I Am Addict: 12 Step Poetry

by Dennis Wright

Overview

In here is an offering. An offering designed to enlighten and inspire anyone who is on the less traveled road laid out by the 12 steps of recovery. I say less traveled because the numbers of true recoverees is relatively small in comparison to the numbers of people caught in addictions. This collection has been many, many years in the making. I hope that it may bring some light and maybe a little humor to a relatively dark subject. I have tried not to offend sensitive eyes and pallets but there is some language used in the cramped world of users that works when other language doesn't, and some of it is in this collection. I have refrained from vulgarity however and if you can tolerate some compromise I am sure you will be pleasantly rewarded. If you are new to recovery you may be surprised at some of the things here that you thought no one else had ever thought. It is important to remember that the common thread in addiction is the lie that you are the only one who has ever done the things you are doing. There is only so much dysfunction in the world, and when you have been on the road of recovery for a while it becomes amazingly redundant. Everybody is stunned to find out they are not alone in their weirdness. Stunned and then relieved to find out that there is a way out. The bottom line is that we give up a life of using for a life of service. When you find this and come to terms with serving people who usually don't care, and you serve them anyway, then and only then will you start receiving the rewards that await you.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781452085555
Publisher:	AuthorHouse
Publication date:	12/17/2010
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
File size:	689 KB

Read an Excerpt

I Am Addict

12 Step Poetry

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By Dennis Wright

AuthorHouse

Copyright © 2010 Dennis Wright
All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4520-8553-1

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Chapter One

THAT PLACE

When the journey starts
As it must for you to survive
The questions are many
The road unclear, foreboding
FEELINGS

There are many willing to help
Help you to help themselves
Blessed to give to receive
Expectations run high; born
A light appears
HOPE

The trail is rocky
Cluttered with the owners stuff
You and what was you
Are always in the way
And the lessons are learned then
Repeated

The illusion appears daily
That there might be a way
To calm the intensity of self
This is where the trap is armed
The disease triggered
Awakened

There should be alarm
But the danger is hidden
By looking only at self
Forgetting or not caring
This is how it starts again
Oblique

It's not the first pill, fix, or drink
It's the first unchecked lie
The first cheating action
The thought entertained
That maybe THIS is OK
NO

The first taste doesn't hurt
But in that instant the mind set
An external solution found
Got away with it, I'm OK
Yet the process has begun
OUCH

Then sooner than expected
You are found to be lost
By you again
And asking once again
What happened to me?
Confusion

Maybe the next time that place
Will not be hidden
The lie not told
Because there are only so many
chances
Only so many awakenings
Before a restless sleep


BE GONE THE FILTHY FLOWERS

Let the bells toll
For I am above their power
I have
At last
Suffered that point of endless ticks
The control is gone
The flowers are here
GLORY BE
Their fertilize is the filth of my mind

    What freedom means to most people is that they can have your stuff
    and you keep paying for it
    The drug addicts have endorsed this principle ever since
    the discovery of opium
    It has never earned them any respect

    I know a man who breaks the law for money.
    Not a lot, just the taxes thing which is too high anyway.
    He uses non licensed contractors because insurances are too high.
    He honestly feels that he is a valued and respected man in his
    community
    and is deeply ashamed by his son who has a drug problem.
    He honestly is baffled by his son's inability to obey (and his flagrant
    disregard for ) the law.
    He is convinced that we should do anything necessary to help his son.
    He has the money.
    He stole it from us.


    FEEL

    I can feel you out there
    Lying quiet, as cat to mouse
    Seem to tease
    Tantalize as color to sound
    You're out there
    and you need
    But know not yet it's me

    We are just around each other's
    corner
    Pacing blind time, alone
    Looking
    Driving borrowed rockets in a fog
    Missing one another by fine hairs
    Honking lost mate calls
    silently, in pitch together
    blocking ourselves from each
    other
    Not able to hear through our
    own screams

    I know you feel me
    And the thoughts I send to pierce
    our void
    I know you also can see our
    invisible color
    I know you can hear the crying
    out
    of dry tears for balance
    I know that your swell beckons
    Longs to break as a wave
    Quench the thirsty sand
    And bring life pure, anew
    To my virgin shore

