For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart.
That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible.
|Publisher:||Simon & Schuster|
|Product dimensions:||5.90(w) x 8.90(h) x 1.10(d)|
About the Author
Table of Contents
Introduction: Yes, You Are Normal 1
The True Story of Sex
The Organization of This Book
A Couple of Caveats
If You Feel Broken, or Know Someone Who Does
Part 1 The (not-so-basic) basics
1 Anatomy: No Two Alike 15
The Clit, the Whole Clit, and Nothing but the Clit
Meet Your Clitoris
Lips, Both Great and Small
A Word on Words
The Sticky Bits
Why It Matters
Change How You See
A Better Metaphor
What It Is, Not What It Means
2 The Dual Control Model: Your Sexual Personality 42
Turn On the Ons, Turn Off the Offs
Your Sexual Temperament
What "Medium" Means
Different for Girls … Sometimes
What Turns You On?
Can You Change Your Brain?
3 Context: And the "One Ring" (to Rule Them All) in Your Emotional Brain 68
Sensation in Context
Sex, Rats, and Rock 'n' Roll
Liking, Wanting, and Learning
You Can't Make Them
"Is Something Wrong with Me?" (Answer: Nope)
Part 2 Sex in context
4 Emotional Context: Sex in a Monkey Brain 109
The Stress Response Cycle: Fight, Flight, and Freeze
Stress and Sex
Broken Culture → Broken Stress Response Cycles
Complete the Cycle!
When Sex Becomes the Lion
Sex and the Survivor
Origin of Love
The Science of Falling in Love
Attachment and Sex: The Dark Side
Attachment and Sex: Sex That Advances the Plot
Managing Attachment: Your Feels as a Sleepy Hedgehog
Survival of the Social
The Water of Life
5 Cultural Context: A Sex-Positive Life in a Sex-Negative World 150
You Are Beautiful
Criticizing Yourself = Stress = Reduced Sexual Pleasure
Health at Every Size
When Somebody "Yucks" Your "Yum"
Maximizing Yum … with Science! Part 1 : Self-Compassion
Maximizing Yum … with Science! Part 2: Cognitive Dissonance
Maximizing Yum … with Science! Part 3: Media Nutrition
You Do You
Part 3 Sex in action
6 Arousal: Lubrication Is Not Causation 189
Measuring and Defining Nonconcordance
All the Same Parts, Organized in Different Ways: "This Is a Restaurant"
Nonconcordance in Other Emotions
Lubrication Error #1 : Genital Response = Desire
Lubrication Error #2: Genital Response = Pleasure
Lubrication Error #3: Nonconcordance Is a Problem
"Honey … I'm Nonconcordant!"
7 Desire: Spontaneous, Responsive, and Magnificent 218
Desire = Pleasure in Context
Good News! It's Probably Not Your Hormones
More Good News! It's Not Monogamy, Either
"Why Can't I just Take a Pill?"
It Might Be the Chasing Dynamic
"Sex Worth Wanting"
Sharing Your Garden
Part 4 Ecstasy for everybody
8 Orgasm: Pleasure Is the Measure 249
Nonconcordance-Now with Orgasms!
No Two Alike
All the Same Parts …
Your Vagina's Okay, Either Way
Difficulty with Orgasm
Impatient Little Monitors
Ecstatic Orgasm: You're a Flock!
How Do You Medicate a Flock?
Flying Toward Ecstasy
9 Love What's True: The Ultimate Sex-Positive Context 278
Why Confidence Is Not Enough
Step 1 : Your Feelings Are Always True
The Map and the Terrain: A Tool for Reality Checking
Step 2: The Hard Part (Or, How to "Nonjudging")
Nonjudging 1: "No Good Reason"
Nonjudging 2: Healing Trauma
Nonjudging 3: Pain
Nonjudging 4: Pleasure
Nonjudging 5: Mourning the "Shoulds"
"To Feel Normal"
Conclusion You Are the Secret Ingredient 311
Why I Wrote This Book
Where to Look for More Answers
Appendix 1 Therapeutic Masturbation 319
Appendix 2 Extended Orgasm 323