I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

by Joan Rivers Narrated by Joan Rivers

Overview

“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.”
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning, 1850

“How do I hate thee? How much time do you have?”

-Joan Rivers, today, about two-ish
Joan Rivers is a groundbreaking, award-winning, internationally renowned entertainment goddess. She's also opinionated-especially when it comes to*people she hates. Like people who think giving birth is a unique achievement. Or well-adjusted, a.k.a. boring, ex-child stars who don't even have*a decent addiction.

With all of her diverse experiences, it stands to reason that Joan has*seen, done, said, and heard*a lot of hateful things. Thank god, she took notes.

Here-uncensored and totally uninhibited-she give the best of her worst to First Ladies, closet cases, hypocrites, Hollywood, feminists,*and overrated*historical figures. And even when letting herself have it, Joan doesn't hold back in this honest, unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly - Audio

"I hate the slogans in cheaper restaurants, like ‘have it your way.' My way would be in a better restaurant where the tables and chairs aren't chained to the floor." The ineffable Joan Rivers does, indeed, hate everything, and this hilarious account details all the reasons why. In this audio edition, Rivers proves very quickly that age has nothing on her and that she hasn't lost even a half step as a performer. Her delivery is perfect, her comedic timing as strong as it's ever been, and she reads with all the passion and inspired vision of her live performances. It's easy to listen to Rivers ramble on about everything that pisses her off, because more often than not—despite her star status—most people will likely agree with everything she says. Be it her hatred of cities where people are nice or her loathing of the Happy Meal, Rivers is equally passionate and opinionated on every subject she discusses. Hilarious and undeniably original. A Berkley hardcover. (June)

Publishers Weekly

Irreverent comedienne Rivers (Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs: A Woman's Guide to Beauty Through Plastic Surgery) is back with this sometimes funny and frequently offensive treatise on everything she hates, and as the title promises, she spares nothing and no one-not even herself. Victims of her vitriol include "women who think that giving birth is some unique achievement," "ugly children," Christian Bale (though she insists it's "nothing personal"), Annie Oakley, nudists, men without manners, and plenty others. She even takes on interfaith marriages, misleading state superlatives ("For example, New Jersey is nicknamed 'The Garden State.' Really? Have you ever smelled New Jersey?"), the Boy Scouts of America, and "people who complain that 'Joan says "fuck" too much.'" Taken in very, very small doses, Rivers's aggressively acerbic wit can be hilarious, but the unbridled cynicism will likely wear on anyone who isn't Joan Rivers. Photos.
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From the Publisher

Praise for I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

“More punch lines per paragraph than any book I’ve read in years.”—The New York Times
 
“Often hilarious, often shocking, totally politically incorrect.”—Liz Smith

“She holds nothing back.”—The Washington Post 

“An entertaining rant...The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon...A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews
 
“Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at...Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all.”—People

Library Journal - Audio

Rivers is back with her trademark raunchy humor. This time she muses on the people and things that she hates, which listeners soon understand includes just about everything. From babies to the elderly, no one is immune, including Jesus and Anne Frank. Hilarious in one sentence and shocking in the next, the dialog is definitely R-rated. Rivers herself narrates in her stand-up routine fashion, placing appropriate vitriolic emphasis every time she begins a sentence with, "I hate." VERDICT This is not for the easily offended, but fans of Rivers and caustic humor will enjoy it.—Phillip Oliver, Univ. of North Alabama Lib., Florence

JUNE 2012 - AudioFile

Longtime fans and casual Rivers enthusiasts alike may well be disappointed with this little tome of occasionally funny rants about circumstances and people who annoy her. With strong humorous writing in her past in at least two memoirs, Rivers here raises the white flag to the low and coarse attempts at entertainment that are so prevalent today. Her narration exhibits her well-honed timing and inflections, but the content is satire in the extreme—peppered with an abundance of four-letter words, many of which seem intended to shock. While Rivers is always relevant, this vitriolic audiobook takes aim at everyone from 9/11 survivors to Jesus. Sadly, thumbs down on this effort by an American comic icon. W.A.G. © AudioFile 2012, Portland, Maine

Kirkus Reviews

A humorous tirade on nearly everything and everyone. Rivers (Men Are Stupid…And They Like Big Boobs, 2008, etc.) is back with an entertaining rant on how she hates nearly everything and everyone, especially herself. Nothing is sacred to Rivers as she delivers one-liners on the whole shebang of human existence. From birthing a child, having sex, getting married, growing old and dying, to living in cities, eating in restaurants and travelling to foreign lands, the author gives readers her unusual perspective on each scenario. On manners: "I hate people who blow their nose at the dinner table and then look in their hankie. What do they think they're going to find?" On dating younger men: "I'll never be a cougar. I don't like younger men. I don't ever want to wake up in the morning and wonder, Is this my date or did I give birth last night?" On cities: "I hate San Francisco because I not only left my heart there but my hairdresser." Show business, nature, even the slogans each state uses to promote itself…none are immune to Rivers' often-caustic jesting. Relentless in her pursuit, the author is sure to offend everyone at some point in this book, regardless of the comedic intent. The only thing missing is the sound of a drum roll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon. The book is best read in small, random batches, with a large martini in hand. A raucous, biting look at life.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940169089417
Publisher:	Penguin Random House
Publication date:	06/05/2012
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

Love may be a many-splendored thing, but hate makes the world go round. If you think I’m kidding, just watch the six o’clock news. The first twenty-nine minutes are all about dictators and murderers and terrorists and maniacs and, worst of all, real housewives. And then, at the very end of the show, there’s a thirty second human-interest story about some schmuck who married his cat. I rest my case.

Some things I’ve hated forever, some are new acquisitions, and some are just passing fancies. Today I hate happy TV weathermen, feminists who believe Gloria Steinem’s great looks hurt her, Gloria Steinem herself, people who mispronounce the word ask, studio apartments, guidance counselors, first ladies, old people. So if any of this offends you, or you happen to love puppies and kittens and the infirm . . . well . . . I’m impressed. I hate you, but I’m impressed . . .

I know what you’re thinking: “Joan, hate is a very strong word.” You’re right, it is, but I use it as an umbrella term, the way mental-health professionals use the word schizophrenia as a catchall for any particular brand of crazy they can’t identify. So when I say hate, I don’t necessarily mean hate. I could also mean loathe, detest, abhor, dislike, despise or resent. See, isn’t that kinder and gentler? If you think this makes you a better person than I am, good. You’re the idiot that actually paid for this book.

For those of you thinking, Geez, Joan seems a little angry, you’re half right. I am angry. I’m also fed up. I’m fed up with the morons and losers and cretins who are cluttering up the planet. Emma Lazarus wrote, “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” I didn’t know she meant on my block. But being fed up and angry is better than being depressed. Psychologists tell us that depression is just anger turned inward, but I say, why waste your time? It is what it is and quite frankly I’d rather be angry than depressed. Why? Because antidepressants like Prozac, Wellbutrin and Zoloft can cause bloating—and I hate bloating!!! (I need to go back and add bloating to the list of things I hate. Is there anything worse than not being able to fit into a size two Valentino? I think not. Talk about depressing.)

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me"
by .
Copyright © 2012 Joan Rivers.
Excerpted by permission of Penguin Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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