Flowers in the Dark: Reclaiming Your Power to Heal from Trauma with Mindfulness
288
Flowers in the Dark: Reclaiming Your Power to Heal from Trauma with Mindfulness
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Overview
Learn the accessible and deeply compassionate practices for healing trauma, known as the Five Strengths of applied Zen Buddhism. More than a philosophy, these body-based practices are backed by modern neuroscience research, and they can be applied by anyone suffering from trauma to begin experiencing relief.
Mindfulness teacher Sister Dang Nghiem, MD, is an inspiration for anyone who has ever suffered from abuse, life-changing loss, severe illness, or the aftermath of war. In Flowers in the Dark, she brings together her lived experience as a survivor, certified MD, and ordained Buddhist teacher to offer a body-based, practical approach to healing from life's most difficult and painful experiences.
Offering insights from Buddhist psychology and simple somatic practices for tapping into our Five Strengths—our inner faculties of self-trust, diligence, mindfulness, concentration, and insight—Sister Dang Nghiem’s approach to trauma is radically accessible; it begins with awareness of our breathing. With each chapter containing a progression of guided reflections and exercises, this book can be read as an adjunct to therapy and a helpful guide for moving through trauma in the body. With the practice of mindfulness, we can access our strength as survivors and our joy in being alive.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781946764577 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Parallax Press |
| Publication date: | 01/26/2021 |
| Sold by: | Penguin Random House Publisher Services |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 288 |
| File size: | 5 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Preface
Look, my love, look at the innumerable flowers and leaves.
Look, my love, look at yourself,
Your wonderful manifestations are all these.
The spring is coming, from the heart of the winter.
The inspiration to write this book came to me at the end of a weekend retreat in which I had been teaching in Atlanta, Georgia, in 2017. The organizers invited my monastic sisters and me to come to a garden behind their church to see the evening primroses bloom that night. Admittedly, I was not enthusiastic at the prospect since I was already quite tired after a long day at the retreat, but out of a sense of gratitude to our hosts, I still showed up.
At eight o’clock, about ten of us gathered in the church garden around the long stems of a tall, slender plant, covered in drying, wilted yellow flowers. A friend began to pluck away these old flowers, so that the new blossoms, indicated by tightly furled, spike-like buds, would be more visible to us. I stood politely, quiet and patient for what seemed like an interminable length of time. It began to get dark. Nothing seemed to happen. Suddenly, although there was no wind, the entire plant began to vibrate and tremble before us. Lo and behold, a flower bud suddenly and forcefully burst open, the petals unfolding one by one and then all at once, simultaneously, right in front of my eyes. This entire process took place within the space of a breath!
My mouth fell open and tears began streaming down my cheeks. As a somewhat poetic-minded lover of literature, I had heard so much about flowers bursting into bloom; I had sung songs about them, written poetry about them, and mentioned them in Dharma talks, cleverly using the metaphor to make my points. Yet in that moment, on that day in front of this evening primrose plant, I woke up to the fact that I had never directly experienced how a flower blooms! Seeing these delicate yellow evening flowers spring open in the darkness awoke in me the realization that healing from trauma—the recovery from painful experiences so that we can flourish and grow—is both simple and miraculous, a process that will unfold naturally, when enough of the right conditions are there.
For thirty years of my life, I had seen myself as a victim, isolated in my suffering. The facts of my upbringing and life story are now known—I’ve written about them in a memoir and frequently mentioned them in public talks, and I recount some parts in this book as well—but less known are the steps I’ve taken since I took refuge as a Buddhist nun to heal from my past of childhood sexual abuse. When I ordained as a nun in 2000, I learned from Thay, the name by which I address my beloved teacher, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh, a teaching that I have found to be invaluable in my healing process: the "inner child" within us. Thay says,
In each of us, there is a young, suffering child. We have all had times of difficulty as children, and many of us have experienced trauma. To protect and defend ourselves against future suffering, we often try to forget those painful times. Every time we’re in touch with the experience of suffering, we believe we can’t bear it, and we stuff our feelings and memories deep down in our unconscious mind. It may be that we haven’t dared to face this child for many decades.[1]
Thay offers us a practice of saying hello and talking to our inner child, which, combined with mindfulness training, the steady schedule, and the peaceful ambiance of the monastery, slowly restored me back to life. The inner child practice Thay teaches is just one exercise among many in a holistic system of activities his tradition offers to the world for transforming pain and suffering and generating peace and joy.
