Table of Contents
Preface xiii
Acknowledgments xvii
Chapter 1 A House Divided 1
Facts about Divorce 2
Chapter 2 Moving Ahead: Telling Children about Your Divorce 13
Concrete Thinkers in an Abstract Situation 17
When Your Child Is No Longer a Child 24
Academic Performance 26
Boys and Girls React Differently 26
Adjustments Abound 28
Mourning the End of a Marriage 29
Not Enough Hours in the Day, Not Enough Friends in the World 32
One Magical Wish 34
Chapter 3 Custody Options: The Best Interest of the Child 35
Joint versus Sole Custody 37
Chronic Mental Illness Leads to a Topsy-Turvy World 39
Active Alcoholism or Other Drug Abuse and Children Don’t Mix 41
Physical or Sexual Abuse: Confounding Dilemmas 42
Violating Orders, Communication Failure, Obstructing Visits 43
Endangering Your Children 44
Separate Lives under One Roof, Then the Great Divide 46
Giving Up Placement 48
Grandparents: Help or Hindrance 49
Chapter 4 Navigating the Legal Waters 51
Finding an Attorney 51
Don’t Be Attracted by Unrealistic Promises 55
Avoid “Hired Guns” and “Dirty Tricks” Attorneys 56
Switching Attorneys 58
Telling Your Story in Court 59
Acting as Your Own Attorney 60
Mediation as a First Step 61
Collaboration 64
Arbitration 68
The Court Process 69
Custody Disputes 72
The Guardian ad Litem 72
The Custody Study 76
Custody Evaluation 76
To Supervise or Not to Supervise 83
Relocation Cases 85
Going Back to Court 88
Chapter 5 Two of Everything? Dealing with the Practicalities of Placement and Custody 93
Placement of Young Children 96
The Ackerman Plan 98
Bad Schedules 100
General Rules 101
Separating Children 105
Uninterrupted Time 106
Different Cities: Creating a Placement Road Map 107
Making Things Work under New Rules 109
The Master Schedule 109
The Parenting Plan 111
Visits and Flexibility Work Hand in Hand 114
Dividing Property with an Eye n Details 119
Parents’ Rights 121
College Education 125
Religious Training 126
Phone Calls 127
Presents 129
Vacations 129
Finances 130
Parents Working after a Divorce 131
Chapter 6 How to Parent Apart 132
The Family Conference: Increasing Avenues of Communication 133
A United Front 134
Making Placements Better 134
Power to the Children 138
Children as Coequals 139
Sleeping Arrangements 140
Children in the Middle 140
A Different Sort of Communication 143
Fighting in Front of the Children 144
Where to Live 146
Problems with the Other Parent 147
Parents Who Won’t Visit 148
Lack of Cooperation 149
Chapter 7 Maltreatment 152
Physical Abuse 154
Who Will Be the Abusers? 154
Proving Abuse 156
Consequences of Childhood Physical Abuse 157
Family/Domestic Violence 159
Domestic Violence and Custody 161
To Stay or Not to Stay: Is That Your Quandary? 164
Emotional/Psychological Abuse 165
Sexual Abuse 167
Who Are the Sexual Abusers? 169
Evaluating Sexual Abuse 169
If You Think Your Child Has Been Sexually Abused 170
Sexual Abuse Allegations: True or False? 172
Devastating Effects of Sexual Abuse 176
Warnings!!!!!!! 181
Chapter 8 The Only Certainty in Life Is Change 183
Move-Away Placement Plan 186
Longer Lasting Reactions 187
A Plan to Make Everyone Feel Better 188
The Challenge of Additional Adjustments 188
Remarriage 192
The Role of the Stepparent 194
Disciplining Children 195
Cementing Relationships 197
The Other Extended Family 197
Change as Children Grow Older 198
Chapter 9 Custody Do’s and Don’ts 200
A Boy Named Chris 201
Custody Do’s 207
Custody Don’ts 217
Chapter 10 Resources Abound 224
Psychiatrists 225
Psychologists 226
Social Workers 228
Professional Organizations 229
Current Resources on Child Custody/Divorce 231
Index 241
