Climbing Mountains in Stilettos: Not Your Average Trail Guide to Life

by Carol Brunelli, Ann Tinkham

Overview

Why do bad girls always go farther, climb higher and just have more fun?

Climbing Mountains in Stilettos is your rulebook for throwing prim, proper and powerless out the window and letting your inner bad girl take the world by storm. It's a trail guide to a new you for women who are sick and tired of the worn-out paths tread by good girls in flats and want to live by their own rules.

Authors Ann Tinkham and Carol Brunelli will show you how to:

-Take the Yellow Brick Road back home to your dazzling bad girl self

-Learn how to keep your words from being your own worst enemy in Sabotage Gulch

-Trek through Luscious Body Hot Springs and stop obsessing about your body

-Silence critics (and stop being left speechless) after a hike through Sassy Comeback Arch

With inspiration from the baddest bad girls past and present and great advice from women who've been there, Climbing Mountains in Stilettos will help you banish your fear of heights, get in touch with your better (and badder) side and conquer life's trails in your favorite pair of heels—practical or not.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781402250521
Publisher:	Sourcebooks
Publication date:	06/01/2007
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	272
File size:	2 MB

About the Author

Ann Tinkham and Carol Brunelli are the owners and operators of the website www.boulderbadgirls.com. Proud of their trailblazing status of bad girls in the making, they're building a platform for themselves in the Boulder area, through seminars and products, as the go-to girls for women empowerment.

Read an Excerpt

Trail #4: Yellow Brick Road I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
-Mae West

About This Trail: You're not in Kansas anymore. Dorothy navigated through a land of broomstick-riding witches, munchkins, flying monkeys, and talking scarecrows to reach the Emerald City and transform her life. Her drive to reach this far-flung, verdant city was to seek help to get back home. Follow the Yellow Brick Road and find your way back home to your dazzling bad girl self.
Duration: It's up to you. The Yellow Brick Road stretches from Munchkin land all the way to the Emerald City and Dorothy walked it in less than a day. How long will it take you to let go of the myths that keep you in a strange, inhospitable land?
Distance: This trail takes only three steps: First, you slay the Wicked Witch of Good Girlhood. Second, you steal her stilettos; and then you click your stiletto heels three times and go home!
Difficulty: While Dorothy started out as a damsel in distress, she rapidly learned to form alliances with individuals who wished to help and protect her. Find your allies, and you'll easily skip ahead.
Backpack Essentials: Choose footwear that will empower you, friends who will accompany you, and an attitude that'll keep all things wicked at bay.
What to Leave Behind: A distorted view of reality. Remember that the Wizard of Oz was just a cowardly man and the Emerald City's lush green hue was created by special glasses. See through the illusion of good girl myths. Only then will "the dreams that you dare to dream" come true.
Early Pitfalls: Fields of sleep-inducing poppies and other seductive distractions that take your focus away fromyour end goal.
Trail Tip: By helping others on this journey, you'll also help yourself. Join forces with women who need your encouragement, have lost their heart, or who doubt their abilities, and follow the Yellow Brick Road together.
At the Trail's End: Living by myths will turn your life into a fairy tale. On this trail you'll learn that by dispelling myths you can live your life instead of Snow White's or Sleeping Beauty's. It will enable you to wake up without a kiss from a prince.

