Good Book: The Bizarre, Hilarious, Disturbing, Marvelous, and Inspiring Things I Learned When I Read Every Single Word of the Bible

by David Plotz

Overview

“Hilarious . . . It’s CliffsNotes for Scripture—screenplay by Plotz, story by God . . . In the end, though, the book is made by the spirit of the writer.” —The New York Times Book Review

At a time when wars are fought over scriptural interpretation, when the influence of religion on American politics has never been greater, when many Americans still believe in the Bible’s literal truth, it has never been more important to get to know the Bible. Good Book is what happens when a regular guy—an average Job—actually reads the book on which his religion, his culture, and his world are based. Along the way, he grapples with the most profound theological questions: How many commandments do we actually need? Does God prefer obedience or good deeds? And the most unexpected ones: Why are so many women in the Bible prostitutes? Why does God love bald men so much? Is Samson really that stupid?

“Like the Bible itself, Good Book contains multitudes—it is by turns thought-provoking, funny, enlightening and moving.” —A. J. Jacobs, New York Times–bestselling author of The Year of Living Biblically

Irreverent . . . Plotz’s hilarious exegeses will have you laughing out loud. Who knew the Bible was such a riot?” —Time Out New York



“Plotz is a genius writer.” —Franklin Foer, author of How Soccer Explains the World

“A bloody good book . . . Very funny . . . Priceless for those of all traditions who see value in posing unanswerable questions to each other, and to God himself.” —Minneapolis Star Tribune



“Deeply religious people might be offended by the book, but for the rest of us there’s a laugh on every page.” —Booklist

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780061972881
Publisher:	HarperCollins
Publication date:	11/21/2023
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	336
Sales rank:	38,893
File size:	829 KB

About the Author

David Plotz is the editor of Slate. He has written for The New York Times Magazine, Harper's, Rolling Stone, The New Republic, The Washington Post, and GQ, and is the author of The Genius Factory: The Curious History of the Nobel Prize Sperm Bank. He won the National Press Club's Hume Award for political journalism and has been a National Magazine Award finalist. He lives with his wife, the journalist Hanna Rosin, and their children in Washington, D.C.

Read an Excerpt

Good Book

Chapter One

You'd think God would know exactly what He's doing at the Creation. But He doesn't. He's a tinkerer. He tries something out: What happens if I move all the water around so there's room for dry land? He checks it out. Yes, "this was good." Then He moves on to His next experiment: How about plants? I'll try plants.

Creation is haphazard, like any do-it-yourself building project. For example, God tackles the major geological and astronomical features during the first two days...light, sky, water, earth. But day three is a curious interruption...the creation of plants...that is followed by a return to massive universe-shaping efforts on day four with the formation of the sun, moon, and stars. The plant venture is a tangent, like installing the refrigerator before you've put a roof on the house.

Does the Lord love insects best? They're so nice He makes them twice. On day five, He makes "the living creatures of every kind that creep." A day later, He makes "all kinds of creeping things of the earth." "Creeping" is all over Creation, in fact. When God tells His newly made man and woman that they rule over the Earth's creatures, He specifies that their subjects include "every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth." What a phrase, perfect for bugs and babies.

Good Book. Copyright © by David Plotz. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

