Carry Me: Stories of Pregnancy Loss

by Frieda Hoffman

Overview

After Frieda Hoffman’s second miscarriage, she felt alone, ignorant, and overwhelmed with emotions. Finding little literature or support available, her entrepreneurial spirit kicked in and she decided to create the resource she wished she’d had: real stories about pregnancy loss from real women without the off-putting lens of religion or academia so typical of the self-help genre.
Through Hoffman’s own journey and those of nineteen women she interviewed, Carry Me explores universal themes of grief, bearing witness, transforming adversity into opportunity, and the paradox of feeling alone while sharing a common experience. The diverse women and narratives unpack the physical, emotional, and financial challenges of loss; notions of womanhood and motherhood; and the intersections of public health, body politics, and patient care. Readers are called to action to share their own stories in order to heal themselves and support others.
Nearly everyone knows someone affected by pregnancy loss, yet most of us are not comfortable, even in the relative safety of the company of friends and sisters, discussing this serious health issue. It’s time to normalize the dialogue and help one another through our losses by sharing our resources, our wisdom, and our stories—by carrying one another.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781647423605
Publisher:	She Writes Press
Publication date:	06/07/2022
Sold by:	Barnes & Noble
Format:	eBook
Pages:	264
File size:	1 MB

About the Author

Frieda Hoffman is a transformative coach and mediator, creative consultant, and entrepreneur with a passion for supporting women and courageous leadership. As a coach, she aspires to uplift her clients and break down the barriers that keep so many from stepping into their full potential. As a writer, she aims to cultivate compassion, strength, and a greater sense of connection, particularly for and amongst women. She holds an MA in social work and conflict management from Berlin’s Alice Salomon University, a dual BA in psychology and anthropology from Johns Hopkins University, and is an ICF Professional Certified Coach.. For more information, visit www.friedahoffman.com.. She resides in San Francisco, California.

Table of Contents

Introduction: Frieda 1

Chapter 1 Molly: "It's essential that we have other people." 15

Chapter 2 Desiree: "Feel what we feel and let it heal!" 24

Chapter 3 Ashley: "You don't have to be Wonder Woman." 32

Chapter 4 Suzy "No baby, no client." 42

Chapter 5 Kari: "As a woman of color, I really expected more." 52

Chapter 6 Abby: "Nobody walks you through the finances of loss." 67

Chapter 7 Rae: "We remade our lives around this." 81

Chapter 8 Joanna: "I knew my babies were out there." 97

Chapter 9 Noreen: "You just end up quiet." 112

Chapter 10 Jackie "I was entitled to feel a loss." 121

Chapter 11 Beth: "I needed to believe there was a greater purpose." 133

Chapter 12 Shirley: "Freeze your fucking eggs." 146

Chapter 13 Katie "Life seems so much more fragile now." 158

Chapter 14 Miranda: "I can't believe it's still like this!" 172

Chapter 15 Deven: "We're transformers." 182

Chapter 16 Rose: "Bottom line is, we were killing him." 192

Chapter 17 Janice: "The assumption is pregnancy." 207

Chapter 18 KT: "The world needs our love!" 219

Chapter 19 Golda: "I love being a woman." 228

Editorial Reviews

Frieda Hoffman has not only written a beautiful and important book, she has written a book that does something few narratives dare: she casts light onto a subject so many keep hidden in the darkness, and guides readers, knowledgeably and tenderly, into a territory that one might just call Hope. This book is a gift.” 

—Lee Daniel Kravetz, best-selling author of Strange Contagion: Inside the Surprising Science of Infectious Behaviors and Viral Emotions and What They Tell Us About Ourselves and coauthor of Supersurvivors: The Surprising Link Between Suffering and Success

2023 IPPY Awards Silver Medalist in Women’s Issues
2023 Next Generation Indie Book Awards Winner in Women’s Issues (Non-Fiction)
2022 Foreword INDIES Finalist in Grief/Grieving (Adult Nonfiction)

“Carry Me is a welcome exploration of the intimate details and sociopolitical complexities of pregnancy loss. These twenty stories will leave you gasping, crying, and even laughing through grief, while also inspiring a sense of candidness and unabashed self-compassion. An important addition to the growing voices of grievers demanding more awareness, better care and open dialogue around miscarriage.”

—Jessica Zucker, Ph.D., author of I Had a Miscarriage: A Memoir, a Movement 

“Frieda Hoffman has not only written a beautiful and important book, she has written a book that does something few narratives dare: she casts light onto a subject so many keep hidden in the darkness, and guides readers, knowledgeably and tenderly, into a territory that one might just call Hope. This book is a gift.” 

—Lee Daniel Kravetz, best-selling author of Strange Contagion: Inside the Surprising Science of Infectious Behaviors and Viral Emotions and What They Tell Us About Ourselves and coauthor of Supersurvivors: The Surprising Link Between Suffering and Success

“Pregnancy loss stubbornly remains woefully misunderstood, leaving parents-to-be unsupported and isolated in their grief. This is why Hoffman’s compassionate book is of such great value: the stories she shares will resonate, make valuable connections and provide solace and soothing. They also educate, so please read them if you have had no experience of such loss yourself.”

—Julia Bueno, author of The Brink of Being: Talking about Miscarriage

“Hoffman has found a way to call attention to what is normally termed ‘women’s issues’, illustrating that it is in fact a public-health issue that must be addressed. This book offers insight into what women suffering pregnancy loss may be experiencing and the understanding that they are not alone.” 
—Miriam Chickering, CEO, Nurses International

“Finally! We’ve needed this. Carry Me illuminates a topic so taboo it has rarely been openly discussed. This book is a gift for generations to come, revealing the full complexity of a common human event so that women no longer have to suffer in silence." 
—Bethany N. Golden, Women’s Health Expert and Co-Founder of Juntos Adelante

From the Publisher

2022-03-14
Women offer their perspectives on miscarriage and pregnancy loss in this debut nonfiction book.

In this work, Hoffman reflects on her own pregnancy loss and shares the stories of other women who have experienced miscarriages and stillbirths. The women profiled in the volume describe the physical and emotional experiences of pregnancy and loss, their grieving processes, and their recommendations for making a miscarriage more manageable. The tales reflect a variety of experiences, including infertility, unplanned pregnancy, other kids born before or after the miscarriages, and the choice to remain childfree. Some of the stories are about recent miscarriages, while others happened decades ago but still reverberate. Each tale is told from the perspective of the pregnant woman, but many discuss a partner’s reaction to loss as well. (There is some diversity in the backgrounds of the women featured in the book, but as Hoffman notes in her introduction, nearly all are White, cisgender, and in heterosexual relationships.) Each woman is the subject of a different chapter, and her story is presented largely in her own words, in the context of an interview conducted by Hoffman. The author often asks the participants to expand on their responses or interpret their reactions. The distinct voices of the women come through clearly, making for an engaging and highly readable narrative. There are several commonalities across the women’s tales: Nearly all felt abandoned by medical professionals, and most were unaware of how common miscarriages were before experiencing one. While Hoffman does not make specific policy recommendations, the book makes it clear that both education and support are lacking, and several of the women offer suggestions for improvement. Readers who have experienced miscarriages may find the work triggering, but it has the potential to serve as a tool for healing as well. The volume may also be of particular interest to people pursuing pregnancy, as it does an excellent job of providing information about a common occurrence that is rarely discussed before it happens.

An informative and enlightening look at the experience of pregnancy loss.

Kirkus Reviews