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CHAPTER 1
HENRY & GLENN IN "BURIED SECRETS"
AND AFTER MY MEETING AT THE STUDIO, I'M GOING SHOPPING WITH SEBASTION!
WHAT'RE YOU UP TO TODAY?
DO THE LAUNDRY, CLEAN THE HOUSE, DO THE DISHES ...
THEN GO TO POST OFFICE ...
OH YEAH!
AND THEN I'M GETTING A MANI-PEDI WITH LARS AND JAMES!
... PAY THE BILLS, WORK ON MY D.J. SET LIST ... HEY! WHAT'S THIS? GREAT ...
A THIRD NOTICE FROM THE CITY ABOUT THOSE BRICKS.
I DON'T CARE HOW MANY NOTICES THEY SEND!!!
THE BRICKS STAY!!!
WHAT IF WE JUST MOVE THEM TO THE BACKYARD?
NOOOOOOO!!!
END OF DISCUSSION!
THE BRICKS CAN NEVER BE MOVED!
FINE! YOU DEAL WITH THE CITY.
I'LL BE HOME IN TIME TO MAKE DINNER ...
IT'S TACO TUESDAY!
CAN YOU GET THE GROCERIES?
AND DON'T FORGET THE KITTY LITTER!
OKAY. NO PROBLEM.
I'LL MISS YOU!
DON'T FORGET THE KITTY LITTER.
SIGH
HEY MAN
HEY JOHN. HEY DARYL.
WHAT'S UP, BRO?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIS OBSESSION ...
WITH THESE DAMN BRICKS!
YEAH, LIKE WHAT'S THE DEAL?
YEAH DUDE, IT'S LIKE LOWERIN' OUR PROP VAL AND SHIT, YO!
IT'S THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER. HE HAS THIS BIG IDEA LIKE "I'M GONNA BUILD A SATANIC ALTAR IN THE FRONT YARD"
THAT IS A GOOD IDEA.
AND THEN HE BLOWS A BUNCH OF MONEY ON A PILE OF BRICKS ...
HEH-HEN "HE BLOWS"
BUT HE GIVES UP HALF WAY THROUGH AND LEAVES A HUGE MESS FOR ME TO DEAL WITH!!!
I CAN'T GO FOR THAT.
NO CAN DO.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
I THINK HE'S GONNA BLOW.
FUCK IT!!! I'M GONNA GET RID OF THE BRICKS. WHERE'S OUR DUMP TRUCK?
COOL MAN.
IF YOU NEED US WE'LL BE SLAYIN' A VIRGIN TO THE GOATLORD.
A.K.A. DOIN' BONG HITS AND KICKIN' SOME JAMES!
HAIL SATAN!
MEANWHILE ...
SONG IDEA NUMBER 17 TAKE 3 ...
GUITAR RIFF: JUD-JUD-JUD J-J-J-JUD-J-BOWOW-JUD-JUD
ANAS 251
CUMQQUATS
AHHHM BUYIN' POMELOS!!
ORANGES 25¢
JUD-JUD-J-J-J-JUD-J-J-J-JUD TOFURINI PIZZA ROLLS
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!
PIZZA ROLLS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? SO FAR YOU'VE GOT A SONG ABOUT SOUP, THREE SONGS ABOUT YOUR CATS, AND THIS UNINTELLIGILE BALLAD CALLED "HENRY'S SHOEHORN"?!!
"MOTHER PART II - THE SPATULA"? C'MON, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ALL ABOUT THE DEVIL AND SHIT. WHAT'S GOIN' ON GLENN?
YOU JUST DON'T GET ME! I'M EVOLVING AS AN ARTIST
I WAS ONCE A MAN BUT NOW I'M A WOLF!
MORE LIKE ONCE A WOLF BUT NOW A WUSS.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
YOU'RE FIRED!
GET HIM OUTTA MY FACE!
GET ME A CHICKEN SANDWICH!
YOU'RE ALL FIRED!
YOU'LL NEVER GET MET!
SORRY! I SHOULD A KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT.
THAT'S OKAY. HE'LL FORGET ALL AB OUT THIS TOMORROW AND WE'LL TRY AGAIN.
WANNA GET SOME NACHOS?
THEN AT THE DAY SPA WITH LARS AND JAMES ...
THAT'S JUST WHAT I NEEDED.
AFTER A CRAPPY DAY AT THE STUDIO, I NEEDED A HAPPY ENDING!
I TOLD YOU A GOOD HOT SWEAT WITH THE BOYS WOULD FIX YA.
SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME, BUT THIS RAISIN RAMPAGE NAIL POLISH REALLY CHEERS ME UP!!!
I KNOW YOUR PAIN, BRO. HAVE YOU SEEN THE REVIES WE'RE GETTING ON OUR LATEST ALBUM?
YEAH BUT WE MADE A KILLING IN IRONIC SALES!
YOU GUYS GOTTA STOP WAITIN' FOR THE MAN, AND START BEING THE MAN ...
SHUT UP LOU!
NOBODY ASKED YOU! WHY DID YOU GUYS INVITE HIM?
OH FUCK OFF! I WAS PUNK-ROCK WHEN YOU WERE STILL IN DIAPERS.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Henry & Glenn Forever & Ever #1"
by .
Copyright © 2012 Tom Neely, Ed Luce, Benjamin Marra, Scot Nobles, Christopher Cooper, Eric Yanhnker and Keenan Marshall Keller.
Excerpted by permission of Microcosm Publishing.
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