If He's So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad?: Recognizing and Overcoming Subtle Abuse

by Avery Neal

Overview

Foreword by Lois P. Frankel, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of 
Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office 
ARE YOU A VICTIM OF SUBTLE ABUSE? 
 
Are you always the one apologizing?
Constantly questioning and blaming yourself?
Do you often feel confused, frustrated, and angry? 
 
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you’re not alone. Nearly half of all women—and men—in the United States experience psychological abuse without realizing it. Manipulation, deception, and disrespect leave no physical scars, but they can be just as traumatic as physical abuse. In this groundbreaking book, Avery Neal, founder of the Women’s Therapy Clinic, helps you recognize the warning signs of subtle abuse. As you learn to identify patterns that have never made sense before, you are better equipped to make changes. 
 
From letting go of fear to setting boundaries, whether you’re gathering the courage to finally leave or learning how to guard against a chronically abusive pattern, If He’s So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad? will help you enjoy a happy, healthy, fulfilling life, free of shame or blame.
 
“This book can open eyes for people who may have lost pieces of themselves along the way. Great examples and exercises. It is a companion from start to finish.” 
—Dr. Jay Carter, author of Nasty People
 
“No-nonsense insights and practical ways to regain control of and empower your life.”
—Dr. George Simon, author of In Sheep’s Clothing

“The new gold standard in abuse recovery, allowing readers to break free from old patterns and reclaim their lives.” 
—Jackson MacKenzie, author of Psychopath Free

“This insightful book can awaken self-esteem, save relationships, even save lives.”
—Gavin de Becker, author of The Gift of Fear

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780806538617
Publisher:	Kensington
Publication date:	03/27/2018
Pages:	272
Sales rank:	440,062
Product dimensions:	5.40(w) x 8.10(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Avery Neal, M.A., LPC, is a licensed psychotherapist, specializing in depression and anxiety in women. In 2012, she opened the Women’s Therapy Clinic, a private practice that offers psychiatric care and counseling support to women. She is licensed in both Colorado and Texas, with the clinic having its primary location in The Woodlands/Houston. She offers virtual therapy for patients in Colorado. Visit her at www.womenstherapyclinic.com. For a full list of articles, publications, blog posts, and podcasts, please visit www.averyneal.com.

Table of Contents

Foreword xi

Preface xvii

Chapter 1 Identifying Abuse 1

What Is Abuse?

Defining Subtle Abuse

Understanding Abuse: Misconceptions and Warning Signs

Abuse Is a Game for the Abuser

Chapter 2 Patterns of an Abuser-Detecting the Undetectable 19

Abuse Can Be Very Subtle

Abuse Is Gradual

Abusers Have a Negligible Level of Empathy for Others

Abusers Are Entitled

Abusers Are Highly Defensive and Manipulative

Abusers Are Never Responsible

Abusers Are Always the Victim

The Push/Pull Pattern

Abusers Are Jealous

An Abuser Isolates His Partner

Punishment

Control

Humor

Objectification

Abusers and Their Children

Alcohol Is Not an Acceptable Excuse for Abuse

Chapter 3 The Profile of an Abuser's Partner 94

Abusers Have Partners Who Are Overly Responsible

Abusers Have Partners Who Are Highly Empathetic

Abusers Have Partners Who Are Conflict Avoidant

Addressing Codependency

When the Victim Fights Back

Managing the Abuser

Self-Esteem

Where to Draw the Line

Healthy Confrontation

Chapter 4 Ending the Relationship 132

Common Reasons to Stay and the Role of Fear

Therapy: A Blessing or a Curse?

There Is an End in Sight

Ending the Relationship with an Abuser

The Legal System

Handling the Abuser After the Relationship Has Ended

Life After the Abuser and Your Children

Addressing the Patterns Your Children Have Witnessed

Chapter 5 Healing from an Abusive Relationship 158

The Transformation: From Victim to Survivor

The Big Picture

Depression and Anxiety

Fight or Flight Mode

Learned Helplessness

The Grieving Process

An Unexpected Discomfort

Letting Go of Codependency

Chapter 6 Developing a Sense of Self 178

You Are a Valuable Being

Forgive Yourself

Learning to Honor Your Feelings

Developing a Sense of Self

If You Don't Mold Your Own Life, Someone Else Will

Get Angry

Learning to Set Boundaries

Make Room for Yourself

Receiving

Letting Go of Fear

Developing Your Dream for Yourself

What a Healthy Relationship Looks Like

Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Beauty in the Pain

Chapter 7 Helping Our Daughters 214

The Blueprint

Educate Your Daughter

Her Sense of Self

Her Destructive Relationship

Resources 229

Notes 231

Further Reading 235

Index 237

Editorial Reviews

The message Avery Neal conveys in this book couldn’t be more timely." 
—From the Foreword by Lois P. Frankel, New York Times bestselling author of Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office

From the Publisher