Discover Your Hungers: 9 Keys to : Release Weight,Create Health, Wealth and Have the Life You Want!
328
Discover Your Hungers: 9 Keys to : Release Weight,Create Health, Wealth and Have the Life You Want!
328eBook
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Overview
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781982215231 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | Balboa Press |
| Publication date: | 12/22/2018 |
| Sold by: | Barnes & Noble |
| Format: | eBook |
| Pages: | 328 |
| File size: | 3 MB |
About the Author
Read an Excerpt
CHAPTER 1
Why Are You Here? Discover Your Hungers
You may be looking for hope again. You may want answers: Just tell me what to do, and I will do it! You may be looking for the answers within and are not sure how to hear or tap into the responses. Like the rest of us, you have real needs that you may not have been able to identify, and sometimes you do not know what you need to solve your situation. When it comes to facing a new diet plan, exercise plan, or even weight-loss surgery, a common belief is that it will keep our weight off forever. However, after we lose a lot of weight, something may still not be right. We may face the pain of not losing all the weight we had wanted to or the shame of regain.
I will share with you in bits and pieces throughout the book what I went through after my weight-loss surgery. I found many common stories with thousands of my patients and coaching clients over many years that gave me insight into lasting weight release and an overall feeling of success. The struggles I experienced made me realize that a critical piece of the puzzle was the way I saw myself, how I handled stress and anxiety, and even more importantly, how my thoughts were making and keeping me fat. I was brought up using diets to deal with excess weight and get healthy. The focus was always on just the food and then some exercise. The number-one obstacle I had in reaching any long-term weight loss success was my belief that if I was not slim enough, it meant I was not good enough, and if I wasn't good enough, then I was failing myself. It became a vicious circle, up and down, right through my childhood and into young adulthood.
You may have had similar experiences. Our beliefs control our minds and, in turn, our actions. And sabotaging yourself like this does not help get you the life you desire. It is a temporary solution to a long-term issue.
I am not slim enough to attract a partner/find love; I am not good enough, smart enough, rich enough, confident enough, fit enough, popular enough ...
In my case, I felt shame about my appearance; I did everything to hide my body by dressing up well, acting confident, getting degrees at school, and being nice to everyone. Not many people could see it at first, but after my pregnancies, I could not lose my excess weight of more than 150 pounds. No matter what I did, I could not change it, even though I went on all kinds of diets and weight loss programs — Weight Watchers multiple times, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, VLCD (very low calorie diet, physician supervised). I lost two pounds a week over eight months on four hundred calories per day and lost seventy pounds. And then, after the program ended, I gained it back, plus more.
I was a nurse teaching health and wellness; I felt like a total fraud!
Diets lower your metabolism and cause feelings of deprivation. I began to ruminate on the foods I was not allowed to have. Weight is a symptom and not the real issue. My thinking was keeping me fat, frustrated, and frumpy. I was programmed to believe certain things about myself, and that was a major contributing factor to my massive weight gain over the years. I also had not really understood how refined carbohydrates and sugars were lighting up the pleasure centers in my brain. They were also causing brain fog!
Weight-loss surgery reset my hormones and my thinking for the short time of six to nine months, and then I had to work on my thinking and my beliefs about everything in my life. I continue to work on this daily, to remind myself that my body is not a direct reflection of who I am as a human being.
You may have different beliefs that create the same result. In this book, you will learn and begin to understand that diets and exercise alone don't work! If you change your thinking, your mind-set, and your habits, the weight-release process will become much easier. The types of food we eat, of course, have an influence on how we think. Junk food leads to junk thinking, junk mind-sets, and junk habits.
* * *
What are the main pieces of the weight-release puzzle for you? Write down three things you think they might be, and then let's take a look at them in the next chapter.
CHAPTER 2Pieces-of-the-Puzzle Discovery
There are many ways to deal with your condition of excess weight or obesity. To make it easier to understand, I created a mind puzzle with twelve pieces:
Childhood, young adult, or adult emotional or physical trauma — or both — that precipitated a massive weight gain
Getting in touch with what might have caused your weight gain and then doing what you need to do to release or let go of that cause so you can begin to move forward is a major piece of the puzzle. In my early twenties, a woman in my extended family tried to choke me; two large men had to pull her off me. I was stunned in the moment. I called my parents to remove me from the situation, which they did. And then I did not even think of it for five years. Then one day, I was with my new husband and my parents, and we drove past the location of the choking event. My father said, "Dana, you must remember this place?"
I honestly said no.
"Really?" he responded, surprised.