Think about all the pale, depressed maidens who fainted, waited to be kissed by a prince, sought rescue from a castle window, or were fitted for a missing glass slipper. What exactly were these ladies-in-waiting waiting for? Were they so fragile and incompetent that they couldn't get on with life until a man in tights appeared?
What is responsible for the good girl takeover? How is it that a girl can go from a powerful, playful, self-confident person to a shadow of her former self-from a tomboy to a lady-in-waiting? Perhaps it is all the myths, assumptions, and stereotypes that operate in our society and seep into our subconscious, despite our attempts to overcome them.
Although bad girls are influenced by the same assumptions, rules, and myths as good girls, bad girls question and challenge them. Where do you stumble and fall, and how do you regain your footing?
[a hed] Love Freefall #1: You're going to meet Prince Charming, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
Catch Yourself: We all know that this probably won't happen, but deep down this is what we expect and hope for. And if it doesn't happen, we believe something is wrong with us-that we're defective somehow. Prince Charming is fine if you want to be locked up in a tower of faulty expectations. Prince Charming, if he ever did exist, was probably overbearing, controlling, and unenlightened. But this is the twenty-first century. We don't live in castles. And princes and princesses get divorced. Consider Lady Di. Her fairy-tale wedding to a prince turned into a troubled marriage, a disturbed life, and a tragic ending.
Regain Your Footing: Look for someone who is real.
Freefall #2: You should wait patiently for a marriage proposal from your boyfriend. Someday it will come . . .
Catch Yourself: If your relationship is stalled in the slow lane, move it into the fast lane by letting your boyfriend know where you stand. Propose to him or give him an ultimatum. If he wants to be with you, he will step up to the plate. Some men have to be catapulted into manhood by their girlfriends. They'll thank you later. They may be freaked out at first, but they'll get used to their new role. In other words, they'll get over it. If they can't get over it, it means there's no future there.
Regain Your Footing: If your partner loves you, he will take action. If not, the sooner you know he's not in it for the long run, the better.
Freefall #3: If you play hard to get, you'll get the man.
Catch Yourself: Let's put this age-old myth to rest. The truth is, you might not get the man even if you play hard to get. Keeping a man at arm's length when you'd rather be in his arms is totally unfulfilling. You waste time, lose spontaneity, and wind up a lady-in-waiting. Plus, you give all your power to the guy. Eventually, you'll grow to resent this. If there's something between you and him, it doesn't matter who pursues whom. Men who claim that they need the chase will probably move on once they catch you anyway. If they say it's that way in the animal kingdom, tell them to get lost in the jungle!
Regain Your Footing: If you're interested in a man, the sooner you let him know, the better. That way, you can quickly figure out if there's any potential for a relationship, and, if not, you can move on.
Freefall #4: You have to be perfect to find a mate.
Catch Yourself: Actually, you can be striking it rich or living on unemployment, on the way up or on the way down, lucky in love or down on your luck, in shape or out of shape, totally together or coming unhinged, lost or found, on or off your spiritual path, on or off Prozac, on or off your rocker, or on or off the wagon and still find a mate. Ann has a friend who was completely broke and struggling with depression when she met her future husband. So far, they're living happily ever after.
Regain Your Footing: Do yourself a favor and drop the perfectionism trip. It is a thankless and lonely journey. You can find a mate in any state.
Freefall #5: You have to have a man to be complete.
Catch Yourself: First of all, lesbians and some intentionally single women do just fine without a man. So let's just rethink this whole "complete" business. Rather than looking outside for your better half, look inward. If you feel as if you are incomplete or missing something, you will most likely find it within yourself. When you do look for a partner, search for someone who enhances or inspires you-not someone to complete you. In fact, if you believe you are incomplete and look for the missing puzzle piece, you will likely drive away potential partners. They will detect your frantic search mission and be turned off by your desperate attempts to make yourself whole.
Regain Your Footing: If you look for someone to make you whole, you'll probably attract a "project" or a fixer-upper. When it comes to intimate relationships, two halves don't make a whole.
Freefall #6: You can't make it without a man.
Catch Yourself: You wanna bet? Look around and you'll see plenty of women thriving professionally, financially, personally, emotionally, and spiritually without a man. In fact, it's better to be alone than to be with a man who drains and depletes you. If your partner isn't helping make you the best you can be, he isn't the right choice.
Regain Your Footing: You can find the match to your own glass slipper.
[a hed] Sex Freefall #1: You shouldn't be promiscuous.
