Table of Contents
How to read this book viii
Introduction 1
Chapter 1 Care tasks are morally neutral 10
Chapter 2 Kindness to future you 12
Chapter 3 For all the self-help rejects 14
Chapter 4 Gentle skill building: the five things tidying method 19
Chapter 5 Gentle self-talk: mess has no inherent meaning 25
Chapter 6 Care tasks are functional 29
Chapter 7 Gentle self-talk: find the compassionate observer 34
Chapter 8 Organized is not the same as tidy 37
Chapter 9 Susie with depression 41
Chapter 10 Gentle skill building: kick-starting motivation 43
Chapter 11 Care tasks are cyclical 50
Chapter 12 Gentle skill building: setting functional priorities 53
Chapter 13 Women and care tasks 56
Chapter 14 Gentle skill building: laundry 57
Chapter 15 You can't save the rain forest if you're depressed 65
Chapter 16 Drop the plastic balls 67
Chapter 17 Gentle skill building: doing the dishes 72
Chapter 18 When you don't have kids 76
Chapter 19 When it's hard to shower 77
Chapter 20 Caring for your body when you hate it 84
Chapter 21 Gentle self-talk: "i am allowed to be human" 86
Chapter 22 Good enough is perfect 88
Chapter 23 Gentle skill building: changing bedsheets 90
Chapter 24 Rest is a right, not a reward 91
Chapter 25 Division of labor: the rest should be fair 96
Chapter 26 Gentle skill building: bathrooms 104
Chapter 27 Gentle skill building: a system for keeping your car clean 106
Chapter 28 When your body doesn't cooperate 107
Chapter 29 Contributing is morally neutral 109
Chapter 30 Cleaning and parental trauma 111
Chapter 31 Critical family members 115
Chapter 32 Rhythms over routines 117
Chapter 33 Gentle skill building: maintaining a space 122
Chapter 34 My favorite ritual: closing duties 128
Chapter 35 Skill deficit versus support deficit 131
Chapter 36 Outsourcing care tasks is morally neutral 133
Chapter 37 Exercise sucks 136
Chapter 38 Your weight is morally neutral 138
Chapter 39 Food is morally neutral 140
Chapter 40 Getting back into rhythm 142
Chapter 41 You deserve a beautiful sunday 143
Acknowledgments 145
Appendix 1 147
Appendix 2 149
