Paperback
-
PICK UP IN STORECheck Availability at Nearby Stores
Available within 2 business hours
Related collections and offers
Overview
Trillia is no stranger to fear. She has known its harsh grip on her life, but she has also known the gentle hand of God, a peace and a faith from the One who conquers fears.
In Fear and Faith, Trillia will encourage you as she reflects on Scripture and her own story. She will show you Jesus, who was tempted like you in every way. She will show you the character of God and how it inspires faith. And she will show you real women who have walked the road of fear—or are still walking it—and how they have found security in the Lord to be their strength. Whatever your fear, you are not alone, nor are you without hope. You have the One who can replace your fear with faith.
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9780802410221 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Moody Publishers |
| Publication date: | 04/01/2015 |
| Pages: | 176 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.20(w) x 7.90(h) x 0.50(d) |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
Fear and Faith
Finding the Peace your Heart Craves
By TRILLIA J. NEWBELL, Lydia Brownback
Moody Publishers
Copyright © 2015 Trillia J. NewbellAll rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8024-1022-1
CHAPTER 1
FEAR OF MAN
When I first became a Christian, I remember feeling carefree, and to say I was excited about the Lord would have been an understatement. I was also a sponge. Anything anyone said to me about my newfound faith I took as "the gospel." As you might imagine, for a young, impressionable Christian this was not good. I didn't fully understand grace, and as people would talk about sin, I began to become fearful of not measuring up. I began to live in fear of sinning. I began to question my motives, actions, thoughts—everything—and assume everyone was questioning them too! I was afraid of the judgment of others. I was terrified of the opinions of others. I judged others in fear, and I feared man.
"Fear of man" is a term used to describe the heart of someone who acts or says, or does not act or say, certain things out of fear of what others may think. There's an example of it in Scripture, in John 12, when the people and authorities believed in Jesus but would not confess it for fear that they would be shunned (John 12:42–43). Even Peter, who walked with Christ and was one of His disciples, denied Him three times because of his fear of man (Mark 14:66–72). Caring deeply about what others think can be damaging to our faith and bring great despair. At least that was the case for me.
The Many Cares of What Others Think
Sin isn't a foreign concept. It is that unfortunate condition we face at birth and which remains in us until that moment when the Lord takes us home. I have sinned, I continue to sin, and I will sin more. But in my pride, there was a time when I didn't want anyone to think that I did sin. I hated the idea of disappointing anyone. It didn't come to light for me until I was a young-adult Christian, but it was something that I had battled all my life—pleasing people.
I was the all-star cheerleader, flute-playing band geek, honor student, student-government president, and good girl (except with boys—I liked boys at a young age). I was that girl. The overachiever, friends with everyone, always smiling (I was genuinely a happy girl and okay—some things haven't changed, but now it's the joy of the Lord), typical goody two-shoes. I had a secret though: I loved the praise of people and hated the idea of doing wrong. The most important person in my life as a young girl was my father, and I wanted most to please him.
So I worked hard, generally obeyed (we didn't have many rules), and excelled in extracurricular activities and school. I think this fear of man and desire to honor my father was actually a God-given, gracious wedge of protection. Kids were experimenting with drugs, and I didn't want anything to do with that. I wasn't a partier, but I did have a "serious" relationship as a young girl with a boy and remember talking about that carnal relationship with my father. It was my respect for him that led me to cut it off. There was a healthy respect and fear in that instance, which I'll write about later, but, overall, many of my actions were simply a desire to please and be seen as doing good. My father did instill in me a love for people, so not everything I did was to people please, but the idea of disappointing my father tore me up inside.
So when I became a Christian in my twenties, and the Holy Spirit began to reveal my sinful heart, I was astonished. I couldn't believe that there was a possibility that part of my motivation to do good and be all that I could be was actually born out of sin. After all, I was a good person, right? My pride was so great that I was condemned. Ultimately the problem with my people pleasing was that I had come to believe that the opinions of others about me were far greater than God's.
Lou Priolo wrote in his book Pleasing People that one of the many temptations a people pleaser might face is "an excessive love of praise [that] tempts you to believe man's opinion of yourself over God's opinion." The foolishness of this temptation is that the men and women we seek to please are just like us—fallible.
This fear of man is manifested in many ways. In my life, it was all about looking good and, as I mentioned earlier, doing my best not to disappoint my father. (Ironically, it was terribly hard to disappoint my father. He was incredibly gracious, which is what made my fear that much sillier.) For others the fear might be driven by a desire to fit into a certain group or by a desire not to be associated with a certain person. Perhaps you refuse to associate with certain people, rejecting them in order to appear a certain way to others. Social media has a way of pulling out the fear of man. We check to see who has "liked" our post or picture, fearing what we write, hoping to be noticed.
