Girl Talk (Redesign): Mother-Daughter Conversations on Biblical Womanhood

by Carolyn Mahaney, Nicole Mahaney Whitacre

Overview

Mothers and daughters have a lot to talk about. That's how God designed it. A mother is her daughter's first role model, teacher, and friend, and she carries the responsibility of passing on to her daughter a legacy of biblical womanhood.

Join mother-daughter team Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Whitacre as they give you insights and suggestions on how to talk-really talk-to each other about what it means to become a godly woman. Tips and study questions make it easy for moms and their pre-teen and teenage daughters to read, share, discuss, and grow.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781433517075
Publisher:	Crossway
Publication date:	03/07/2005
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	224
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Carolyn Mahaney is a pastor's wife, mother, and homemaker. She has written several books along with her daughter, Nicole, including Girl Talk; True Beauty; and True Feelings. Carolyn and her husband, C. J., have four children and twelve grandchildren. They reside in Louisville, Kentucky, where her husband is the senior pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of Louisville.

Nicole Whitacre is a wife, mother, homemaker, and high school English teacher. Together with her mother, Carolyn, she is the author of several books, including Girl Talk; True Beauty; and True Feelings. Nicole and her family live in Pewee Valley, Kentucky, where her husband serves as a pastor at Sovereign Grace Church of Louisville. 

Carolyn Mahaney is a pastor’s wife, mother, and homemaker. She has written several books along with her daughter, Nicole, including Girl Talk; True Beauty; and True Feelings. Carolyn and her husband, C. J., have four children and twelve grandchildren. They reside in Louisville, Kentucky, where her husband is the senior pastor of Sovereign Grace Church of Louisville.

Nicole Whitacre is a wife, mother, homemaker, and high school English teacher. Together with her mother, Carolyn, she is the author of several books, including Girl Talk; True Beauty; and True Feelings. Nicole and her family live in Pewee Valley, Kentucky, where her husband serves as a pastor at Sovereign Grace Church of Louisville. 

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

The Language of Biblical Womanhood

by Carolyn

For hundreds of years, young women who came of age in southern China learned a secret language. Secret, that is, from the men and the boys. Like their mothers and grandmothers before them, these girls were denied the opportunity of learning to read and write Chinese. So the oppressed women of that culture — determined to have a means of expressing themselves — developed their own language. It was a girls-only writing script called Nushu.

According to an article in the Washington Post, three days after her wedding a new bride would receive a "Third Day Book," lovingly inscribed in Nushu by her mother, grandmother, and "sworn sisters." In delicate, elongated handwriting these women expressed feelings of sadness at losing a daughter and friend and shared best wishes for her future happiness. The bride would make her own entries in Nushu, and the book became a diary of her married life.

Someday the bride would teach her own daughter Nushu. And so these peasant women preserved their language for over fifteen hundred years, right into our century. With no education, means, or encouragement, they created something unique in all of history: the only language written by women for women.

Did you know that God has given us our own mother-daughter language? Unlike Nushu, our language is not a secret. It is not a response to oppression, but it is a uniquely feminine language. As mothers and daughters, God has entrusted us with its progress and preservation. It's the language of biblical womanhood.

Biblical womanhood, simply defined, is God's perfect design for women as revealed in the Bible. Much more than a writing script, it's a way of life. More than something we read or write, it's some-thing we speak and do.

We find this language scattered throughout the entire Bible. Tucked in Titus 2:3-5 is a summary of some of the qualities of a godly woman, such as purity, self-control, kindness, love for husband and children, skill in homemaking, and a heart of sub-mission. But we find more traits in passages such as Proverbs 31:10-31, 1 Timothy 5:9-10, and 1 Peter 3:1-6 — steadfast faith, good works, strength, and wisdom, united with a gentle and quiet spirit.

Together these characteristics comprise the language of biblical womanhood. They provide for us a composite sketch — to imitate and copy like an aspiring artist would copy a great masterpiece. Throughout this book we'll attempt to trace these lines, to discover what biblical womanhood looks like for a mother and daughter in the twenty-first century.

But first we must understand our responsibility to pass on this language from mother to daughter. For while God clearly calls all older women to school the younger women in the art of biblical womanhood (Titus 2:3-5), one of the most important teacher-student relationships is between a mother and her daughter. We have an exciting task, an assignment from God Himself to transfer these feminine attributes from one generation to the next. This is our mother-daughter purpose. Our mission.

