Horses Whispering: Finding Ourselves in the Company of Equus
227
Horses Whispering: Finding Ourselves in the Company of Equus
227eBook
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Overview
Horses Whispering emphasizes the unique bond between horses and people, suggesting that every hair on the horse is a biofeedback signal that the horse is responding to connectedness with the rider. For adults interested in beginning horseback riding or returning to riding after a period of time, often due to a traumatic experience with a horse, the author provides detailed examples of the wide range of experiences which are useful to all equestrian activities.
"Understanding the power of the horse/rider partnership is a metaphor for the gestalt of teaching and learning."
-Abigail B. Wiebenson, Director Emerita, Lowell School,Washington, DC
Indeed, learning to receive the unspoken messages from people and horses is crucial for all successful relationships. Just as human body language is often more important than speech, intuitive awareness of this more subtle information is essential for all aspects of life.
This is a call for your success-centered life, whatever your interests. Once you learn the whispered messages between individuals, you will overcome fears about your interactions with other people and animals.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781637671139 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | BookTrail Publishing |
| Publication date: | 03/17/2021 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 227 |
| File size: | 2 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Horses Whispering
FINDING OURSELVES IN THE COMPANY OF EQUUSBy MARY-CHARLOTTE B. SHEALY
BALBOA PRESS
Copyright © 2013 Holos Institutes of Health, Inc.All right reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-4525-6655-9
Chapter One
EXPLORING EQUUS, REVEALING SELF
* * *
Adult riders attending intense workshops tend to be, well, "intense!" They are motivated and oft en impatient with themselves. They have underestimated the complex physical demands of riding and the time that an adult requires to meet those. Not infrequently, adults are conflicted by feeling career competent and "riding stupid." Returning to riding as an adult or starting down that path for the first time can be demoralizing for someone who otherwise has perceived himself or herself as functioning at a high level professionally. "I feel as though I am in kindergarten again," one sighed.
One particularly driven rider, Betty, reported that she was still furious with her dressage instructor at home because the instructor had told Betty she would be learning for the rest of her life. Betty, in her mid-forties, was intellectually savvy and successful in a competitive career field. "So why would anyone tell me," she asked defensively, "that mastering dressage will take the rest of my life?" Actually, that was not quite what the instructor meant, as any experienced horseperson would know. What she meant is that there is always something more to learn about horses and riding. Betty wasn't satisfied. She wanted to know that there was an identifiable endpoint (not defined by life's ending either, she declared), and that she could then proclaim that she had mastered the subject. Betty had worn out more horses than most riders own in a lifetime, and she had been riding less than ten years. The motivation of riders like Betty is oft en one of the great joys for instructors working with adult riders; tempering that motivation so that they can live in peace with their horse partners is oft en one of the instructor's greatest challenges.
While the intense workshop setting offers a focused opportunity for riders to make accelerated progress in a relatively brief time, similar opportunities can occur in the more conventional riding student environment. With a combination of instructor creativity and rider motivation, adults can over a longer period of time experience many of the same benefits that an intense workshop offers—cover the same subjects, master the same techniques, confront their unmasked selves, and support their riding experience with a growing foundation of theoretical knowledge and unmounted work. Certainly almost every rider completing an intense workshop would appreciate returning home to an instructor who can validate their experience and encourage such riders to keep going.
On the other hand, what any riding instructor working with adults, both men and women, in an ongoing local setting soon realizes is that the instructor is oft en competing for the adult rider's attention, spare time, energy and disposable income. Riders are frequently distracted by day-to-day home and career demands. "Drop-outs" are common; this is unquestionably a volatile market.
While the intense workshop setting provides instructors an idyllic teaching environment for adult riders, the local instructor is challenged daily to adapt to survive a sometimes frustrating reality. What are the greatest needs for new or returning (and, not infrequently, more experienced) adult riders as they describe them?
* To build confidence and become more hopeful
* To overcome or "manage" fear, and resolve past emotional "baggage"
* To further education; to improve understanding ("why ...?")
* To have fun and to know the delight of "letting go"
* To have a sense of purpose and intent, and to set realistic goals
* To improve body flexibility and strength; balance and coordination; a "better seat"
Men and women have shared needs as above and others, some of which are more gender-specific. Each individual also has an innate, finite amount of energy or ITLχITL. The reasons for this are undoubtedly numerous, yet on a fundamental level, some people seem to have more ITLχITL than others. Once men and women push themselves progressively in their physical conditioning while advancing in their riding, they are oft en surprised and delighted at their increasing level of endurance. Yet, this is not always the case. Smokers, people with certain chronic diseases, extremely obese people, and those who are simply "frail" or easily fatigued for whatever reason, may, despite great desire, struggle to accomplish what other riders find easy. We will deal with this in greater detail later.