He proceeded to tell me about the incident, and then I remembered it. But I was now in a safe place with people who loved me, and it felt safe to remember. I was amazed at how my brain had protected me from that event.
I had a similar experience with the rape I suffered at age nineteen in a public pool at a swim party, surrounded by friends. They had seen the threat and asked me if I needed help. I said no because I never imagined the man who assaulted me would do that to me in a public place! I was wrong. I was humiliated and shocked and stunned in the moment. I cried and left the party immediately. Why didn't I ask for help? Why didn't I say, "No!"? Well, the truth is I didn't do it then, and I forgive myself now. I was painfully shy and socially awkward.
Many of my patients and clients have experienced significant childhood emotional and sexual abuse. I have recommended therapy or counseling. Do what you need to take care of your past hurts; they can be holding you back from the health and life you want.
Habits developed as you grew up based on the situation at the time and your parents' or caregivers' beliefs
What beliefs can you remember about food, eating, and being in a family? One of my clients, whom I will call Sarah, had an emotionally and sexually traumatic childhood. She was sexually abused by her father from the age of eleven, and she believed her mother knew and never did anything about it. Sarah is in her fifties today and has never gone to serious therapy of any kind. She believed she could fix herself. The symptoms she experiences today relate to food, include eating an entire cake and then going to the gym for a four-hour workout. Mealtimes in her family of origin were never together but more of a get-your-own-food kind of setup. There was plenty of junk food and snack food around for her to choose from, and so she ate to comfort herself and dull the pain.
Some food traumas are not as significant. One of mine was that my parents would make me sit at the dinner table for hours, starting at age seven or so, until I finished my green beans. I don't like green beans; the texture and taste are not appealing to me at all. However, I was always the good girl — little did they know that our dog, Buddy, loved green beans, especially after I pre-chewed them. This pre-chewing process was painful and disgusting for me. My parent's belief was that you ate whatever was served and you had to clean your plate. Years later, my mother shared with me that my favorite food at age six was iceberg lettuce, and so she let me have as much as I wanted. I was not a sickly child. Sometime in those early years, when I was around six, my aunt said to my mother that I looked malnourished. Of course I wasn't, but soon after, the clean-plate club started at our home. The irony of the situation is that my mother was a nurse, and I believe my aunt may have been jealous of my mother and our family; who knows why people say the things they do? What people say is more a reflection of themselves than who they are saying it about. We always ate together as a family, and when I was six, I picked at everything on my plate. I tried things, and then if I didn't like them, I stopped eating them. Imagine that kind of self-control around food at age six. My aunt's comment had nothing to do with me and my nutrition. That changed after my seventh year.
What are your food habits from childhood?
Cravings for love, acceptance, support, shopping, gambling, sugar, or something else
My mother did the grocery shopping every Wednesday, and that meant some kind of treat. We would often consume it on Wednesday night, and then there were no more treats for seven days. I began a life of sneaking sweet treats, stealing a piece or two and hiding them for later consumption. I feared not getting the treat. How might this be related to craving love, acceptance, or support? My brother always had difficulty in school and I was the 'A' Student, so he got attention from both of my parents every night in the form of help with homework. I did not know how to ask for the love, the acceptance, or the support I needed. The truth was that I was incredibly insecure and somehow I took my family situation as reinforcement of that insecurity. Looking back as an adult I realize my parents were doing the best that they knew how to do and I did my best with my children, who also might say they did not have all of their emotional needs met at home. Sugar or treats became the comfort; it filled the time in the evening when Dad was with my brother, Mom was at work, and I was by myself. In my early tween years my dad began to distance himself from me emotionally and physically. I was not allowed to sit on his lap any longer or have loving hugs, so I began to isolate myself even more. There was never any explanation, that is just the way it was. I felt alone and lonely. Later as an adult I asked him about this rejection of me, he cried and I was stunned. He said he had always loved me but was overly worried about sexual and societal impropriety! My mom worked three evenings a week and he was alone with my brother and me. WOW! Seriously you must be kidding! I thought it was me as a person and then I found out it was me because I was a girl. This did not make me feel any better, so much damage had been done to my psyche. So I found a way to get his attention negatively, I stole wine from the grocery with two accomplices at age 13 and was arrested. Yes, me the 'A' student in the back of a police car going to the police station where Mom and Dad had to pick me up. I then had to appear in juvenile court, this incident was on my sealed record until I turned 18. I sure got dad's attention but not really in the way I wanted.
