Table of Contents
Introduction xi
What Does "Toxic" Mean? xv
Why You Should Care xviii
The Genie Is Out of the Bottle xx
Who Was Your First Narcissist? xxii
How This Book Can Help You Navigate Toxic People and Relationships xxiii
Why 1 Wrote This Book xxvii
Part 1 The narcissistic roadmap: navigating the toxic potholes 1
Chapter 1 Narcissists, Jerks, and Tyrants: Is Being an "Asshole" a Diagnosis? 3
The Narcissist: The Insecure Tyrant 5
The Toxicity Paradox 6
Are Toxic People Happy? 8
What Is Narcissism? 9
Can a Narcissistic Personality Be Treated? 19
Chapter 2 The Anatomy of Narcissism and Interpersonal Toxicity 25
The Five Clusters of Narcissism 26
Chapter 3 What Flavor Is Your Narcissist? 86
The Grandiose "Classic" Narcissist 87
The Malignant Narcissist 88
The Covert/Vulnerable Narcissist 89
The Communal Narcissist 93
The Benign Narcissist 95
Entitled People 96
Which Subtype Is Your Narcissist? (Hint: The Thirty-One Traits Can Help) 100
Psychopath vs. Sociopath vs. Narcissist: A Toxic Continuum 101
Narcissistic Patterns in Other Disorders 106
Chapter 4 Toxic Universe: The Narcissistic World Order 108
WKy Do We Fall for Toxic People? 110
The Intoxication of Fame 114
The Toxic Playground: Social Media 115
Follow the Money 121
The Measure of Success 124
Toxic Masculinity 128
Education 130
Consumerism and Materialism 132
New Age Narcissism 134
What's Your Brand? 137
Chapter 5 How (Not) to Raise a Narcissist 139
A Framework for Understanding the Why of Narcissism 140
The Paradoxical Issue of Indulgence 151
Are We Stuck in a Generation of Parental Overcorrection? 154
The Child as Hyperconsumer 155
A Formula for Raising a Narcissist 157
Part 2 The toxic narcissists in your life 164
Chapter 6 The Narcissist in Your Bed 166
The Cautionary Tale 168
Transactional Narcissistic Relationships 171
Love Bombing: The Gateway to a Toxic Love Affair 172
Why Do We Stay? 174
We Know Better 175
The Toxic Toll on Your Health 177
The False Hopes That Keep Toxic Relationships Afloat 179
What Is Love? 182
The Mantra of the Narcissistic Relationship 185
Infidelity 187
Coparenting With a Narcissist 188
Domestic Violence 193
Takeaways: Toxic Partners 196
Chapter 7 The Narcissist Who Raised You 202
The Key Characteristics of a Narcissistic Parent 203
The Impacts a Narcissistic Parent Can Have on a Child 206
The Unstable Foundation Laid by a Narcissistic Parent 209
Can-or Should-You Maintain Contact as an Adult? 219
Does Having a Toxic Parent Affect Your Own Parenting? 221
The Other Parent 222
The Aftermath of Having a Narcissistic Parent 224
A Chip Off the Old Block 224
Takeaways: Toxic Parents 225
Chapter 8 The Narcissist at Work 229
The Tyrant's Appeal 231
#Everyonegetshurt by Toxic Leaders 234
Which Came First, the Narcissism or the Leader? 239
Moral Cleansing Theory: Why It Fails With Narcissistic Bosses 241
Your Narcissistic Coworkers 242
Why Did You Take the Job in the First Place? 244
It's Not Fair 246
Takeaways: Toxic Bosses and Colleagues 247
Chapter 9 The Other Narcissists in Your Life (Siblings, Friends, In-Laws) 254
Siblings 257
Takeaways: Toxic Siblings 260
Friends 261
Takeaways: Toxic Friends 265
In-Laws 266
Takeaways: Toxic In-Laws 268
The Toxic Person You Don't Know 268
Chapter 10 The Narcissist You Raised 271
Letting Go of Your Own Child: The Painful Journey 273
Protecting Your Health and Your Wealth 274
Guilt and Grief 275
Toxic Adolescence-It May Be Temporary 276
Takeaways: Toxic Children 278
Part 3 Staying sane in a narcissistic world 282
Chapter 11 A Simple Survival Guide 284
The Charlie Brown of It All 285
Closing the Gate 286
Chapter 12 The Big Picture 310
Our Habituation to Narcissism 311
The Well-Being Vortex 313
The Era of Incivility 316
Global Narcissism 323
Chapter 13 The Aftermath 326
"Narcissists' Rights" 327
The Danger Is Real 329
Can We Prevent It? 331
That's Just How They Are 333
"The Line" 334
Close the Floodgates 336
Pink Flags 337
Family Patterns 338
You Are Enough 339
Don't Expect Justice 340
The Crystal Ball 343
Chapter 14 The Modern Happily Ever After 346
Open the Gate for Good People 347
Celebrate Your Scars 348
A Global Neighborhood of Goodness and Love 349
Transitioning from Survival to Growth 349
New Beginnings 351
Bibliography 353
Acknowledgments 362
About the Author 367