I was reminded of our mission earlier this year when my mother sold her house. Because of my father's failing health, my parents recently moved from Florida to Maryland to live with my sister and her family. At my mom's request, my brothers, sisters, and I sorted through all their belongings. She told us to keep or discard whatever we pleased.

I brought several items home for my daughters: some old books for Nicole, a crystal bowl for Kristin, and my grandma's handmade quilt for Janelle. For myself I kept a solitary piece of china, one of the few remaining plates from the set my grandfather bought my mother for her wedding.

I can still remember the set in better days — serving many a guest on a Sunday afternoon. But its comrades have all been bro-ken or have disappeared, and this plate is all I have. It is delicate and faded — you can no longer read the pattern name printed on the back. But it hangs in my dining room as a pleasant reminder of my aging mother's once vivacious hospitality.

My brothers and sisters each took home small items of sentimental value, but don't expect to see us on Antiques Roadshow anytime soon. My parents were frugal, modest people who gave away more than they collected. In keeping with her Mennonite background, my mother owned no jewelry except a watch. She never even wore a wedding ring.

Although I have not received costly earthly treasures from my mom, she has given me a gift of priceless value, for she was faithful to pass on to me a legacy of biblical womanhood. Through her teaching and her example she taught me to aspire to these qualities that commend the gospel.

I don't expect to have much of significant monetary value to leave my daughters either. (Maybe one of them can have Mom's china plate if it survives.) But like my mother before me, I want to faithfully impress the qualities of biblical womanhood upon the hearts of my daughters. I want to be found worthy of God's calling to me as their mother, and I want them to live for His glory.

But in order for any of us to do this effectively, our mother-daughter relationships must be strong. This transfer can't be made through a wall of bitterness, amidst yelling and screaming, nor in silence — now can it? In order to pass on the language of biblical womanhood, our relationships must be founded on the Word of God. That's why in the first half of this book we'll consider what the Bible has to say about the mother-daughter relationship, and in the second half we'll discover how a young woman learns to speak the language of biblical womanhood.

The wonderful results of building our relationships on the foundation of God's Word are the joy, peace, fellowship, and fun that make the mother-daughter bond strong. Far from being a duty or an obligation, the mother-daughter relationship can be one of the greatest blessings of our lives.

And it's a strong relationship that will enable us to preserve our unique language. For as you may have noticed, biblical womanhood isn't exactly popular these days. The language our culture speaks is hardly one of selflessness, purity, submission, or faith. Instead, it demeans these attributes and the gospel they commend. Our culture speaks a "live for the moment, live for yourself" language that misses out on the beauty of biblical womanhood.

What is truly troublesome, however, is that many Christian mothers and daughters have dismissed the language of biblical womanhood or are wholly unfamiliar with it. They speak the language of the world — often unintentionally — by believing that submission is outdated, purity is impossible, and homemaking is unappealing.

Maybe you too think these ideas are a little old-fashioned. You're not sure you want to speak the language of biblical womanhood. But allow us to introduce you to these feminine traits again. You may be surprised at how much they relate to what you're going through and what a difference they will make in your life.

Our language points to and highlights the most joyous news in all of history: the gospel of Jesus Christ. Paul says in Titus 2:10 that these qualities "adorn the doctrine of God our Savior." They declare to the world that the Bible is true, that Jesus is real, and that the gospel is the power of God to change lives. Biblical womanhood displays the truth that "God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16).

This task isn't reserved for an elite group of extraordinary mothers and daughters. It's been assigned to forgiven sinners like you and me. None of us on our own is capable of displaying even one small aspect of biblical womanhood — much less passing it on into the future. But through the power of the gospel we can speak this language and "shine as lights in the world" (Phil. 2:15).

This must be the aspiration of all mothers and daughters: the successful transfer of the qualities of biblical womanhood that sparkle with the gospel — so that in the midst of this mecentered, self-focused, ungodly language of our culture, we can speak the refreshingly pure, altogether true, and saving message of Jesus Christ.