Table of Contents

Introduction: In the Beginning 1

1 The Book of Genesis: God's First Try 7

2 The Book of Exodus: Let My Complaining, Whining, No-Goodnik People Go! 35

3 The Book of Leviticus: Lovers and Lepers 55

4 The Book of Numbers: The Source of All Jewish Comedy 69

5 The Book of Deuteronomy: The Bible's Fifth Beatle 85

6 The Book of Joshua: Why So Many Bible Hookers? 99

7 The Book of Judges: The Meathead and the Left-Handed Assassin 109

8 The Book of 1 Samuel: The Bible's Bill Clinton 123

9 The Book of 2 Samuel: God's Favorite King 139

10 The Book of 1 Kings: Kings of Pain 151

11 The Book of 2 Kings: The End of Israel 167

12 Digging the Bible 177

13 The Book of Isaiah: The Jesus Preview 189

14 The Book of Jeremiah: The Prophet and the Lustful She-Camel 201

15 The Book of Ezekiel: God's Whole-Grain Hippie Prophet 209

16 The Minor Prophets: All Those Books You've Never Heard Of, Plus Jonah and the Whale 219

17 The Book of Psalms: 150 Short Poems about God 229

18 The Book of Proverbs: Chicken Soup for the Hebrew Soul 241

19 The Book of Job: God's Bad Bet 247

20 The Song of Songs: Hot and Holy 259

21 The Book of Ruth: My Favorite Bible Story 265

22 The Books of Lamentations and Ecclesiastes: Bible Books for Rock Stars 269

23 The Book of Esther: The First Miss Universe Pageant 275

24 The Book of Daniel: Nice Pussycat! 283

25 The Books of Ezra and Nehemiah: Coming Home 289

26 The Books of 1 and 2 Chronicles: Return of the Kings 295

27 Should You Read the Bible? 299

Appendix Useful (and Not So Useful) Bible Lists 307

Acknowledgements 321

What People are Saying About This

Franklin Foer

“Plotz is a genius writer. He can mine Genesis for new insights—and play the book of Job for laughs. He’s the perfect companion for a romp through the Bible: charmingly confessional, a deeply penetrating reader, and at complete ease relating ancient (often obscure) narratives to our modern condition.”

A.J. Jacobs

“Like the Bible itself, Good Book contains multitudes—it is by turns thought-provoking, funny, enlightening and moving. In short, David Plotz’s book easily lives up to its name. Trust me, Thou shalt enjoy.”

Andy Borowitz

“Thanks to David Plotz’s amazing book, I will never have to read The Bible. When can he do this for Madame Bovary?”

Editorial Reviews

"Like many lax but well-educated Jews (and Christians), I have long assumed I knew what was in the Bible-more in less." When David Plotz realized that he was wrong, he embarked on a simple project: He would read every word in the Old Testament, not as a scholar, but "unmediated by teachers, rabbis, or parents." What he learned in this momentous amateur adventure is certain to surprise you, whether you think of yourself as a committed Christian or Jew, an agnostic, or an atheist. An engaging read that lives up to every single one of its subtitle claims.

It's CliffsNotes for Scripture—screenplay by Plotz, story by God—which is by turns entertaining, serious, shallow, profound, literal-minded, cute, ingratiating, hilarious.
—The New York Times

Rich Cohen

Irreverent. . . . Plotz’s hilarious exegeses will have you laughing out loud. Who knew the Bible was such a riot?” — Time Out New York

“A bloody good book. . . . Very funny. . . . Priceless for those of all traditions who see value in posing unanswerable questions to each other, and to God himself.” — The Minneapolis Star Tribune

“Highly entertaining.” — The Jerusalem Post

“Like the Bible itself, Good Book contains multitudes—it is by turns thought-provoking, funny, enlightening and moving. In short, David Plotz’s book easily lives up to its name. Trust me, Thou shalt enjoy.” — A. J. Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically

“Thanks to David Plotz’s amazing book, I will never have to read The Bible. When can he do this for Madame Bovary?” — Andy Borowitz, author of The Borowitz Report

“Plotz is a genius writer. He can mine Genesis for new insights—and play the book of Job for laughs. He’s the perfect companion for a romp through the Bible: charmingly confessional, a deeply penetrating reader, and at complete ease relating ancient (often obscure) narratives to our modern condition.” — Franklin Foer, author of How Soccer Explains the World

From the Publisher

Highly entertaining.

The Jerusalem Post

Thanks to David Plotz’s amazing book, I will never have to read The Bible. When can he do this for Madame Bovary?

Andy Borowitz

Like the Bible itself, Good Book contains multitudes—it is by turns thought-provoking, funny, enlightening and moving. In short, David Plotz’s book easily lives up to its name. Trust me, Thou shalt enjoy.

A. J. Jacobs

Plotz is a genius writer. He can mine Genesis for new insights—and play the book of Job for laughs. He’s the perfect companion for a romp through the Bible: charmingly confessional, a deeply penetrating reader, and at complete ease relating ancient (often obscure) narratives to our modern condition.

Franklin Foer

A bloody good book. . . . Very funny. . . . Priceless for those of all traditions who see value in posing unanswerable questions to each other, and to God himself.

The Minneapolis Star Tribune

Irreverent. . . . Plotz’s hilarious exegeses will have you laughing out loud. Who knew the Bible was such a riot?

Time Out New York