Regarding the issue of gender-specific needs, perhaps if men would give us women a little of their testosterone for courage, we could give them some estrogen for patience, and the horse would like us all a lot better. The following gender-related statements and observations have been made by riders with whom we have worked.
Women
* Desire greater body strength, especially of the upper body
* Often feel a lack of connectedness and strength in regard to their pelvic muscles; sometimes when riding, they are concerned that they will lose urinary bladder control
* Want to feel a sense of being "OK" and do not want to hurt the horse while making progress
* Find deep, slow breathing helpful for tension release
* Want to feel capable, whole, autonomous ... and they want to be comfortable in these feelings without paying the price of losing meaningful, human relationships
* Are "driven" in their careers, oft en perceiving patience as a feminine weakness (and their impatience can drive horses "crazy"). By learning strategies from conscious breathing to visualizing to physical conditioning, for example, techniques that can be useful both to riding and their careers, they come to appreciate the dual value of enhancing their business savvy while advancing their riding skills.
* Are often afraid of cantering
* Often lack confidence
* Sometimes, in fact, oft en struggle with "body image" which can interfere with riding progress
* Often have long-buried emotional memories that can surface unexpectedly and tearfully during riding; they can be puzzling and sometimes mildly to severely painful
Over the years of our work, we have noticed positive changes happening among women in our culture. Women are far more comfortable today with being physically fit and accepting their bodies. Far fewer worry about "looking like a jock," having "big thighs" or "bulging arms" from strong muscles, and sweating. Wearing slacks and low heeled shoes has paid off generously for women riders, allowing their bodies greater mobility and their legs to lengthen more easily when mounted. They still resist looking at themselves in a mirror when checking posture, body symmetry or noticing their bodies in motion, but are less resistant to doing this when mounted on a horse. Sometimes, however, women are unable to overcome the incongruities in their self perception. One rider, nearly six feet tall, in a respected professional career, insisted on wearing high heels to work daily because they gave her a "sense of power." They had also caused her chronic lower back aches and markedly contracted gastrocnemius muscles which interfered with her riding progress.
Men
* Often struggle over power issues, their own physical strength, and the control over relationships, including with equus
* Can be challenged by the need for effective (interactive) communication
* May feel that taking significant risks, even getting hurt, is a necessary part of reaffirming their masculinity
* Appreciate learning how to channel, measure and control their strength to help them work more effectively with the horse vs. unleashing their power randomly or impulsively
* Discover that endurance and strength are finite: ration them or they will not be there when needed
* Learn that sharing power in a relationship, such as partnering with the horse, in fact enhances their image as a powerful person. Learning to share power requires oft en a major leap of courage for men, and can have significant payoffs in their business relationships.... and their riding partnerships! Honoring their intuition helps, too.
* Are surprised to learn that there are significant conformation differences between the male and female human skeleton and muscle systems that can have a remarkable effect on riding and saddle requirements, confidence, and so forth
* Struggle to "feel" their bodies. They oft en have little body awareness from the neck down, and are surprised to learn that. This can be overcome with simple exercises. Men cannot "feel" the horse until they are able to be aware of their own bodies
* May have significant, undisclosed old wounds, both physical and emotional; the riding process may leave them feeling vulnerable yet defensive about disclosure, and increasingly tense and fatigued ... or riding can bring great relief
Adults want explanations. Unlike children who are confused and bored oft en by too much explanation or theory, adult riders have a yearning to know. They may not have access to an instructor. Or they may have issues with a hometown instructor who brushes off adult rider questions with, "I don't have time for that," or who simply ignores the query with an intimidating stare. Instructors can oft en satisfy an inquisitive adult rider by providing them a suggested reading list, a list of relevant films and, if the instructor really wants to go the extra distance, a small lending library of helpful books and videotapes. In fact, sometimes the most respected instructor response to a probing adult question is an honest, courteous, "I don't know."
Adult riders oft en do not know anything about the horse industry. They typically "fall" into riding because a relative, neighbor, friend, or movie exposed them to the world of horses, and the rider-to-be was hooked. Whereas adults typically have always gone to school or taken a course to learn something significant, they most likely enter the horse world by stumbling and picking their way along, gathering a crazy quilt of information, oft en misinformation or incomplete information, in the process of learning to ride. Even the language of the world of equus is daunting. Not unusually, an adult rider will contact us to say, "I have been riding all my life, but I've never had a lesson. I think I am missing something." Or, more traumatically, as the fortyish male rider gasped to his experienced rider-wife while she loaded him, including his broken ribs and punctured lung, into their car after he was once more bucked off a horse disgusted by his crudeness, "I think you are right, I need to take some lessons."
Adult riders who would never get behind the wheel of a car without having someone teach them how to drive will risk their lives climbing on the back of a horse knowing nothing about riding or horses, let alone about equipment safety, helmets, or even their options. Or, unknowingly, they will entrust their life to a riding instructor they know nothing about. The consequences range from humorous to satisfying to disastrous.
