How to Smoke Pot (Properly): A Highbrow Guide to Getting High

by David Bienenstock Narrated by Graham Halstead

Overview

Once literally demonized as "the Devil's lettuce," and linked to all manner of deviant behavior by the establishment's shameless anti-marijuana propaganda campaigns, cannabis sativa has lately been enjoying a long-overdue Renaissance. So now that the squares at long last seem ready to rethink pot's place in polite society, how, exactly, can members of this vibrant, innovative, life-affirming culture proudly and properly emerge from the underground-without forgetting our roots, or losing our cool?



In How to Smoke Pot (Properly), VICE weed columnist and former High Times editor David Bienenstock charts the course for this bold, new, post-prohibition world. With plenty of stops along the way for "pro tips" from friends in high places, including cannabis celebrities and thought leaders of the marijuana movement, listeners will learn everything from the basics of blazing to how Mary Jane makes humans more creative and collaborative, nurtures empathy, catalyzes epiphanies, enhances life's pleasures, promotes meaningful social bonds, facilitates cross-cultural understanding, and offers a far safer alternative to both alcohol and many pharmaceutical drugs.

Editorial Reviews

From the Publisher

Charming…a heartfelt plea to keep pot weird”
—The Los Angeles Times

BEST NONFICTION FOR SPRING 2016 – Bustle

"A humorous and informative trip through the drug’s various medicinal compounds, a timeline of the its history, and recipes that take you beyond the standard pot brownie—with pro tips from cannabis-friendly celebrities sprinkled throughout."
—Vanity Fair

“It's refreshing, in the midst of our binge culture, to find a voice that clearly articulates the benefits and pitfalls of cannabis enthusiasm while strongly encouraging responsible consumption and cultivation. There is no better spokesperson for the cannabis-positive lifestyle in the post-prohibition era than David Bienenstock.”
—Ben Sinclair, co-creator and star of HBO original series High Maintenance
 
"David Bienenstock's writing skills and sense of humor are matched only by his intimate knowledge of marijuana customs, history, industry and etiquette. As cannabis moves from the underground to the mainstream, no book can better help you navigate the intricacies of this wonderful new era."
—Danny Danko, High Times Senior Cultivation Editor
 
"David Bienenstock is my official weed mentor, and as such has taught me many fascinating things about an innocent little plant that's shifted the tectonic plates of history time and time again. In How To Smoke Pot (Properly), he compiles these insights and many others to provide the most comprehensive guide to cannabis to date."
—Abdullah Saeed, author of VICE's Weediquette column and host of Bong Appetit
 
“This is much more than the ‘how-to’ book that the title implies. While the presentation is somewhat  kaleidoscopic, How To Smoke Pot (Properly) provides, especially to novices, an excellent overview of cannabis and its extraordinary Western acculturation over the last four decades.”
—Dr. Lester Grinspoon, Associate Professor Emeritus at Harvard Medical School and author of Marihuana Reconsidered and Marijuana: The Forbidden Medicine
 
"I read the shit out of this super funny and informative book, which includes a surprising answer to “Should I eat pot brownies before boarding an airplane?” David Bienenstock is like a really smart version of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys, who can form sentences that teach you stuff about weed—and also make you laugh hard as fuck."
—Mike Clattenburg, co-creator of Trailer Park Boys and Black Jesus
 
“Humans have been using cannabis and hemp for tens of thousands of years, but only recently have smart people begun again to think and write clearly about what pot really does and what it's really good for. David Bienenstock leads the pack in this newly liberated thinking. Free your mind and your grass will follow.”
—Julie Holland, M.D., author of Moody Bitches, Weekends at Bellevue, and The Pot Book
 
"In our rapidly evolving new age of marijuana appreciation and education, How to Smoke Pot (Properly) provides a thoughtful, historical and comprehensive account of all things cannabis.  Filled with useful information that encompasses just about every situation imaginable, from rolling your first joint to properly passing one in a foreign land with new friends, David Bienenstock expresses his passion and commitment in a way only someone dedicated to keeping it weird possibly can."
—Alex Lifeson, guitarist of Rush
 
“How To Smoke Pot (Properly) is a delightful book proclaiming that marijuana smoking can be an exhilarating, creative experience. David Bienenstock sets the tone in his introduction when he says, ‘It’s no longer sufficient to talk about the harms of marijuana prohibition. We’ve got to start loudly and proudly celebrating the many serious benefits this plant brings into our lives and communities."
—Keith Stroup, NORML Founder and Legal Counsel
 
