How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention
"I continued to romanticize my death by suicide: who would find me; what I'd look like. I spent hundreds of hours planning my funeral, imagining the remorse of my family and friends. I wrote good-bye letters, composed wills, and disrupted the lives of everyone close to me. Then reality hit." -Susan Rose Blauner



The statistics on suicide are staggering. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every forty seconds, and for each completed suicide there may be twenty or more attempts.



In How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me, Susan Blauner is the perfect emissary for a message of hope and a program of action for these millions of people. A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, she explains the complex feelings and fantasies that surround suicidal thoughts. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family.
1110763045
How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention
"I continued to romanticize my death by suicide: who would find me; what I'd look like. I spent hundreds of hours planning my funeral, imagining the remorse of my family and friends. I wrote good-bye letters, composed wills, and disrupted the lives of everyone close to me. Then reality hit." -Susan Rose Blauner



The statistics on suicide are staggering. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every forty seconds, and for each completed suicide there may be twenty or more attempts.



In How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me, Susan Blauner is the perfect emissary for a message of hope and a program of action for these millions of people. A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, she explains the complex feelings and fantasies that surround suicidal thoughts. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family.
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How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention

by Susan Rose Blauner, Bernie S. Siegel MD

Narrated by Tavia Gilbert

Unabridged — 9 hours, 31 minutes

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention

by Susan Rose Blauner, Bernie S. Siegel MD

Narrated by Tavia Gilbert

Unabridged — 9 hours, 31 minutes

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Overview

"I continued to romanticize my death by suicide: who would find me; what I'd look like. I spent hundreds of hours planning my funeral, imagining the remorse of my family and friends. I wrote good-bye letters, composed wills, and disrupted the lives of everyone close to me. Then reality hit." -Susan Rose Blauner



The statistics on suicide are staggering. The World Health Organization estimates that nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year, which is one person every forty seconds, and for each completed suicide there may be twenty or more attempts.



In How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me, Susan Blauner is the perfect emissary for a message of hope and a program of action for these millions of people. A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, she explains the complex feelings and fantasies that surround suicidal thoughts. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

For 18 years, Blauner survived obsessive suicidal thoughts with the help of three psychiatric hospitalizations, an excellent therapist, 12-step support groups, "spiritual exploration," Prozac and a network of family and friends. This personal account of what worked for her offers excellent practical advice to "teach you how to get through those excruciating moments when every cell in your brain and body is screaming, `I want to die!' " Approaching "suicidal thoughts" as an addiction, Blauner clearly explains how some people's "brain style" responds to environmental stresses or "triggers" with obsessive suicidal thoughts rather than cravings for alcohol or other drugs. Strongly influenced by the very successful 12-step model, she fashions a patchwork of strategies for understanding, preventing and treating suicidal "gestures," which she asserts are not actually attempts to die but efforts to stop unbearable psychological pain. Childhood sexual abuse and the death of her mother when she was 14 contributed to Blauner's long struggle, but she herself had to make the decision and effort to begin therapy at age 19, before her problem was even recognized or treated. Now Blauner provides others like herself with "Tricks of the Trade" that can literally save lives. With neither hollow platitudes nor medical doublespeak, she covers brain function, antidepressants, finding a good therapist, identifying triggers, creating a "Crisis Plan" for critical moments and heading off suicidal thoughts by coping with hunger, anger, loneliness and fatigue. Blauner provides an extremely valuable and much-needed tool for both suicidal thinkers and their loved ones. B&w illus. (On sale Aug. 6) Forecast: The World Health Organization estimates that one million people die by suicide every year, and there are 700,000 emergency room visits in the U.S. for suicidal behavior every year. This exceptional book should be a boon to suicidal thinkers and those who care for them. Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

