Family Drama

by Beatrice Ndudim Goldson-Nwalozie

Overview

All through the ages, the family remains both central and strong. For centuries, it has withstood social catastrophes and revolutions, but it has not remained unchanged by them. We are at a crossroads between what the family has been and what it will become in the future. Childhood, parenthood, old age--all are likely to be redefined. The emergence of a new political class of older people, for example, is just one issue families and governments still have to grapple with. As human society becomes more complex, so is the great diversity of family lives and forms expected to continue.

It is necessary for us to invest in families; if not, we may pay a high price. For most individuals, the family is by far the most significant institution. Whether we grow up anxious or confident, trusting or suspicious, ambitious or contented is determined very largely by our early experiences of family life. Evils which a well-supported family and childhood can reduce or eliminate are as follows: addiction, ill health, crime, school dropout rates, and callous self-interest. Measures to tackle serious family crises--abandonment, abuse and neglect, and marital breakdown--are essential in all societies.

Protecting and empowering the family is of crucial importance if future generations are to enjoy a decent quality of life. The family is the most fundamental resource for human society. Guaranteeing the transfer of resources between generations is fundamental to the notion of sustainability. The present generation has a responsibility to future ones to provide a healthier, most secure environment for the family to act out its role in human society.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781490777214
Publisher:	Trafford Publishing
Publication date:	05/26/2017
Pages:	72
Product dimensions:	8.50(w) x 8.50(h) x 0.20(d)

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CHAPTER 1

FAMILY AND RESPONSIBILITIES

Having children creates responsibility and will normally motivate parents to carry out their biological, psychological, economic and educational functions: to impart care and protection; offer love and healthy family relationships; provide shelter and material welfare; and promote play and learning.

Children, combined with the bitterness and anger of a failed relationship, make separation and divorce one of the most terrible experiences endured by adults. For most divorce is a last resort, not simply to end a nightmare, but sometimes for survival.

Broken families can result from separation due to illness, divorce or other issues. The break-up of a family has many negative impacts on the children. The children are more likely to act out against siblings, biological parents or stepparents. Children also develop emotional issues, such as anger, resentment, loneliness and depression, due to the change in the family unit. Children involved in broken families are also more likely to engage in early sexual activities.

With growing economic indecency of women in many regions, it is possible for them to consider raising their children alone. Divorce is also common in areas of high unemployment, rapid urbanization, and social change. Divorce does not indicate a loss of belief in marriage-many divorces remarry- but second and third marriages have even higher incidences of breakdown.

However, marital breakdown is often followed by moving to a new area, changing jobs, and starting a new family. These developments are often used as a pretext for losing touch with children from a previous marriage.

We should all recognize that successful family life is neither enforced dependency, nor isolated individualism, but interdependence within families, this, implies a relationship between equals- gender and generation. Within communities, social institutions should support families enough to empower them, but not trap them in dependency.

Like everything else in nature, the family is subject to continuous change. That which is static in nature, dies. Children grow up, parents grow old, and other children are born. We know about the endless cycle of life, and it is the glory of the family that it is the logical team to make the best and face the worse of what this world has to offer. It is a practical example of the necessary interdependence of the human race, able, ideally, to counter most vicissitudes and even to accept generalizations and platitudes with that necessary pinch of salt.

CHAPTER 2

EXCITEMENT IN MARRIAGE

Family is a universal phenomenon. The Family is the oldest, most fundamental, and most enduring of all human institutions. It is the cornerstone of society and our personal lives. It is the source of the new generation, of population growth or control, and of primary child care. It meets the basic human needs of food and shelter, care for elderly and disabled people, creates wealth and provides large, unrecognized economic services.

Family means socialization, education and transmitter of culture, tradition and skills. The family can profoundly influence our human potential and happiness by the care it offers in our youth. All our lives we turned to it for love and shared values, for support in good times or bad, and as a reference point that gives meaning to our experience.

We learn from family contact throughout our lives: each important experience, such as marriage, having children or retiring, brings new patterns of behavior with it. Learning is most intense during infancy and childhood. The mother is normally the principal teacher of the very young child, at least until weaning. But as the infant's horizons expand, so other people begin to have growing influence. Older siblings, especially sisters, are important because often they care for the young child. Marriage is a socially recognized union of a man and woman as husband and wife which was instituted by God. It legitimizes sexual access and brings procreation which ensures the continuity of lineage.

THE NORMAL LIFE

It has been so good getting married and everything falling in place as expected. Being matured to marry, meeting loved one, dating, getting to meet with each other's family members and formalizing the marriage as the culture would have it. Quite an interesting and exciting process where all relations that has helped in your growing up are brought into the picture. When the rites performance are completed, couples relax and form their nuclear family. As little your finance might be as young beginners, you wouldn't mind as long as you live together, you begin to manage, face your responsibilities and to make ends meet

Much of human activity is directed towards the realization of personal aims and ambitions, especially in terms of marriage, the maintenance of the home and the establishment of a family. It would seem a much more valid interpretation that man works to eat and to provide a living for his dependents and that much of his youthful efforts is devoted to acquiring such defendants.

