Dry Humping: A Guide to Dating, Relating, and Hooking Up Without the Booze

by Tawny Lara

Overview

A lighthearted, cheeky, and judgment-free handbook from sober sexpert Tawny Lara on how to have better sex, better dates, and better partnerships—without relying on alcohol!

When you’re intimidated or overwhelmed, it’s easy to turn to “liquid courage” to feel more relaxed and outgoing. But what if you want to cut back or cut out alcohol from your life? What do you do on dates? How do you soothe worries and hang-ups? And how the heck do you get up the nerve to be naked with someone new?

In Dry Humping, you will learn how to have better dates, sex, and partnerships with tools like:

• Booze-free date ideas
• Scripts for awkward conversations
• Interviews with experts 
• Thought-provoking prompts
• Perspectives from a diverse range of regular people
• And more!

You don’t need alcohol to have a fun, carefree, fulfilling dating life. Dry Humping offers you the tools to step away from alcohol, for however long you want to, while also having more fun in and out of the bedroom.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781683693635
Publisher:	Quirk Publishing
Publication date:	09/19/2023
Pages:	208
Sales rank:	419,551
Product dimensions:	5.50(w) x 7.50(h) x 0.60(d)

About the Author

Tawny Lara, also known as the Sober Sexpert, has been writing and speaking about alcohol-free sex and dating since 2015.. Her work is featured in Playboy, Men’s Health, the Huffington Post, and two essay collections: Sex and the Single Woman and The Addiction Diaries. She is the cohost of Recovery Rocks and story editor for F*cking Sober, both award-winning podcasts.

Read an Excerpt

Introduction: Letting Go of Liquid Courage

In my late twenties, my years of binge drinking, hangovers, and regrettable sex started to take a toll on my overall well-being and love life. I knew that, on some level, I’d have to stop to reevaluate my relationship with alcohol. While I could handle a dry month here and there, one question held me back from ditching the booze for good:
    How will I date, let alone have sex, without liquid courage?
     Perhaps you, too, have relied on liquid courage to get through a first date or to ask your partner to try something new in bed. Dating, sex, and romance can be scary, and when we’re scared, a lot of us outsource our bravery to booze. If you’re reading this book, you’re probably thinking about drinking less, and like me, you’re worried about how you’ll handle the anxieties surrounding sex and dating. (I quit drinking altogether, because that’s what I needed, but you don’t need to commit to complete abstinence to change the way alcohol operates in your love life.)
     For starters, you may never have seen a model for healthy, booze-free dating. When it comes to dating and falling in love, many of us learn the ins and outs from movies and TV. Those ins and outs often involve a drink. Tune in to nearly any show or movie to see alcohol depicted as a magical elixir that helps take the edge off whatever might be worrying the characters. The 2018 remake of the film A Star Is Born shows Lady Gaga’s character taking a shot of tequila before performing her vulnerable love song, “Always Remember Us This Way,” for the first time on stage. In the Big Bang Theory TV series, Raj morphs from feeling shy around women into feeling overly confident after just one drink. Even Carrie Bradshaw from the iconic TV show Sex and the City hypes herself up for an uncomfortable sex talk with her boyfriend with “two-for-the-price-of-one margaritas.” I couldn’t help but wonder: if Carrie Bradshaw—America’s go-to for sex positivity before that term even entered our lexicon—needs alcohol to talk about sex, how do regular people find the courage to engage in uncomfortable or scary dating moments?
     Despite what society, Hollywood, and peer pressure might tell you (and what you may say to yourself), you don’t need margaritas to navigate the world of dating, sex, and romantic relationships. You just need to learn how to embrace your real, intrinsic courage, which you can access—with a little practice—without booze.
     If you’ve seen Disney’s Dumbo, remember when the crows give Dumbo (the adorable, floppy-eared elephant) a feather they say is magic, insisting that the feather would make him fly? He later discovered that he could fly all along—the feather wasn’t magic, it just gave him the confidence to access the powers he already had. Alcohol may have been a magic feather for you; it may have helped you muster the courage to talk to the cute person at the bar or given you the confidence to have a difficult conversation with a partner. But that’s not the same as saying you need it. Your desires and abilities were there all along; alcohol just made it easier (maybe sometimes too easy) to ignore your doubts, hesitations, or inhibitions.

