I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames: My Insane Life Raising Two Boys with Autism

by Jeni Decker

Overview

Jeni Decker is five-foot nothing and one hundred and [redacted] pounds—a self described roly-poly, forty-something, Reubenesque bon-bon of a gal, often called cute but never sexy. She has two sons with autism on opposite ends of the spectrum (Jake and Jaxson), a husband who prefers hunting to household chores, an Australian Shepherd named Sugar, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert. This is her story—a brash, personal, and some-times shocking memoir of one woman’s determination to raise two healthy kids with autism and keep her sanity in the process. It’s not always easy. Between “poop” incidents, temper tantrums, and the “helpful” advice about parenting from her fellow citizens in the grocery store, Jeni often finds herself wanting to throw something. With chapters like: “Tickling the Weiner,” “Why I Hate Pokemon,” “Santa: Give it a Friggin’ Rest, Already,” and “Oprah’s the Reason My Kid Thinks I Want to Drown Him in the Tub,” I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames also includes mini-chapters written by her eldest son, Jake.

Readers looking for laughter and inspiration will find it here aplenty, along with tons of surreal anecdotes that will have you either shaking your head in disbelief (for those unacquainted with the world of autism) or nodding with recognition (for those who are). As Jeni says, “I developed a new ‘normal.’”

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781628732924
Publisher:	Skyhorse
Publication date:	12/03/2011
Sold by:	SIMON & SCHUSTER
Format:	eBook
Pages:	288
File size:	687 KB

About the Author

Jeni Decker lives on a farm in rural Michigan with her husband, two autistic sons, an Australian shepherd, and an albino frog named Humbert Humbert. In between kid-wrangling and writing, she is also an independent filmmaker. You can find her at her website: closetspacemusings.blogspot.com or on Twitter @Jeni_Decker.

Table of Contents

Tickling the Weiner 1

Can Someone Choke Themselves with Their Bare Hands? 5

Conversations with Jake 13

If Life's a Highway, I Want Off at the Next Exit 19

At Some Point, I'm Gonna Need Some Therapy 23

Chuckin Poppie's Ashes 29

Chuckin' Other Shit 37

Laxative for the Soul 41

I Wish I Were Engulfed in Flames 47

Why I Hate Pokemon 51

Full Renal Failure 55

Zeitgeist: Reality 61

Oprah's the Reason My Kid Thinks I Want to Drown Him in the Tub 65

Never a Dull Moment 69

Random Heartbreaking Conversations over Coffee 75

Making Movies of Myself 83

Juggling Act 89

Jehovah's at My Door 97

Shame on Me 101

Shit 107

Obsessions and Compulsions 115

Raising Cain 121

Take it Easy 127

The Decider 133

Appearances! 143

No Children Were Harmed During the Making of this Film 149

Truthiness 155

Sibling Variety 161

Nice Hands, Nice Feet, Nice Head, Nice Mouth 167

Santa: Give it a Friggin' Rest, Already 175

Pain in My Ass 183

Oh, Mother, Who Art Thou? 191

Say What? 199

The Weight of Normal 207

Acknowledgements 213

Editorial Reviews

This is not your mother’s autism book! Raw, honest with ‘she said what?!’ laughs on every page.

Kim Stagliano

Decker, mother of two and an independent filmmaker, has found herself living a life she never imagined as a parent with both sons on the autism spectrum, wife of a husband who doesn't know what to do with boys uninterested in Little League or Yankees games, and caretaker of a dog and albino frog. Decker's memoir is a laugh-out-loud, though often unbelievable look at her daily life and the way she has chosen to embrace the unexpected each day brings. Decker focuses on her sons' abilities and uniqueness rather than their differences. Short chapters by Decker's oldest son, Jake, are included. In the final chapter, "The Weight of Normal," she writes about accepting children for who they are, not who you thought they were going to be—the key to her enjoyment of her children and all the joy and laughter they bring to her life. VERDICT Brash, sarcastic, irreverent, heartfelt, and touching, Decker's memoir is all this and more. Highly recommended.—Lisa M. Jordan, Johnson Cty. Lib., KS

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