Adult riders oft en can define clearly what they want, and have no idea how to achieve it. We know because we always ask them the first day of a workshop to tell us their goals. They have already written them down on the registration form in advance of attending in response to the query, "Why do you want to take this course?" In the weeks prior to arriving, however, they oft en reflect on the question in greater depth. Their goals become better defined or may actually change.
"I want to buy a horse but I don't know where to start."
"I want an independent seat."
"I want to improve my balance."
"I have a yearling and a two year old at home and I have no idea what to do with them."
"I want to understand horse psychology."
"I had a serious accident jogging, and my riding has never felt the same since."
"I want more confidence."
"As the horse goes faster, I get afraid."
"My wife is a great rider, but she gets frustrated teaching me. I'd like to be able to ride with her."
"I used to ride bareback as a teenager; nothing to it. Since I've come back to riding after having two kids, I don't seem to have my old body. Can I ever get it back?"
"My instructor at home tells me I am no rider because I don't like cantering."
"My husband and I bought 20 acres and want to start a boarding facility.
Can you give us some ideas?"
"I am afraid to ride without stirrups."
"My horse has a problem; she only likes to go to the right."
"I'd like my own saddle. How do I choose one?"
"My veterinarian says I am driving my horse crazy."
"I'd like to learn how to longe a horse."
"How do I teach my horse and me to jump?"
"I want a career change, to do something with horses. I am planning on going back to college for that, so I am here to get a head start."
"Something has to change. We find ourselves with 15 horses on 8 acres ... and I am not happy holding down a full time job elsewhere, then spending the rest of my time cleaning stalls. I need a different plan."
"My husband does team penning, and he calls me a sissy. I've already broken my arm falling off.
I'd like to know what kind of rider I am. I am not sure I want to do team penning again."
"I want to buy a farm and keep a horse there. What do I look for?" (Note:
A farm in some communities may be 3-5 acres, while in others that would be an average back yard.)
"I want to ... do endurance riding," "work cattle," "trail ride," "learn driving," "teach riding," "show," "do dressage,".... the goals are endless. "I want to ride better."
This list is only part of the riding equation for many adult riders. Undisclosed aspects of their personal stories may actually be more important. On the registration form, riders are asked about their health ("good", "fair," "poor"), and any medications they are taking that might be important for us to know about. There is room for general comments. Almost inevitably, health is listed as "good." Medications are rarely listed. Let the instructor beware! Suffice it to say that a sensible school horse can be an instructor's strongest ally in assessing not only a student's ability but their state of mind, emotional health, and their physical issues and capabilities. Even the student's personal horse can reveal much about these human issues to the instructor who is aware.
Listening and noticing are two of riding instructors' most useful resources. Sally Swift, founder of Centered Riding®, admonished instructors to walk around the student during the teaching session, looking at the rider and horse from a variety of angles. How revealing that is! Listening and noticing are important skills for any riding instructor to cultivate and use from the moment they first talk with a prospective student, even over the phone. Don't have time? Too much trouble? Listening and noticing skills can make the difference between losing a student and keeping one, or between the student's making progress and losing ground. Delightfully, listening and noticing are oft en accompanied by "mind messages," helpful suggestions that instantly bubble up into the instructor's imagination to guide them, ideas that seem to "come out of the blue," answers that are unique and suitable for the situation at hand. Think of them as flowers that spring up abundantly on a fertile plot. The plot is all the data, all the information and experience that the instructor has accumulated by listening and noticing. The richer the soil, the data, the more brilliant the flowers, the suggestions of how to proceed. Contrast these possibilities with the following incident.
Some years ago, while visiting abroad, I was asked by a woman to come with her to her riding lesson and observe. She had been riding with her instructor once weekly for a year, and felt unsatisfied about her progress. The instructor had never exchanged more than a cursory "hello" with the rider since her first lesson. The facility was well maintained and the horses seemed well cared for. The class consisted of eight riders, mostly adults. As usual, the horses were already tacked up when the riders arrived; they had been used for the previous lesson. The riders were mounted perfunctorily in the indoor arena, and immediately sent off at a trot. The instructor stood in the corner of the arena smoking a cigarette, calling out orders occasionally.
For one half hour the riders trotted and cantered in both directions, and did a few twenty meter circles. The instructor never left her corner. End of "lesson." The horses were not being ridden by the riders; they were being directed by the instructor, like a trainer in a circus act. The riders were merely passengers on trained horses. The only aspect lacking was an audience applauding at the conclusion. There was no time to walk, no time for questions, no regard for the horse or rider. My friend asked me later, "Why do I feel so dissatisfied when I ride?" Why indeed!
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Horses Whispering by MARY-CHARLOTTE B. SHEALY Copyright © 2013 by Holos Institutes of Health, Inc.. Excerpted by permission of BALBOA PRESS. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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