You've heard the saying, "There is nothing new under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 1:9). It's definitely true regarding the fear of man. Peter (you know, the man who received the keys to the kingdom) denied his friend and Savior not once but three times. He didn't deny Him during happy days. He denied Christ on the way to Christ's death, and he did it out of the fear of man. Looking into this account from Peter's life will give you and me a glimpse into the motivations and consequences of this fear.
Jesus had prophesied that Peter would deny Him, but Peter strongly objected, saying, "If I must die with you, I will not deny you" (Mark 14:31). He fell into the trap of believing that he was above this sin. Paul warns us that if we think we stand, we must "take heed lest [we] fall" (1 Corinthians 10:12). No one is completely immune to certain temptations, but Peter was sure of himself. He was sure that he would stand strong with Jesus, facing the authorities and mockers, till the bitter end (Mark 14:29).
You know, however, how it turns out. Peter did not stand with Christ and denied Him twice to a servant girl and then to an entire crowd. Peter knew immediately after that rooster crowed that he had failed the test that he'd been sure he was going to pass. Peter didn't continue in pride or make excuses for his denial. He fell to the ground and wept. I imagine the tears were many. He had betrayed his friend, teacher, and Savior for fear of his own life being taken from him. Peter didn't want to die. At that moment Peter forgot what it meant to follow Christ.
When we fear man, we join Peter in his moment of forgetfulness. Peter forgot that those who kill the body cannot kill the soul (Matthew 10:28). You will see that Scripture passage referenced in various ways throughout this book because it is packed, in just a few short words, with an ocean of theological truth about the fear of the Lord. There is only one whom we need to fear, and that is the Lord. But Peter forgot, as you and I so often do. His pursuit was self-preservation. It was more important to him to blend in with the crowd than be known as "one of those people."
Earlier I mentioned that Peter received the keys to the kingdom. I mentioned it in such a way as not to make him look foolish or to condemn him but rather to highlight the amazing grace of Jesus. Jesus knew that Peter would deny Him. Jesus is God and therefore possessed all the foreknowledge of His Father. He not only predicted Peter's denial (Mark 14:27–31); Jesus knew that one day He would honor Peter despite it (Matthew 16:19). And He does the same for us.
Tragically, you and I deny Christ every time we care more about what others think of us than of what God has already declared. Every time we seek man's approval and praise, we say to the Lord that His sacrifice was not enough. And He says to us that He became "fear of man" so that we would be counted as righteous. We are presented before the Lord as concerned only with loving and pleasing Him—and it is finished because of Christ. He is already pleased with you and with me.
There's another troubling problem with the fear of man, one that we might not give much thought to, and that is judgment. The fear of man isn't always our denial of another or our attempt to impress; we can fear man in our private thoughts about them. Our made-up scenarios and fear can lead to judging others.
Slander, Judgment, and the Fear of Man
I can remember an incident when I heard my name and personhood slammed. It was pretty terrible. It hurt. I went into the room and immediately confronted those responsible. I cried, they confessed, and that was that. They asked for forgiveness, and I forgave.
We don't typically learn what others really think of us. And I often wonder if we really want to know. Most of the time we're left to assume the best or nothing at all. Unfortunately, though, many of us don't assume the best or nothing at all. We're preoccupied by the opinions of others. This is the fear of man. It can show up in a variety of forms, but there's one thing we can be certain of—it's a snare (Proverbs 29:25). I've discovered that when I'm tempted to fear man, it's usually rooted in fear of what someone else thinks of me. But as I dig deeper, I realize that I'm actually judging and assuming the worst of them.
Fear of Man and Judgment
The fear of man so often ends with judging others, because we begin to assume we know another's motives, thoughts, character, and intentions. Someone forgets to answer an email, so you assume you're not a priority and that she is selfish. It turns out she was on vacation. You pass someone in the hall, and he doesn't wave, so you assume he doesn't like you or is rude. It turns out he didn't see you. You invite someone to do something, and she kindly declines, so you assume she's disappointed in you. It turns out she simply doesn't want to attend or is sick or tied up. It really doesn't matter what the other person thinks or does, but our preoccupation with worrying about what others think of us drives us to sinfully judge.