Not loved means lack of self-Love as an adult
So it seems feeling unloved can also cause a lack of self-love as an adult. How do you then begin to re-parent your inner child? It is a process in forgiveness of those that did not have enough of their own self-love to then show it to you as a child. Forgiveness is more for you than for those that have harmed or injured you physically or emotionally in the past. I use this technique in my support groups and with patients and clients when they are being self-critical. If you were speaking to a beloved child what would you say to them regarding this issue? Sometimes the look of surprise and the sensations are palpable. Can you now say that to yourself? You are a precious child deep inside even if you weigh over 200, 300 or 400 pounds.
Addictive behaviors
Have you noticed that sometimes or even often you eat when you are not hungry? I sure did, but I just could not seem to stop myself. I ate when I was happy, sad, bored, lonely, tired, mad, confused, you name it I ate over it! I rarely allowed myself to get hungry! My dad used to call it preventative eating, have a snack before we go out to dinner. Seriously? He barely had weight issues until maybe age 50 when he was about 30-40 pounds overweight. If you use things, behaviors, or people to fill a hole in your soul then you have addictive behavior. I have noticed how hard my clients fight for their addictions by saying things like "I just love food!" Are you the only one in the home who just loves food? or "It's my culture, we always celebrate with food." I ask them, "Is everyone in your culture suffering from obesity?" We talk a lot about addiction transfer after weight loss or bariatric surgery; alcohol is the major culprit but certainly not the only one. High risk sexual behavior, gambling, workaholism, shopping, porn, you name it. Often you may be looking for something to fill the holes inside and when food no longer can hold this role then you may find something else that will. If you can discover your hunger in other areas of your life then no replacements is needed.
Beliefs about you
This is a powerful piece of the puzzle. Some beliefs you hold about yourself began when you were a child. Given to you by parents, siblings, and caretakers by what they said to you and how they treated you. You began to form these beliefs because you believed what they said! They were older, smarter and must know all about you, right? Wrong! They saw you in relation to themselves. You can explore this area in more depth if you believe it may be holding you back in some aspect of your life. Discover what your hungers are in relation to your beliefs and ask if your beliefs are holding you back from making progress in some area of your desired life?
Anger, Frustration and Fear
Can these powerful feelings really block you from getting what you want? Absolutely they can, especially if you allow them to run your life. Instead you get to be in charge of how long you stay in a feeling state. You are a feeling human being, just like the rest of us, hopefully! That is not a bad thing, but feelings can change in a heartbeat depending on circumstances and how you think. Try it, think of something really sad and now think of something happy, start laughing. What happens in your body? What position are you in? Sitting? Standing?
Self-worth and Values
What is your self-worth based on? There are five very common but unhealthy ways you might determine your self-worth. They are: what you do, what you achieve, who you know, your net worth, and your appearance. Do you judge yourself on the basis of any of these categories? These are all temporary, your looks can change, you can lose all of your money, you can lose the people that make you feel impressive, you can be unable to achieve, and you can lose a job or not be able to function as you once may have. However, if you live your life based on your values, then this is sustainable because it has an internal anchor. Who are you at your core level? What are you core values? If you behave based on your core values you can create a life of purpose and meaning!
Emotional triggers
Have you ever over-reacted to a seemingly simple event? Did others question why you cried, yelled or laughed at an inappropriate time? If you say, "Yes," to any of these you may be responding to deeper internal emotional triggers. This process can also give you some discovery of your hungers in various areas of your life.
Awareness of your situation
Are you aware of how your situation is affecting you? How it makes you feel, think and behave? It is a process of going deeper and asking yourself what do you really know about yourself in this situation? The answers may surprise you, delight you, and give you much needed clarity about a situation.
Not taking action
This is a decision in and of itself. I call this the comfort zone, however, if you don't take action someone else will and then you are stuck reacting to their choices. Maybe you feel like you are always putting out other people's fires and have no time for your own life. What made you decide to do that? A deeper discovery of what is preventing action, fear, loss, need to be right, validation from others? It is your journey of discovery! When you begin to discover your hungers, oh the places you can go!
What you eat changes your body chemistry
This seems silly to some or obvious to others. Consider the many millions of people who have simple or severe food allergies; have you heard of anaphylaxis? Many children have this life-threatening reaction to peanuts, some have slower reactions to things like gluten. What foods might you be sensitive to? What foods are you allergic to? Can you think of foods you just really don't like? Your body may be telling you it is not the food for you! Sugar changes body and brain chemistry.
(Continues…)
Excerpted from "Discover Your Hungers"
by .
Copyright © 2018 Dr. Dana Schroeder.