"It’s a healthy development that society has reached the point where it needed this book, and I’m glad someone of David Bienenstock’s eloquence and experience has written it."
—Doug Fine, author, Farewell, My Subaru, Too High to Fail, Hemp Bound

"A comprehensive look at all aspects of cannabis, penned by a master of prose...I love this book!"
—Jorge Cervantes, author of Marijuana Horticulture and The Cannabis Encyclopedia

“Incisive…Whether you're a weed rookie starting from scratch or a seasoned smoker who's gathered disparate strands of information about the plant over decades, How to Smoke Pot (Properly) presents everything in one place, at the right moment in time.”
—Mashable.com

From the Publisher - AUDIO COMMENTARY

"It's a healthy development that society has reached the point where it needed this book, and I'm glad someone of David Bienenstock's eloquence and experience has written it." —Doug Fine, author of Hemp Bound

Product Details

BN ID:	2940171038441
Publisher:	Tantor Audio
Publication date:	04/19/2016
Edition description:	Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

***This excerpt is from an advance uncorrected proof***
CHAPTER 1
Then, in 2010, after seven years working out of High Times headquarters in midtown Manhattan, I relocated to Northern California, and took on a new role as the magazine’s West Coast editor.

Seeking the true heart and soul of the California cannabis movement, I made WAMM one of my first stops upon reaching the left coast. I’d already heard and read much about the collective’s politics—how for twenty years they’ve focused on low-income, seriously ill patients otherwise unable to afford medicine; how they helped pass America’s first statewide medical-marijuana law; and how they survived a DEA raid, then turned around two weeks later and defiantly distributed marijuana to the terminally ill on the steps of city hall—but I had no idea how they managed to plant, tend, and harvest a garden productive enough to supply their hundreds of members with cannabis for an entire year with only a skeleton crew and a small, dedicated team of volunteers.

On the chilly spring morning when I visited WAMM for the first time, the collective’s fledgling seedlings were just getting transplanted into five-gallon pots. Valerie put my wife, Elise, and I to work right away, digging holes and mixing soil. She also welcomed us into an amazing community of reefer revolution- aries, and encouraged us to come back for more. So over the next year (and the years to follow) I got to closely follow the crop’s natural life cycle—from seed to harvest—for the first time, while making a lot of new, kindhearted friends, learning the art and craft of outdoor cannabis growing, and at long last, getting some dirt under my fingernails.

“Growth is so obvious in the garden—you don’t have to wait long to see it,” Valerie once told me, explaining that many seriously ill and even terminal patients find the process of producing their own medicine to be highly empowering. “The garden gives us an opportunity to build something bigger than ourselves. That not only helps the healing, it puts us more in touch with the cycles of life.”

So let’s begin by understanding how the cannabis plant germinates, grows, flowers, and reproduces, and then we’ll explore the many ways clever cultivators seek to optimize this process in search of higher potency and heavier harvests.
In nature, each plant begins life when a previously dormant seed begins to germinate in early spring. Only the strongest and most viable of these seeds manage to throw off their seed casings, stretch into seedlings, grow into mature plants, and prop- agate the species. The rest, at some point along that journey, fall by the genetic wayside, helpfully winnowing the herd through natural selection.
Seedlings grow faster and heartier than these cuttings, but only after a long, delicate germination period. So most cannabis cultivators opt to start each new crop not from seed but by plucking healthy leaves from the lower branches of a special “mother plant” kept for this purpose, and then replanting those leaves in soil or a medium to take root—a technique that saves weeks of growth time on the front end, and also ensures a genetically uniform set of plants moving forward, which is especially important when trying to manage a tightly packed indoor grow.

Another big advantage of using cuttings is that all of your plants will be female (assuming you start with a female “mother plant,” of course). Only females produce THC and marijuana’s other medicinal and/or psychoactive components in appreciable amounts, so taking clones saves the trouble of waiting for seedlings to show their sex (at about six weeks) and then culling all the males.
Male cannabis plants also flower, but unlike females, their flowers don’t produce significant amounts of THC-laden resin, so savvy marijuana cultivators either grow all females from clone or, if growing from seed, kill off all their male plants long before they reach maturity. Either way, the resulting all-female crop, if effectively shielded from pollination, will reach maturity without seeds (or sinsemilla, as the technique is commonly known).