Fear of Man and Self-Forgetfulness
The false thoughts leading us to judge others are a form of pride that can only be remedied by what Tim Keller calls "gospel humility." As he explains in his helpful book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness:
Gospel humility is not needing to think about myself. Not needing to connect things with myself. It is an end to thoughts such as, "I'm in this room with these people, does that make me look good? Do I want to be here?" True gospel humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. In fact, I stop thinking about myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings.
Preoccupation with what others think is pride. Perhaps you long to be highly regarded. Maybe you hate the idea of being misunderstood (oh, how I relate). Whatever else it is, it's pride, and we know God opposes the proud (James 4:6).
Every true believer longs for gospel humility. None of us wishes to stay as we are—we want to be transformed into Christlikeness. Christians don't desire to disobey God and grieve the Spirit. Besides, it's no fun being consumed by what you think someone else thinks. Keller shares the secret to the sweet forgetfulness that we find in the gospel:
Do you realize that it is only in the gospel of Jesus Christ that you get the verdict before the performance? ... In Christianity, the verdict leads to performance. It is not the performance that leads to the verdict. In Christianity, the moment we believe, God says, "This is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased." Or take Romans 8:1, which says, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." In Christianity, the moment we believe, God imputes Christ's perfect performance to us as if it were our own, and adopts us into his family. In other words, God can say to us just as he once said to Christ, "You are my Son, whom I love; with you I am well pleased."
The verdict of "well done" is in, and as a result you and I run the race of faith, putting off judgment and the fear of man. Even though we will fail miserably, we make the effort nonetheless. After all, God's "well done" motivates and inspires a life consecrated to His glory.
I wish I could say that the fight against fear of man and the temptation to judge others is easy. But it isn't. We can be assured, though, that God will indeed finish the good work He began in us (Philippians 1:6). This is a walk of faith, a race to the finish line that will lead us out of our struggle with sin and temptation and into glory. One day we will be with our Savior, worshiping Him forever. We'll never again worship the idol of man.
A Crossroads
When I first heard the good news of the gospel, it was so marvelous and freeing that I couldn't help but rejoice and share it with others. (Have you noticed that about new Christians?) But in what seemed like a moment's time, my joy and carefree spirit became gripped by the fear of man. I was so afraid I was doing something wrong all the time. I had feared man before, but at this time it wasn't hidden from me. It was staring me in the face. There was a short season when I thought I had mastered the beast. I read books (similar to this chapter) entirely dedicated to the topic. I prayed. I did all these things, and it seemed to be working. But then I got married. I remember situation after situation when I feared what my husband thought of me. Did he think my figure was shapely enough? Was I too shapely? What did he think of my cooking? Was my food up to his mother's standards? (She's a gourmet chef without the title or the accolades.) It was a never-ending battle. He would thank me for making a meal but not in the way I hoped, so I just assumed he hated it. I'd feel deflated. Me, me, me. It was all about me.
Unfortunately, it didn't end there. My fear of what others thought of me began to affect my marriage. My husband would reassure me and encourage me about various pursuits, and yet I feared what other women thought. Women would share their opinions, and instead of weighing their words against God's Word and trusting the Lord (and my husband), I would become paralyzed by fear. I'd second-guess his decisions, thinking about what others would or wouldn't do. I hated the thought of not being accepted because I was "different."
As I already noted, the fear of man is described in God's Word as a snare (Proverbs 29:25). A snare is a trap. It traps you in your mind and keeps you from obeying, trusting, and fearing the Lord. It is a trap that kept me from trusting my husband with decisions or his word. It is a snare because it traps you into elevating people above God—people become your object of worship.
I found myself at a crossroads. Either I could believe that what God said in His Word about His children is true, or I could continue to trust my own feelings, fears, and thoughts. It was a matter of faith. God says He is for us (Romans 8:31); He views those in Christ as covered in Christ's righteousness (Romans 5:17); and He is working in our life (Philippians 1:6). God was humbling me so that He might lift me up.
The remedy for the fear of man isn't a greater view or love of self. As I said in United,
The world's prescription for the cure of the fear of man is to find ways to be proud of oneself and find security in and through the self. Quotes like "Love yourself" or "Believe in yourself" or even the sweet but theologically lame quote widely attributed to Walt Disney, "If you can dream it, you can do it," are all focused on self. But God says that the opposite of the fear of man isn't finding security and pride in oneself. No, it's placing one's trust and security in Him.
Killing the fear of man is rooted in, as Tim Keller says (borrowing from C. S. Lewis), thinking of yourself less.