Practicing mindfulness, I was able to connect with myself and with others after the severe trauma I had undergone. Over the years, as I became a Dharma teacher in Thay’s tradition, known as the Plum Village Community of Engaged Buddhism, many young people have come to me for counseling and I have taught them the same practices and walked together with them, privileged to witness their healing.
Thay has taught, “The only way for you to transform the pain as a victim of sexual abuse, is to become a bodhisattva. You take a vow, and you take it as your aspiration to protect individuals, couples, families, and children from sexual abuse. You try your best to protect people. In this way, you become a bodhisattva. And when the bodhisattva energy is in you, the suffering of being a victim of sexual abuse will begin to dissolve.” A bodhisattva is an ideal of a person who not only becomes enlightened for themselves, but also for others; they are an embodiment of compassion.
Of course, not every survivor of abuse will aspire to become a bodhisattva or even a spiritually oriented person, but this teaching can help anyone to take a step on a path of compassion, starting with self-compassion toward their inner child and radiating outward in their actions toward others. Thay’s words gave me the strength and inspiration to heal myself and to live my life as a healer.
In recent years, looking back at my journal entries as a young woman, I saw that even before meeting Thay, I had been able to name and acknowledge the “wounded child” inside me. In my journals and poems, I had written of my deep yearning to heal myself from my childhood pain and to protect young people from abuse. The wisdom and the aspiration had always been there in the midst of suffering, but I simply did not know then how to realize them in this life, in each and every moment. Within each wounded child is a bodhisattva waiting for sufficient conditions to bloom.
Everyone suffering from trauma has the capacity to heal within them, but they may not know it, and they may have obstacles to accessing their inner wisdom. In a culture of silence and shame, we survivors of sexual abuse may find it impossible to speak or even think about it due to denial within the family or community. It takes a lot of courage for survivors to start on the path of healing and speak out about their perpetrators. The reality is that it can be a long journey to find the resources we need to fully recover. The criminal justice system can address only one aspect of individual and community healing. Professional therapy and counseling are needed as well. At a deep level, we can always tap into our own embodied wisdom through practicing mindfulness in our daily lives, which brings about the deepest transformation and healing.
In this book, I wish to gather together the practices I have found most helpful on the journey to healing and share them openly. We will see how mindfulness practice provides a bridge to our inner wisdom and calms the mind and nervous system. We will come to know our inner child and befriend them. These practices are helpful not only for survivors of childhood trauma, but for anyone troubled by trauma of any kind. We will look at some of the physiological and psychological aspects of trauma, as it is vital to understand how trauma affects our body, mind, and memory, and what we Buddhists call our “store consciousness” and “habit energy”—psychologists may call it our subconscious mind.
In Buddhist psychology, we talk about the Five Faculties, also known as the Five Strengths —trust, diligence, mindfulness, concentration, and insight. I specifically wanted to offer teachings for survivors on these deep sources of inner empowerment. The five strengths work in sequence: trust in the Dharma creates energy, which in turn makes it possible to be mindful. Mindfulness leads to deep concentration, which gives rise to profound insight or wisdom. Wisdom is the greatest power of all, guiding and sustaining us through even the most difficult times.
The Five Strengths are powerful friends on the path because they master their opposites. Trust heals doubt; energy controls laziness and apathy; mindfulness subdues impulsiveness and recklessness; concentration dispels distraction, and insight or understanding shatters ignorance. As you develop the Five Strengths, even moderately, your mind begins to be freed from the negative energies, and compassion and understanding can flourish. You find more peace in your life and purposely veer away from chaos and drama.
