Table of Contents
Acknowledgments xi
1 Children of the Night 1
Who Are These Emotional Vampires?
Are They Really Vampires? 2
Antisocial Vampires 4
Histrionic Vampires 5
Narcissistic Vampires 5
Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires 6
Paranoid Vampires 7
2 Maturity and Mental Health 9
If Emotional Vampires Are Children, What Does It Take to Be a Grown-Up?
What Causes People to Become Emotional Vampires? 11
Immaturity Versus Evil 11
The Everybody and Nobody Rule 12
What If You See Yourself? 12
3 The Way of Vampires 15
How Emotional Vampires Are Different from and More Dangerous than Other Annoying People
Vampires Are Different 16
Vampires Prey on Humans 17
Vampires Can't See Themselves in a Mirror 19
Vampires Are More Powerful in the Dark 20
Protecting Yourself from Vampires 20
4 Lovable Rogues 21
The Antisocial Types
The Ferrari-Toyota Dilemma 22
How to Recognize an Antisocial Vampire 23
The Antisocial Emotional Vampire Checklist: Listening to the Call of the Wild 24
What the Questions Measure 25
5 Vampire Daredevils 27
Sexy, Thrilling, and Definitely Bad for Your Health
The Physiology of Excitement 27
Daredevil Hypnosis 28
Female Daredevils 29
How Vampires Keep You Coming Back for More 30
10 Ways to Protect Yourself from Daredevils 31
6 Daredevils in Your Life 39
Daredevil Lovers and Spouses
The Action Hero 39
The Liar 42
The Unfaithful Lover 43
Daredevil Ex-Husband 44
Daredevil Dads 47
Daredevil Adult Children 50
7 Antisocial Used Car Salesmen 53
Slicker than Cheap Polyester, So Always Remember to Read the Fine Print
Used Car Hypnosis 55
Is Honesty Really the Best Policy? 61
8 Vampire Bullies 63
Big, Scary, Powerful, and Stupid as the Guys Who Used to Take Lunch Money
The Instinct for Aggression 63
Vampire Bully Hypnosis 65
What to Do About Bullies 65
How to Do the Unexpected 67
9 Antisocial Used Car Salesmen and Bullies in Your Life 75
Living with a Liar 75
Bullies in Your Life 80
Living in a Minefield 80
10 Therapy for Antisocial Vampires 89
The Goal 89
Anger Control Treatment 90
Treatment for Addiction 90
Self-Help 91
What Will Hurt 92
11 Show Business, Vampire Style 93
The Histrionic Types
What It's Like to Be Histrionic 94
The Histrionic Dilemma 95
What the Questions Measure 95
The Histrionic Vampire Checklist: Living a Soap Opera 96
How to Protect Yourself from Histrionic Vampires 99
12 Vampires Who Ham It Up 101
Whether It's Sex, Sickness, or Secrets of Success, There's Only One Show Business
Ham-It-Up Hypnosis 103
Writing a Safe Role for Yourself 105
Illness as Theater 105
Celebrities, Fans, and Wannabes 106
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Histrionic Hams 106
13 Passive-Aggressive Vampires 111
Deliver Us from Ghoulies and Ghosties and People Who Are Only Trying to Help
Giving Until It Hurts 115
Illness as Communication 115
Passive-Aggressive Hypnosis 120
The High-Self-Esteem Syndrome 120
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Passive-Aggressive Histrionics 121
14 Histrionics in Your Life 127
Histrionic Martial Arts 127
My Mother, the Drama Queen 128
The Queen of Gossip 129
Your Depressed Sister 130
Male Histrionics 134
15 Therapy for Histrionic Vampires 137
The Goal 137
Professional Help 138
Self-Help 138
What Will Hurt 140
16 Big Egos, Small Everywhere Else 141
The Narcissistic Types
What It's Like to Be Narcissistic 142
The Narcissistic Dilemma 143
Narcissism and Self-Esteem 144
What the Questions Measure 144
The Narcissistic Vampire Checklist: Identifying the Self-Styled Smartest, Most Talented, All-Around Best People in the World 145
17 Vampires Who Are Legends in Their Own Minds 151
With Talent Like Theirs, Who Needs Performance?
How Narcissistic Legends Prevent Themselves from Succeeding 153
Narcissistic Legend Hypnosis 155
How to Socialize Narcissistic Legends 158
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Legends in Their Own Minds 159
18 Vampire Superstars 165
You've Got to Love These Guys! Worship Them, Actually
Dealing with Superstars' Insatiable Needs 166
Superstar Hypnosis 169
Sex and the Superstar 169
Superstar Depression and Anger 171
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Superstars 173
19 Narcissists in Your Life 179
Pundits from Hell 180
Tiger Mom 182
Season's Greetings from the Narcissist in Your Life 184
20 Therapy for Narcissistic Vampires 187
The Goal 187
Professional Help 187
Self-Help 187
What Will Hurt 189
21 Too Much of a Good Thing 191
The Obsessive-Compulsive Types
What It's Like to Be Obsessive-Compulsive 192
How Much Is Too Much? 193
Punishment, Where Good and Evil Meet 193
What the Questions Measure 194
The Obsessive-Compulsive Vampire Checklist: Vice Masquerading as Virtue 195
The Obsessive-Compulsive Dilemma 197
22 Vampire Perfectionists and Puritans 199
Can the Undead Be Anal-Retentive?
Why Do They Always Seem Angry? 200
Obsessive-Compulsive Hypnosis 200
Product Versus Process 201
Demanding Priorities 202
Perfectionists How the Imperfect Can Deal with Perfectionists 205
Puritans 206
Meet Your Inner Teenager 207
Nine Ways to Protect Yourself from Obsessive-Compulsives: What to Do When the Good Guys Are After You 210
23 Obsessive-Compulsives in Your Life 215
Control Freak 215
Control Freak Parents 218
Married to a Control Freak 218
24 Therapy for Obsessive-Compulsive Vampires 223
The Goal 223
Professional Help 223
What Will Hurt 225
25 Seeing Things That Others Can't 227
The Paranoid Types
Paranoid Purity 228
What It's Like to Be Paranoid 229
The Paranoid Emotional Vampire Checklist: Next Stop, the Twilight Zone 230
What the Questions Measure 231
26 Vampire Visionaries and Green-Eyed Monsters 235
Inspiration Always Involves Blowing Things out of Proportion
The Paranoid Quest 235
Paranoid Hypnosis 236
Visionaries 236
How to Recognize Crazy Ideas 238
Paranoids and Religion 241
Green-Eyed Monsters 241
The Nine Elements of Vampire-Fighting Strategy: How to Give Paranoids a Glimpse of Reality 244
27 Therapy for Paranoid Vampires 249
The Goal 249
Professional Help 249
Self-Help 250
What Will Hurt 250
28 Sunrise at Dracula's Castle 251
Index 253
