Table of Contents
Foreword Stephen Arterburn ix
Preface to the Expanded Edition xiii
Preface to the First Edition xv
Part 1 What Determines How You Love
1 Why Every Marriage Gets Stuck 3
2 The Revealing Question You Need to Answer 13
3 Imprints of Intimacy from Our First Lessons in Love 25
4 Ideal Love Lessons: The Secure Connector 37
Part 2 Styles That Impair How We Love
5 The Avoider Love Style 57
6 The Pleaser Love Style 71
7 The Vacillator Love Style 88
8 The Chaotic (Controller and Victim) Love Styles 101
9 Identifying Your Love Style 121
Part 3 Duets That Damage How We Love
10 The Vacillator Marries the Avoider 135
11 The Pleaser Marries the Vacillator 148
12 The Controller Marries the Victim 160
13 The Avoider Marries the Pleaser 174
14 Other Challenging Combinations 192
The Avoider Marries the Avoider 192
The Pleaser Marries the Pleaser 195
The Vacillator Marries the Controller 198
The Vacillator Marries the Vacillator 202
The Controller Marries the Avoider 205
Part 4 Changing How We Love
15 The Comfort Circle 215
16 Seek Awareness 233
17 Engage 253
18 Explore 267
19 Resolve 287
20 Seeing into Your Spouse's Soul 310
Soul Words 318
For Further Study: Attachment Theory 320
Notes 323
Bibliography 332
Acknowledgments 334