For you and me to stop worrying about others, we have to start thinking about Him. As we meditate on the character of God and remember His holiness (Psalm 77:13), omniscience (Psalm 147:5), sovereignty (Deuteronomy 4:39), and love (John 3:16), we begin to experience the beginning of wisdom and understanding (Psalm 111:10). When I began to intentionally think about God's character, I started to experience true freedom in Christ and joy in the Lord. My life was no longer partly dependent on others; it was more fully submitted to God.
Again, it isn't that I think less of myself. I don't fight the fear of man and my concern about what others think by assuming the worst about everything I do and beating myself up while elevating others. I don't deny God's gifts in my life, which would be false humility. I don't walk around with my head down in fear of praise or encouragement either, which would only draw more attention to myself. What I am learning to do is forget about myself so that I can enjoy others and enjoy what the Lord is doing and, most importantly, enjoy and worship my Father.
You may not struggle to the severity that I have, but I don't doubt you've found yourself in situations where you were concerned about what others think of you. It is so easy to do. I believe one reason we care so much about what others think is a desire to preserve an image. We want others to think we are carefree or "cool," so we disobey the Lord in a certain area; we want others to think we are righteous, so we play the good-girl role even when we are miserable; we want others to think we don't associate with that person or that organization, so we ignore friends (like Peter ignored Jesus). Our actions keep us from loving and serving others, often because we just care so much about what others think. We do this because of pride. Our pride and desire to be seen a certain way prevent us from living the life God desires for us.
So the real question is, do you struggle with finding your full and complete acceptance and satisfaction in God alone? I do, and I'm sure you do too. Everyone does to varying degrees. But if you relate to what I've written and sense a deep longing to be accepted by others, you may find yourself experiencing despair. You simply won't be able to please people. It can't be done. We can please others but only to a certain degree, and it won't satisfy. Their praise will only leave us hungry for more. Their affection will leave us wanting. Their acceptance will run out when they sin against us, and we discover they are sinful too. The only thing that will ever satisfy us without disappointment is the Lord.
(Continues...)
Excerpted from Fear and Faith by TRILLIA J. NEWBELL, Lydia Brownback. Copyright © 2015 Trillia J. Newbell. Excerpted by permission of Moody Publishers.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
IntroductionChapter 1: Fear of Man
Chapter 2: Fear of the Future
Chapter 3: Fear of Other Women
Chapter 4: Fear of Tragedy
Chapter 5: Fear of Not Measuring Up
Chapter 6: Fear of Outward Appearance
Chapter 7: Fear of Your Man
Chapter 8: Why We Can Trust God
Chapter 9: The Fear of the Lord
Chapter 10: When Your Fears Come True
Chapter 11: Growing in the Fear of the Lord
What People are Saying About This
Trillia serves us well in this book by addressing fear and anxiety head-on and digs past the fear itself and into the very roots where fear is born. She does this with the gentleness of a mother and a mind steeped in the Bible. Whether you personally struggle with fear or walk with people who do, you will find helpful, well thought-out help in the pages of this book.
—Matt Chandler, lead pastor, The Village Church, Dallas, Texas; author, The Explicit Gospel
Trillia Newbell knows what it is to be plagued by fear. She also knows what it is to fight for faith and to ground her heart in the character of our wise, faithful, loving, sovereign God. She offers hope for overcoming our fears and experiencing true peace, through cultivating reverential fear of the Lord.
—Nancy Leigh DeMoss, author; host of Revive Our Hearts
Many Christians are scared, and too scared to say that they are scared. Trillia Newbell helps us confront our fears and point beyond them to a Christ who has vanquished every foe. This book grapples with heavy subjects but with the joyful gravity of a woman anointed with the Spirit and with wisdom.
—Russell D. Moore, president, Southern Baptist Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission
Trillia puts her finger on the thing that, for many of us, keeps our faith subdued and our lives joyless: fear. She writes with humility, authenticity, and victory. This book will bless you and release you.
—J. D. Greear, author, Jesus, Continued . . . Why the Spirit Inside You Is Better Than Jesus Beside You
We love Trillia Newbell’s insights into common fears, and her vulnerability and transparency about her own struggles. Trillia’s heart is opened beautifully on these pages. Fear and Faith is a warm, honest, hopegiving, Christ-centered book that will deepen your trust in God.
—Randy and Nanci Alcorn, authors of Help for Women under Stress
Trillia speaks from her heart and experience to all of us who find ourselves gripped by fear over what other people think, what might happen, or what might never happen, pointing us toward the freedom to be found in being gripped by a very different kind of fear—the fear of the Lord.