Editorial Reviews

An insider view on what it means to date and live sober and offers tips for readers struggling with things like body dysmorphia, addiction, and just plain bad dates. Lara’s authentic approach may inspire readers to take action to improve their own lives”—Library Journal

“Tawny Lara is the Esther Perel of sober dating. Whether you're cutting back on alcohol or cutting it out entirely, she has all the tips and advice you need to find the relationship and sex life of your dreams. Dry Humping is one of the most empathetic and hilarious books I've read this year.”—Gigi Engle, certified sex educator, psychotherapist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes

“As a therapist specializing in substance use, sex and dating are often the biggest barriers that prevent folks from getting sober or cutting back. Tawny has written THE definitive guide to both. I cannot wait to share this book with clients!”—Amanda E. White, LPC, @therapyforwomen and author of Not Drinking Tonight: A Guide to Creating a Sober Life You Love

“Dry Humping is an insightful, digestible, and amusing guide to sober dating and sex. Tawny Lara is truly the sober sexpert of this generation. A must-read for anybody who's interested in sober living and relating in this booze-ful world!”—Dr. Tara, world famous sex and relationship coach, tenured professor, author, and tech advisor

“We’ve been sold a phony film narrative in every movie since we watched our first teen rom-com in junior high: that liquid courage leads to lifelong romance. Tawny Lara’s Dry Humping expertly explains why that’s a lie and teaches how to reframe drinking in the dating discourse. Dry Humping is an uplifting, down-to-earth, meet-you-where-you’re-at guide guaranteed to change the story of alcohol in your life.”—Ted Mandell, Notre Dame Professor of Drunk on Film: The Psychology of Storytelling with Alcohol and Its Effects on Alcohol Consumption

“Dry Humping is an absolute gem. From the title on, I was drawn in by Tawny’s humor, knowledge, and tact with topics like emotional intimacy, sex, and communication. As a person with long-term sobriety and in a long-term committed relationship, I wasn’t expecting to learn much, but I was wrong! This is a must-read for anyone who wants to strengthen their intimate relationships.”—Emily Lynn Paulson, founder of Sober Mom Squad and author of Hey, Hun: Sales, Sisterhood, Supremacy, and the Other Lies Behind Multilevel Marketing

“Tawny Lara is the sober sex guru of our generation...a brilliant example of a sexy sober person living boldly. With this guide, we will know ourselves better and choose better partners because of it. Sober-curious or not, we all need this book."—Paulina Pinsky, co-author of It Doesn't Have to Be Awkward

“Dry Humping is the ultimate wingman (or woman! Or person!) for anyone looking to navigate the dating world sober-style. Tawny Lara’s insights and booze-free date ideas will leave you feeling confident and in control of your love life and empowered. Dry Humping is the sober dating bible you never knew you needed. With Tawny Lara’s help, you’ll learn how to charm your way through any awkward situation, no alcohol required.”—Erin Lee Carr, author of All That You Leave Behind: a Memoir

“A fresh, enlightening, and inclusive look into sober dating, sex, love, relationships...and everything in between (the sheets)!”—Amanda Kuda, Author of Unbottled Potential: Break Up with Alcohol and Break Through to Your Best Life

“Dry Humping is the book I was missing when I first quit drinking. Tawny brings such warmth and relatability to the subject that even the most fearful of sober daters will come out of this read more optimistic. There's a universality to her advice that extends far beyond people who recently quit drinking. I recommend this book to anyone looking to explore dating with fresh eyes.”—Ginny Hogan, author of I'm More Dateable than a Plate of Refried Beans

“Dry Humping gives you a roadmap that’s not only inspiring, transformative, humorous, and engaging from the very first page; Tawny gifts you with a manifesto that cuts through the BS and will equip you with practical tools so you can reclaim yourself and your sex life. Count me the heck in!”—Africa Brooke, Consultant, Mentor, Writer

From the Publisher

06/01/2023

Award-winning podcaster Lara (cohost of Recovery Rocks) shares how the many years she engaged in binge drinking and regrettable sex took a toll on her. She wanted to take a different approach to life, but she was terrified that she'd never have the courage to date without consuming alcohol and found dating apps to be scary. This book offers sober-dating advice, but the author is quick to tell readers that she is not a therapist; she describes herself as a bisexual woman in recovery for substance addiction. This work gives readers an insider view on what it means to date and live sober and offers tips for readers struggling with things like body dysmorphia, addiction, and just plain bad dates. Lara's authentic approach may inspire readers to take action to improve their own lives. VERDICT Most relevant for readers in recovery or who are interested in sobriety, but also a revealing read for daters and nondrinkers in general.—Emily Bowles

Library Journal

I cannot wait to share this book with clients!”

Amanda E. White