Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ
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Gospel Conversations: How to Care Like Christ
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Overview
Gospel Conversations explores the four compass-points of biblical counseling:
- Sustaining: “It’s Normal to Hurt.”
- Healing: “It’s Possible to Hope.”
- Reconciling: “It’s Horrible to Sin, but Wonderful to Be Forgiven.”
- Guiding: “It’s Supernatural to Mature.”
These four compass points combine to equip readers to develop twenty-two ministry relational competencies—the “how to” of caring like Christ. This book serves as a practical training manual that can be used for lab and small group interaction.
Gospel Conversations is the second volume in The Equipping Biblical Counselors Series, a comprehensive relational training curriculum for the local church that provides a model for equipping God’s people to change lives with Christ’s changeless truth. This two-volume series weaves together comprehensive biblical insight with compassionate Christian engagement.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780310516156 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Zondervan |
| Publication date: | 09/01/2015 |
| Series: | Equipping Biblical Counselors |
| Pages: | 400 |
| Product dimensions: | 7.30(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.00(d) |
| Age Range: | 18 Years |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Gospel Conversations
By Robert W. Kellemen
ZONDERVAN
Copyright © 2015 Robert W. KellemenAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-310-51615-6
CHAPTER 1
5 Biblical Portraits of the Biblical Counselor: Sharing Scripture and Soul
Picture Trudy and Tony. Referred to you from another church, you've never met them before today. They've come to you after already having seen a divorce attorney. Trudy tells you that she is "100 percent motivated to be in counseling" and "desperately wanting to see our marriage saved." Tony is meeting with you because he feels it's his obligation to "make one more attempt to save this marriage."
What do Trudy and Tony need from you first? Do they need truth — scriptural insight about sacrificial love applied to their marital relationship? Or do they need love — to connect with you, to build a relationship with you so that they are ready to hear truth from you?
Which is most important in biblical counseling? Is the ministry of the Word primary and loving relationships secondary? Or is the relationship central, and you need to wait to share truth until you've established a trusting relationship?
Are these even the right questions? Do the Scriptures divide truth from relationship in ministry? Does the Bible speak in terms of ranking truth and love? Wouldn't that be somewhat like asking, "Which counselor is least effective: The one who ignores the greatest commandment to love God and others, or the one who ignores commands to counsel from the Word?"
Speaking the Truth in Love
And yet ... we're forced to ponder these questions about truth and love in every counseling session. I was forced to ponder the issue again recently when I listened to an excellent closing session at a biblical counseling conference. The message was biblical, relevant, and powerful. The wise, godly speaker wrapped the entire message around the theme that the power in our ministry comes solely from the power inherent in God's Word.
His concluding illustration put an exclamation point on his theme as he shared about the Christmas present he purchased for his daughter. The gift arrived two days before Christmas, delivered by "the UPS guy." The speaker's daughter, hearing the UPS truck pull into the driveway, bolted to the door to meet the delivery man. She snatched the package from his hands and raced to place it under the tree, not the least bit focused on the UPS guy. The speaker concluded with the phrase, "We're just the UPS delivery guy. The real gift, the great present, is the Word that we deliver. We're just the UPS delivery guy!"
I joined the crowd in "Amen!" I loved the illustration. I "got" the theme — the power is in the Word of God!
But then ... later that evening, I started asking myself, "Is that the complete biblical picture? Don't we always say that God calls us to speak the truth in love (Eph. 4:15), to make our love abound in knowledge and depth of insight (Phil. 1:9–11), and to share not only the gospel but our very own souls (1 Thess. 2:8)? Does the Bible really teach that only the message matters, or does it teach that the messenger's character and the messenger's relationship to the hearer also matter greatly?"