The family evolves, for thousands of years it has adapted to a constantly changing world. Families vary so much within regions and among cultures. There is no simple view of the family: no universal definition. Most of us assume we know exactly what family is. We might say that it is a household, a group of people who live together under the same roof and who are related. A family is not always tied to one place and to one time. A family may split between households. The family exerts a powerful influence over its members, requiring them to respect and preserve the blood line, conserve family tradition and class, and to protect the family's reputation. Our ancestry has considerable bearing on our expectations in life. The ability of the family to control destiny stretches across the generations: some believe its stems from the dead. Ancestral cults are important in many societies. We all are fascinated with our origins-our 'Roots'. Some people travel halfway across the world, at great expense, to trace ancestors and draw up a family tree.

Economic, technological and social developments are having a powerful impact on families. A growing number of couples do not have children: perhaps as many as a third of families have only one parent, (and some center on the partnership of two adults of the same sex)

Exhibiting caring values within the family is the surest way to protect and promote the rights and welfare of individual members. The health and wellbeing of young children, for example, is dramatically improved by teaching parents about birth spacing, hygiene, good nutrition and safety within the home. Informed parents can help prevent disability, alcohol and drug addiction, violence and neglect. They can also cater for the special needs of disabled members by learning basic rehabilitation techniques.

Since women are primarily responsible for child rearing and domestic matters, most family polices and information on family welfare is targeted at them. But programs to involve men in family life are badly needed, if only to ensure the fair distribution of responsibly.

COMPANIONSHIP

This is to avoid loneliness because there are lots of psych-social problems and emotional disturbances that can emanate from a matured man or woman that is staying alone. Everybody needs a friend, a partner, someone to lean on, to talk to, a person that can be depended upon in times of need, a trusted person. This in itself is the real purpose of marriage. Husband and wife should be true friends that manifest loyalty and faithfulness to the last among themselves.

A partner that can be leaned on, dependable, trust for this is the purpose of marriage. This partnership is meant to last for a life time. The imperatives are that you are to leave your original family where you belong to join with the family of your spouse (partner). For this great miracle to take place, there must be a pre-requisite which is' LOVE' that creates attraction amongst you, but this love must be a genuine one in order to empower you to take this giant step of life. Love is a powerful emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection, it attracts, magnetizes and it involves deep sexual expression of one another. The spouse delighting in cheating-Adultery due to migration or whatever the case may be is a very serious issue in marriage.

Healing from infidelity in marriage takes time, longer, probably, than it did to build the relationship in the first place. The trust is gone, and it might be rebuilt, one act of faith at a time. Even if your mate has forgiven what you did, that doesn't mean he or she will ever forgot that you strayed.

Marriage is not all about sex and children but also companionship. Companionship is one of the important basic needs of man. A man is motivated when he feels trusted and respected. Man/woman wants more than anything a soul mate and friend, someone loving, caring, and affectionate. Someone tender to talk to and have fun with. Someone who can be there for you, take interest in the things you do, trust, respect, be loyal and admire you. The ideal companion would focus on your good qualities more than your faults. Someone you could share your feelings, thoughts, interests and whole being. Someone you can relate and listen to with excitement without boundaries.

CHAPTER 3

NUCLEAR FAMILY

A nuclear household consists of a married couple and their unmarried children, or a single parent and unmarried children; whereas an extended household comprises, in addition to a nuclear family unit, a broader set of kin and sometimes unrelated individuals.

This nuclear group is found worldwide, but it is most prevalent in the west where it seems to epitomize the modern family. In a western country such as the UK, little more than a quarter of all households are nuclear families.

Nuclear families are commonest in industrialized cities, with the advent of Industrialization, adult life expectancy increased, so three generation families become common in towns and cities.

In Africa, nuclear families are in the minority, this is because men leave their wife and children in search of money, passion and power. On getting there they are grabbed by younger ladies anxiously looking for already made men. Having in mind that men are free to marry as many wives as possible but for a woman, one man is enough, you have to stick to your first husband till death do you part, even if he is beating you up you have your children to take care of, you must listen and obey your husband, you can be the first wife which is the only honor you have as a married woman. Tolerant, the elders will tell you.

Once the man goes out, he might not come back to his first wife again, he would pretend to be charmed, forgetful and searching for useless reasons for his actions. The irresponsible man now gives reasons for abandoning his young beautiful wife and children he once loved and suffered with when they had nothing but love for a new illegal cohabitation.

IMPACT OF MIGRATION ON THE NUCLEAR FAMILY

This entails greater reliance by the abandoned and the children, a weakening of wider kinship relationships and a consequent widening of the roles of nuclear family members especially women. (Migration and Family, p.48)

Female headship of incomplete nuclear families is common in areas where temporary mobility occurs. In such circumstances women and children must perform tasks naturally done by men. (Nalm (53), p.425) found that the extended absences of Minaugkabau migrant men from their homes created strains within family and may have been responsible for an unusually high incidence of Oedipus complex among children and of mental disorders among women.

