How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

by Joanna Faber, Julie King

Overview

OVER HALF A MILLION COPIES SOLD

A must-have resource for anyone who lives or works with young kids, with an introduction by Adele Faber, coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, the international mega-bestseller The Boston Globe dubbed “The Parenting Bible.”

For nearly forty years, parents have turned to How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk for its respectful and effective solutions to the unending challenges of raising children. Now, in response to growing demand, Adele’s daughter, Joanna Faber, along with Julie King, tailor How to Talk’s powerful communication skills to parents of children ages two to seven.

Faber and King, each a parenting expert in her own right, share their wisdom accumulated over years of conducting How To Talk workshops with parents, teachers, and pediatricians. With a lively combination of storytelling, cartoons, and observations from their workshops, they provide concrete tools and tips that will transform your relationship with the children in your life.

What do you do with a little kid who...won’t brush her teeth...screams in his car seat...pinches the baby...refuses to eat vegetables...throws books in the library...runs rampant in the supermarket? Organized by common challenges and conflicts, this book is an essential manual of communication strategies, including a chapter that addresses the special needs of children with sensory processing and autism spectrum disorders.

This user-friendly guide will empower parents and caregivers of young children to forge rewarding, joyful relationships with terrible two-year-olds, truculent three-year-olds, ferocious four-year-olds, foolhardy five-year-olds, self-centered six-year-olds, and the occasional semi-civilized seven-year-old. And, it will help little kids grow into self-reliant big kids who are cooperative and connected to their parents, teachers, siblings, and peers.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781501131639
Publisher:	Scribner
Publication date:	01/10/2017
Series:	The How To Talk Series
Pages:	432
Sales rank:	38,885
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 1.20(d)

About the Author

Joanna Faber is the author, along with Julie King, of the book, How To Talk When Kids Won’t Listen, as well as the bestselling book How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, which has been translated into 22 languages worldwide. Joanna and Julie created the companion app, HOW TO TALK: Parenting Tips in Your Pocket, as well as the app Parenting Hero. Joanna also wrote a new afterword for the thirtieth anniversary edition of the classic book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids WIl Talk, coauthored by her mother, Adele Faber. Joanna contributed heavily to her mother’s book, How to Talk So Kids Can Learn, at Home and in School, with her frontline experience in the classroom as a bilingual special education teacher in West Harlem. Joanna lectures and conducts workshops across the US and internationally for parents, educators, and other professionals who work with children. She and her husband raised three sons in the Hudson Valley region of New York, along with dogs, cats, and an assortment of chickens. Visit her at How-to-Talk.com.

Julie King is the author, along with Joanna Faber, of the book, How To Talk When Kids Won't Listen, as well as the bestselling book, How To Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, which has been translated into 22 languages worldwide. Julie and Joanna created the companion app, HOW TO TALK: Parenting Tips in Your Pocket, as well as the app Parenting Hero. Julie has been educating and supporting parents since 1995. In addition to consulting with individual parents and couples, she speaks and leads workshops online and in-person for schools, nonprofits, businesses and parent groups across the US and internationally. Julie received her AB from Princeton University and a JD from Yale Law School. She lives with her husband in the San Francisco Bay Area where they are visited often by their her three grown children. Visit her at JulieKing.org, on Facebook @FaberandKing, or on Instagram @howtotalk.forparents.

Table of Contents

Foreword Adele Faber xi

How It All Started Julie & Joanna xv

A Mote from the Authors xxi

Part I The Essential Toolbox 1

Chapter 1 Tools for Handling Emotions … What's All the Fuss about Feelings?-When kids don't feel right, they can't behave right 3

Chapter 2 Tools for Engaging Cooperation … Feelings Schmeelings, She Has to Brush Her Teeth-Getting kids to do what they have to do 43

Chapter 3 Tools for Resolving Conflict … Avoiding Combat on the Home Front-Replacing punishment with more peaceful, effective solutions 85

Chapter 4 Tools for Praise and Appreciation … Not All Odes Are Equal-Ways to praise that will help, not hinder 135

Chapter 5 Tools for Kids Who Are Differently Wired … Will This Work with My Kid?-Modifications for kids with autism and sensory issues 163

Chapter Five and a Quarter: The Basics … You Can't Talk Your Way Out of These-Conditions under which the tools won't work 203

Part II The Tools in Action 213

1 Food Fights-The Battle at the Kitchen Table 215

2 Morning Madness-Escaping the Intense Gravitational Pull of Your Home 231

3 Sibling Rivalry-Give the Baby Back! 241

4 Shopping with Children-Mayhem at the Market 257

5 Lies-Kids and the Creative Interpretation of Reality 263

6 Parents Have Feelings, Too 275

7 Tattling-Snitches and Whistle-Blowers 283

8 Cleanup-The Dirtiest Word 291

9 Doctor's Orders-Medicine, Shots, Blood Draws, and Other Horrors 301

10 Shy Kids-Fear of Friendly Folks 313

11 Little Runaways-Kids Who Take Off in the Parking Lot and Other Public Places 321

12 Hitting, Pinching, Poking, Punching, Pushing-I Barely Touched Him! 331

13 Sleep-The Holy Grail 339

14 When Parents Get Angryl 357

15 Troubleshooting-When the Tools Don't Work 369

The End? 385

Acknowledgments 387

Additional Resources 389

Notes 391

Reminder Index 395

Index 397

Editorial Reviews

"Yes, the How to Talk tools work for young children! It is never too soon to reflect children's emotions, acknowledge their wishes, and see things from their perspective. Faber and King are like wise, calm friends that arrive just in time to help you through the toughest moments, with no judging or shaming. In fact, they have just as much empathy for parents as they have for children. They understand that punishment and control are dead ends, and they offer a clear path towards cooperation and connection."—Lawrence J. Cohen, Ph.D., author of Playful Parenting

