A sharp take on society’s relationship to the concept of 'normal,' and the bargaining people take part in to appear so. The result is courageous, curious, and vivid.” —Publishers Weekly
“Unflinching, searching, vivid, and intimate.” —David Wallace-Wells, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Uninhabitable Earth
"Tsoulis-Reay's engrossing narratives and empathetic conversations compel us to confront our own attitudes on sexuality, the boundaries of what constitutes 'normal,' and in one particularly challenging instance, to the proper scope of criminal law. Prepare to be challenged." —Peter Singer, professor of bioethics, Princeton University
"Finding Normal is fearless and feisty. Tsoulis-Reay has a gift for listening to strangers— it’s a ground-breaking, comprehensive work covering what sex and sexual identity has become in our hyperconnected era, and as unique as the stories shared in it." —Vanessa Grigoriadis, Blurred Lines: Rethinking Sex, Power, and Consent on Campus
"When the subject is sexuality, some people seem to believe that the word 'normal' is synonymous with 'ideal.' In Finding Normal, author Alexa Tsoulis-Reay neatly dissects that myth by introducing us to various people whose sexual explorations travel far beyond the average. They teach us that the 'ideal' is to follow our desires honestly and to treat our partners with thoughtfulness, respect and caring love. Maybe that’s what should be 'normal'." —Dossie Easton, co-author of The Ethical Slut
“Alexa Tsoulis-Reay has a remarkable journalistic gift of empathetic engagement: she takes us deep into the heads and hearts of people, and asks us to consider what feels “normal” to them. Some stories may push your own borders, but even where the writer struggles to find her own footing, she maintains a commitment to explain what makes these choices meaningful for those whose stories she has been entrusted to share.” —Henry Jenkins, author of Convergence Culture
12/03/2021
In this debut, journalist Tsoulis-Reay explores the normalization of marginalized sexual identities. Tsoulis-Reay wrote a column for New York magazine titled "What It's Like" in which she interviewed people who had experiences outside the mainstream. She was struck by the desire of people to see their experiences as normal, and the ways in which they found community online. Several of these columns touched on marginalized sexual experiences, she has collated those stories into one volume. Early chapters address marginalized sexualities such as consensual nonmonogamy, large age gap relationships, and asexuality. Later chapters focus on taboo sexual encounters such as consensual incest, which may be disturbing for some readers and problematic, as Tsoulus-Reay acknowledges. Each story discusses the ways in which the interviewees discovered their sexuality and found likeminded people online and how normalizing their identities has affected them. Tsoulis-Reay also interrogates her own reactions to her subjects and discusses the ways in which her own perception of normality has shifted after exposure to their viewpoints. VERDICT An interesting exploration of normality, sex, and how the internet has allowed people to connect with each other. Recommended for readers interested in sexuality studies and online communities.—Rebekah Kati, Univ. of North Carolina, Chapel Hill