Catch Yourself: Actually, exploring your sexuality in a safe and healthy way is a good thing. You can discover what works best for you and be ready to ask for that in any sexual encounter. If you take control of your sexuality, it won't take control of you. And it could help you avoid relationship landmines. In the end, you will probably make wiser relationship choices if your libido is not in charge. Ann has a friend who just ended a bad ten-year marriage who said this about her husband: "He was gorgeous and I should have screwed his brains out three times. Instead, I married him and paid for my bad decision for over a decade."
Regain Your Footing: Women need one-night stands too. (But remember, wrap him up in latex to keep away those infectious STDs!)
Freefall #2: Women have more trouble getting off than men do.
Catch Yourself: While the orgasmic success rate for women may be lower than men, most men over eighteen are not the sexual machines they claim to be. There are plenty of low performers who can't get aroused when they're tired or stressed or when they're feeling blue. There are even a few who can't get turned on at all because they think that sex is dirty. Worse yet, we know of men who let their emotions get in the way . . . sound familiar?
Regain Your Footing: Your libido ebbs and flows and so does your partner's.
Freefall #3: A woman's sexual behavior places her in one of two categories: virgin or whore.
Catch Yourself: Virgin. Whore. Virgin. Whore. If you had to pick one to describe yourself, which would it be? The correct answer is neither. These were the two choices available to women for centuries: be chaste, virtuous, innocent, and untouched, or let your libido loose and suffer the fate of the outcast.
The bad girl is neither wildly promiscuous nor woefully repressed. She's rewriting history. She doesn't publicly declare her virginity, nor does she apologize for having a string of past lovers. And she doesn't treat sex like taxes-either it's withheld or she pays up.
Regain Your Footing: Don't let your sexual behavior define you; you are a multifaceted woman.
Freefall #4: You have to be in love to enjoy sex.
Catch Yourself: Many women (but very few men) equate love with great sex. The truth is, love and lust don't always come in the same package. Most of us have male friends we love dearly, but we'd never sleep with them. And we've all lusted after men we hardly knew. Even happily married couples have a hard time maintaining the passion that first brought them together as the years go by and the responsibilities pile up.
Regain Your Footing: Chemistry and infatuation can be the driving factors in a very satisfying sexual relationship that may or may not grow into love. So enjoy the lust while it lasts!
Freefall #5: All feminists are lesbians.
Catch Yourself: We know that you may think this is a ridiculous statement, but believe it or not, there are those who link the two. For some strange reason, they think that any woman who wants equal opportunity and respect is having sex with other women. Go figure. Feminism is not a sexual identity. After all, men can be feminists too. You might want to point that out to next ignoramus who labels you a "lesbian feminist" because you gave him a piece of your mind.
Regain Your Footing: Only people who feel threatened will hurl a label at you. If you buy into their ignorance, you're selling yourself short.
[a hed] Beauty Freefall #1: You have to be skinny and petite to be desirable.
Catch Yourself: Many, many women of all body types are desirable to their partners. Whether you are shapely, medium-sized, big-boned, voluptuous, or large, you are sexy and desirable. Don't let magazines, television, Hollywood, peers, or strangers convince you otherwise. Skinniness is next to godliness is some random warped value that has permeated society. But the truth is, we've heard many men say they want their women to have bumps and curves. After all, who wants to sleep with a bag of bones? It is only recently that the waiflike body type is in vogue. At the height of her sex symbol status, Marilyn Monroe weighed 145 pounds and was a size 12.
Regain Your Footing: Remember that sexy can take any form.
Freefall #2: You have to have a perfect body to be worthwhile.
Catch Yourself: First of all, who decides what's perfect? Is there some perfect body committee that defines a perfect body? If you are basing your worth on your body, you are selling yourself short. What defines your value is your intelligence, intuition, wit, creativity, capabilities, hobbies, gifts, talents, perceptions, family and home life, spiritual life, emotional literacy, professional life, academic achievements, creative endeavors, artistic pursuits, and volunteer work. Remember that your body is one-one hundredth of your value.
Regain Your Footing: If you define your worth by your physical body, you are missing a huge piece of who you are and what you bring to this world. Practice expanding the definition of what makes you worthwhile.
Freefall #3: You'd be happier if you looked like a movie star or a supermodel.
Catch Yourself: Beautiful women are not happier women. They're just, well, beautiful according to societal standards. You see, the more attractive a woman is, the less likely that she'll get positive feedback about what's really special about her. Most beautiful women are trapped by this. They get as caught up in their goddesslike appearance as we do, investing way too much time in looking gorgeous only to find that their physical assets diminish over time.