Library Journal

According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control, suicide is the eighth leading cause of death for all Americans and the third leading cause of death for those ages 15 to 24. Yet as Blauner points out, suicide is rarely talked about openly. In her heartfelt and important book, Blauner, who has survived multiple suicide attempts and developed a statewide suicide prevention program for teens in Massachusetts, offers guidance and hope for those contemplating ending their lives. The story of her 18-year struggle with suicidal impulses is followed by a concise explanation of the biochemical process inside the brain of a suicidal thinker. The bulk of the book consists of her 25 personal "tricks of the trade," practical, safe alternative activities any suicidal thinker can employ to "outthink" his or her brain and stay alive. These include asking for help, keeping emergency contact information handy, creating a crisis plan, keeping a journal, practicing meditation, and attending support groups, to name just a few. The chapter on helping others will be useful for mental health professionals. A resource list includes numerous crisis hotline telephone numbers, web sites, and contact information for support organizations. This vital resource is recommended for all public libraries. [Previewed in Prepub Alert, LJ 4/15/02.] Dale Farris, Groves, TX Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information.

From the Publisher

The best suicide prevention manual for the suicidal thinker, suicide attempter, layperson, or professional.” — Iris Bolton, founder of the National Resource Center for Suicide Prevention and Aftercare

“Each word written with thoughtful intent; each story told with the deepest of honesty and humility, and in doing so Blauner puts forward a life-saving book.” — Daniel J. Reidenberg, PsyD, Executive Director, Suicide Awareness Voices of Education (www.save.org)

“With neither hollow platitudes nor medical doublespeak… Blauner provides an extremely valuable and much-needed tool for both suicidal thinkers and their loved ones.” — Publishers Weekly

“A beacon of hope for the suicidal thinker as well as family members and friends. Susan Rose Blauner’s writing shinese with honesty and hope, compassion and courage. I am convinced that if my sister had read this book, our family history would have been changed.” — Anne D. LeClaire, author of Entering Normal

“In her heartfelt and important book, Blauner … offers guidance and hope for those contemplating ending their lives.” — Library Journal (starred review)

“Like a Fodor’s Guide that gets you from the depths of the hell of depression to the paradise of balanced life.” — Reese Butler, Program Manager, National Hopeline Network

How I Stayed Alive is vulnerable and resilient, deeply personal and profoundly practical. In its revised edition, this book will continue to be an important resource for those suffering from suicidal ideation and mental illness, and to provide insight and hope for their loved ones.” — Patrick J. Kennedy, former U.S. Representative and founder of The Kennedy Forum

Patrick J. Kennedy

How I Stayed Alive is vulnerable and resilient, deeply personal and profoundly practical. In its revised edition, this book will continue to be an important resource for those suffering from suicidal ideation and mental illness, and to provide insight and hope for their loved ones.

Reese Butler

Like a Fodor’s Guide that gets you from the depths of the hell of depression to the paradise of balanced life.

Daniel J. Reidenberg

Each word written with thoughtful intent; each story told with the deepest of honesty and humility, and in doing so Blauner puts forward a life-saving book.

Anne D. LeClaire

A beacon of hope for the suicidal thinker as well as family members and friends. Susan Rose Blauner’s writing shinese with honesty and hope, compassion and courage. I am convinced that if my sister had read this book, our family history would have been changed.

Iris Bolton

The best suicide prevention manual for the suicidal thinker, suicide attempter, layperson, or professional.

Product Details

BN ID: 2940178757475
Publisher: Tantor Audio
Publication date: 04/19/2022
Edition description: Unabridged

Read an Excerpt

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me

Chapter One

Hello

Congratulations. Your lungs are breathing, your fingers are touching these pages, and your eyes are reading these words. At this very moment the part of you wanting life is stronger than the part of you that thinks it doesn't -- otherwise you wouldn't be reading this book. Let me repeat that: At this very moment the part of you wanting life is stronger than the part of you that thinks it doesn't -- otherwise you wouldn't be reading this book. Every word, belief, and idea it contains is dedicated to you.

