Table of Contents
i
My dad died a week ago 1
The quarry, sandstone, mn 3
I watched him die 4
If the cells that make up hair are already dead 5
Erasure of my father's health care directive 7
His foot 8
Deer season 9
My father has never lived anywhere but the woods 10
When i hear vomit 12
A hand becomes 13
My father is dying 15
That's what you swallow when you let your graves overflow 16
A joke 18
I find a chunk of bone the width of my index finger 19
ii
We are on a road trip 23
If you are going to turn into a pile of ash 24
Gay love is the only thing saving me 26
A poem in which the word nap is replaced by the word grief 28
An incomplete receipt of the shit dying has made me buy 29
Yet another poem about roadkill 30
I am lying awake thinking about the spit in his mouth again 32
The scab to peel back 33
I write my dead name in my father's obituary 35
He yells for me, and i go to him 36
The first birthday he is not alive 38
Sometimes i want to hurt people who have hurt me 39
How to be alive when your father is dying 40
The life of the party 41
My therapist tells me that my dad was lucky to have me as a daughter 43
My father never complained 44
iii
Dead dad jokes 47
Gas station 48
The girls at my high school used to call sweatpants "give-up-on-life pants" 49
It's snowing again 51
The Band-Aid in the pool filter 52
Everyone tells me that my dad will always be watching over me 54
It is the night before the night before 55
I never wanted to believe in ghosts 57
Reese's Penis Butter Cups 58
Once you've seen it 60
It's going to be okay 62
I find a dead mouse underneath the kitchen table 63
Acknowledgements 67