Regain Your Footing: Beauty fades, but the spirit doesn't. Feed your spirit and you will blossom for many years to come.
Freefall #4: Women grow older; men grow more distinguished.
Catch Yourself: Come on! Men don't have the corner on aging with grace. Sorry, but we don't buy into the myth that all women over fifty are hags while their male counterparts remain hotties. Just look around and you'll see lots of gorgeous women over fifty: Lena Horne, Naomi Judd, Susan Sarandon, Diahann Carroll, Connie Chung, Charlayne Hunter-Gault, Oprah Winfrey, Debbie Allen, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Twyla Tharp, Peggy Fleming, Althea Gibson, Amy Tan, and Terry McMillan, just to name a few. They're sexy and gorgeous-not because they've had plastic surgery, but because they're doing amazing things with their lives!
Regain Your Footing: Live your life to the fullest and you'll find there's beauty at every age.
[a hed[ The Good Wife and Mother Freefall #1: Behind every great man is a great woman.
Catch Yourself: Although it's true that many men succeed because they have great female partners, we don't find this saying very empowering. The message behind it is that women should play a supporting role in the lives of men rather than carving out an existence for themselves. While men dream, hope, plan, and struggle, women should be their sounding boards and cheerleaders. Come on! Both men and women owe it to themselves to reach their potential. To do this we all need someone to encourage us-it's not a woman's job.
Regain Your Footing: You'll go crazy if you suppress or undervalue your dreams while bolstering someone else's. If people seek you out for your advice and support, you possess very valuable gifts. Don't let them be abused.
Freefall #2: Married women are happier than single women.
Catch Yourself: Guess again. According to a World Health Organization report from 1996 on women worldwide, married women with children had a higher risk for depression than did married childless women, single women, or single or married men. University of London researchers found that single women typically have fewer mental health issues. Who wouldn't have mental health issues while calling on clients when morning sickness calls on you, brokering deals while pumping breast milk, giving a presentation with leaky breasts, or preparing an urgent memo while your child throws a temper tantrum? Xanax to go with your cabernet, anyone?
Regain Your Footing: Marriage isn't a one-way ticket to nirvana.
Freefall #3: If your house is a mess, it reflects poorly on you.
Catch Yourself: Who cares? Stop buying into the myth that a clean house is a priority and it's your responsibility. How about letting everyone else do their part. We know it's hard to let this one go, but do you really want to spend so much time cleaning your house? Isn't there something else you'd rather be doing?
Regain Your Footing: Set realistic standards for cleaning and then share the work with your family. Better yet, pay someone to do it for you!
Freefall #4: You must have kids to be truly fulfilled.
Catch Yourself: It's true that children can be deeply satisfying and can open your heart and teach you about love in a profound way. It is also true that women have achieved great success and have found meaning, satisfaction, and love without ever having children. Some notable women include Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Bonnie Raitt, Diane Sawyer, Kathryn Hepburn, Georgia O'Keefe, Mary Cassatt, Annie Oakley, Frida Kahlo, Joan of Arc, Harriet Tubman, Ella Fitzgerald, and Emily Dickinson.
For many women, it is difficult to determine whether the baby longing is coming from dreams, hormones, or societal messages. Especially when the biological clock starts tick-tocking loudly and a woman's ovaries send red alert messages to her brain (use us or lose us), knowing whether she truly wants to reproduce is a bit perplexing.
If you are grappling with this issue, take plenty of time to read books, and talk it over with loved ones as well as child-free and child-full people. It is not the only path to fulfillment or love. If you want to shower love on a little helpless being but don't want to procreate, remember that little creatures come in all shapes and sizes. And you can always love OPC (other people's children), which enables you to (a) return them when they're going ballistic over a dirty diaper, (b) walk away from projectile spit-up incidents, (c) get restorative sleep on a regular basis, and (d) do whatever you want, whenever you want. (This last point is why parents are envious of child-free folks.)
Regain Your Footing: Having children is a choice, not an obligation nor a sure path to fulfillment.
Undecided about kids? Check out the Roll the Ovary activity at the end of this chapter.
[begin sidebar] [sidebar hed] The Domestic Goddess Meltdown Though you were born a mere mortal, your toilet scrubbing, kitchen floor mopping, and diaper changing may have turned you into a real-life goddess-a household deity, a home and garden fixture-without your even knowing. Not sure if you've reached this enlightened state? Let's find out.
1. Do you spend about thirty-five hours a week on housework while your partner clocks only half of that?
2. Do you shoulder most of the responsibility for raising the children, dealing with child care, keeping the house in order, and doing the meal planning?