Once these questions started whirring through my mind, I couldn't sleep. Thinking about 1 Thessalonians 2:8 regarding sharing Scripture and soul, I turned in my Bible to 1 Thessalonians 2. As I read those twenty verses, five portraits of the biblical counselor emerged from the pages of my Bible. I saw then what I share with you now:
Biblical counseling involves gospel conversations where we engage in soul-to-soul relationships as brothers, mothers, fathers, children, and mentors who relate Christ's gospel story to our friends' daily stories.
God calls us to love well and wisely. That's why, in biblical counseling, we must weave together in our ministries what is always united in God's Word — truth and love — comprehensive biblical wisdom and compassionate Christlike care. Biblical counseling is not either/or: either be a brilliant but uncaring soul physician or be a loving but unwise spiritual friend. God calls us to be wise and loving biblical counselors.
Not Just the UPS Delivery Guy
We are more than just the UPS delivery guy. According to 1 Thessalonians 2, God calls us to share his Word with the love of a brother, mother, father, child, and mentor. This is vital to our ministries today, just as it was vital to Paul's ministry in Thessalonica. Based on 1 Thessalonians 2:2–3, 5–6, commentator Leon Morris notes that
it is clear from the epistle that Paul had been accused of insincerity. His enemies said that he was more concerned to make money out of his converts than to present true teaching. The accusation would be made easier in virtue of the well-known fact that itinerant preachers concerned only to feather their own nests were common in those days. Paul was being represented as nothing more than another of this class of preaching vagrants.
Morris goes on to explain that in Paul's day,
holy men of all creeds and countries, popular philosophers, magicians, astrologers, crack-pots, and cranks; the sincere and the spurious, the righteous and the rogue, swindlers and saints, jostled and clamored for the attention of the credulous and the skeptical.
That's why the unity of Scripture and soul, truth and relationship was so vital to Paul. In writing to the Thessalonians, Paul is saying, "You doubt my credentials? Then be a good Berean who examines the message and the messenger — what I say, who I am, and how I relate to you." It's the identical message that Paul sends to every young minister anywhere. If you want to validate your ministry, then "Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers" (1 Tim. 4:16, emphasis added).
Paul writes 1 Thessalonians 2 to affirm his ministry as from God and to affirm the nature of all ministry from God by modeling the sharing of Scripture and soul, by embodying truth in love. It is God's plan to use his Word powerfully when we share it truthfully and lovingly — like a brother, mother, father, child, and mentor.
Portrait #1: The Love of a Defending Brother
Paul uses the Greek word for "brother" twenty-one times in 1 and 2 Thessalonians. He starts his first letter to the believers in Thessalonica by letting them know that he always thanks God for them: "For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you" (1 Thess. 1:4). Paul is saying they are siblings in God's family by grace. Imagine hearing from the great apostle Paul that you are family; you are equals — equally loved by God by grace.
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience you as a beloved brother embracing me as a fellow, equal member of God's forever family by grace."
Paul's use of the word "brothers" is not limited to a family context, but also extends to an army/military context in the sense of a band of brothers who have one another's backs. Paul says it like this in 1 Thessalonians 2:1–2: "You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure. We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition." The word "opposition" means agonizing and struggling together. It was used of teammates training together and of soldiers fighting together in warfare.
Though persecuted, Paul courageously shares because he cares. Paul describes his counseling ministry in similar language in Colossians:
We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me. I want you to know how much I am struggling for you. (Colossians 1:28–2:1a)
Because I sell a lot of books out of my home, I know my UPS delivery guy quite well. While he sometimes struggles to lift those boxes up my stairs, it is not because he sees me as a brother or a teammate.
Notice that in 1 Thessalonians, Paul dares to share the gospel with his Christian brothers and sisters, and in Colossians, Paul labors out of love to proclaim Christ to his believing brothers and sisters. Paul's brotherly relationship is not devoid of truth content; it is richly focused on Christ's gospel of grace.
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience our relationship as a band of brothers, and I experience you as a teammate who fights for me and agonizes on my behalf as you relate Christ's grace to my life."