The Five Strengths are one of several sets of qualities that Buddhist psychology offers as a holistic system for awakening, which we can intentionally cultivate to free ourselves from suffering,. As an invitation to explore further, we’ll look at the how five main Buddhist precepts support healing from trauma, as expressed in Plum Village’s Five Mindfulness Trainings—Reverence for Life, True Happiness, True Love, Loving Speech and Deep Listening, and Nourishment and Healing—and the basic practices of mindful breathing, sitting, walking, and even eating. You do not have to become a Buddhist to benefit from these trainings. In fact, people from many faiths or no faith at all can follow them because Buddhism, at its root, is not a religion but an art of living and a practical approach to life.
Through this book, I hope you will gain an understanding of how mindfulness can be a powerful source of energy for your healing process. It is my deep wish that those suffering from posttraumatic stress, particularly survivors of sexual abuse like myself, have access to as many resources as possible. The practice of meditation is not meant to be a substitute for therapy with trained professionals, but if followed correctly, this path transforms suffering into peace, joy, and freedom. For myself, I have found that walking this path has helped me when other approaches could not. The Buddha promises that the path leads to complete freedom from all suffering; there are no exceptions.
Mindfulness is a miracle because it enables us to behold ourselves and our lives as if witnessing the blossoming of a flower for the very first time. This sense of awe and wonder can help us heal past trauma and renew our life, moment-to-moment, in the most truthful, beautiful, and wholesome way. It is in this spirit that I am about to share with you the path to healing trauma that many beloved friends and I have personally traveled. May my telling of our experiences help you give voice to your experiences. May our transformation and healing be your own inspiration and realization.
Sister Dang Nghiem
Deer Park Monastery,
June 2020
[1] Thich Nhat Hanh, Reconciliation, 11.
Table of Contents
Preface xi
Part 1 Trauma and Healing 1
Chapter 1 Spanning the Bridge Of Mindfulness 3
Practice: Make a Time and Place for Healing 16
Practice: Self-Love and Loving Kindness 20
Practice: Breathing Flowers with Our Hands 24
Practice: Following the Breath 25
Practice: Basic Instructions for Walking Meditation 27
Practice: Listening to Your Breath and Body 33
Practice: Listening to Another Person's Breath 35
Chapter 2 The Way Out is in 37
Practice: You Think So? 46
Practice: Listening to Our Lung Brain 51
Practice: Listening to Our Body Brain 52
Practice: Listening to Our Heart Brain 53
Practice: Listening to Our Gut Brain 53
Part 2 The Five Strengths 55
Chapter 3 Trust as a Strength 57
Practice: Listening to Your Inner Child 67
Practice: Acorn and Oak Tree Meditation 75
Chapter 4 Diligence as a Strength 79
Practice: Changing the Song 94
Chapter 5 Mindfulness as a Strength 95
Practice: Eating Meditation 102
Practice: Befriending Ourselves with the Breath 106
Practice: Short Body Scan 107
Practice: Guided Deep Relaxation 108
Practice: You Have Enough 120
Practice: Give Yourself a Lazy Day 121
Chapter 6 Concentration as a Strength 123
Practice: Practicing with Disturbing Dreams upon Waking Up 138
Practice: Reflecting on the Contents of Your Dream 138
Practice: Keep a Dream Journal 139
Chapter 7 Insight as a Strength 141
Practice: Befriending Our Grief, Keeping Our Beloved Alive 167
Practice: Embracing the Wounded Child in Ourselves and Our Parents 169
Practice: Wielding a Mantra 174
Part 3 The Five Mindfulness Trainings as a Source of Strength
Chapter 8 Reverence for Life 179
Chapter 9 True Happiness 197
Chapter 10 True Love 207
Chapter 11 Loving Speech and Deep Listening 221
Chapter 12 Nourishment and Healing 235
Chapter 13 Reclaiming Your Power to Heal 253
Appendix: Text of the Five Mindfulness Trainings 257
Selected Resources 262
Acknowledgments 265
About Sister Dang Nghiem, MD 267