3. Do you feel as if keeping your family's domestic life running smoothly is primarily your responsibility and your partner is being noble when he pitches in?
4. Do you need to have a meltdown before you get any help?
If you answered yes to any of the above, you are indeed a domestic goddess. Unfortunately, this is one of the lesser goddesses-you don't get to rule the world or shape shift on a whim. Your life looks more like this: You carry the weight of the household on your shoulders, the weight gets too heavy, you break under the pressure, you melt down, your husband or partner responds to your meltdown, the pressure is relieved momentarily, you feel supported, and you forget the pattern until the next meltdown.
If this has happened over the course of months or years, it is time to put an end to it. Leave your goddesslike ways behind and ask for help-loudly! Then negotiate with your partner what chores each of you will do and stick to it. (The sticking to it is the hard part. If he isn't as good as you at cleaning toilets or folding laundry, you have to let it go-or risk future meltdowns.)
Bad girls don't let themselves get into the meltdown pattern or, if they see it emerging, they put an end to it quickly. Meltdowns rob you of your vitality and energy. Perhaps you like the drama queen bit; if so, save it for the stage, not the living room. Meltdowns and your domestic life don't have to go hand-in-hand. So, have you learned your lessons? Take the Bad Girl Quiz to find out. Read each question and then circle yes, no, or sometimes.
[end sidebar] Freefall #5: Children will bring you happiness.
Catch Yourself: They'll also bring you frustration, anger, hurt, and longing. Children can be a wonderful addition to your life, but they are not responsible for your happiness. You are. If you rely on them to make you happy, you will not only be disappointed but also drive them away.
Regain Your Footing: You must find your own happiness and not depend on your children (or anyone else) to do it for you.
Freefall #6: If you really want a baby, you should just have one and it will all work out.
Catch Yourself: Having kids and starting our own families is something most women and men want. It's part of the natural course of life. But before you decide to do this-with or without a partner-you should consider some cold, hard facts:
1. After having children, you can expect a decrease in your earning power. The main reason for this is that many women decide to work part-time, take a less demanding position, or quit their jobs after having children.
2. Working mothers are changing this but some employers may take you less seriously when you get pregnant. They may place you on the "mommy track" and deny you raises, promotions, or not assign you to important projects. Of course, this is illegal, but mommy tracking is all too common.
3. You will probably be the child's primary caretaker even if you have a partner and both of you are working full-time. So ask yourself, Am I ready to take on another full-time job and essentially work around the clock?
4. Your free time and spending money will disappear. There'll be less time to sleep, you'll miss days of work when your child is sick, you'll spend lots of money on day care and baby-sitting, and there's no end to all the things your child will want and need.
Regain Your Footing: Plan, plan, plan. If having a family is your dream, know what to expect and plan for it. Hoping that everything will work out won't make it so.
[a hed] Power Freefall #1: Women can quietly wield power and influence by "working behind the scenes."
Catch Yourself: No, they can't. Being indirect is not an effective way to speak up, effect change, or make a difference. It also leads to very little positive outcome and it may even contribute to serious ailments and disease such as depression, cancer, and alcoholism.
Regain Your Footing: Be direct, not demure.
Freefall #2: Aggressiveness is unattractive in a woman.
Catch Yourself: Says who? Chances are that it is unattractive to people who are threatened by women who have a healthy self-esteem and tons of confidence. Do you care about pleasing those people? (The correct answer is no.) Being bold and taking action is how you get what you want in this world.
Regain Your Footing: Go full steam ahead into the future of your dreams.
Freefall #3: You shouldn't challenge authority.
Catch Yourself: You may be at risk of being labeled a troublemaker or you might cause a disturbance in an otherwise peaceful relationship, but you have to challenge authority when your happiness is at stake. Why accommodate and "keep the peace" when you can command your own life? Taking charge of your life means you have to lead. Don't give away the power to make decisions about your life to your boss, your partner, your teachers, or your parents. Hey, this is your life! Who's in charge here?
Regain Your Footing: Until you lead, you will be living someone else's life.
Freefall #4: You can't be simultaneously feminine and powerful.
Catch Yourself: It's true that some women have made it to the top by mimicking men in appearance and style. But at what price? Being a bad girl means that you can be both powerful and feminine. You don't have to trade one for the other. And you can define femininity in whatever way you wish. You can be sensual, sensitive, sexy, and stylish while being assertive, firm, and determined to get what you want. No two women are alike-create your own formula for success.
Regain Your Footing: You don't have to look and act like a man to be powerful. Be true to yourself.