CHAPTER 2

Imperfect Makes Perfect

Don't try to talk to my mom while she is on the telephone. She firmly believes in doing one thing at a time and doing it well. I, on the other hand, have mastered the art of doing three things at once — all poorly. Mom, she drinks her coffee black. Me, I add more sugar than is put in your average cotton candy. My mom is graceful, poised, and calm. I'm expressive, sporadic, clumsy, and (according to my sisters) a little crazy. When Mom talks, everyone listens. I talk so much that people often tune me out like elevator music. Mom's favorite meal is roast beef, green beans, mashed potatoes with gravy, and strawberry shortcake. She's a southern gal. But give me a plate of sushi with extra wasabi and a cup of hot green tea. I'm a suburban girl.

I'm sure we're related; people sometimes say we look alike. I know I will never be as pretty as she is, but I tell them, "If only I could be godly like her, then I'd be happy."

With all our differences, I didn't always understand my mom. I suspect she didn't always know what to make of me either. Really, it's a miracle we're such good friends today.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe you and your mother are as different as, well, roast beef and sushi. Maybe you have no common interests or style of communication; so you just don't talk much. Or maybe your differences go deeper than silly preferences. So when you do try to talk, conflict inevitably flares up. You've allowed real disagreements to wedge between you, and they are slowly but steadily pushing you apart.

Perhaps a little question occasionally rings the doorbell of your mind: "How did you end up being related to her?" The answer: God set it up that way.

He has created your mother-daughter relationship. He doesn't just put mothers and daughters together like a guy in a deli slapping meat and cheese on bread. God has placed us in the exact mother-daughter relationship that He desires. Psalm 139 informs us of this: "In your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them" (v. 16).

Now we don't usually apply this verse to the family God has arranged for us. But think about it — if all your days were ordained, including the day you were born, then whom you were born to (or, moms, who was born to you) is no accident.

This fact is confirmed in Acts 17:26 (NIV): "From one man he made every nation of men ... and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live."

God doesn't make mistakes. As my sister Janelle likes to quip, "There wasn't a mix-up in the children's department in heaven. An angel did not inform the Lord, 'Ah, Lord, we messed up, and Nicole, she was supposed to be a part of the Smith family, but she accidentally got put in the Mahaney family.'" Not so!

The exact family we were placed in — the exact mother and the exact daughter we have received — were prearranged by God before the first day of creation. And if you are adopted or have a stepmother, God was equally sovereign in His choice for you. He specially selected the woman who is now your mother with precise detail and matchless love.

And God in His love granted us unique abilities, gifts, talents, and strengths that benefit each other. Moms, your daughters are a heritage, a reward from God (Ps. 127:3). They are not a bother, a burden, or a problem — but a reward! Your daughter (and not so and so's daughter) is the perfect girl for you. And, daughter, this works two ways: Your mother is also the perfect mom for you. I don't mean that she is perfect. None of us is. Only God is perfect. But because He doesn't make mistakes, I can confidently assert that your mom's the right mom for you. Whether you realize it or not, God has given you a good gift.

I must pause here, for some of you may have trouble swallowing the truth that God's goodness was at work in arranging your mother-daughter relationship. Perhaps you have a mother who is not a Christian or, worse, whose behavior causes you great heartache and trouble. She may be an alcoholic, verbally berating, or physically abusive (for those of you in this situation, please seek counsel from your pastor and, if necessary, protection by the authorities). Your mom may have abandoned you, leaving you desperately confused, alone, and shouldering heavy responsibilities. The one person you would expect to love you best has hurt you most.

Or maybe you are a mother whose daughter's rebellion has caused deep pain and sorrow. She has turned her back on you and on God; she is angry, rebellious, and unkind. Your attempts to show love have only invited further insults and greater hatred. Her lifestyle is wreaking havoc in your family, and you don't know where it will end. Maybe, in the quiet moments, you wish you'd never had a daughter.

So how could a loving God have chosen your mother or daughter? You are at a loss to understand.

While I can't begin to comprehend your suffering, there is a story in the Bible that can help you gain understanding. You may recall the account of Joseph found in the book of Genesis. As a young man he experienced great harm from his family — in fact, his brothers sold him into slavery. But Joseph understood that God's sovereign love was at work for good even through the malicious actions of his brothers.

From slavery, and by way of prison, Joseph eventually became powerful in the land of Egypt and saved his people from famine. He later told his brothers, "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive" (Gen. 50:20).

Whether or not your mother or daughter intends her actions for evil against you, she cannot thwart God's intentions. God has a plan, a gracious plan, for your mother-daughter relationship. Just as He used Joseph's sufferings to save a nation, He is more than able to bring forth astonishing good from your trials. So may I urge you to put your trust in our sovereign God? Even now His purposes are at work in your mother-daughter relationship.

