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How to Use God's Lifetime Warranty in your Marriage

AuthorHouse LLC

Mary & John – From Choice to Marital Life

a) First thing first: education 2
b) How to choose a life partner 3
c) Dating 4
d) Engagement 5
e) Wedding 7
f) Honeymoon 9
g) The role of sex in marriage 10
h) Adjustment 11
i) A need for change 12
j) Sharing 13
k) In- laws 14
l) Pray together 15
m) Finance- one of the greatest enemies of marriage 16
n) Parental adjustment 17
o) Communication 18
p) Commitment 19
q) Growing love 20
r) Importance of forgiveness 22
s) Old friends 24
t) 10th anniversary and support group 25

Dear Mary,

How are you making out? It has been a long time since we talked. How are you finding your studies? Senior high must be different from junior? At any rate, I believe you are going to make it. Continue to work hard as you always do.

Last time we talked, you told me that most of your friends are going out with boys, do you have anyone yet? I do not totally reject the idea of boy/girl friends at your age, but maturity is highly necessary before one gets him/herself involved in a relationship. What do I mean by maturity? I am trying to say one must be ready, age wise, to be able to handle any situation that may arise during dating. "I broke up with him/her" is not uncommon with people of your age. One needs to know how to handle a breakup disappointment. I know many people of your age when their relationship broke up, they cried, which almost led to depression, because they felt rejected and abandoned. So you need to be matured emotionally, physically and spiritually.

You should also know that going out steadily with regard to a relationship is time consuming. You need a man in your life, but your education is supposed to be the #1 priority for you now. Cost of living is constantly increasing. Most of the couples nowadays need two jobs to make ends meet. High school education may not give one a good paying job. What I am trying to say is financial security should be considered before a serious relationship. Anything that will debar you from achieving your goal should be ignored or delayed as of now. You must know some female students who dropped out of school because of early pregnancy. It is true that many students are doing it -- have boy/girl friends in high school, but how many of them will be able to discipline themselves sexually?

Mary, I don't want you to think that I am totally against dating at your age. If you know that you are matured enough emotionally and that education will be so important to you-that you will not be wasting your time on the phone,, texting, email etc. – it's okay. I want the best for you, your family is proud of you, they need you, your community, province and country as well. Be smart in your decision. Don't rush, wait for the right time. God has someone for you. The person God has for you will not pass you by. Do I need to say pray or pray more about your life, education, and ask God to give you a man that is meant for you? Do you mind if I pray with you? Let's pray.

Lord thank you for Mary. I pray that you will continue to bless her, to help her in her studies so that she will be the woman you want her to be. Help her not to be ashamed to be different. Give her the right man for her life at your time in Jesus name. Amen

God bless you Mary, keep in touch.

Dear Mary,

It was so nice to hear about your accomplishments during your high school graduation. I was told that you graduated with honors and that you got a couple of awards and scholarships. Well done lady. You must be happy. I thank God for you. Mary, I am sorry that I was unable to attend the ceremony. Your parents told me that it was wonderful.

Two years have passed since I wrote you a letter, even though we have spoken on the phone a couple of times. Now you are in university, you must find it different from high school. I believe you will make it. You asked me in your email about how to choose the right partner. The answer to your question is very simple, and at the same time, it is not that easy. You ought to ask God, in prayer, for 'Mr. Right' to marry. Many people have chosen their partners in marriage based on beauty, handsomeness, sexuality, education or a good job. Some chose their partners because of 'blind love' - love that doesn't see the bad side of the man/woman.

Let me remind you about what Saint Paul said, he urged us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. You need to note that a Christian and non-Christian cannot build a home – marriage - together. You need to limit your choice to believers. God who matched Adam with Eve is still there. He is able to bring the right person to you. God knows that it's not good for a man or woman to be alone. He did not only say it, he put it into action (Gen. 2:17). Do not underestimate the role of prayer with regard to choosing the right man. Abraham sent his servant to go and look for a wife for his son, Isaac. The servant prayed to God to prosper his way by choosing the right woman for Isaac to marry. God did it for him. God who did it for Eliezer, Abraham's servant (Gen. 24: 12-21) is able to do the same for you. He is still in business of answering prayers. He is ever the same (Heb. 13:8). Don't hesitate to talk with your parents and your pastor at home to join you in prayer. With God all things are possible (Luke 1:37).

