DitzAbled Princess: A Comical Diary Inspired by Real Life

by Jewel Kats, Katarina Andriopoulos (Illustrator)

Overview

Jewel at 33 is a Princess in her own right.
She's a fun-loving, demanding Diva who loves to shop as much she loves to write. Jewel is the apple of everyone's eye--be it her doting family, her doctor for her never-ending bowel issues, her pushy book editor and especially her frugal husband's soft spot. So, what's Jewel 's weakness? Her pet dogs: Snowie and Dolly. Particularly, naughty Snowie who is known to pee wherever he fancies--including Dolly's face!

For Jewel, her physical disability doesn't dampen her spirits. Rather, it enhances them. She gets to use an unusual fashion accessory (Imagine: A hot pink elbow crutch.) She gets out of doing housework. She gets carried up-and-down stairs like a Princess a la command. Jewel may be horribly messy, terrible with numbers and a workaholic, but nobody can imagine life without her. Not that she would let them, anyway! She has a big mouth, remember?

About the Author
Once a teen runaway, Jewel Kats is now a self-made Diva. Her closet is stuffed with fashion and beauty accessories.She's overcome sexual abuse, disabilities, you name it... Jewel interned in the TV studio of Entertainment Tonight Canada. She appeared in a documentary series by the Oprah Winfrey Network (Canada) in 2012.

Learn more at www.DitzabledPrincess.com

From Marvelous Spirit Press www.MarvelousSpirit.com

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781615991839
Publisher:	Marvelous Spirit Press
Publication date:	03/15/2013
Pages:	72
Product dimensions:	6.14(w) x 9.21(h) x 0.15(d)

Read an Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

MEET THE FAMILY

JEWEL MOM HUBBY BABY SIS MIDDLE SIS DAD B.F.F.
The ...

"DiTzABLED Princess"

... Superstar ... Jewel

JEWEL, 33, IS A PRINCESS in her own right. She's a fun-loving, demanding Diva who loves to shop as much she loves to write. Jewel is the apple of everyone's eye — be it her doting family, her doctor for her never-ending bowel issues, her pushy book editor and especially her frugal husband's soft spot.

So, what's Jewel's weakness? Her pet dogs: Snowie and Dolly. Particularly, naughty Snowie who is known to pee wherever he fancies — including Dolly's face!

For Jewel, her physical disability doesn't dampen her spirits. Rather, it enhances them. She gets to use an unusual fashion accessory (Imagine: A hot pink elbow crutch.) She gets out of doing housework. She gets carried up-and-down stairs like a Princess a la command. Jewel may be horribly messy, terrible with numbers and a workaholic, but nobody can imagine life without her. Not that she would let them, anyway! She has a big mouth, remember?

"Mom"

"Mom" can't be labeled as a stay-at-home parent or a working woman. She does both roles to a killer degree! By day, she's a saleslady. At all other hours, she's a frantic mother. If humanly possible, "Mom," would be everywhere at once.

Her home is her pride and joy. Every inch of it is spotless. While two of her three daughters inherited this trait, it's Jewel's messiness that boggles her mind. "Mom" often blames her eldest daughter's "slob gene" on her husband.

"Mom" is known to go hysterical, and bargain hunt like there is no tomorrow. Apart from Jewel, the dogs are closest to her. She enjoys bathing and dolling up Snowie and Dolly. "Mom" realizes these are the only grandchildren she'll get out of Jewel.

Her conversations with her husband often surround the "kids." Romance went out the door a long time ago.

"Hubby"

(a.k.a. Honey)

"Hubby," 38, is cheap, cheap, c-h-e-a-p. He literally graphs his business earnings on a chart, and checks in on his recent inheritance windfall daily. He's so thrifty that he'd rather drink water out of a gas station washroom tap than buy a fresh bottle. Naturally, "Hubby" is always at odds with his wife, Jewel, over her sky-is-the-limit-on-her-credit-card spending habits.