Families of migrant men at the place of origin must adjust not only to the permanent or temporary absence of family members, but also to the influences of the newly acquired money, goods, ideas, attitudes, behavior and innovations transmitted back to them by the movers. This is because the acquired position, money, power have a great influence on the mover, who are dominantly the men.

Migration of the head of the family does lead to the separation of family members, creating a greater dependence on the nuclear family, weakening wider kinship relationships and consequently expanding the roles of nuclear family members, especially the women. Caldwell 8 (21) p. 274) has identified such changes as being critical to the transition from high to low fertility, which requires a reversal of the net flow of wealth.

Hattaway (25) p.3) suggests that the mobility induced separation of family members, even for short periods, leads to marital instability and the consequent permanent break-up of the family unit, whereas Gonzalex (21), p.1266) cites several studies of the societies in which the temporary separation of husband and wife has been consistent with marital instability. A high incidence of divorce among the Mainangkabau of Western Sumatra has been attributed to high rates of male migration (53) p.426), whereas Lineton (44), p.65) suggests that the low incidence of divorce among the Bugis of Wajo is partly because nuclear families migrate as a whole.

Though in more recent years, increased modernization and industrialization has generally led to families becoming more geographically and socially mobile, with the result that extended family ties are shed. Modern industrial and urban living is tending to erode family structures back into the more isolated nuclear form. The more that families become isolated from their grandparents and other relatives, the more they become reliant on state and private support.

Migration of the man/head of the household to another country in search of greener pasture is becoming a big issue in families. The nuclear family is most affected, the wife and children would be left behind to suffer and to take care of themselves. The burden would be on the woman of the house/ wife, this is because she would be depressed hoping for the husband to be back, the extended family would begin to look into her family affairs monitor and control her. They would want to know how she gets the finance for her family needs and begin to label her "a prostitute. ..."

The 'Girl Child' in every family should be educated before giving her out in marriage. If the 'girl child' is educated, she would be able to take care of her family in the absence of the husband. She stands a better chance of sending her children to school to be well educated because she would have a good job, soon she would catch up with her new role and responsibility as a single parent and head of her family.

Having a man or no man in your life does not define whom you are as a person. You have just one life to live, you need to make yourself happy as much as you can. You should not allow yourself to be put down because of the absence of a man that does not want nor love you. Move on with your life and enjoy it, you have a great destiny to fulfill.

Soon the single parent would get used to her new roles and be strong to take care of herself and her children. When men migrate they begin to form another nuclear family over there and tend to forget their first love, this is ridiculous. It would be like a dream to her, she might fall sick, depressed, crying most of the time, emotionally, socially, psychologically and physically down. The family is separated, divorced and irreparable. Children are disorganized, growing up without the father figure in their lives which was not what the woman anticipated when she got married. Family disintegration affects children more because the boys would join bad people that would teach them to smoke, fight, become a school dropout and many more ills, while the girls will tend to experiment on sex and thereby have babies without father when they are babies themselves.

These days when a man wants to migrate, he would sit with the wife to discuss, it's either your family goes with you or forget it. Disintegration of families is not the best for the family, church, society, community nor the country.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Family Drama"
by .
Copyright © 2017 Beatrice Ndudim Goldson-Nwalozie.
Excerpted by permission of Trafford Publishing.
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Table of Contents

DEDICATION, v,
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT, vii,
PREFACE, ix,
INTRODUCTION, 1,
FAMILY STRUCTURE, 1,
CHAPTER 1, 8,
FAMILY AND RESPONSIBILITIES, 8,
CHAPTER 2, 11,
EXCITEMENT IN MARRIAGE, 11,
THE NORMAL LIFE, 12,
COMPANIONSHIP, 14,
CHAPTER 3, 17,
NUCLEAR FAMILY, 17,
IMPACT OF MIGRATION ON THE NUCLEAR FAMILY, 18,
CHAPTER 4, 23,
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN, 23,
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, 25,
SEXUAL VIOLENCE, 26,
PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE, 27,
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE, 28,
MINIMIZING, DENYING, BLAMING, 28,
USING CHILDREN, 29,
COERCION AND THREAT, 29,
ISOLATION, 29,
CHAPTER 5, 34,
SINGLE PARENTS – LONE CAREERS. HOUSEHOLD HEADED BY WOMEN, 34,
SOCIAL AND ECONOMIC FACTORS ASSOCIATED WITH THE, 36,
EMERGENCE OF FEMALE HEADED HOUSEHOLDS, 36,
VULNERABILITY OF CHILDREN, 38,
MOTHER/CHILD CO RESIDENCE, BY MOTHER'S MARITAL STATUS, 39,
CHAPTER 6, 42,
FAMILY MATTERS, 42,
MEN AND WOMEN, 43,
WOMEN'S WORK AND MEN'S WORK, 44,
CHAPTER 7, 47,
MEN AND FATHERS, 47,
TIME FATHER SPENT WITH CHILDREN, 49,
BUILDING THE FAMILY, 52,
EPILOGUE, 57,
BIBLIOGRAPHY, 59,