Freefall #5: Sexual harassment is a thing of the past.
Catch Yourself: Regrettably, sexual harassment is still alive and well. Sure, harassers have wised up and usually stick to verbal harassment that they consider "just joking around." But harassers are still out there. The subtle verbal harassers say things like "I'll bet you've got a date every night" or "You should wear skirts more often." The more obvious harassers say things like "Ever consider selling naked pictures of yourself on the Internet?"
There are nonverbal harassers, too. They stare-not casually glance-at your boobs or your butt when you're trying to have a conversation. Or they steal a wink at a buddy when you're talking to them. And then there's the group that didn't get the memo about being discreet-they don't know there are laws against this behavior. They still think it's okay to act on impulse. They're the ones who will grab your ass or put your hand on their crotch "'cuz they thought you were attracted to them." Believe it or not, the crotch incident happened to Ann at work. She wished she would have slapped the married man with four children; instead she said, "It's a bit too small for my taste." (For more sassy comebacks, see Trail #7.)
Regain Your Footing: Know the behavior and take action as soon as you see it. If you think it's safe, confront the harasser. If not, get support. Talk to your boss (unless he's the harasser) or your human resources manager.
[a hed] Work Freefall #1: Women help other women succeed.
Catch Yourself: Some do, some don't. Unfortunately, some of us don't believe in ourselves, so when we see other women doing well, we feel . . . unsettled. We may feel threatened by women we perceive to have greater gifts than us: more beauty, charm, intelligence, wit, or creativity. Instead of appreciating their wonders, we may subtly challenge them or call their competence into question, hoping to cut them down a notch. Come on, girls! When we sabotage other women, we're tearing apart our own support system. The more women support each other, the better off we'll all be. Let's create a bad girls' network that rivals the good-old boys' network!
Regain Your Footing: Stop sabotaging and start mentoring.
Freefall #2: You'd be happier if you didn't have to work.
Catch Yourself: No, you wouldn't. You'd be happier if you were doing work you loved. We realize it can be very, very tough to make a living doing what you love, but that's what we're shooting for. Sure, we all want to quit our day jobs and some of us will. Take your life's work seriously and spend as much time as you can doing what energizes and inspires you.
Regain Your Footing: Doing work you love allows you to build a place for yourself in the world.
Freefall #3: Women can't make decisions.
Catch Yourself: We're always amazed that anyone believes this. Women can't make decisions, but they can raise the next generation, run a household, and build a career in their spare time? Wow, who knew that such critical work could be accomplished in the absence of decision making? Women may deliberate or collaborate more when making decisions-we often construct the big picture from lots of scraps of information. Women, girls, this is an incredible skill we have. Most men eliminate details when making decisions-they just can't manage all the information. But we can. So there's a very good chance that women are better at reaching decisions and make better decisions.
Regain Your Footing: Don't buy into this nonsense. You can and do make major decisions every day, so if your dream is to run the world or a Fortune 500 company, just do it!
Freefall #4: Women have as much clout in the workplace as men.
Catch Yourself: Unfortunately, they still don't. Barely any women are in executive positions, women are still paid less than men doing the same work with the same degree of experience, a woman's job performance is often judged more harshly than a man's, and women's opinions and decisions are much more likely to be challenged. Don't believe us? Have you counted the number of female heads of religious institutions, governments, or businesses lately? Last time we checked, the pope was male, Congress was a sea of suits and ties, and General Electric's former CEO Jack Welch was the man with the plan.
Regain Your Footing: Be as arrogant and confident as most men are.
[begin sidebar] [sidebar hed] When Retro Is Not Cool: The Mommy Track The year is 2007, or is it 1957? Frankly, there are days when we just can't tell. Everywhere we turn, another brilliant, creative woman is throwing in the towel and becoming a throwback by "choosing" the mommy track. When did it become an attractive option for intelligent, creative, educated women to sign up for full-time mommyhood instead of balancing work and family? Sure we know (secondhand) that it's tough to go to work when you're sleep deprived and leaking breast milk, but when the teeth come in and the training pants come off, isn't it time to get back to our other work in some capacity? And if we don't, doesn't that make us babies?
