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Overview
Ellie Calvin is caught in a dying marriage, and she knows this. With her beloved daughter away at college and a growing gap between her and her husband, she doesn't quite seem to fit into her own life. But everything changes when her controlling mother, Lillian, passes away. Ellie sees her ex-boyfriend, Hutch, at the funeral, and learns that he is in charge of a documentary that involved Lillian before her death – and he wants answers to questions that Ellie's not sure she can face.
As Ellie and Hutch start digging into Lillian's history, and speaking for the first time in years, Ellie's closed heart slowly begins to open. Using both a hidden diary that Ellie found in her mother's things, and a trip to the Summer House, a mysterious and seductive bayside home, they gamble that they can work together and not fall in love again. But in piecing together a decades-old unrequited-love story, they just might uncover the secrets in their own hearts…
Patti Callahan Henry's Coming Up For Air is "a beautiful exploration of the deepest mysteries of the human heart." (Susan Wiggs, New York Times bestselling author)
Product Details
| ISBN-13: | 9781250007841 |
|---|---|
| Publisher: | St. Martin's Publishing Group |
| Publication date: | 05/22/2012 |
| Pages: | 272 |
| Product dimensions: | 5.50(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.80(d) |
About the Author
PATTI CALLAHAN HENRY is a full-time writer, wife and mother and the New York Times bestselling author of eight novels, including Between the Tides, Driftwood Summer and The Perfect Love Song: A Holiday Story. She lives with her husband and three children in Mountain Brook, Alabama, where she is working on her next novel.
Read an Excerpt
Coming Up for Air
One
There are both wonderful and awful moments in a woman's life. Many of them, really. Standing in a white dress in front of family and friends, vowing to forever love the handsome man in front of me, is on top of my wonderful list. Then years later, standing in the receiving line at my mother's funeral and pulling away from that same man's touch because I knew I didn't—couldn't—love him anymore is more than awful. It's tragic.
In these pages, I will try to wrap words around all of the tumultuous, confusing emotions, attempt to make sense out of what at the moment feels senseless.
MOTHER'S FUNERAL
On the day of my mother's funeral there was only one type of flower: lilies. Everywhere. There were too many to count. With all the flowers in the world, the millions of blossoms and buds, you'd have thought that someone would have brought another sort.
I know what the lily means in the language of flowers: innocence,purity, and beauty. But this is not why the church overflowed with lilies. For twelve generations, or maybe longer, the firstborn daughters of firstborn daughters in our family are named Lillian. I understood why mourners brought these blooms, but God, the aroma was overwhelming, drowning me in cloying sweetness.
Sadie, my best friend, stood next to me in the funeral receiving line. "Ellie," she whispered.
"What?" I leaned closer to her.
"I wonder if there are any lilies left in all of Atlanta. This is insanity."
"It still wouldn't be enough for her," I said.
Sadie laughed in the quiet manner of churchlike respect. "No," she said, "it would not have been enough."
My husband, Rusty, stood on my opposite side with his hand on the small of my back, and our nineteen-year-old daughter, Lil, was to the left of him. Sadie and I attempted to hold in our laughter, like the nine-year-old girls we once had been in the chapel at private school instead of the forty-seven-year-old women we were. The misplaced amusement bubbled up from places forbidden and grabbed our guts and throats with the release of hilarity. I don't know why laughter comes at moments it should be banned; I don't know why it rains when we least need it or why love leaves when we most need it. But there we were: laughing at death.
"I bet," I said as I stifled the rising and irresponsible laughter, "everyone thought they were being original and thoughtful, sending lilies to Lilly's funeral."
In her attempt to stop a choked chuckle, Sadie snorted, and it was then that we broke into full laughter over something that was only vaguely funny or maybe not funny at all. But just the way you find yourself wanting something worse when you know you can't have it, we were unable to stop laughter in the one place it is inappropriate—the middle of a receiving line at Mother's funeral.
Rusty glanced at me, which for a reason I still don't understandmade me laugh harder. He reached out to touch me, and I pulled away. My daughter looked at me as if I'd lost my mind, and I wondered if maybe I had. Sadie squeezed my hand, and we returned to normal—our mournful expressions intact.
Of course, nothing about Mother's death was funny. It was sudden and awful and left our small family bereft and confused. I've discovered the finality of death in this: It remains unchanged and unmoved by loneliness, regret, or grief. My need for Mother, for some kind of redemption or reconciliation, came fresh with every thought and reminder of her absence. Missing her was the ache with which I woke and then fell into restless sleep knowing.
The funeral was a huge event, and Mother would have been proud to see how many people came, considering we're a small family. Mother is an only child, and Dad has only one brother, Uncle Cotton—an elusive figure in my life, an author who is constantly traveling and in exotic locales, a writer about whom Mother rolled her eyes as if writing were a wasteful career that didn't even deserve a comment (much as any career in the "arts" is wasteful, which is an odd opinion for a woman on the High Museum of Art board). But that's my mother—contradictions seamlessly fitting inside one another like the babushka dolls my grandmother brought me from her trip to Russia. Mother's best friend, Sadie's mother, Birdie, walked through the crowd, making order of the crowd and the event as smoothly as if Mother were there doing it herself.
Our web of friends caught Dad, Lil, Rusty, and me, cradling us with their grief and respect. There were newspaper articles and monuments, trees planted, and a bench placed in front of the High Museum.
