Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential

by John Neffinger, Matthew Kohut Narrated by Tim Andres Pabon

Overview

How People Judge You-And How To Come Out Looking Good You will never look at people the same way again-including yourself-after this lively look at how we make character judgments. Drawing on cutting-edge social science research as well as their own work with Fortune 500 executives, members of Congress, and Nobel Prize winners, authors Matt Kohut and John Neffinger demystify the process we use to size each other up. It turns out that we judge each other primarily on two critical criteria: strength and warmth. The authors explain the inner workings of each, the tension that makes it so hard to project both at once, and the successful strategies that the most admired among us use to win respect and affection. Offering practical advice for a range of common and challenging situations, Compelling People shows you not just how people already see you, but how to make sure your best qualities shine through.

Editorial Reviews

Publishers Weekly

When people look at us, what are they seeing? Most of us don’t realize what signals we’re sending, or how, and on what, people are judging us. Neffinger and Kohut, communications strategists and presentation coaches who met writing speeches and editing articles for Harvard faculty, posit that initial character judgments are based on two traits: strength and warmth. As they write, “We live most fully when we cultivate both in our lives, when we balance a high degree of individual capability with an unflagging regard for the needs and interests of others.” Strength is the Ayn Randian show of will and power, and warmth is the Beatles-esque emanation of love and charm. The trick is in figuring out when to project which, and in what balance. The authors address the elements that affect how we make judgments, including gender, age, race, sexual orientation, posture and body language, style, leadership qualities, and workplace behavior. While their points are arguably true, the meandering, storytelling tone (it’s notable that there’s an epilogue, rather than a conclusion) doesn’t do their theory any favors. They’ve stretched an article’s worth of material over a full book. Agent: Melissa Flashman, Trident Media. (Aug.)

From the Publisher

Not only does this book tell you why people react to you as they do, it also provides specific suggestions for managing your image.  This book is a must-read for all leaders who want to maximize their influence on others.”
—Art Markman, University of Texas Professor and author of Smart Thinking and Habits of Leadership
 
“This is not just another pop-psych book: it's the first book to capture and share the insights from all the recent groundbreaking research on how we judge and persuade each other. And it translates that into simple, practical terms anyone can use to build more effective relationships at the office or at home. I'm glad they wrote it so I didn't have to.”
—Amy Cuddy, Harvard Business School Associate Professor
 
“Human psychology is never more fascinating than in this book. It is both serious and engaging. Kohut and Neffinger will help you to lead — and succeed — in everything from public speaking to love. This is a wonderful read.”
—Joseph S. Nye, Jr., Harvard University Professor and author of The Powers to Lead
 
“Neffinger and Kohut will blow your mind with their unified theory of everything that matters. Compelling People goes deep with an idea that will have you reexamining your instincts and opinions about everyone from co-workers and dates to politicians and celebrities.”
—Amy Argetsinger, Washington Post "Reliable Source" Columnist
 
“Thanks to John Neffinger and Matt Kohut, I now have a much greater understanding of how to better influence and connect with all the people I encounter every day. Compelling People is a fascinating, beguiling read with the potential to change your life.”
—Lynne Olson, author of Those Angry Days and Citizens of London
 
“Neffinger and Kohut brilliantly illuminate how successful people negotiate possibilities and pitfalls to find success and avoid failure.”
—Liz Coleman, Bennington College President
 
“Compelling People, offers a wealth of practical approaches for understanding and improving how each of us presents ourselves to the world.”
—Cheryl Strauss Einhorn, Columbia Business School Adjunct Professor

Kirkus Reviews

The principals of a communications firm reveal the strategies they use to coach corporate and political clients. Neffinger and Kohut aim to help people become aware of the ways that they communicate nonverbally, through tone of voice and posture, and improve their ability to read the body language of others. There is no inherent contradiction in simultaneously projecting warmth and strength, they argue. Compelling individuals such as Oprah Winfrey, Bill Clinton and the Dalai Lama project an air of knowing what they are doing and having other peoples' best interests at heart; as a result, "we trust them and find them persuasive." Refreshingly, the authors recognize these as fundamental issues of character and emphatically reject any attempt to fake them. They do not advocate behavior modification and gimmicks to foster self-affirmation. Instead, they look to models such as Martin Luther King to reinforce their message, quoting his 1967 comment: "One of the great problems of history is that the concepts of love and power have usually been contrasted as opposites…power without love is reckless and abusive...love without power is sentimental and anemic." By consciously maintaining "a level brow, a focused gaze and a low vocal pitch," leaning in toward a person or maintaining distance, we give substance to the image we hope to project. That said, the authors warn that nonverbal cues cannot compensate for deceitful aims. On the other hand, adopting good posture and greeting the day with a smile can not only evoke a positive response in others, but also elevate the mood of the smiler. This contention, like others in this well-researched book, is backed up by citations from psychologists and other authorities. An attractive, nuanced addition to the self-help shelf.

Product Details

BN ID:	2940169699043
Publisher:	Ascent Audio
Publication date:	08/15/2013
Edition description:	Unabridged

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