While "Hubby" may remain tight-fisted when it comes to the almighty dollar, he is incredibly supportive of Jewel's career. He readily admits he's her biggest fan. Though, he forgets his wife's jealousy streak, and doesn't censor his thoughts when it comes to other women. "Hubby" is like a long lost son to Jewel's mother. In fact, "Mom" often favors him in the face of her daughter, citing the fact that Jewel feels like the outsider in-law. "Hubby" is especially close to "Mom" as he recently lost his mother to Huntington's disease.

Overall, "Hubby" is a good guy. He's incredibly neat, too.

"Baby Sis"

"Baby Sis," 22, is a recent University graduate and fresh accountant in the workforce. She's as sarcastic as she is pretty. She regards her eldest sis, Jewel, as a joke, but loves her all the same. "Baby Sis" often feels like her third parent. She was Jewel's day-today manager during her pre-married days. Otherwise, the girl would've been in financial ruins.

Living in a three-bedroom condo isn't easy with so many people. Especially, considering "Baby Sis" likes order in her environment. To make matters worse, she has to live with Dolly and Snowie (a.k.a. "the mutts.")

"Baby Sis" is a hard worker — often staying up late to please her new boss. While she's more social than Jewel, she envies the relationship her sister has with her parents, often complaining in secret that they favor their spoiled princess-like daughter. However, when "Baby Sis" goes away on vacation it's often Jewel whom she misses most.

"Baby Sis" also prides herself on being Jewel's first go-to editor. She feels special that Jewel trusts her opinion the most when it comes to her written work ...and basically, her overall life.

"Middle Sis"

"Middle Sis," 32, is the most level-headed, and mature of the three sisters. She literally played a hand in raising, "Baby Sis." She helped her parents rear her absent-minded elder sister, Jewel. She's a pillar of strength for her family.

"Middle Sis" holds a high-power corporate position. She enjoys the challenges brought on by rules and structure. She expresses her creative side through cooking. She's a leader when it comes to organizing family events and social outings with friends.

She's happily married to a chartered accountant and believes in saving dough for rainy days. "Middle Sis" lives in a downtown high-rise and comes home to visit once a week. She finds Jewel to be a fresh air of laughter and good times. Her biggest qualm in life is chronic constipation.

"Dad"

"Dad" is a semi-retired real estate agent. Though he studied electrical engineering back home, he practiced it a short time here before the real estate boom in the 1980's.

"Dad" is typical in that he loves watching sports, and is a non-fiction article addict. He may have been busy selling houses while his girls were young, but his days now consist of being entertained by them — especially, Jewel. She's known to give him coffee-runs for "writing inspiration" in the mornings.

Jewel and "Dad" share an especially close relationship. He truly understands her, and gets a kick out of her antics. He's never one to complain about her spending or tornado-like lifestyle. He often opens up to her as well.

Like his wife, "Dad" enjoys finding steals and deals. He's never one to shop for himself. Rather, he'll indulge in stocking up the fridge for everyone. And, since he's not a saint, he pops in ethnic snacks and sweets for himself.

"B.F.F."

(Best friend forever)

"B.F.F.," 31, is Jewel's best friend forever. This party of two met while Jewel was just a grade nine high school student. They had a chance meeting when B.F.F.'s elder sister brought Jewel back to her house for a French class project. Within an instant, Jewel and B.F.F. sparked an everlasting friendship. Up until this day, they are known to bicker like sisters. Yet, at the same time, they listen to each other with open hearts.

B.F.F. is a daring single mom who recently moved to New York for a well-paying job opening. Jewel and her now correspond through text messages, online chats and phone calls. However, Jewel often whines about her move.

B.F.F. is known to draw men in with her sarcasm, wit and flirtatiousness. She's bold, sassy and unmarred by her divorce. She's a recovering big spender who has amended her ways. Though, her fad of late is dieting.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "Ditzabled Princess"
by .
Copyright © 2013 Jewel Kats and Katarina Andriopoulos.
Excerpted by permission of Loving Healing Press, Inc..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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