    We are both ready, but waiting
    Biding away empty long hours
    Waiting patiently to become
    variegated
    On the petals of our own flower
    Waiting together on lost separate
    rafts
    Longing for an island
    Waiting for the end of false starts
    And trials
    Waiting for the verdict
    guilty of each other
    sentenced to be

    I know you're out there
    Am as sure as my breath
    You're the blank face in my
    dreams
    I know you're out there
    I can feel you feeling me


    VETERANS DAY 11/11/2004

    I was proud and young, invulnerable
    There was very little fear
    and yet I was very afraid
    I joined ready to serve my country

    The war raged in Viet Nam
    I was sent to Germany
    Where I engaged the enemy
    He came disguised

    None of us had the training
    It was left to our morality
    Whether one had God or not
    Decided who lived or died

    I watched the enemy kill my friends
    I stood helplessly by
    I was powerless in his face
    My friends were shooting themselves

    Many of the survivors were still not safe
    Still until this day
    Many brought the enemy home
    And shared him with their families and friends

    Many found the enemy in America
    He had attacked many years before
    And eons before that
    He had attacked Asia's homes

    But how does a soldier engage an enemy
    When he lives in Gods flowers
    And his venom is in pleasure
    And I can't kill him with my gun?

    Wright E-1 1973


    IMPENDING DOOM

    I was five years old
    It was a special occasion
    Going to church
    the very first time

    Yes I was five years old
    When they told me
    the world is coming to an end
    I should be afraid
    Enough to be good
    The alternative
    not being good
    Was unspeakable
    unimaginable
    unbelievable
    torture on my private parts
    forever
    Jesus loves you
    So God must be the bad guy
    Jealous
    Angry
    Jesus was the only way
    If God would allow all that

    I was five years old

    The rest of my life
    Relationships
    Jobs
    Institutions
    The end of it all
    was always determined into the
    equation
    I was supposed to be afraid
    or it would all go away
    The solution to Fear
    Was Fear itself
    It could end right now
    I wouldn't care
    If I were stoned

    The real Fear
    The Fear for motivation
    Happened when the realization
    came
    there is no end to the world
    Not in my time, anyway
    I had been sentenced
    to live

    And to try and tell the other
    five year old casualties
    God is Love
    Love is nothing to fear
    Love never hurts

    And losing Love always hurts
    It is a detachment
    That can only be born
    By Fear

    And it can happen


    ROCK ON THE ROAD

    A rock on the road
    In a desert of sand
    And the driver
    Swerves
    Cusses
    Then goes on

    A rock on the road
    In a desert of sand
    Causing commotion
    To hide the fact
    A rock's out of place

    In a desert of sand


    A DAY AT A TIME

    I want to write words
    that make you feel
    Ache to kiss me
    Long to hold me
    Dream obsessively

    I want to hold you
    everyday
    Just a touch on the face
    Kiss on the cheek
    Foot rubs

    For you I shave everyday
    Everything is right
    Even my teeth are better
    My body calls your message

    I want all this happiness
    to overflow you
    Live eternity today
    In my arms
    Angels sing when we kiss
    Only we can hear

    I want it this simple
    No clouds on the horizon
    A new morning everyday
    Let's Love in this one
    Today my love is the day


    IN THE GARDEN

    The best part is
    The pulling of teeth
    The words are falling again
    A showers dream song
    I don't care how it happened
    The message
    The exploding mind
    Erupting
    Vomiting
    Cuming
    I'll forget again soon
    It takes work in the garden
    Not fences


    THE BOMB

    Which is more dangerous
    An atheist with a bomb
    Or a zealot with a bomb?

    Is it a larger sin to steal from the
    church
    Than from the store?

    Can you steal from God
    If he's willing for you to have it?
    Could you have it if he wasn't?

    Then can you steal from the
    church really?

    Or is it believing in God that
    creates the sin?

    If believing in God can create sin
    How far is it to becoming sin?

    Who draws the line that decides?

    If you decide for yourself do you
    need God?

    If we all decide together does it
    make it more right?

    Can we then condemn the few
    that disagree?

    Should they be terminated to
    protect the majority?
    Or at least censored?

    If we're right doesn't it
    automatically mean that they are
    wrong?

    Does unity mean strength?

    If our words are written on paper
    does it give them truth?

    If it turns out for the best, do a
    few deaths matter?