You may be wondering, "how long can I wait for"? God's time is the best for a perfect man. Many people rush into marriage and they quickly rush out of it. Don't be like them, wait on the Lord (ps. 27), and he will make you happy by given you a suitable man. Again, wait upon God, depend on him for the right person, a man who will love you unconditionally (agape love). God wants you to be happy and wants the best for you. Can I pray with you?

Lord thank you for Mary, she needs you to provide a wonderful, loving husband. Please let that person come into her life. And help Mary to know him and love him. Also, help her in her studies and in her walk with you, in Jesus name. Amen. Keep in touch. God bless you.

Dear Mary,

I was delighted to hear the good news about your man and that you are doing very well in your studies. I always enjoy talking to you on the phone, feel free to call anytime. This letter is to fulfill my promise I made during our last phone conversation.

God is good in given you John. I was told by your parents that he is a good Christian guy. Congratulations, you both need a good start. I will like to suggest to both of you to be sincere to each other. Don't be in the closet. Don't wear a mask when you are together! What am I trying to say? Try to be Mary and John to be John. Don't hide your feelings - if anything he does irritates you, let him know. You don't need to agree with him all the time because you don't want to hurt him. Don't pretend to be someone else, be Mary all the time. To disagree with each other will allow you to have a good communication and to know each other better, but your disagreement should always end amicably. You disagree to agree is great, that is, you agree. I hope you will both do your best to know each other very well. You need to understand each other well, to communicate loud and clear, don't allow misunderstanding and misinterpretation, don't assume, assumption kills relationships. Ask a question when something is not clear to you. Frustration should not find its way into your relationship. Dating can be a time of joy, happiness, support, sharing, laughter, learning and a host of other good things.

I need to say it again; John is John and you are Mary. Don't try to make John be Mary. Men are different from women, and you are also not from the same family. Both of you have a different upbringing. You don't need to judge each other, but to correct each other in love. You don't need to wait till after your wedding before you tell each other your faults, do so now with a good intention. Dating is supposed to be a time of fun, growing together emotionally and spiritually. It is a time of planning. Try to dream together or share your dreams. Share what kind of family you would like to have. What kind of husband or wife you would like to see in each other.

I will try to write you again, feel free to ask me any question you want. But lest I forget, find time to pray and study the bible together. You can study some families in the bible together, see their weaknesses and strengths. Find yourself good books on marriage. I Have some. Let me know if you want me to pass them to your parents to give to you. Give my best regard to John. I am looking forward to meeting him. Let us give thanks.

Jesus, thank you for answering Mary's prayers. Thank you for John's life. Thank you for the time they have spent together. I pray for them for your blessings. Help them to have unconditional love for each other, as you do for them. Thank you Lord again, in Jesus name. Amen

Dear Mary,

Time goes by fast. You are graduating soon. I heard that you got a good job, and that John is doing well at his work. He likes his job, I was told by your parents. I am so happy for both of you that things are going well.

I understand that you have something special on your finger. You are engaged!! Fantastic and congratulations! Both of you are telling people around you that you intend to marry each other. You know that being engaged means that you need to pay closer attention to each other than before. You need to plan your future together. It is time for you and John to find time out of no time to seek God's face and to study his word together. I am happy that you have been reading good books on marriage. Treasure the compelling information and apply them appropriately.

The ring you are wearing is telling you that you are different from all other ladies who are yet to be engaged. Your commitment to each other needs to be greater than before. Your love for each other ought to be based on nothing else, but genuine love.