Now, as anybody of a certain age can tell you, there’s nothing wrong with smoking seeded pot, once you remove the seeds, but it’s also, assuredly, less than ideal, because all of the unique compounds in cannabis, collectively known as cannabinoids— including the ones that get you high and help prevent Alzheimer’s—are predominantly found in the trichomes. And once a formerly virginal female comes in contact with the wind- blown pollen of a male plant, she immediately curtails cannabinoid production in favor of literally “going to seed.”
Whenever harvest happens, it takes weeks after cutting down a plant to properly dry, trim, and cure its flowers. Start by strip- ping off the large fan leaves and hanging the buds from their stems in a cool, dark place with steady air circulation for seven to ten days. Trimmed leaves can be saved to make hashish (see page 53), while smokable flowers, once sufficiently dry, are carefully manicured with scissors to remove the smaller, higher- potency “sugar leaves.”
“It’s a lot like the aging of a fine wine,” legendary cannabis breeder DJ Short, creator of Blueberry, Old Time Moonshine, and other popular strains, told me once for a High Times story. “The benefits of properly cured cannabis include even moisture content and a complete breakdown of chlorophyll, which allows the full, clear expression of taste and aroma to emerge.”

Most growers cure buds by carefully stacking as many as possible into an airtight container without damaging them. Over time, trace amounts of moisture inside the buds will evaporate. Periodically opening the container and turning the buds over releases this moisture and allows more to sweat out until the buds are perfectly and evenly dry (usually about a week).

At which point, at long lost, the herb is ready to blaze.
Still legal in most states until the mid-1930s, in part due to its obscurity, the herb counted among its earliest adopters migrant Mexican farmhands, who grew marihuana at home and brought it with them when moving north in search of work, and New Orleans’s freewheeling jazz musicians, who got their hands on Caribbean-grown ganja from sailors freshly arrived at the city’s bustling port. Both groups eagerly spread the practice to outsiders they encountered, but it was the jazz cats who turned gage into a national phenomenon, literally scattering cannabis seeds far and wide during their travels on the music circuit, and figuratively doing the same by inserting sly, appreciative references to reefer into their recordings and radio appearances.

As Cab Calloway sang on his 1933 hit “Reefer Man,” which doubled as a somewhat impractical guide to finding a pot dealer, “If he trades you dimes for nickels, and calls watermelon’s pickles,” he’s probably the reefer man.

Of course, no good turn goes unpunished in America, especially if you’re black or Mexican, and so once the establishment caught a whiff of this fragrant new cultural trend, the government and the media started cooking up a scare campaign designed to turn marihuana into a terrifying menace. Then they used the resulting public panic as a way to seek authoritarian control over both the cannabis plant and the undesirable people consuming it.

“I consider marijuana the worst of all narcotics, far worse than the use of morphine or cocaine,” Judge John Foster Symes declared in 1937 while sentencing Samuel Caldwell, the first person arrested under federal marijuana prohibition, to four years of hard labor for dealing two joints in the lobby of a seedy Denver hotel. “Marijuana destroys life itself. I have no sympathy with those who sell this weed. The government is going to enforce this new law to the letter.”

Maybe so, but soon enough, a loosely knit black market sprouted up to supply marijuana to the masses despite this new prohibition, headed by an iconoclastic, decentralized corps of small-time international pot smugglers—a system that remained largely in place until 1973, when Richard Nixon created the DEA, and tasked them with stopping the steady flow of foreign weed into the United States.

Within a few years of that first salvo in the modern War on Drugs, imported herb became expensive and hard to score, due to massive interdiction efforts on the borders, and the long prison sentences handed out to those who got caught. Eventually, the little guys wouldn’t take the risk anymore, and the real criminals quickly discovered that cocaine brought in much higher profits, and so a market vacuum opened that didn’t make people stop smoking pot but did inspire large numbers of them to start experimenting with growing their own.

A lot of high-paying jobs were thus created right here at home by transforming the nation’s underground marijuana sup- ply line from an import business into a cottage industry. Which made everyone happy, except the smugglers, and the human paraquats running the DEA, who decided to respond to the scourge of people growing unauthorized plants on their own land, or out in the middle of nowhere, by recruiting a bunch of combat helicopter pilots who were battle-hardened in Vietnam and ordering them to fly sorties all over the country, seeking out marijuana plantations from the air and terminating them with extreme prejudice.

