how to go about the plan; I will never forget she speculated that in the morning we were to say to my mom that he touched me. The lady that didn't even care for me became furious. Why would a person do such a thing? The morning came and she did all the talking? That whole day was such an enormous mess. I could not even speak it felt like my voice box had been ripped out of me. My mother was shouting loudly at my dad making a big scene for the neighbors to hear and as he was driving off she began throwing different type of objects at the car but she missed every time. I can see this incident clear as da. As I am typing this I get that disgusting feeling again because someone I loved so much changed everything for me. I felt then that my father was exiting out of my life. After going through months of talking to investigators and counselors I believe they came to a conclusion that I don't go around my father and the case was over. I never told my dad that I was forced to tell the lie but I sure hope he forgave me for it. Deep down in my heart I feel he hated me for that. Some words of advice you should never allow the enemy to twist your words STOP them in the midst of their lies. That left me filled with more junk, and pain. Some of you reading this may be able to relate to my story. Don't you just hate that certain things had to transpire? Some of you may also say, "that's nothing compared to what I've been through", or "Girl that is nothing"! That can be true but yet it is false, indeed I don't your story and you have yet to hear the other half of mines.
Not having my parents close in my life, wasn't really what allowed this conception process to take place, this next tragedy was the real winner. You may be thinking, what is this girl about to tell us now? Take a deep breath and prepare yourself! Those of you that have experienced this traumatic incident in your life, can probably sense what I am about to say, that's because my story is your story. For those of you that have no clue what's about to be said and you're on the edge. The sperm that made its way to finish this process and the key factor to the dreadful life that I was living for nine years was Mr. Sexual Abuse himself. I carried this pain for so long without anyone knowing, I was beyond devastated and angry. This is the reason I was always sad, depressed, and angry. My abuse started a very early age, and it was not with just one person or anybody. It was people that I thought was supposed to really love me committing this disgusting crime. I never thought these two people would be the reason for my pain, I never thought they would hurt me. I guess love didn't mean anything to them because they were lusting after my young body molesting me.
The sexual abuse started with a close female relative, and it's funny because this is the same person that told the lie and got my dad in trouble. As I said before the enemy in disguise, all this took place after she got my father in trouble. Sometimes I just wish I wasn't afraid of speaking out maybe my path in life could have been a little smoother. Looking back at the things she use to make me do was so loathsome, it didn't just happen once but multiple times until it was time for me to get adopted. I will never fail to remember what happened. The first time we were in her room, it was dark and she had just came from off the streets high on whatever she was on. I heard her softly call my name, still having unconditional love for her even after she told that lie I answered her in my young sweet voice. Yes! I said. That's when she said the words I will never forget. "Do you want to learn how to eat pussy?". At that time, I didn't know what a pussy was, not even a pussycat. The only thing I knew about a vagina at 4 years old was that it was called a pocketbook and you weren't supposed to let anyone touch you down there. She told me to come lay by her and I did as she asked not knowing she was about to do anything foul. She rolled my panties down and began to lick my vagina just as a cat will lick her newborn babies to clean them. I felt so weird laying there in the dark because I did not know what was going on. My body at the time was going through all the hot, tingly feelings. After a few minutes she stopped licking me and she said "that's how you eat pussy, now it's your turn". My God as I'm typing this I get sick to my stomach thinking about what I had did. Anyways, she took off her pants and positioned my head down there and told me to do what she had did. Doing as she said and really not knowing what I was doing I began licking her vagina trying to mimic what she had done to me. I guess I wasn't doing it right because she kept moving my head and telling me what to do. What I thought was going to be the last time actually turned into many more times. I didn't know what to say because we were close and all my young heart knew was to love.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Impregnated By The Past"
by .
Copyright © 2017 G.O.F..
Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Dedication, vii,
Acknowledgements, ix,
About the Author, xiii,
Introduction, 1,
Chapter 1 I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, 5,
Chapter 2 Conception of the Past, 11,
Chapter 3 Deep in My Womb, 27,
Chapter 4 Trying to find God in the midst of Pain, 47,
Chapter 5 Wanting to End It All, 55,
Chapter 6 Give Me The Epidural, 67,
Chapter 7 I've Been Induced, 73,
Chapter 8 Sticking to God's Plan, 83,
Chapter 9 The After Birth, 87,
References, 93,