Oh, sure, we can hear it now. You're not moms, so what do you know about how tough it is? Our answer: Wah! You sound like a baby. Tough, you say? Is that the only obstacle-it's tough? Maybe we're not moms, but don't dismiss our tirade. Instead, ponder this: What exactly is the point of the thirty years (plus or minus a few) leading up to reproduction? Are we preparing to be mommies? Last time we checked, we'd left Betty Crocker and Good Housekeeping behind and taken up the struggle for equal lives, equal development as human beings, and equal status in the society at large and in our families. How equal is it for men to enjoy careers and the fulfillment and joy of being daddies, while we limit our identity and job options to "mommy"? Doesn't that mean we've given up the fight-that we're settling for less than full equality?
[end sidebar] Although Carol is not a mom, her mom taught her a thing or two. Carol grew up in an Irish Catholic suburb of Boston, where most families had at least five kids, and most moms were housewives-but not Mrs. Brunelli. While her five kids were young, she worked part-time-often at night-to keep her nursing career on track, knowing that one day she could go at it full throttle. This was not the case with the other neighborhood moms. They were voracious consumers of nicotine and caffeine, who appeared to be junkies-at least to a young, impressionable child of the '70s. They were slovenly, unkempt, and sluggish (despite the mass ingestion of stimulants). Their houses overflowed with sticky dishes and dirty clothes, and discarded toys lay in piles everywhere. Their kids were runny-nosed, unruly, and seemingly running wild. Had a documentary been made of their lives, it would have been titled something like Moms on Uppers: A Cautionary Tale or To Hell and Back: Housewives Scare Girls into Getting a Job and Getting a Life.
While the Brunelli's home was not immaculate-the kids, a dog, and an occasional guinea pig made sure of that-it was hygienic and orderly. The children were not perfect, but the parents were definitely running the place (probably because the kids were given chores, which distracted them from being holy terrors). And while Margo's life may sound daunting to the 2007 mom-who has five kids anymore?-it was simply what Margo did. It worked out amazingly well. She carved out an impressive (high-paying) career, and her kids stayed out of jail and stayed in college.
So before you accept the full-time mommy job offer, consider this: The choices we make matter to all women. What we do or do not do sets a precedent for future generations. (Do we really want to go back in time?) And don't we all want our girls to grow up to be the president of the United States instead of the first lady?
[quiz hed] [centered] Bad Girl Quiz
1. I work harder than most of my coworkers. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
2. I don't feel complete without a partner. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
3. I often regret not saying what I really think. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
4. I promote my accomplishments at work. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
5. I believe a woman's life can be fulfilling with a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes or without children.
6. I love my job (paid or unpaid). a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
7. I make an effort to mentor other women. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
8. I sometimes have meltdowns before asking for
help with domestic chores. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
9. I think women lose value as they age. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
10. I often defer to men when making decisions. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
11. Thin women are happier than stocky women. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
12. I'd be happier if I didn't have to work. a. Yes b. No c. Sometimes
Answers: 1. a. 0 , b. 2, c. 1; 2. a. 0, b. 2, c.1; 3. a. 0, b. 2, c. 1; 4. a. 2, b. 0, c. 1; 5. a. 2, b. 0, c. 1; 6. a. 2, b. 0, c. 1; 7. a. 2, b. 0, c. 1; 8. a. 0, b. 2 c. 1; 9. a. 0, b. 2, c. 1; 10. a. 2, b. 0, c. 1 11.a. 0 b. 2 c. 1 12. a. 0 b. 2 c. 1 What was your score and what does it mean? Well, the bigger your score, the badder the bad girl. Find out where you fall in the bad girl scale.
Bad Girl Scale
24 Only! Stiletto Girl
18-23 Platform Girl
12-17 Wedge Girl
6-11 Cuban Girl
0-5 Kitten Girl
[a hed] Regaining Your Footing What freefalls have you taken? How did you catch yourself and regain your footing?
Freefall #1:
How I Regained My Footing:
Freefall #2:
How I Regained My Footing:
[a hed] Roll the Ovary Play Roll the Ovary! We're not claiming that this table will be the deciding factor in your decision-making process, but it will get the ovary rolling, or not. Look at each column and determine if the statements apply to you. Then score that column.

[a hed] Girlfriends Forever Another myth we'd like to dispel is that all women are catty, cunning, and competitive-basically, out to get one another. Please! Most of us look to our girlfriends to get us through the day, the latest crisis, or a major life change. We form deep, caring relationships that last a lifetime.

1. Write down the name of the first girlfriend who pops into your mind.

2. What do you love about her? What does she give you that no one else does?

Table of Contents

Contents

Prologue

Trail #1: Razor's Edge

Trail #2: Pioneer Pass

Trail #3: Sleeping Mountain Lion Pass

Trail #4: Yellow Brick Road

Trail #5: Luscious Body Hot Springs

Trail #6: Sabotage Gulch

Trail #7: Double Black Diamond Challenge

Trail #8: Sassy Comeback Arch

Trail #9: Bushwhackers' Gorge

Trail #10: Stilettos Summit

Stilettos Book Club Questions

Epilogue: Pink Past to a Rosy Future

About the Authors