How to Examine a Wolverine: More Tales from the Accidental Veterinarian
288
How to Examine a Wolverine: More Tales from the Accidental Veterinarian
288Paperback
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Overview
This collection of over 60 stories and essays, drawn from Dr. Schott’s 30 years in small animal practice, covers an astonishing breadth of experiences, emotions, and species. Schott has tales of creatures ranging from tiny honeybees to massive Burmese pythons, although the emphasis is on dogs and cats and the interesting, often quirky, people who love them. He also doles out advice on current topics such as CBD oil, raw diets, and COVID-19, as well as the mysteries of catnip, dog flatulence, and duck erectile dysfunction. Schott’s candor gives the reader a behind-the-scenes look at a profession that is much admired but often misunderstood. What is it really like to be a veterinarian? More to the point, what is it really like to be a veterinarian when confused pet parents call at 2:00 a.m.? Or when your patient bolts for the road? Or when you’re asked to spay a dog on a resort’s kitchen table? Readers will also learn how to make a sheep sit on its bum and, yes, how to examine a wolverine.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781770415881 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | ECW Press |
| Publication date: | 09/28/2021 |
| Pages: | 288 |
| Sales rank: | 1,140,663 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.00(w) x 6.90(h) x 0.70(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
“I’ve been spending the nights with him on the living room floor, where he has his favourite blanket. I keep worrying he’s going to stop breathing, so I’m not sleeping much. I know his time is coming soon. I didn’t want to bring him today because I’m so worried you’re going to say I have to put him down.” Mrs. Gagnon’s eyes were red rimmed, and her voice trembled as she said this.
I looked down at Edwin, an elderly black cocker spaniel. He was wheezing a bit, but at first glance he did not appear to be on his last legs. I crouched on the floor and offered him a liver treat, which he happily took, wagging his little stub tail. As I dug around in the treat jar to get another one, I thought about Mr. Wilson who had taken the day off work to sit with his cat Parsnip while he was being treated for complications from diabetes. Parsnip would be in all day and Mr. Wilson would be there the whole day too, reading a little, patting Parsnip and generally just being there with him. I thought about Mr. Wilson because Mrs. Gagnon reminded me of him. She reminded me of him because they were both here for the same reason: love.
I am in a very privileged profession. What other professionals are you primarily motivated to visit because of love? Family doctor? No. Lawyer? Ha. Accountant? Double ha. Dentist? Triple ha. The list goes on. In fact, the only other similar profession I can think of is pediatrics. I have often joked with my kid’s pediatrician that I practise furry four-legged pediatrics, or he practises hairless two-legged veterinary medicine. For sure many veterinary clients (and parents of children?) are also motivated by a sense of duty, a desire to do the right thing or even feelings of guilt, but the basic driver is usually love.
This is where the conversation can become awkward around people who don’t have pets. Love? Really? Isn’t that a bit overblown? Too sentimental? A sign that they are lacking human love? No, no and no. Forgive me if I am, as the saying goes, preaching to the choir, but the following is for the benefit of the occasional non pet owner (can I call them muggles?) who stumbles on this book and thinks, “wtf?”
Table of Contents
Preface ix
Part 1 Dogs 1
Snoopy's Magical Digestive System 1
Rascal Rabbit Four 6
Fido versus the World 11
Orbit's Off Day 16
Monty's Story 19
Dogs Getting High 23
Three and a Spare 25
Mr. Barky Barkerson 29
Flat Face 32
Shoes Clues 36
Bonjour, Monsieur Poisson 39
The Balance of Responsibilities 43
Zoonoses 49
Alien 53
It's the Dog, I Swear 58
Raw 63
The Ultimate Terror 66
The Mysterious Case of the Balding Poodle 70
Tzu-Hsi Rolls the Dice 74
Part 2 Cats
Behold, the Mighty Hunter 81
The Shoemaker's Children 85
It's a Hell New World 88
Caturday 91
Cat Barf 94
George 98
Herpes! 102
Doing the Nip 106
Brrt 110
The Three Fs 112
Blizzard 116
His Favourite Spot 122
Part 3 Vets 127
The Letter 127
An Hour Spent Sitting at a Fork in the Road 131
Many Creatures Great and Small 134
The Experimental Veterinarian 139
Money Is No Object 142
Incoming 146
Eat the Frog 150
Vets Gone Bad 154
Surgery for Dummies 157
Dr. Goliath, DVM 160
The Curious Tale of the Restaurant Next Door 165
The 80% 167
Vet Vet 170
Pet 911 173
Vets Abroad 176
Fiddling with the Dials 180
Alarmed 183
Doctor of Veterinary M…? 187
Colonoscopy and Liver Treats 190
Two Holes 194
Busy Night 198
A Priest, a Rabbi and a Vet Walk into a Bar 204
Thank You for Saying Thank You 208
Everything You Wanted to Know about Euthanasia but Were Afraid to Ask 211
Love 216
Part 4 Other Beasts 221
The Second Duck 221
Bee Med 226
The Life and Times of Hank Ramirez 228
Benji 233
Huey 235
How to Make a Sheep Sit 240
Love, from a Distance 244
The Ferret Guy 248
Another Thing I Am Terrible At 253
Pet Mouse / Wild Mouse 257
My Largest Patient 262
Epilogue: For The Love Of Animals 269
Afterword 273
Acknowledgements 275