I Don't Want To Be Crazy

by Samantha Schutz Narrated by Samantha Schutz

Overview

A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.

A harrowing, remarkable poetry memoir about one girl's struggle with anxiety disorder.This is a true story of growing up, breaking down, and coming to grips with a psychological disorder. When Samantha Schutz first left home for college, she was excited by the possibilities -- freedom from parents, freedom from a boyfriend who was reckless with her affections, freedom from the person she was supposed to be. At first, she revelled in the independence. . . but as pressures increased, she began to suffer anxiety attacks that would leave her mentally shaken and physically incapacitated. Thus began a hard road of discovery and coping, powerfully rendered in this poetry memoir.

Editorial Reviews

School Library Journal

Gr 9 Up
In this "memoir in verse," Schutz comes to terms with an anxiety disorder that surfaced and plagued her throughout and after her college years. Readers accompany the author from the summer after high school, through college, on a semester abroad in Paris, and into her first job after graduation. Typical early-adulthood issues such as boyfriends, sex, drinking, grades, and family are woven throughout her struggle with physically and mentally debilitating panic attacks. The author had the courage and wisdom to seek professional help and embarked on a long and often bumpy road to treating her disorder. The decision to write in verse proves fitting; in the scenes in which a panic attack is approaching, for example, the short lines of text echo the breathless terror described within. Though the book begins to feel repetitive toward its conclusion, the repetition simultaneously reflects the cyclical nature of Schutz's disorder and one's college years. Aptly, the book ends without absolute closure, and while luckily not all teens will find themselves in identical situations, many young people transitioning to adulthood will find a part of themselves in this overwhelming, and seemingly never-ending, search for self-identity.
—Jill Heritage MazaCopyright 2006 Reed Business Information.

From the Publisher

Praise for I Don't Want to be Crazy:
An ALA Quick Pick for Reluctant Young Adult Readers

"Versifying a novel takes craft and dedication. Versifying a memoir takes courage. I Don't Want to be Crazy invites readers inside the head of a young woman questioning her sanity. Author Samantha Schutz must be commended for allowing readers such a personal glimpse of this frightening piece of her life experience." -- Ellen Hopkins, author of Crank

"I Don't Want To Be Crazy is intense, intimate, heartbreaking. Its power is in its honesty, which is so profound and affecting, I had to remind myself to breathe." -- Deb Caletti, author of Honey, Baby, Sweetheart

Kirkus Reviews

2018-12-19

In a reprint of her 2006 verse memoir, Schutz (You Are Not Here, 2010, etc.) details her journey working through and accepting her panic disorder in her teens and early 20s.

When Schutz, who is white and Jewish, left home for her first year at her small, liberal arts college, she didn't anticipate that her experience would be hijacked by anxiety disorder. Almost immediately, however, she began to have overwhelming panic attacks that drastically disrupted her life. While she quickly gained access to therapy and medication, her mental health was still shaky. Medications were hit and miss; panic attacks came and went; studying abroad became excruciatingly difficult. She began the long, hard, nearly endless work of coping with her anxiety and panic, her on-again, off-again relationships with boys, the ebbs and flows of friendships, and trepidation at managing everyday life as a college student. A rapid conclusion may leave readers feeling cut short, but an author's note provides insight into Schutz's life post-book and includes mental health resources. Schutz relays the internalized shame she experienced with honesty. However, filled with telling rather than showing, Schutz's free verse falls flat and comes across as neither truly raw nor finessed. Oppressive vocabulary is used without contextualization or critique ("retarded," "slut," "crazy," "handicapped"), which contributes to aspects of the book feeling outdated rather than just set during the early 2000s.

Authentic but underwhelming. (author's note) (Verse memoir. 13-18)

Product Details

BN ID:	2940170885138
Publisher:	Scholastic, Inc.
Publication date:	03/26/2019
Edition description:	Unabridged
Age Range:	12 - 17 Years

Videos