For all of us, the guarantee that God has ordained our mother-daughter relationship for good provides the hope we need to resolve any conflict and surmount any challenge. There is no problem in our relationship that causes God to rethink whether or not He got it right by putting us together. So neither should we question it.

God actually uses each other's limitations, flaws, and peculiarities to help us grow in godliness. The habits that annoy or embarrass us, the sins that tempt us to anger or resentment, and the views and opinions we don't understand about one another — all these were custom designed to help us grow in biblical womanhood. I love what Mr. Knightly says in the match-making comedy Emma: "Maybe it is our imperfections which make us so perfect for one another!"

My mom and I have experienced this dynamic in our relationship. One thing you need to know about Mom is that she loves peace, order, and structure. She would say that she tends to love it too much. By contrast, I didn't always appreciate my mom's love for order. Thus my disorderly, haphazard way of living was a source of tension at times when I lived at home.

But things have changed since I have gotten married. Now that I have a family of my own, I love an orderly schedule and a clean house — almost as much as Mom. I'm always calling her for useful tips to simplify my life. I appreciate this strength of her character like never before. But she would also say that God used her daughters (and primarily me) to help her over-come an excessive concern with a clean and organized house. We've both grown in godly character, thanks to our God-ordained differences.

God didn't design the mother-daughter relationship primarily so we could feel comfortable, like each other, and get along. As we learned in the previous chapter, He has a much higher purpose in mind. He intends for us to display and pass along biblical womanhood so that we can bring honor to the gospel.

If you grasp this truth — that God has handpicked your mother or your daughter — it can revolutionize your relationship. It settles any doubts about its validity, provides hope amidst mother-daughter conflict, and gives confidence to accomplish God's grand purpose together, by His grace.

So the next time that pesky little question, "Why her?" casts doubt on the origin of your mother-daughter relationship, slam the door in its face. God has ordained this relationship. You are the perfect combination for passing on the language of biblical womanhood.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Girl Talk"
by .
Copyright © 2005 Carolyn Mahaney and Nicole Mahaney Whitacre.
Excerpted by permission of Good News Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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Table of Contents

Acknowledgments,
Introduction: The Shopping Trip,
PART ONE The Forging of the Mother-Daughter Bond,
1 The Language of Biblical Womanhood Carolyn,
2 Imperfect Makes Perfect Nicole,
3 Cover Mom Nicole,
4 Afternoon Out Carolyn,
5 Constant Communication Carolyn,
6 Conflict Jungle Nicole,
7 A Mother's Faith Carolyn,
8 A Mother's Example Carolyn,
9 A Mother's Love Carolyn,
10 A Mother's Discipline Carolyn,
11 A Daughter's Honor Nicole,
12 A Daughter's Obedience Nicole,
PART TWO Biblical Womanhood in the Real World,
13 Sowing in Springtime Nicole,
14 It's a Girl! Carolyn,
15 Foolish Fans and the Fear of God Nicole,
16 Best Friends Nicole,
17 What About Guys? Nicole,
18 True Beauty Carolyn,
19 Taking God to the Gap Nicole,
20 Future Homemakers Nicole,
21 Homemaking Internship Carolyn,
22 A Girl's Reputation Carolyn,
23 When It Comes to Courtship Carolyn,
24 Who Gives This Woman? Carolyn,
25 Passing on the Language of Biblical Womanhood Carolyn & Nicole,
Appendix A: Girl Talk Discussion Questions,
Appendix B: More Girl Talk Questions,
Appendix C: How to Lead Your Daughter to Christ,
Appendix D: Mother-Daughter Memories,
Appendix E: A Modesty Heart Check,
A Word to Fathers by C. J. Mahaney,
Notes,

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"The Mahaney women's chatty and comfortable approach is deeply biblical and straightforward, connecting with all sorts of relationships, including single moms, stepmoms, adoptive families, and those in either healthy or challenging relationships."
—Noël Piper, Author, Treasuring God in Our Traditions, Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God; Wife, Mother, Grandmother

"This delightful read is filled with warmth, wit, and wisdom-and loads of practical ways to apply the gospel to real issues facing teen girls. . . . I am grateful for this call to mothers to pass the legacy of biblical womanhood to their daughters."
—Susan Hunt, former Director of Women's Ministries, PCA; coauthor, Women's Ministry in the Local Church