Everybody Fights: So Why Not Get Better at It?

by Kim Holderness, Penn Holderness

Overview

Notes From Your Bookseller

Social media phenoms, the Holderness family takes on how to fight — or rather, how to fight better — in this funny and helpful guide.

A USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestseller!

Learn how to fight better and end your arguments with your partner feeling closer, more loved, and better understood.

We take our cars in for oil changes. We mow our lawns and pull weeds. Why don't we do maintenance on our marriages? This relationship is the most important one we will ever have, so why not get better at it?

For the last several years, Penn and Kim Holderness of The Holderness Family have done the hard maintenance and the research to learn how to fight better. With the help of their marriage coach Dr. Christopher Edmonston, they break down their biggest (and in some cases, funniest) fights. How did a question about chicken wings turn into a bra fight (no, not a bar fight or a bra fight)? How did a roll of toilet paper lead to tears, resentment, and a stint in the guest bedroom?

With their trademark sense of humor and complete vulnerability, Penn and Kim share their 10 most common Fight Fails and how to combat them. Throughout the book, they offer scripts for how to start, continue, and successfully close hard conversations. Couples will emerge equipped to engage and understand, not do battle—and maybe laugh a little more along the way.

In Everybody Fights, couples will learn how to:

• Use "magic words" for healthy conflict resolution
• Address unspoken and unrealistic expectations
• Banish the three Ds of unhealthy communication—distraction, denial, and delay
• Carry individual baggage while helping your partner deal with theirs

Penn and Kim want you to know you're not alone. Everybody fights. Marriage is messy. Marriage is work. But marriage is worth it. Fight for it!

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780785235729
Publisher:	Nelson, Thomas, Inc.
Publication date:	03/30/2021
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	160,194
Product dimensions:	9.10(w) x 6.10(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Kim Holderness was born and raised in Sarasota, Florida, and was a competitive dancer (once crowned Miss Dance Florida). She went to the University of Florida, then began her career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral, and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.

Penn Holderness was born in Durham, North Carolina, to a Presbyterian minister and a public school teacher. He was super into Boy Scouts, show choir, and synthesizers as a kid, so he wasn’t exactly a ladies’ man. He went to the University of Virginia, then started a two-decade career in TV journalism. Penn and Kim met in Orlando while working in local news and were married in 2005. In 2013 they left the TV business and launched a digital content company called Greenroom Communications. Part of that launch was a video called “Xmas Jammies” that went viral and led to appearances on GMA, the Today Show, Fox News Channel, and CNN. (Apparently Xmas Jammies are bipartisan.) The Holderness Family currently lives in Raleigh with their dog, Sunny.

Table of Contents

Introduction vii

01 The Battle of the Bra 1

02 Can't You Just Be Happy for a Minute? 19

03 Can You Please Just Say Something? Anything? Anything at All? 41

04 I Do Everything and You Do Nothing 61

05 I'm Struggling with Snuggling 83

06 I Need to See Other People 105

07 Are You Even Listening to Me? 123

08 You Don't Take Me Seriously 147

09 I Cheated on You … Financially 171

10 Why Are You Being So Snippy? 195

One Last Thing 217

Afterword 221

Acknowledgments 229

Notes 233

About the Authors 237

Editorial Reviews

01/11/2021

In this reassuring debut, married couple Kim and Penn Holderness, hosts of The Holderness Family Podcast, share examples from their “fight fails” and strategies for fighting less frequently and having a happier marriage. The Holdernesses emphasize that, while they are not trained to address serious issues like infidelity, addiction, or mental illness, they can offer tools for couples who struggle with feeling misunderstood or lack communication skills, but who are willing to learn. To make arguments less destructive, the authors suggest couples examine both what is communicated and how it is said, and to avoid reverting to passive-aggressive or hyperbolic statements. They also give prompts for identifying and rewriting the “secret contracts” that play a role in most marriages, such as what chores and tasks one does around the house and ideas for setting new routines, as well as the value of gratitude and public displays of appreciation. These engaging tools and conversation-based exercises for couples will provide a great starting point for strengthening communication. (Mar.)

Publishers Weekly