And so, in a classic case of unintended consequences, the DEA basically invented indoor marijuana growing. Not by secretly designing and selling the high-intensity discharge lights required to cultivate full-potency pot indoors (unless you believe some seriously far out conspiracy theories) but simply by creating a set of incentives that unleashed a massive wave of American ingenuity on the question of how to transform cannabis into a hothouse flower.

As a result, once again, our nation’s incredibly resourceful cannabis community went a little further underground. In many cases literally underground, as a large, unfinished basement is often the ideal place to grow indoor marijuana away from the prying eyes of Big Government’s black helicopters. At least, that was the case ten years ago, when even the world’s most skilled indoor cannabis cultivators typically helmed operations of just a dozen 1,000-watt lights, most often concealed within their own homes. Nowadays, of course, state-licensed marijuana cultivation facilities can be truly industrial-sized operations, employing dozens of people, and producing hundreds of pounds of usable bud or more per month.

A few days before Colorado’s recreational pot stores opened to the public for the first time on January 1, 2014, I visited one such operation, the awe-inspiring cultivation facility of Denver’s Medicine Man, which ranks among the state’s leading marijuana dispensaries. Seeking background for a trilogy of VICE articles (Tomorrow, I’m going to buy legal weed; I just bought legal weed; I just smoked legal weed), I took a guided tour of a grow room the size, scale, and professionalism of which I could have scarcely dreamed possible just a few years earlier.

Medicine Man features a sleek, modern retail space up front, with 40,000 square feet of dedicated cultivation and processing space housed in the same building—albeit behind locked and heavily secured doors. Andy Williams, Medicine Man’s principal owner, told me he’d rather not put a number on the amount of marijuana they harvest on-site every month, lest any nefarious characters start to get ideas, but let’s just say it’s more than enough to make Snoop Dogg blush.

Andy, however, never blushes. He’s a former military officer and aerospace executive with a hard nose for business and an unshakable determination to build his family-run enterprise into an industry leader. Only he doesn’t smoke pot, and doesn’t know a thing about growing it. So he leaves all that to his green- thumbed brother Pete.

“People think it takes a lone mystical grower, some guru, to produce top grade marijuana,” Pete, who most certainly does get high on his own supply, told me, “but it doesn’t. It takes a standard operating procedure.”

Of course, Pete didn’t start from scratch when designing and building Medicine Man’s state-of-the-art cultivation system, but rather took a scientific approach to scaling up and refining a series of techniques and procedures long developed by under- ground growers. Because whether you’re cultivating just four illicit plants in a closet for head stash and extra cash, or tending to an “indoor acre” of fully legal commercial cannabis, the objective remains the same: to yield the largest amount of high-quality marijuana possible, as quickly and efficiently as possible.

Unfortunately, many of the methods developed to meet this goal resemble the agribusiness world of monocropping and factory farming far more than I’d like to admit, with the added drag of running all those energy-intense grow lights eighteen to twenty-four hours a day. Which means the dirty little secret of the cannabis industry is that a product typically identified with “green values” can have a shockingly high carbon footprint, and other serious environmental consequences, depending on where and how it’s grown.

From a purely technical perspective, however, indoor growing offers several clear advantages, which explains why it retains market dominance even in states with fully regulated cultivation. For starters, skilled indoor growers can achieve total mastery of their plants’ environment, including consistently providing the optimal temperature, humidity, nutrients, air circulation, and irrigation needed to promote rapid growth. Indoor growers also decide exactly how much artificial sunlight their plants will receive, including when to induce flowering by low- ering the photoperiod below twelve hours per day. So while outdoor gardens produce only one harvest each year (typically in late September/early October), indoor growers usually start flowering their plants a mere two to four weeks after they take root as clones, with the entire clone-to-harvest cycle taking just ninety days or so.

My good friend and cannabis colleague Danny Danko, senior cultivation editor at High Times, believes that, closely examined, indoor marijuana isn’t just a different process from outdoor, it’s in many ways a different product.
(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "How to Smoke Pot (Properly)"
by .
Copyright © 2016 David Bienenstock.
Excerpted by permission of Penguin Publishing Group.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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