"This helpful gem of a book guides parents and other caregivers to tune in to the internal worlds of young children to allow their minds to be seen and respected. With practical suggestions and useful illustrations, the authors clearly convey these important steps to guiding our children's development. Cultivating such mindsight for our youth is essential to creating a kinder and more resilient next generation."—Daniel J. Siegel, M.D. Author, Mind: A Journey to the Heart of Being Human and Executive Director, Mindsight Institute

"Faber and King have done the impossible! This guide to how to talk so little kids will listen is BRILLIANT. Every parent needs to read this book because it teaches skills that are solidly based on research. The book is magnificent."—John Gottman, author of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

“Relatable and authentic... [Faber’s and King’s] creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous child-rearing dilemmas.’”—Publishers Weekly

"Wonderful...reader-friendly [and] a truly indispensable book for parents and for anyone else who interacts with young children.”—Work and Family Life

From the Publisher

01/01/2017
Parent and educator Faber, with educator King, picks up where esteemed mom Adele Faber (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen) left off with this updated "survival guide" for talking to little kids and gaining compliance. Her wisdom is in the same affectionate and funny style of mom: "Enough with all the talk about feelings. It's lovely to know we're enhancing our children's confidence…but we still have to get our kids to do things." Faber zeroes in on the most common (and irritating) things and tactics little ones employ, and provides caregivers with a clear and supportive path to holding their own. From tattling ("snitches and whistleblowers") to runaways ("kids who take off in the parking lot and other public places"), the authors describe exactly what life with little kids is like and make neither excuses nor pedagogical pronouncements; their advice is always supportive, appropriate, and ultimately best for the parking lot escapee in question. VERDICT Parents should not be put off by this volume's length. The "How To Talk" books are treasures to read. All libraries should acquire and recommend with gusto.

Library Journal

02/01/2017
Parent and educator Faber, with educator King, picks up where esteemed mom Adele Faber (How To Talk So Kids Will Listen) left off with this updated "survival guide" for talking to little kids and gaining compliance. Her wisdom is in the same affectionate and funny style of mom: "Enough with all the talk about feelings. It's lovely to know we're enhancing our children's confidence…but we still have to get our kids to do things." Faber zeroes in on the most common (and irritating) things and tactics little ones employ, and provides caregivers with a clear and supportive path to holding their own. From tattling ("snitches and whistleblowers") to runaways ("kids who take off in the parking lot and other public places"), the authors describe exactly what life with little kids is like and make neither excuses nor pedagogical pronouncements; their advice is always supportive, appropriate, and ultimately best for the parking lot escapee in question. VERDICT Parents should not be put off by this volume's length. The "How To Talk" books are treasures to read. All libraries should acquire and recommend with gusto.—Julianne Smith, Ypsilanti District Library, MI

School Library Journal

11/07/2016
Anyone who has ever tried to entice a young child to take a nap or eat a healthy dinner knows that meeting willful behavior with a firm, yet nurturing approach requires patience, understanding, and flexibility. This new guidebook by lifelong friends Faber (coauthor of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk) and King, a parent educator and consultant, will help parents navigate this sometimes bumpy road. The examples and suggestions they provide are relatable and authentic, the direct result of their own experiences along with feedback from other parents. The first section discusses basic tools to help parents cope “when a youngster goes haywire,” exploring topics such as “engaging cooperation” and “avoiding combat,” with each chapter featuring a brief recap at the end. Part two shows “the tools in action,” highlighting the issues Faber and King view as most challenging and how the tools can be used to deal with them. The authors’ creative ideas will help parents feel they are not alone in dealing with little runaways, arguments over tooth brushing, tattling, and numerous other child-rearing dilemmas. As Faber notes, “Sometimes simple survival is a good goal.” Agent: Robert Markel, Markel Enterprises. (Jan.)

Publishers Weekly

2016-11-02
Advice for parents on handling toddlers to pre-tweens.Faber—the daughter of Adele Faber, the author of the bestselling How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk (1980)—and her good friend King combine their years of experience as mothers with new research on child-rearing to offer a useful guide for parents and other adults regarding the 2-to-7 age group. With a format similar to the original book, the authors begin with the basics: acknowledging a child's feelings through words, writing, and artwork; using play, offering choices, and patience, among other methods, to enlist cooperation; instilling discipline and resolving conflicts without the use of threats, character attacks, or physical punishment. In the second section, the authors move on to specific issues: eating and food battles, brushing teeth, shopping with young children, name-calling, hitting and other physically aggressive behavior, getting children to sleep, navigating anger, interacting with pets, how to handle lying, and a host of other common and difficult scenarios adults face on a daily basis. Faber and King not only offer their own lives as examples; they also include numerous scenarios from other parents who have used the tactics presented in the authors' group workshops. For those in need of a quick rehash of each chapter, short cartoons summarize each section. Although the information is mostly common-sense, the logical presentation enables readers to quickly understand why one method works and another method doesn't, making it easy for the adult to incorporate subtle changes into his/her behavior, which in turn creates profound differences in the child. Any new parent, teacher, or day care operator will benefit from reading this helpful book. Adele Faber provides the foreword. Accessible, highly effective methods for raising well-behaved children.

Kirkus Reviews