Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed

by Wendy T. Behary LCSW, Daniel J. Siegel MD (Preface by), Jeffrey Young PhD (Foreword by)

Overview

The go-to guide for dealing with the narcissist in your life—now fully revised and updated based on reader feedback!

Do you know someone who is overly arrogant, shows an extreme lack of empathy, or exhibits an inflated sense of entitlement? Do they exploit others, or engage in deluded thinking? These are all traits of narcissistic personality disorder, and when it comes to dealing with narcissists, it can be difficult to get your point across. So, how do you handle the narcissistic people in your life? You might interact with them in social or professional settings, and you might even love one—so ignoring them isn’t really a practical solution. They're frustrating, and maybe even intimidating, but ultimately, you need to find a way of communicating effectively with them.

Now a self-help classic, Disarming the Narcissist is a practical, step-by-step communication guide to help you cope with and confront the narcissist in your life. Based on reader feedback, this fully revised and updated third edition features new information on shame, hypersexuality, and infidelity in narcissism; legal information to help you if you are divorcing a narcissist; and the impact of narcissism on children.

With this how-to guide, you’ll learn how to separate yourself from a narcissist's traps, and gain the respect and validation you deserve—while side-stepping unproductive power struggles and senseless arguments with someone who is at the center of his or her own universe. Finally, you’ll learn how to set limits with your narcissist and when it's time to draw the line on unacceptable behavior.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781684037728
Publisher:	New Harbinger Publications
Publication date:	10/01/2021
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	240
Sales rank:	89,268
File size:	926 KB

About the Author

Wendy Terrie Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey, and codirector of The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC. She is also a founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. She maintains a private practice, specializing in narcissism and high-conflict couples therapy.

Foreword writer Jeffrey Young, PhD, is coauthor of Schema Therapy, and founder and codirector of The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC.

Preface writer Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is author of The Mindful Brain, and associate clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine Center for Human Development.

Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is founder and clinical director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey, founding fellow of the Academy of Cognitive Therapy, and author Disarming the Narcissist.
Daniel J. Siegel, MD, is executive director of the Mindsight Institute and associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles School of Medicine. He is author of The Developing Mind, The Mindful Brain, and other books, and founding editor of the Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology.

Jeffrey Young, PhD, is coauthor of Schema Therapy, and founder and codirector of The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC-DC.

Table of Contents

Foreword     vii
Preface     xi
Acknowledgments     xv
Introduction     1
Framing the Situation: Toward an Understanding of Narcissism     9
Understanding the Anatomy of Personality: Schemas and the Brain     31
Getting Captured: Identifying Your Personal Traps     59
Overcoming the Obstacles: Communication Pitfalls, Snags, and Glitches     75
Paying Attention: Facing the Most Difficult Encounters with a Narcissist     93
Empathic Confrontation: A Winning Strategy for Interpersonal Effectiveness     111
Seven Gifts of Communication with a Narcissist     131
Resources     151
References     155

What People are Saying About This

From the Publisher

"Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation." —-Publishers Weekly

Editorial Reviews

Everyone knows a narcissist, one of those vainglorious individuals in desperate need of constant affirmation and attention. Cognitive therapist Behary's book argues that by modifying your own behavior, you can manage your relationship with such a person. Separating narcissism into categories (spoiled, dependent, deprived and combinations thereof) and exploring the causes of the disorder, the author hopes to assist the reader in overcoming the emotional obstacles involved in interaction with a boss, spouse, friend or relative. Rather than focus on changing the narcissist (which may be impossible), this book aims to help the reader improve self-knowledge to see why the narcissist pushes his or her buttons and how to cope. Some of the instruments Behary provides-such as checklists, flash cards, journal writing- are useful for determining the type of narcissist you are dealing with and how your past experiences affect your responses. The author acknowledges that her book is no panacea, and she doesn't present the reader with strategies for when the narcissist isn't responsive to the actions she has suggested. Notwithstanding this caveat, Behary's book will surely provide help to many in need of a confidence bolster in the face of provocation. (Mar.)