    Do our leaders decide the
    casualties?
    Who picked the leaders?
    Did WE give them the power to
    decide our fate?

    If you are asked, and are willing,
    to carry the bomb
    Are you an atheist
    Or a zealot?


    THE CON

    You see it doesn't matter
    Doesn't have to make sense
    You're suppose to guess my intelligence

    Why I would put this
    word
            over here

    This is to exercise your mind
    With a precociousness
          pretensions
    And fatten my wallet
    If you're dumb enough to think I deserve

    I am going to hide something in here

    Try to find it
    Maybe every 68th letter can spell love

    Maybe not
    Maybe it's in plain sight
    Maybe it's a lie

    Maybe all I have wanted to do all along
    Is waste your time

    Or the ultimate con
    Make you believe there is something here

    You need

    Otherwise it doesn't matter

    The truth is that if you're reading this

    Stealing this
    Not paying for it

    You will owe me forever

    And I need it now


    COFFEE POT

    It starts
    The meeting needs attendance
    No one cares why
    It is clear the work at hand

    The leaders establish
    The message is crystal clear
    The meeting grows
    New blood arrives
    For years it goes on and on

    All of a sudden someone cries foul
    This is now wrong and that
    We need to grow with the times
    Grow or go

    The pot is stirred
    Now comes the fallout

    The leaders pioneers again
    A resentment and a coffee pot
    Time to start a new meeting
    It goes on and on
    Meeting after meeting is started
    this way

    The principle is misunderstood
    It also happens to churches
    God grows the arms of the body
    So all may come
    More will be fed

    Some feel the devil himself
    Does the dividing
    It may be true
    Still God uses it against him
    It may start as a resentment
    But it always ends in God's favor
    There need be no power struggle
    It is only we that can be deceived

    It starts
    The meeting needs attendance
    No one cares why
    It is clear the work at hand


    ON THE WAGON

    While I was riding on the wagon
    The pace was understood
    One horse power
    There was always time
    To pay attention to the
    surroundings

    There was time to wonder
    How God had put it all together
    so well
    In everything there was time
    Time to see the beauty

    I dreamed of what to teach my
    children
    How to tell them the simplicity
    Of it all
    To tell them what is really
    important

    Not to stress
    Smell the air, breathe deep
    Feed the horses
    Take care of what takes care of
    you

    As my sons grew to manhood
    The wagon fell behind

    When I would see them they
    would tell me
    Of the hours on the freeway
    No time to see the grandchildren
    play soccer
    The hurry to hurry to hurry to
    There was no serenity in their
    eyes

    There was a loss of something
    they knew not
    The pain was obviously going to
    grow

    So I took them back to the wagon
    And the freedoms
    And showed them the life that
    was passing
    And they listened

    And I tell you too my children
    You also are eligible to slow
    down
    It's not too late
    And God knows it's only time


    LSD

    Timothy and Abby were both
    saying it
    I think
    It's hard to remember
    Better living through chemistry
    Take a trip or two
    Broaden your horizons
    Unravel your mind before your
    very eyes

    The mind struggles for symmetry
    pattern and color
    In balance
    It is only seen through the
    chemical
    A toy of technology
    Entertaining way to play with
    ones self
    Tease your own brain
    Like you do the cat
    Just for the sport of it

    The problem is age
    It Happens
    The burn appears somewhere
    around here
    I wonder now
    What a tree really looks like
    Or the sky without the fringe
    flitters
    What the thought pattern should
    be like
    I never gave thought that I might
    live

    Nobody knew
    It was new
    Now we know
    I do anyway

    What the feed was, was youth
    itself
    The chance to see things
    Never before seen by human
    eyes
    Mine

    God I wish someone had gone
    before
    Someone who knew
    What I know now
    I wish someone had been left
    enough brain
    To at least write it down

    Once in it stays

    And continues the burn


    SPIRITUALITY

    Tighten it as tight as you can
    then give it another turn
    Go until the road ends
    then step on out
    The path will appear as you tread

    Go as far as you can
    then take two more steps
    It is the Spiritual
    Done in the confines
    Outside the senses

    There must be an illusion
    grounded in abstract theology
    for validity
    Makes sense when viewed from
    the internal
    Unseen from any other angle

    The lives of the future recoverees
    Hangs in your balance
    that you cannot achieve by
    yourself
    But is necessary enough to exist
    There is a dependence,
    as a force of creation