I wish I could make your suicidal thoughts disappear, but I can't. What I can do is teach you how to get through those excruciating moments when every cell in your brain and body is screaming, "I want to die!" By surviving those moments unharmed and learning new ways of coping, you will gradually create a set of tools that can make life more manageable. Suicidal thoughts will occur less frequently and with less severity.

The thing to remember is that change takes time and practice. Fortunately, you'll have plenty of time to practice. The good news is that practice and repetition can make these skills a part of you, and that increases your chances of getting rid of suicidal thoughts altogether.

How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me is based on the following beliefs:

  1. Most suicidal thinkers don't want to die; they just want their feelings to change or go away.
  2. Every single feeling we experience eventually does change with or without any help from us.
  3. They never stay thesame or at the same intensity.
  4. Feelings and thoughts are just electrochemical impulses in the brain.
  5. It is possible to out think the brain, actively change feelings and eventually eliminate suicidal thoughts.
  6. The reality of suicide is far different from the fantasy. Most suicidal thinkers romanticize their death by suicide, failing to realize that any suicide gesture or attempt can result in permanent brain, kidney, or liver damage, loss of limbs, blindness, or even death.

When I was fourteen, I never thought I'd live to be twenty-one. Ironically, I didn't make my first major suicide gesture until I was twenty-five, one year after I found Sylvia, the therapist who saved my life. In the years following the 1991 overdose, I was locked in a psychiatric ward three times; wound up in the intensive-care unit twice; and made two more big suicide gestures -- an overdose in 1992 and another in 1998. During the eighteen years I had suicidal thoughts, I experienced the excruciating "I-want-to-die" moment thousand of times and did my best to destroy my life. Fortunately, I did not succeed.

The brain has a mind of its own, particularly when it's trying to kill you. It can say nasty things, based not in reality but in old patterns, fears, and intensified emotion. Since most suicidal thinkers don't want to die -- what they want is relief from emotional pain -- it's important to stay alive and healthy long enough to find the relief that's out there (and inside of you). To stay alive and healthy I had to develop new coping skills and philosophies. These tools I affectionately named "Tricks of the Trade." They've saved my butt countless times. I hope to teach you these tricks in part 3, leaving room for your own creative imagination.

Even if a person calls for help after making a suicide gesture (like I did) or leaves a clue so that he or she will be found before the suicide is complete, what most of us fail to realize is that we might not be found. We might wind up losing a limb or the use of a limb. We might wind up with brain damage, paralysis or internal injury. We might even wind up dead.

One thing I finally got after ten years of therapy was it's okay to have suicidal thoughts, just don't act on them. They are just thoughts. instead of feeling isolated or ashamed for having them, I had to acknowledge my suicidal thoughts, look beneath them at the feelings, and find a healthy way to address the feelings in order to diminish the thoughts. I had to grasp the notion that all thoughts are temporary -- even suicidal ones -- just as all feelings are temporary.

Letting go of suicide was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. It took tremendously hard work and determination, but if I can do it, anyone can. If you don't believe me, simply borrow some of my strength and belief in you. I had to borrow other people's strength and belief in me for years. Now I have plenty for myself with extra to lend.

That's not to say my road to healing was smooth and straight. I battled for years, ripped with despair and loneliness. Often my brain held me hostage and tried to convince me that I was pathetic, useless, and unloved, and that ending my life was the only solution. It was wrong.

If you feel resistance while reading this book, that's a good sign, and it's perfectly natural. It means something good and new is sinking into your brain. When I am starting to change a part of my psyche, my brain sometimes feels threatened. Resistance can take the form of fatigue, headaches, shallow breathing, distraction, a sense of being overwhelmed, tight shoulders, a swimmy head, a squirmy stomach, a "what's-the-use" message from the brain. If any of this happens to you, take a deep breath and read on, or take a break and do something nice for yourself.

If Resistance Gets Too Strong:

  1. Find some way to get it out of your body:
  • Take a look at the Tasks and Activities List and find a few things...
How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me. Copyright © by Susan Rose Blauner. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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