Portrait #2: The Love of a Cherishing Mother
In the first portrait, Paul says to his counselee, "I've got your back, bro!" In this second portrait, Paul speaks as a mother who says, "I long for you with a nourishing and cherishing affection." We read of Paul's motherly love in 1 Thessalonians 2:7: "But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children."
Paul describes his gentle relational ministry as like a nursing mother, literally describing the tender nourishing of a breast-feeding mother. The word "caring" highlights cherishing, keeping warm, tenderly comforting. The Reformer John Calvin portrays the scene beautifully: "A mother nursing her children manifests a certain rare and wonderful affection, inasmuch as she spares no labor and trouble, shuns no anxiety, is worn out by no labor, and even with cheerfulness of spirit gives herself to her child."
In 1 Thessalonians 2:9 we learn the nature of the nourishment Paul shares: "... while we preached the gospel of God to you." Paul's motherly love is not simply touchy-feely love devoid of content. It is passionate love filled with the meat of God's Word applied to people's lives. Paul speaks in similar motherly language in Galatians 4:19: "My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you." And he shares similar affectionate language in 2 Corinthians 6:11–13: "We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians, and opened wide our hearts to you. We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us. As a fair exchange — I speak as to my children — open wide your hearts also."
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience you as a nursing mother nourishing me with gospel truth through tender, cherishing love."
Paul continues his theme of motherly affection in 1 Thessalonians 2:8: "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." I call this a "ministry sandwich," because Paul sandwiches loving them so much and being "dear to us" around sharing Scripture and soul. The phrase "we loved you so much" means to long for, to affectionately desire, to yearn after tenderly. "Delighted" means to joyfully serve out of pleasure and not out of a sense of duty or obligation. "Share" emphasizes imparting generously and personally. Morris summarizes Paul's words well: "But the real sharing of the gospel implies the total committal of the preacher [I would add "counselor"] to the task. If they give a message, they also give themselves."
Speaking about 1 Thessalonians 2:8, Milton Vincent, author of A Gospel Primer for Christians, describes well who we are, how we relate, and what we share: "We are significant players in each other's gospel narrative, and it is in relationship with one another that we experience the fullness of God in Christ. ... The greatest gift I can give to my fellow-Christian is the gospel itself."
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience you as an affectionate, generous mother giving me Scripture and your very own soul because I am dearly loved by you."
Portrait #3: The Love of a Shepherding Father
Paul's third portrait of the biblical counselor communicates, "I love you individually and uniquely with a guiding love." We see this beginning in 1 Thessalonians 2:11: "For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children." The original Greek highlights the individual, focused attention that Paul gives each person he ministers to — each of you, his own children. Morris notes that this is not just general group concern, but individual pastoral care. To Paul, no one was simply a number or an item on a "to-do" list.
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience you as a father focused on me with individual pastoral attention."
Paul further describes his fatherly focused attention with these words: "... as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting, and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory" (1 Thess. 2:11–12). Paul's ministry is not a one-size-fits-all ministry. To those in need of hope, Paul offers encouraging care — coming alongside to help and to en-courage: to implant courage into. To those struggling with loss, Paul offers comforting care — consoling the grieving and fainthearted, sharing in their sorrows. To those in need of insight and direction, Paul provides guidance by urging them — discussing application of truth to the specifics of their lives. Paul offers person-specific, situation-specific, and need-specific counsel (see also Eph. 4:29; 1 Thess. 5:14; and Rom. 12:15).
Could our counselees say this of us? "I experience you as a wise and caring father, shepherding me with exactly what biblical wisdom I uniquely need at the specific moment."
Portrait #4: The Love of a Longing Child/Orphan
Paul now turns his portraits upside down. Previously he has described his relationships as a brother to a sibling, a mother to her infant children, and a father to his individual children. What a contrast as he now communicates the love of an orphaned child bereaved of his parents. "But, brothers, when we were torn away from you for a short time (in person, not in thought), out of our intense longing we made every effort to see you" (1 Thess. 2:17).
