Table of Contents
Introduction 1
Manage
Our Worst First Year 7
Love in the Time of Rubber Snakes 12
Places to Hide Rubber Snakes (for Your Favorite Sweetheart to Find) 18
I Do Dishes When We Argue 19
All I Wanted Was a Doughnut 24
My Top Five Favorite … 32
Ladd and the Gala 33
Cheatin' Movies 41
The Love Robot 48
Love Robot Chili and Cornbread Muffins 56
Devil Woman 59
What Do You Do with Girls? 66
Twenty Interesting Things About Ladd 74
Motherhood
Pride, Prejudice, and Epidurals 79
Ten More Interesting Things About Redheads 87
Placenta Fail 88
Sword! 95
"Funny" Family Injuries on Drummond Ranch 102
Our Great Homeschooling Experiment 103
Adventures in Children's Time 113
Scaring (and Scarring) the Kids 122
Wrong Mother 129
Mom Report Card 137
Misophonia 138
Wannabe Town Kids 146
Special Deliveries 154
Viral Parenting 160
The Absolute Best Sandwich I Made During Quarantine 168
The Whole Fam Damily
Sugar Lips 173
Drummond Family Nicknames 180
Life on the Farm 182
Did She Just Say "Dick"?!? 190
Hop Aboard the Chuck Wagon 196
A Tale of Two Families 204
A Rich Inner Life 206
Country Life
Anything for a Date 217
I Really Hate Summer 224
Gardening Heartbreak 231
Horses on Drummond Ranch 239
Shopping in Bulk 240
Stockin' Up 246
Bull, Interrupted 250
The Lodge Tourists 255
Dogs, Dogs, Dogs 262
Dogs and Cats on Drummond Ranch 269
Cowboys Are Real 270
Cowboy Colloquialisms 275
New Territory
Pawhuska vs. the Hamptons 279
Behind-the-Scenes Trivia from My Cooking Show 286
Left in a Man Cave 289
Stayin' Humble 296
Say Hi to Garth! 301
Bonus Kid 304
Herman 313
A Funny Thing Happened at My Cookbook Signing 319
A Drummond Family Quiz 324
My Idea of a Good Time 327
Acknowledgments 339