    Minds will open
    There will be followers
    distracters
    Liars, for self importance
    All needs shared,
    then parroted into constant
    repetitive thought
    Until lived in the life

    Only the blessed understand
    There is no motive in pretending
    You cannot transmit
    Until you can receive
    There is no one available to
    interpret the you
    that God has chosen to reveal

    The understanding that that is
    becomes
    the freedom that is sought


    POWER

    Nothing new or extraordinary
    Just another American man
    Who survived the 60's burn
    Lived to experience life
    With the remains of brains

    The now is always pressured
    With urgency
    Have to get it done
    Move dammit
    My life is just ahead

    There is always the knowing
    That I can miss it
    My eyes wide open
    To everything
    But what's in front of me

    I can't see my nose

    The world is full of me's
    Some of us have found
    Our truths
    Some try to impose it on others
    Some hoard
    Some honestly care

    There is a need for continuity
    Something please make sense
    Too many gods
    Open mindedness can be a curse

    I feel I must decide
    Now
    Hearts old
    Too fast too long
    Too slow too long

    This is always the last word
    written
    The final statement of me
    It has all come to this

    I freely admit I don't know
    Am getting ready to admit
    I don't care

    There has to be some peace
    What I'm doing
    Must not be it

    The heaviest loads
    Go to the biggest horses
    He's trusting me again
    To carry another message
    If it makes sense to you
    It is only for you
    If it doesn't
    Don't force it

(Continues...)

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Excerpted from I Am Addict by Dennis Wright Copyright © 2010 by Dennis Wright. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Contents

OUT OF THE ROOMS—....................v
A COLLECTION OF 12 STEP POETRY—....................v
WRITTEN BY DENNIS WRIGHT—....................v
SOBRIETY DATE AUGUST 5, 1988—....................v
THAT PLACE—....................1
BE GONE THE FILTHY FLOWERS—....................2
FEEL—....................3
VETERANS DAY 11/11/2004—....................4
IMPENDING DOOM—....................5
ROCK ON THE ROAD—....................6
A DAY AT A TIME—....................7
IN THE GARDEN—....................8
THE BOMB—....................9
THE CON—....................10
COFFEE POT—....................11
ON THE WAGON—....................12
LSD—....................13
SPIRITUALITY—....................14
POWER—....................15
ENTER HERE—....................16
ANTS—....................17
DOES IT HURT?—....................18
POTENTIONALLY STABLE—....................19
TRUST—....................20
MARIJAUNA—....................21
TAKE THE FIFTH—....................22
HARMONY SAVANT—....................23
WET ONE—....................24
EAT IT BUDDY—....................25
TRASH—....................26
BLACK TIE—....................27
I REMEMBER—....................28
CUTTING—....................29
CLEAN HOUSE—....................30
DAVID'S BURDEN—....................31
BLACK FOREST—....................32
ON GO THE LIGHTS—....................33
ANTELOPE—....................34
HAD TO ASK—....................35
JUST WORDS—....................37
CARETAKER—....................38
IT COUNTS—....................39
NO NAME YET—....................40
THE GIFT—....................41
GOT A LIFE—....................42
Hello Your Honor,—....................43
ROCKS THROUGH THE KITE—....................45
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN—....................47
TEDDY BEAR—....................48
THE EVE—....................49
BELIEVE—....................50
EPISODE—....................51
I CAN GO THERE—....................52
DON'T ASK—....................53
LEAVING THE GARDEN—....................54
DOWN THE RIVER—....................55
AT TEN YEARS—....................56
THIS WAY—....................57
PAIN—....................58
PENNY—....................59
STOP—....................60
REALITY—....................61
MY JULIET—....................62
QUAD—....................63
WE NEED A KEY FOR THE SPEAKER—....................64
HELP—....................65
MEDICINE MAN—....................66
PIECES—....................67
SHE LOVES ME—....................68
FROZEN MOMENT—....................69
DONNA (Number 1,000,980,021)—....................70
MY GIRL—....................71
HERO—....................72
LOST—....................73
I SAW HER TONIGHT—....................74
THE TIME CARD—....................76
YIKES!—....................77
THE TOOLS—....................78
KEEP COMING BACK, IT WORKS—....................79
IF YOU WORK IT—....................79