How to They/Them: A Visual Guide to Nonbinary Pronouns and the World of Gender Fluidity

by Stuart Getty, Brooke Thyng (Illustrator)

Overview

“This tender, smart, personal book is a gift. Stuart Getty generously shows us, with witty illustrations and kind humor, the hows and whys of they/them pronouns. A wonderful and necessary resource that is a delight to read.”
—Michelle Tea, author of Modern Tarot and Valencia

What does nonbinary really mean? What is gender nonconforming? And isn't they a plural pronoun? In this charming and disarming guide, a real-life they-using genderqueer writer unpacks all your burning questions in a fun, visual way. No soapboxes or divisive comment-section wars here!

Sometimes funny, sometimes serious, always human, this gender-friendly primer will get you up to speed. It's about more than just bathrooms and pronouns—this is about gender expression and the freedom to choose how to identify. While they might only be for some, that freedom is for everyone!

“[A] clear, kind guide to gender nonconformity. Getty's cheeky tone and the punchy black-and-white illustrations by Brooke Thyng make this book a useful reference for anyone with questions about gender, whether their own or those they witness in the larger world.”
—Booklist

“Straightforward, practical, relevant navigation through the radiant world of gender fluidity.”
—Kirkus Reviews

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781632173133
Publisher:	Sasquatch Books
Publication date:	09/29/2020
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	232,800
Product dimensions:	5.60(w) x 7.10(h) x 0.90(d)

About the Author

Stuart Getty is a genderqueer writer and filmmaker who lives in sunny Oakland, California, with their wife, Nora; cat, Princess Magic Face; and dog, Meadow. They make films and show them at film festivals sometimes, and also do speaking engagements about they and gender at places like CreativeMornings, Pecha Kucha, and SXSW. They enjoy puzzles, jumping in cold water, and shredding. On rollerblades, of course.

Brooke Thyng is a queer designer and illustrator based in the Bay Area. When she’s not taking over the company’s photocopier to print oversize drawings inspired by weird things said in meetings, she likes to dance around the living room, laugh her head off, and read the news.

Read an Excerpt

What’s beautiful is: when we realize so many different types of people and bodies do exist, we stop considering “male” and “female” to be normal. Allowing for a wider diversity of humans and life experiences lets people define for themselves what normal means. Being intersex or having different abilities and needs . . . these aren’t things that need to be fixed, or indicators of “something wrong.” 

These are parts of valid and beautiful humans who also deserve love and acceptance in this world.
Or at least the world I’m hoping we all want to create together.

Editorial Reviews

This is totally cool. It’s an accessibly rigorous introduction to the singular they pronoun and likewise this, I think, workbook paws around connecting they-ness to the bordering and genuinely simultaneous realm of sexuality in its multiplicity of ways of feeling not ‘like’ but genuinely truly being oneself. Also the drawings are good, it just all feels direct (phew)—which is what we need—and it would be a boon to hand this book to so many people, so please do that. Plus it’s a useful read to remind yourself that you aren’t alone and do exist. I’m glad to have read it.”
—Eileen Myles, poet and author of Chelsea Girls 
 
“Straightforward, practical, relevant navigation through the radiant world of gender fluidity.”
—Kirkus Reviews

“How to They/Them is an easy visual learning guide to accompany us on the journey to accepting others as they truly are. The more tools the better!”
—Jinkx Monsoon, winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race
 
“Utterly cute and tremendously useful. A remarkably valuable, versatile, and accessible source of education on gender identity.”
—Alok Vaid-Menon, author of Beyond the Gender Binary
 
“How to They/Them is a friendly, gentle, entertaining introduction to gender, taking they/them pronouns as a starting point but covering so much more. With sweet illustrations, helpful timelines, and generous personal examples, Stuart Getty takes the reader by the hand and tells them everything they need to know about how to navigate the confusing, ever-shifting landscape of sex and gender. This book will give nonbinary readers a sense of being profoundly seen and everyone else the confidence to make the world that little bit safer for their nonbinary friends, family, and colleagues. Thank you, Stuart.”
—Meg-John Barker, author of Gender: A Graphic Guide and How to Understand Your Gender
 