The last woman in line then approached us, holding a single lily in her hand as if she were a bride going down the aisle. I thought I'd start laughing again but found I was finished. The day was almost over, and I was lulled into that certainty that I'd done well, that we had made it through the worst of it.
"Ellie?" A voice behind me said my name. Softly. Perfectly.
A hand fell on my shoulder, and then I saw his face. Twenty years later, minutes and hours and days rearranged to allow me to see him again as if time hadn't passed at all. Mostly I saw his eyes: almond shaped and kind, brown with green underneath, as if the eyes had meant to be the deep color of forest ferns and then at the last minute changed their mind.
I reached for Rusty's hand to steady myself, but he was making large gestures while talking to his buddy Weston and didn't feel me groping for firm grounding.
Then I saw Hutch's smile, a little crooked and higher on the righthand side.
He hates being late.
I smiled at him. "Wow, hello, Hutch O'Brien." My voice held firm and fast, and for this I was grateful.
He is witty with a cutting sarcasm.
He loves his eggs fried with buttered toast.
There is a scar on his cheek where a dog bit him when he was ten years old. For every person who asks, he has a new story for how he obtained this scar. I've heard more tales than I can remember.
"Ellie," he said, "I'm so sorry about your mother. I know how close you were."
"Thanks, Hutch." I took his hand and shook it as if we were past and vague acquaintances.
We stood silent, holding hands. I felt tears rising and I wanted to place my head on his chest: I knew where it would fit.
"Don't cry," he said, and squeezed my hand.
I nodded.
"It's great to see your beautiful face. Even in your grief, you're adorable."
"Not true," I said. "But thanks."
"Did your mom tell you that I'd interviewed her last week for the Atlanta History Center exhibit?"
"Yes, she did." Proper sentences formed on my tongue with the well-practiced art of social graces.
He likes the cold side of the pillow and the aisle seat on the plane.
Hutch glanced around the sacristy. "I know this is an awful time and you probably won't even remember seeing me, but can I ask you a favor?"
"Anything," I said.
We were still holding hands, and I wouldn't let go.
"We—your mother and I—didn't finish our interview. Would you ... talk to me when things calm down?"
I nodded.
"Okay," he said, and let go of my hand. "I'll call you? Is that okay?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry, Ellie. I'm really sorry you're going through this pain."
"Thank you, Hutch. And thanks for coming."
Rusty tuned in; he'd heard the name. Hutch walked away, and Rusty took my still-warm hand. "Was that Hutch?"
"Yes," I whispered.
"What the hell was he doing here?"
I shrugged. "I assume he's paying his respects just like everyone else here."
Rusty turned back to Weston and released my hand.
We were leaving the church when I saw the wildflower arrangement: a glass vase shaped like a large fish bowl was full of cornflowers and black-eyed Susans, forget-me-nots and Texas bluebonnets. I stopped and slid my finger up the stalk of a cornflower, rubbing the petal against my cheek. A long inhale of the sweet jasmine vine, which poured out of the urn like wine, made me dizzy.
Wildflowers.
I lifted the card from the arrangement. "Condolences, Hutchinson O'Brien."
Rusty came from behind and hugged me, wiping the tears I hadn't realized were wet on my face. "I think the worst is over, baby. Let's go home," he said.
"Yes," I said. "Home."
I placed the card back in the flower arrangement, but it fluttered to the floor, where I left it with his name staring up at me.
Hutch.
We make our choices and then we live with them.
Everyone does.
COMING UP FOR AIR. Copyright © 2011 by Patti Callahan Henry. All rights reserved.
Reading Group Guide
1. In Coming Up for Air, Patti Callahan Henry delves into the complicated relationships between mothers and daughters, and how, often, they are not understood even after death. Do you think Ellie's relationship with her mother is true to life? Have you experienced or seen a relationship like theirs? How do you feel it compares to or is echoed by Ellie's relationship with her daughter, Lil?
2. Ellie reconnects with Hutch when she's in a very vulnerable place. Do you think Ellie's extraordinary circumstances influenced their reunion in any way, perhaps fast-tracking intimacy? Did Hutch just reenter her life at the right time? Or was it Hutch who awakened Ellie to the truth?
3. Ellie's mother's journal entries play a key role in Coming Up for Air—in what they reveal about Lily's past and how they define Ellie's choices in the present. How does having access to her mother's journal impact Ellie? Do you think it's okay to read someone's journal, even after they're gone? Would you be comfortable with someone reading yours?
4. In your opinion, what is the significance of the title Coming Up for Air? How does it tie into the larger themes of the novel, and into each character's personal story? Have you ever felt as if you needed to "come up for air" but were unable?
5. Ellie reads in her mother's journals that Lily missed out on love when she was younger, a pivotal moment that fundamentally changed who she was. How do you think heartbreak defined Lily—as a woman and as a mother? Do you think it's true to life that one powerful heartbreak can ruin or profoundly impact someone's life in this way? If heartbreak can impact us in this way, what are our choices in how?
6. Coming Up for Air takes place in the South—where Patti Callahan Henry is from, and where she tends to set her novels. Are you drawn to the Southern setting? What do you think makes the South so intriguing to novelists and readers in general?
7. Do you agree or sympathize with Ellie's choices in the end of the novel? How do you think you might have acted in her situation? Similarly? Differently? Have you ever had to make a choice that you knew would hurt someone you love, but was the right one for you?
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