I'm Happy for You (Sort Of...Not Really): Finding Contentment in a Culture of Comparison

by Kay Wills Wyma

Overview

Discover freedom, authenticity, and joy when you stop letting competition and jealousy hijack your life.

Do you find yourself measuring your value against your friend’s house, body, marriage, resume, paycheck, organic garden, or Pinterest-worthy holiday décor, and coming up lacking? Do your college roommate’s Instagram snapshots bear little resemblance to the scene at your house this morning?

Excessive comparison and competition sap our energy and steal our joy. Our friends become our audience and judges, and our kids become part of our brand. Add social media’s constant invitation to post and peruse, and it’s no wonder that we’re left exhausted, discontent, and lonely. Thankfully, there is another way!

With refreshing candor and humor, Kay Wyma shares her experiences with comparison living and offers readers the simple remedies that helped her and her family reboot their perspective and discover freedom, authenticity, and joy.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781601425959
Publisher:	The Crown Publishing Group
Publication date:	05/05/2015
Pages:	240
Product dimensions:	5.10(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.70(d)

About the Author

Kay Wills Wyma is a blogger, mother of five, and the author of Cleaning House. She has appeared on The TODAY Show, CNN, Glenn Beck, The New York Times, Focus on the Family, and other media outlets. Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, she held positions at the White House, the Staubach Company, and Bank of America. Kay lives in the Dallas area with her husband, Jon, and their family.

Table of Contents

1 Obsessive Comparison Disorder 1

A Sign of the Times

2 The Icebreaker 19

"Three" Little Words That Shift Our Focus

3 Beyond the Glimpse 37

How Taking the Long View Changes Everything

4 Do You See What I See? 55

Keeping Up Appearances in an On-Di splay World

5 Mirror, Mirror 73

The Beauty We're Completely Overlooking

6 The Dangers of Yardstick Living 93

Why We'll Never Measure Up … and Really Don't Need To

7 We Belong … Together 113

The Need to Be Known

8 Fair Play 131

Corning to Terms with the Inequalities of Life

9 The Side to Side 149

Our Obsession with Others

10 Best Practices 169

Beware of the Superlative

11 Great Expectations 187

Navigating Life's Detours

12 Dare We Not Compare? 205

Staking our Claim in the Land of Contentment

Discussion Questions 219

Acknowledgments 223

Notes 225

Editorial Reviews

Praise for
I’m Happy for You (Sort of…Not Really)

“Kay Wills Wyma once again champions a much-needed culture shift—with heartfelt insight she challenges us to choose contentment over comparison. I’m Happy for You gently exposes the growing obsession with self-promotion and one-upmanship that’s wearing us all out and, thankfully, offers wise solutions.”
—Tracey Eyster, Founder of FamilyLife’s MomLifeToday.com; author of Be the Mom and Beautiful Mess

“Kay Wills Wyma captured my attention with her belly-laughing good storytelling steeped in reality as she tackled a question that’s long overdue for an honest answer: What should we do about this comparison trap we find ourselves falling into daily? When comparison steals contentment, it’s a problem that demands a solution. Kay gives it to us in a way that is easy on the heart and good for the soul.”
—Elisa Pulliam, author and life coach

“Who knew comparison was so prevalent and destructive? Awakening to this alone is worth the time invested in reading this honest and sometimes raw literary gem. Comparison’s thievery of joy is arrested by the ‘just let it go’ practicality Kay offers so transparently and humorously. It might just put you on the path toward contentment and gratitude, a road less traveled.”
—Robin Pou, executive coach and attorney mediator; coauthor of Performance Intelligence at Work

“Kay Wyma has managed to address what we’re all dealing with on a daily basis—the ability to instantly compare our life to someone else’s with just a mere look at our phone. There we can see all the ways we are failing to be the best mom, the best wife, the best friend…and the list goes on. In the pages of I’m Happy for You, Kay offers insight into why we do this and how we can stop the cycle. If you’re looking to live a life of contentment and authenticity and to be okay when your kid is the C student and not the valedictorian, you’ll find comfort and realistic solutions in the pages of this book.”

—Melanie Shankle, New York Times best-selling author of Sparkly Green Earrings
“I’m Happy for You is honest and funny, while tackling a serious problem that is stealing our joy: comparison. Kay creatively uses stories and personal confession to reveal the pitfalls of comparing, while offering a solid ladder—built on godly wisdom—to help us climb out of that pit. I wish I could pass this book on to every woman who has worn herself out trying to achieve unrealistic standards. There’s freedom on these pages.”
—Jennifer Dukes Lee, author of Love Idol

“Kay Wyma hit a home run on the Focus on the Family radio program when she talked about ways moms can combat the entitlement mentality in their kids. In her new book, she scores another hit with an insightful discussion of the pitfalls of comparing your life to others, especially through social media. Her advice is timely and relevant.”
—Jim Daly, president of Focus on the Family

“Victims of comparison drive-bys litter the Internet. There are virtual warehouses of new ways to covet your neighbor’s home, decorating skills, summer vacation plans, or Pinterest-perfect kids’ birthday parties. In this paralyzing culture of obsessive comparisons, this book is the detox we all need. With a sense of humor and an unrelenting honesty, Kay walks us through the steps to finding our worth again in the God who never compares us but always only calls us by name.”
—Lisa-Jo Baker, community manager for (in)courage; author of Surprised by Motherhood

“There is no joy to be found in comparing ourselves to others. Fortunately, with both cultural relevance and biblical foundation, Kay Wills Wyma accurately defines not only the comparison problem, but offers a solution. I’m Happy for You is a must-read for anyone caught in the comparison trap.”
—Joshua Becker, best-selling author of Simplify; founder of Becoming Minimalist

“For years I’ve said ‘Comparison is the kiss of death of gratitude.’ Whether we stroll the shopping malls, thumb through catalogs, shop online, or inadvertently compare ourselves to others, we are imperceptibly overwhelmed with longings to be like someone else, to have something else, believing it somehow enhances our identity. The pursuit of bigger, better, newer, and more never stops. With a compelling lilt, Kay Wills Wyma’s pen pulls us along only to expose and confront our comparison battle. From one co-struggler to another, Kay brings us perspective and relief.”
—Dr. Michael Easley, former president of Moody Bible Institute; teaching pastor; host of Michael Easley inContext

“Kay Wills Wyma has opened a powerful window on the reality of comparison and how it’s impacting all of us, including vulnerable young lives. With social media, instead of just keeping up with the Joneses, we’re now keeping up with the world. Kay navigates us through the pressures we all face and teaches us how to be genuinely happy for others and deliberate about our current situation and future plans at every stage of life.”
—Kathy Ireland, chair/CEO/chief designer at kathy ireland Worldwide

From the Publisher

05/01/2015
Using Theodore Roosevelt's statement that "comparison is the thief of joy," Wyma (Cleaning House) considers the problems of living in an excessively competitive culture. One of her remedies is to look at the big picture and to be appreciative of what one has instead of taking a glimpse at what someone else possesses and being discontented. The author also emboldens readers to establish relationships with others rather than using them as a yardstick. She offers examples, quotations, and personal admissions to make her point. Discussion questions are included for group study. VERDICT Even a cursory reading of Wyma's book will help shift the focus from self-pity to thankfulness.

Library Journal