Excerpted by permission of Balboa Press.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1 Why Are You Here? Discover Your Hungers, 1,
Chapter 2 Pieces-of-the-Puzzle Discovery, 4,
Chapter 3 How your beliefs affect you and your weight-Discover your Thinking and Physical Hungers, 11,
Chapter 4 My Core Story, 17,
Chapter 5 How do you get started? Discovery, 22,
Chapter 6 What are your Gremlins? Discover Your Thinking Hungers, 28,
Chapter 7 Exploring Your Self-Limiting Beliefs-Discover Your Thinking Hungers, 30,
Chapter 8 Obesity and life! What is the connection? Discover Your Physical Hungers, 41,
Chapter 9 How can weight loss/bariatric surgery help you? What has it done so far for you? Discover Your Physical, Mental and Emotional Hungers, 45,
Chapter 10 How trauma can lead you to love and compassion. Discover Your Emotional Hungers, 49,
Chapter 11 How do you know if you are eating your feelings? Discover Your Hungers!, 53,
Chapter 12 What are your beliefs about you and the world around you? Discover Your Hungers!, 57,
Chapter 13 What ingrained negative habits or thinking may be controlling you? Discover Your Hungers!, 61,
Chapter 14 What Movements make you smile? Discover Your Emotional Hungers, 66,
Chapter 15 Do you love yourself at all or enough? Discover Your Emotional Hungers, 70,
Chapter 16 What is Body Dysmorphia? Discover Your Mental and Physical Hungers, 74,
Chapter 17 How does your thinking affect your weight? Discover Your Thinking Hungers, 82,
Chapter 18 What does your gut say to your brain? Discover Your Physical Hungers, 93,
Chapter 19 What does your heart say to your brain? Discover Your Emotional and Physical Hungers, 96,
Chapter 20 The Nine Keys to Discover Your Hunger Explained, 104,
Chapter 21 Optimal Health in Harmony- What can you do? Key #1 Discover Your Health Hungers, 110,
Chapter 22 How can you create Spiritual Harmony & Wellbeing? Key #2 Discover Your Spiritual Hungers, 121,
Chapter 23 What if you could create Personal Harmony? Key #3 Discover Your Personal Harmony Hungers, 129,
Chapter 24 How can you create Relationship Harmony & Wellbeing? Key #4 Discover Your Relationship Harmony Hungers, 136,
Chapter 25 Your Vision going deeper into Relationships and your desired outcomes. Key #4, 141,
Chapter 26 How does your health and or weight affect your satisfaction with playfulness and fun? Key #5 Discover Your Playfulness and Fun Hungers, 153,
Chapter 27 How Does your career/work affect your weight and health or vice versa? Key #6 Discover Your Career/Work Hungers, 167,
Chapter 28 Is your weight or health affecting your money and debts and then corrupting your finances? Key #7 Discover Your Money Hungers, 181,
Chapter 29 Is your home environment a reflection of who you want to be? Optimal Environmental Wellbeing Key #8. Let's find out! How is your weight or health a part of this arena? Discover Your Environmental Hungers, 188,
Chapter 30 How to discover and create the plan for your Life Purpose. Key #9 Discover Your Life Purpose Hungers, 198,
Chapter 31 Discovering a Life Purpose- Creating the Life You Never Even Dreamed was Possible!, 216,
Chapter 32 What is fueling your hunger?, 220,
Worksheet W5 - Questions to ask yourself, 223,
Worksheet W6 - The 21 Gremlins: Discover Your Gremlins, 228,
Worksheet W7 - The 21 Self-limiting Beliefs About Weight Loss and Life, 234,
Worksheet W13 - What negative beliefs control your health, your weight and your life?, 237,
Worksheet W16 - New Intentions for You, 239,
Worksheet W17 - Changing Thinking and Mindsets, 241,
Worksheet W18 - When I eat what is my Gut saying to me?, 243,
Worksheet W19 - What does your heart say to your brain?, 245,
Worksheet W21 - Optimal Health Key #1, 247,
Worksheet W22 - Optimum Spiritual Wellbeing Key #2 Discover Your Spiritual Hungers, 250,
Worksheet W23 - Personal Wellbeing Key #3, 253,
Worksheet W24 - How can you create Relationship Harmony & Wellbeing Key #4, 256,
Worksheet W26 – Fun and Games Key#5, 259,
Worksheet W27 - My Career/Work Key #6, 280,
Worksheet W28 - Money and Debt situation, Key #7, 300,
Worksheet W29 - Is your home environment matching your needs? Key #8, 302,
Worksheet W31 - Discovering Your Life Purpose Key #9, 306,