"Torn away" is a phrase used of a child left bereft by separation from a parent — an orphan. The church father Chrysostom depicts the word powerfully: "He sought for a word that might fitly indicate his mental anguish. Though standing in relation of a father to them all, he yet utters the language of orphan children that have permanently lost their parent." It reminds us of our Paul's description of his leave-taking with the Ephesian elders.
When he said this, he knelt down with all of them and prayed. They all wept as they embraced him and kissed him. What grieved them most was his statement that they would never see his face again. Then they accompanied him to the ship. After we had torn ourselves away from them, we put out to sea and sailed straight to Cos. (Acts 20:36–21:1)
And what was the content of Paul's relational ministry to the Ephesian believers? It was gospel truth for daily sanctification.
You know that I have not hesitated to preach anything that would be helpful to you but have taught you publicly and house to house. ... However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me — the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace. Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. ... For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. ... Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears. Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. (Acts 20:20, 24–25, 27, 31–32)
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Gospel Conversations by Robert W. Kellemen. Copyright © 2015 Robert W. Kellemen. Excerpted by permission of ZONDERVAN.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Introduction: How Not to Use (and How to Use) This BookChapter 1: Developing the Resume of the Biblical Counselor
Chapter 2: Reading the 4 Compass Points of Biblical Counseling
Compass Point #1: Sustaining---“It’s Normal to Hurt”
Chapter 3: Climbing in the Casket
Chapter 4: Listening to the Earthly Story
Compass Point #2: Healing---“It’s Possible to Hope”
Chapter 5: Celebrating the Empty Tomb!
Chapter 6: Listening together to God’s Eternal Story
Compass Point #3: Reconciling---“It’s Horrible to Sin, but Wonderful to Be Forgiven”
Chapter 7: Speaking the Truth in Love
Chapter 8: Dispensing Grace
Compass Point #4: Guiding---“It’s supernatural to Mature”
Chapter 9: Fanning Into Flame the Love of Christ
Chapter 10: Stirring Up the Gift of God
Conclusion: How to Care Like Christ
Appendix Material: Biblical Counseling Forms
Bibliography: Works Cited and Consulted
Author and Subject Index
Scripture Index
What People are Saying About This
Bob Kellemen’s book is a robust, relational, comprehensive training manual. While you can work through it on your own, this manual has much to offer in a group setting to grow all participants to be equipped to compassionately, biblically counsel for Christ. Even if you have been counseling for years, Gospel Conversations offers significant insights from the Scriptures about how to counsel that will help a veteran counsel in a more soul-to-soul manner in accordance with the Scriptures. I’ve been counseling for decades and am being greatly helped by Gospel Conversations. — Ken Long, Executive Pastor, Grace Fellowship Church, Florence, Kentucky
Bob Kellemen has crafted a relational masterpiece with Gospel Conversations. It is an excellent resource for caring for the souls of hurting people. Bob emphasizes the need to equip by following Christ’s model of disciple making: training the whole person to be a thoroughly equipped biblical counselor. I have personally benefited from the soul-to-soul, relational counseling style put forth in this book. Truth balanced by love and compassion is the foundation on which Gospel Conversations is based. Rich with applied theology, this book will be required reading for our biblical counseling trainees. — Julie Ganschow, Founder, Reigning Grace Counseling Center
Gospel Conversations is a gift to the counseling community at large. It is theologically rich, gospel-soaked, hope-filled, and practically presented. As a Christ-centered approach to counseling, it offers anyone interested in reaching the hearts of hurting people a solid opportunity to be equipped to do so. I highly recommend it to pastors, churches, educators, and missionaries as well as anyone wanting to be equipped or to equip others. I am grateful for the privilege to apply this in my church. — Dr. Dwayne R. Bond, Lead Pastor of Wellspring Church; CEO and Founder of Proximus Group