I am wondering, how long your engagement will be. I am not trying to rush you to marriage. Perhaps you need to have a time frame. At any rate, you need to be focusing more on important things like a place to live, how you will handle your finances, how many children and when, what kind of wedding you will like to have, where to honeymoon, which church etc.? The more you talk and plan together, the more you will understand each other better. The more you know each other, the easier the marital burden on your marriage. When you say yes to each other, which means; I will marry you, you indicate that you have chosen a partner you will spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is supposed to be "until death do us part." You have chosen the father/ mother of your children; and grand and great grandfather/ mother of your grand and great grandchildren, respectively.

It will be a good idea to stay free from pre-marital sex, since you will be looking forward to the time you will be having guilty free sexual intercourse at any time you want it. I will raise the subject of the role of sex in marriage with you as time goes on. Above all, let love (agape love) be in the center of your relationship. I will not mind you sharing this letter with John. I am looking forward to seeing him again. Maybe we can find time to talk; remember face to face is better than a hundred letters or phone calls or e-mails. And if it is possible, find time to talk to a marriage counselor or your Pastor. Shall we pray?

Thank you for your wonderment over John and Mary, bless them in all their undertakings, help them to be sincere to each other. Meet their needs. Listen to them when they talk to you. Be faithful to them and let them be faithful to each other and to you. In Jesus name we pray. Amen

Dear Mary,

I missed your telephone call last night, but guess what? I got your invitation card today in the mail. I am excited for you, you must be as well. You are wondering if my wife will be able to come, yes she will. She sends her congratulations to you. How can you prepare for the 'D' day was your question.

As I suggested earlier, both of you should have learned a great deal about each other by now. If not, you still have seven months before the wedding. Don't pretend in any aspect of life, no camouflaging - be open to and sincere with each other. Try to transfer the love and commitment you have for each other now to your marriage. Try to grow in what you have planted. If you cannot do better, don't do less, with regards to all things that you have been doing together. Remember, marriage is supposed to be "for better for worse, till death do us part."

A question that you and John need to ask yourselves is, what do we want, a wedding or a marriage? Many couples focus on their wedding, forgetting that a wedding lasts for one day, marriage is forever. Don't spend all your energy on the wedding, plan for it, but don't overdo it. Focus on your prospective home, your incoming children and your parents on both sides will be more beneficial for both of you than fretting over any aspect of the wedding day. Divorce hurts. Everyone in its web is a captive, a loser, and children suffer the most. In order not to get there, it is important to build your home on a rock. A good foundation is highly essential. Have a good plan, pray and invite Jesus Christ to be the corner stone of your marriage. Jesus was present at the weeding at Cana in Galilee, the couple were not embarrassed when their wine ran out. Jesus supplied more and better wine (John 2:1-11). If Christ can be in your marriage, he will help you out when your love, commitment, trust, etc. are running out. Jesus should be the unseen guest at all times in your home.

By the way, are you planning for a big or small wedding? It will be better to cut your cloth according to your size, that is, don't over spend. You don't need a big bank loan because of your wedding. You told me before that you wanted to buy a house. I will assume that you have a mortgage. Perhaps your cars had not been fully paid for. You don't need another big loan. Money issues can be frustrating in marriage. It can ruin intimacy.

Where are you planning to go for your honeymoon? It is better to let it be a quiet place. You need time to rest, time for transition to married life. I will talk more about this again in my next letter to you. Start to pray not only for a good wedding, but also for God's protection over you, your families and others who will be attending your wedding. Keep yourselves well and fit in Christ Jesus. Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, we thank you again for what you are in our lives. I pray for John and Mary as they are getting ready for their wedding. Please protect them and all their loved ones. Bless them and meet their needs, oh God. We want you to start their home with them. Thank you again. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

Dear Mary,

How are you making out? Can I call you Mrs. Brown yet? Maybe not yet, the time is fast approaching. Thank you for your kind words in your email and when we were talking on the phone. I am glad you followed what I have been saying to you. How much sessions have you done for pre-marital counseling? Take what the pastor is saying seriously. You don't want to get married twice, I believe! You need to do it well and right.

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Excerpted from How to Use God's Lifetime Warranty in your Marriage by Amos Adeniyi. Copyright © 2014 Dr. Amos Adeniyi. Excerpted by permission of AuthorHouse LLC.
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