Discipline Without Damage: How to Get Your Kids to Behave Without Messing Them Up

by Vanessa Lapointe, Laura Markham (Foreword by)

Overview

In this easy-to-read, science-based book, parents, caregivers, and adults of all kinds discover how discipline affects children’s development, why intervention should reinforce connection not separation, and why the disciplinary strategies that may have been used on us as children are not the ones that children really need. As a practicing child and family psychologist and advisor to the British Columbia ministry of children and families, Dr. Vanessa has seen it all, and she has navigated hundreds of tough situations with families. Drawing on scientific research and a wealth of clinical experience, she shows you how to put out the fire without dampening your child’s spirits; how to correct their behavior while emphasizing connection; and how to discipline without damage.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781928055105
Publisher:	Wonderwell Press
Publication date:	01/12/2016
Pages:	256
Sales rank:	432,749
Product dimensions:	6.00(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.00(d)

About the Author

Dr. Vanessa Lapointe is a registered psychologist who has been supporting families and children for 15 years, both in private practice and through her previous work with the BC Ministry of Children and Family Development. She lives in Vancouver.

Dr. Laura Markham is the founding editor of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids.

Table of Contents

Foreword ix

Introduction 1

I Connection Makes the World Go 'Round & Grows Brains

1 What Discipline Is & Is Not 17

2 The Science & Heart of Connection 30

3 Inside the Discipline Vortex 44

4 Hulking it Up 69

The Letter No Child Should Ever Have to Write 95

II Connection inn Action

5 Making It Real 101

6 Discipline without Damage takes Mindful Responding 124

7 Discipline without Damage takes Mindful Prevention 144

8 Mindful Support for exceptional Kids 194

Conclusion 205

Endnotes 210

Acknowledgments 214

Index 219

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Every year, I read most of the parenting books that are published in English, and Discipline Without Damage: How To Get Your Kids To Behave Without Messing Them Up, by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, is one of the five best parenting books that I’ve read in the past five years... I hope that this book makes it onto the short list of every parent. I think it can change the world.""

—Dr. Laura Markham, PhD, Founding editor of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

 

“In Discipline Without Damage, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe explores the important question of why we discipline rather than just how. We need to question the notion that the only way to raise happy, capable and caring future adults is to punish children when they don’t behave according to our wishes. In fact, by showing that children really need kindness, fairness and a caring, safe environment, Dr. Lapointe has created a trustworthy resource for parents.”

—Maggie Dent, Author of 9 Things: A Back-to Basics Guide to Calm, Common-sense, Connected Parenting Birth

 

“In this eloquent book, Dr. Lapointe makes a powerful case for disciplining our children without power struggles, manipulation or control. An insightful guide for all parents!”

—Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD, Author of the New York Times bestselling book The Conscious Parent

 

“This book is a must-read for all parents who know what feels right about disciplining their kids, but have been advised to do the opposite. Dr. Lapointe combines scientific theory with her wealth of experience working with children, and gives clear examples of how to put it all into practice. Read this book and see the results in your happy, well-adjusted child.”

—Barbara Fitzgerald M.D. FRCP(C), Developmental pediatrician and Clinical associate professor, University of British Columbia

 

“I love this book! It’s a rare combination of science-based, practical,

respectful, and effective discipline.”

—Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, Co-author of the New York Times bestselling books The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline

 

“In Discipline without Damage, Dr. Lapointe shows why communication and connection are so important for our children. And why it is especially important for us adults to discipline ourselves so that we don’t go down the path of disconnection in the name of good behavior. Read this book and discover creative ways to be with your children and respect them for who they are.”

—Vikram Vij, Chef, sommelier, and co-owner of Vij’s group of companies

 

""I am delighted to see a book that in theory and practice shows parents how to regulate their children's immature behaviors in constructive ways... If when we go to regulate our children's behavior we think, 'Do I want my child to grow up to treat others this way?' we will be much more inclined to use the techniques advocated in this book.""

—Dr. Martha H. Pieper, PhD, Author of Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating, and Enjoying Your Child

 

“Dr. Lapointe has given parents, family members and the professionals who work with them a wonderful gift. Discipline Without Damage should be required reading for us all. Written from a deep pool of experience and knowledge, this practical book helps us understand what children need to thrive.”

—Dana Brynelsen, OBC, LLD, Former provincial advisor, Infant Development Program of BC

Editorial Reviews

"Every year, I read most of the parenting books that are published in English, and Discipline Without Damage: How To Get Your Kids To Behave Without Messing Them Up, by Dr. Vanessa Lapointe, is one of the five best parenting books that I’ve read in the past five years... I hope that this book makes it onto the short list of every parent. I think it can change the world."
—Dr. Laura Markham, PhD, Founding editor of AhaParenting.com and author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

“In Discipline Without Damage, Dr. Vanessa Lapointe explores the important question of why we discipline rather than just how. We need to question the notion that the only way to raise happy, capable and caring future adults is to punish children when they don’t behave according to our wishes. In fact, by showing that children really need kindness, fairness and a caring, safe environment, Dr. Lapointe has created a trustworthy resource for parents.”
—Maggie Dent, Author of 9 Things: A Back-to Basics Guide to Calm, Common-sense, Connected Parenting Birth

“In this eloquent book, Dr. Lapointe makes a powerful case for disciplining our children without power struggles, manipulation or control. An insightful guide for all parents!”
—Dr. Shefali Tsabary, PhD, Author of the New York Times bestselling book The Conscious Parent

“This book is a must-read for all parents who know what feels right about disciplining their kids, but have been advised to do the opposite. Dr. Lapointe combines scientific theory with her wealth of experience working with children, and gives clear examples of how to put it all into practice. Read this book and see the results in your happy, well-adjusted child.”
—Barbara Fitzgerald M.D. FRCP(C), Developmental pediatrician and Clinical associate professor, University of British Columbia

“I love this book! It’s a rare combination of science-based, practical,
respectful, and effective discipline.”
—Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, PhD, Co-author of the New York Times bestselling books The Whole-Brain Child and No-Drama Discipline

“In Discipline without Damage, Dr. Lapointe shows why communication and connection are so important for our children. And why it is especially important for us adults to discipline ourselves so that we don’t go down the path of disconnection in the name of good behavior. Read this book and discover creative ways to be with your children and respect them for who they are.”
—Vikram Vij, Chef, sommelier, and co-owner of Vij’s group of companies

"I am delighted to see a book that in theory and practice shows parents how to regulate their children's immature behaviors in constructive ways... If when we go to regulate our children's behavior we think, 'Do I want my child to grow up to treat others this way?' we will be much more inclined to use the techniques advocated in this book."
—Dr. Martha H. Pieper, PhD, Author of Smart Love: The Comprehensive Guide to Understanding, Regulating, and Enjoying Your Child

“Dr. Lapointe has given parents, family members and the professionals who work with them a wonderful gift. Discipline Without Damage should be required reading for us all. Written from a deep pool of experience and knowledge, this practical book helps us understand what children need to thrive.”
—Dana Brynelsen, OBC, LLD, Former provincial advisor, Infant Development Program of BC

From the Publisher