As a pastor who strives to equip others in the church to do what is covered in Gospel Conversations, I was affirmed, enlightened, challenged, and encouraged by Bob’s winsome and relentless gospel focus revealed in this incredible work. I highly recommend Gospel Conversations for your library and as a field guide for your ministry. It displays the very best of Bob Kellemen—the instruction of a coach, the love of a pastor, and the wisdom of a teacher. — Dr. Robert K. Cheong, Pastor of Care, Sojourn Community Church, Louisville, KY
Bob Kellemen is a master trainer of counselors and Gospel Conversations is a training masterpiece. Distilling thirty years of counseling training, this book is much more than a training manual. It is a treasury of wise biblical soul care. Bob’s approach to counseling is clear, comprehensive, compassionate, and compelling. I found his Four Dimensions of Counseling Equipping and the wealth of helpful self-counseling and other-counseling questions especially helpful. I plan to reread Gospel Conversations soon as I seek to improve my own counseling training at my church. I enthusiastically recommend it to everyone who aspires to counsel fruitfully and help others do the same. — Pat Quinn, Pastor of Counseling Ministries, University Reformed Church, East Lansing, MI
I’m not a counselor” is an all too common and erroneous statement. We are all counselors. Some of us counsel from behind our steering wheel or from our couch while watching our favorite sport. We offer counsel of some kind every day. The issue is whether we are good counselors. More importantly, are we biblical counselors? Our counsel is only as good as it is biblical. Much of what fosters the thought that we are not counselors is our judgment that we don’t know how to talk to people about their particular trial or sinful habits. Bob Kellemen, in Gospel Conversations, provides the church with an invaluable resource to help people appreciate their fundamental role as a counselor. Not only that, it also offers the reader training in practical relational skills for becoming an equipped biblical counselor. — Andrew Rogers, Pastor of Soul Care, College Park Church
I am thankful for Bob Kellemen’s Gospel Conversations equipping manual, which has been carefully designed to apply practical principles of gospel-centered biblical counseling in a small-group setting. What is taught in this book is founded upon careful exposition of Scripture and is rooted in sound theology that has stood the test of time throughout church history. I also appreciate the way Gospel Conversations boils down the key points into “tweet-sized” statements, memorable word pictures (“climb into the coffin”), and lists that summarize the principles he is emphasizing. — Jim Newheiser, Pastor, Grace Bible Church; Executive Director, Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship
I needed a practical guide for pastors, counselors, and laypeople to help them understand the dynamics of gospel-rich conversations with struggling Christians. Now I’ve found it! Both rich in theology and Scripture, and at the same time very practical, Bob Kellemen’s Gospel Conversations is a powerful tool for everyone who wants to think more carefully about how to help others. It skillfully equips God’s people to have heartfelt, empathic, engaging, Christlike, servant-hearted, thoughtful, and gospel-centered conversation. — Dr. Deepak Reju, President, Biblical Counseling Coalition; Pastor, Capitol Hill Baptist Church, Washington, DC
I really appreciate Bob’s love of people and his desire to teach others how to be relationally wise with a goal of growth in Christ likeness. Gospel Conversations takes “one anothering” seriously and teaches us how to put into practice honest, in-depth, and grace-saturated relationships with others. In other words, truly biblical relationships. Thanks, Bob, for guiding us to be more relationally competent to counsel. Don’t just read Gospel Conversations—practice it, and your church can move from Sunday morning surface relationships to truly dealing with the realities of life on a fallen planet. — Dr. Ernie Baker, Professor of Biblical Counseling, the Master’s College
Gospel Conversations is just what pastors, local church leaders, and compassionate laywomen and men need as we serve and minister to those God has placed around us. We come in contact with people who are suffering and struggling each and every day. Gospel Conversations will equip us all to better speak both truth and love in a way that is winsome and wise. — Steve Viars, Senior Pastor, Faith Church, Lafayette, IN; author, Putting Your Past in Its Place