“This tender, smart, personal book is a gift. Stuart Getty generously shows us, with witty illustrations and kind humor, the hows and whys of they/them pronouns. A wonderful and necessary resource that is a delight to read.”
—Michelle Tea, author of Modern Tarot and Valencia

“[A] clear, kind guide to gender nonconformity. Getty's cheeky tone and the punchy black-and-white illustrations by Brooke Thyng make this book a useful reference for anyone with questions about gender, whether their own or those they witness in the larger world.”
—Booklist

“Half Mx. Manners and half manifesto, How to They/Them is a useful guide to a gender fluid world.”
—Shelf Awareness

“In this sometimes-serious, often-humorous guide, Getty breaks down the do’s and don’ts of using these pronouns, how to be an ally in any situation (including the workplace), and just what gender fluidity means.”
—425 Business

From the Publisher

09/01/2020

Language can be complicated. It can become ingrained in our psyche and feel immutable, so how do you convince family, friends, or yourself to include gender-neutral language? With this book, Getty (genderqueer public speaker and filmmaker) has created an easy-to-read introduction to nonbinary pronouns, and to the world between and beyond the gender binary. They start with the basic basics—what is gender, how is it different from sex, what is gender expression—and move on to how to use they/them and other gender-neutral terms (spouse/offspring/Mx./etc.). The language used to explain terms is simplified and accessible, making it easy for all to understand. Getty inserts humor, relatable interactions, and their personal experiences to bring the why of nonbinary language to the forefront. Illustrations by Thyng add creativity and clarity. VERDICT Designed to be both a guide for those actively seeking more inclusive language and a useful gift for people who are uncertain regarding they/them pronouns, this book is more lighthearted than Dennis Baron's What's Your Pronoun? As an essential Q&A guide to gender identity, it deserves attention.—Ahliah Bratzler, Indianapolis P.L.

Library Journal

2020-07-14
Well-rounded guidelines for considerately traversing the ever evolving gender spectrum.

In their insightful manual, genderqueer author and filmmaker Getty and queer designer and illustrator Thyng educate readers on the particulars of gender and grammatically correct pronoun selection. They also simulate what life presents for “GNC folks” (Gender Nonconforming) and the challenges they may face. Getty begins by sharing their own unique history, an opener that sets the humorously educative tone for the remainder of the book. Raised in Kentucky, they were born Kate, who was constantly aware of feeling “not quite female, not quite male.” In adulthood, Getty adopted their middle name, Stuart, as a proper name. As Getty “grew into knowing myself, the less I used Kate,” embracing being “weird” as a display of personal growth and expressive liberty. The author briskly and perceptively reviews the basics of nonbinary gender pronouns, describing their evolutionary timeline, meanings, and the often complex concepts of sex assigned at birth, gender identity, and sexual orientation. Getty also examines the specificities of social appropriateness and the importance of polite consideration for both adults and children. They address how to avoid “gender-clocking” and inappropriate curiosity about someone’s “junk,” hints on recognizing contextual clues, recovering from a conversational “slip,” how to calmly discuss preferences with loved ones, and public bathroom etiquette. Getty’s pleasantly entertaining instruction is complemented by Thyng’s simple, effective pen-and-ink illustrations. Together, the text and illustrations cleverly accentuate themes spanning the gender spectrum, including methods of immediate support for the trans movement. Readers shouldn’t let the narrative’s lighthearted take on the subject belie its significance nor its urgency within the context of contemporary society. Focused on transparency and honesty, Getty and Thyng dispense critical information on identity and promote understanding and acceptance for those seeking freedom of expression and personal presentation.

Straightforward, practical, relevant navigation through the radiant world of gender fluidity.

Kirkus Reviews