—Nancy Guthrie, Bible teacher and author of Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow
It is refreshing to see such raw transparency as Trillia goes in depth with real-life stories and fears that we all struggle with as women. It is freeing to read biblical solutions of how to overcome those fears. I encourage women of all ages and walks of life to read this book.
—Naghmeh Abedini, wife of Pastor Saeed Abedini, who has been imprisoned in Iran for his Christian faith.
Though Trillia Newbell writes mainly with women in mind, she speaks to all of us disordered and disoriented fearers in this book. And she reminds us that the more the right fear governs us, the weaker our wrong fears become. Fear and Faith was a tonic to my soul.
—Jon Bloom, president of Desiring God, author of Not By Sight and Things Not Seen.
Fears fester and grow in the darkness of the “what ifs.” But oh! When the light shines! Trillia has good news for all of us who are tempted to live in fear. The what ifs have nowhere to hide from the brilliant “since God did not spare His own Son” of the gospel. Come bask in the light.
—Gloria Furman, author, Glimpses of Grace, The Pastor’s Wife.
Trillia addresses real fears while drawing our attention upward to our very real God. He is good, sovereign, and lovingly able to address our individual fears as He calls us to personally trust Him. Being cemented in God’s word is what our soul desperately needs since we are often drawn toward sinful fears rather than a healthy fear of God.
—Blair Linne, outspoken word artist, pastor’s wife
If you’ve ever thought you were alone in your fears, and if you’ve ever told yourself that fear is not a problem for you, this book will challenge you to examine the truth of that statement. This grace-filled book will help you reclaim the energy given to fearfulness and redirect it toward faith in an infinitely trustworthy God.
—Jen Wilkin, author, Women of the Word
This mind-calming, soul-pacifying book will transform many fear-full women into faith-full women. It will also help many men understand their wives better and therefore serve them more patiently, lovingly, and skillfully.
—David Murray, pastor, professor, author, The Happy Christian
In Fear and Faith, Trillia Newbell has given the church a valuable resource. With gentleness, humility, and boldness Trillia unfolds the pages of her life for us and then points us over and over again to Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.
—Jessica Thompson, author/speaker
Trillia Newbell digs deep down into our feminine hearts to expose the roots of our fears—roots of pride and unbelief and covetousness. And then she helps us face into those fears as she carefully applies the wordsof our faithful God who encourages us to “Fear not!” This book is full of wisdom and truth that you will want to return to time and again.
—Jani Ortlund, VP of Renewal Ministries, author, His Loving Law
Fear and Faith will serve to provide much needed encouragement to many women who may think they are the only ones suffering through crises. Trillia’s candid personal testimony coupled with real-life stories from other women all testify that none is beyond the reach of Christ’s redeeming love toward us.
—Mary K. Mohler, director, Seminary Wives Institute of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary
I’m so happy that Trillia wrote this book. It offers real hope for women who are burdened and burned out by the fears that confront them on a daily basis. Fear and Faith offers a wonderful reminder that we don’t have to “perform” any longer, because our loving God cherishes and accepts us just as we are.
—Kelly Rosati, vice president of community outreach, Focus on the Family
Trillia’s writing style is her winsome honesty. In Fear and Faith, she bares her heart and allows us to walk close beside her in a personal journey with fear. Thank you, Trillia, for not only challenging those of us whostruggle with fear, but also for clearly leading us on the pathway to true peace!
—Kimberly Wagner, author, Fierce Women
We can all identify with the destructive and paralyzing results of living by fear. As Christians we long for lives defined instead by faith and God’s power. Trillia reminds us why we can trust God and holds out a vision for life defined by this kind of trust—fearing God rather than our feelings, fears, and fellow travelers.
—Amy Simpson, author, Anxious: Choosing Faith in a World of Worry
Trillia Newbell, one of the most joy-filled people I know, bares her struggles with fear and the well-worn path she’s found to faith. As a chronic fearer, I was much encouraged by Fear and Faith.
—Lore Ferguson, writer, thinker, and tinkerer at sayable.net
Fear has been a companion much of my life, robbing me of much joy. In Fear and Faith, Trillia gently and compassionately explores fears common to many women and points fearful hearts to the One who has set us free from all fear.
—Christina Fox, licensed mental health counselor, writer, blogger: toshowthemjesus.com
When fear and anxiety hit like a tidal wave, trusting God isn’t always easy. Trillia’s message is that fear doesn’t have to pin us to the mat. In a style that is helpful, conversational, and deeply rooted in God’s Word, Trillia gives real, meaningful hope to the fearful. Every woman needs this book!
—Erin Davis, author, speaker, blogger