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Publishers Weekly

Disarming the Narcissist by Wendy Behary provides a courageous challenge of taking on the narcissist. Using the approach of understanding the psychological makeup of the disorder, Behary accomplishes what seems like an impossible task. Strategies to help the reader understand and communicate better with a narcissist are here! I’m honored to recommend this must-read book.”
—Karyl McBride, PhD, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough?, Healing theDaughters of Narcissistic Mothers, and Will I Ever Be Free of You?

Karyl McBride

Wendy Behary is my go-to therapist when I need information about people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), or how they interact with family members. In this new edition, Wendy shows you why you feel so lonely and misunderstood in these relationships, and why you keep your own needs tucked away. Whether you decide to stay in this relationship or leave, the insights Wendy Behary provides make this an essential book for anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.”
—Randi Kreger, coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells, and author of Stop Walking on Eggshells for Parents

Randi Kreger

Wendy Behary has dedicated decades to understanding narcissism, both as a clinician and a scholar. In Disarming the Narcissist, she distills these hard-won insights into a very readable form. This book is a terrific resource for those looking to better understand narcissism.”
—W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia, and coauthor of The Narcissism Epidemic

W. Keith Campbell

The latest edition of Disarming the Narcissist provides up-to-date and practical guidance for not only understanding the problem of narcissism, but also a discerning road map for navigating the solution. This book will be a stabilizing and highly recommended resource for anyone who has ever stood in the confusing wake a narcissist leaves.”
—Jill Manning, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist, researcher, and author of What’s the Big Deal about Pornography?

Jill Manning

Wendy Behary has dedicated decades to understanding narcissism, both as a clinician and a scholar. In Disarming the Narcissist, she distills these hard-won insights into a very readable form. This book is a terrific resource for those looking to better understand narcissism.”
—W. Keith Campbell, PhD, professor in the department of psychology at the University of Georgia and author of The Narcissism Epidemic

From the Publisher

If there is a narcissist in your life, I highly recommend this book! How narcissists behave always makes sense once you understand their thinking. The way you habitually respond to narcissists always makes sense once you understand your own thinking. This valuable book offers great insight and concrete suggestions for changing your thinking and responses so you can interact with narcissists more effectively, whether you’re a family member, intimate, friend, coworker, or therapist.”
—Judith Beck, PhD, president of the nonprofit Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and author of Cognitive Behavior Therapy

Judith Beck

In its third edition, the deeply insightful Disarming the Narcissist is a classic with good reason: it offers survivors of narcissism helpful guidance and protection while never dehumanizing anyone. In that way, it continues to stand out in the now-crowded field of books addressing narcissism.”
—Craig Malkin, PhD, lecturer at Harvard Medical School, and author of Rethinking Narcissism

Craig Malkin

Disarming the Narcissist in its new edition continues to be a useful guide for anyone doing therapy with a narcissist, or even for those in a relationship with such a person. In this valuable book, we learn to understand the mental schema of a narcissist, and the appropriate interpersonal neurobiology that makes it possible to have hope that we can both understand and survive these very difficult relationships. The book is an essential guide for this widespread problem.”
—John M. Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

John M. Gottman

In Disarming the Narcissist, Wendy Behary delivers clear and thoughtful navigational tools for dealing with a narcissistic person based on her years of working with individuals with this challenging personality disorder. In this third edition, Wendy also addresses the challenges of co-parenting with a narcissist. She beautifully illustrates the power of empathic confrontation—a tool for enhancing a sturdy core self, and cultivating a reliable and effective advocate for our children amid the inevitable power struggles.”
—Susan Stiffelman, author of Parenting Without Power Struggles, and cohost—with Wendy Behary—of the Co-Parenting with a Narcissist online community

Susan Stiffelman