Caresharing: A Reciprocal Approach to Caregiving and Care Receiving in the Complexities of Aging, Illness or Disability

by Marty Richards

Overview

Rebalancing the Roles in Caregiving So All Involved Are Supported

"When you care for someone who is dealing with the complexities of aging, illness, or disability, you share intense emotions and form deep bonds. You each have the opportunity to recognize what is most deeply human—and most deeply Divine—in the other. This sense of reciprocal sharing—between the caregiver, care receiver, and with others around you—is the essence of the dance in caresharing."
—from the Prelude

The word caregiver typically suggests someone doing all the giving for a frail, physically or mentally challenged, or aging person who is doing all the receiving. Marty Richards proposes a rebalanced approach of "caresharing." From this perspective, the “cared for” and the “carer” share a deep sense of connection. Each has strengths and resources. Each can teach the other. Each can share in grief, hope, love and wisdom.

Richards shows you how to move from independent caregiving to interdependent caregiving by engaging the spiritual and emotional aspects of caring for a loved one. Whether you are a daughter or son, a husband or wife, a sibling, long-term partner or good friend, Caresharing offers a multilayered, reciprocal process that will help you keep your spirit—and your loved one's spirit—alive in challenging times.

• Sharing Wisdom: What the Frail Teach the Well
• Sharing Roles: Reinventing Family Roles in Sharing Care
• Sharing “Soul to Soul”: A Special Relationship with People with Dementia
• Sharing Grief: Dealing with the Little Losses and the Big Ones
• Sharing Forgiveness: A Key Spiritual Journey
• Sharing Hope and Heart: An Active Process One Step at a Time

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9781594732478
Publisher:	TURNER PUB CO
Publication date:	11/01/2008
Pages:	256
Product dimensions:	6.20(w) x 9.00(h) x 1.10(d)

About the Author

Marty Richards, MSW, LCSW, a clinical social worker, is an affiliate assistant professor at the Universityof Washington School of Social Work. She is a popular speaker on the topics of chronic illness, Alzheimer's disease, elder care and spirituality and aging. She is the author of Caresharing: A Reciprocal Approach to Caregiving and Care Receiving in the Complexities of Aging, Illness or Disability (SkyLight Paths) and Eldercare: The Best Resources to Help You Help Your Aging Relatives and Caregiving: Church and Family Together.

Marty Richards, MSW, LCSW, is available to speak on the following topics:

• Caresharing: Congregation, Older Adults and Families Together
• Keeping Hope and Heart Alive in Caregiving and Receiving
• Balancing Relationships in Families: A Caresharing Approach
• Enhancing Spirituality for Those with Dementia and Their Carers
• Dealing with Loss and Grief in Caregiving and Care Receiving
• Building on What the "Frail" Teach the "Well" in Coping with Chronic Illness

Table of Contents

Prelude xi

1 THE DANCE OF SHARING CARE 1
An Invitation to Share Care 1
A New Vision for Sharing Care 2
The Basic Steps of the Caresharing Dance 7
Expanding the Caresharing Network 13
The Body/Mind/Spirit Connection 21
When Things Get Complicated 30

2 SHARING WISDOM: WHAT THE FRAIL TEACH THE WELL 37
Inner Wisdom 37
Clearing the Way 39
Putting Yourself in the Role of a Learner 42
Gaining New Understanding from Stories 51
Receiving Spiritual Strength 54

3 FAMILIES SHARING THE CARE: REINVENTING THE ROLES AND RULES 58
Family Systems 58
Family Roles 60
Family Rules 72
Family Secrets 78

4 SHARING "SOUL TO SOUL": A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE WITH COGNITIVE LIMITS 83
Facing Difficult Challenges 83
Understanding the Stages of Dementia 84
Building Effective Communication 93
Keeping the Spirit Alive 100
Dealing with Difficult Behaviors 105
Connecting Soul to Soul 107

5 SHARING GRIEF: COPING WITH THE “LARGE” AND THE “LITTLE” LOSSES 118
The Presence of Grief 118
Facing Transitions 119
Facing Losses 120
Dimensions of Grief 127
Grief Responses 138
Coping with Grief 141
Spiritual Dimensions of Grief 147

6 SHARING FORGIVENESS: A KEY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY IN CARESHARING 155
The Importance of Forgiveness 155
The Nature of Forgiveness 158
The Barriers to Forgiveness 160
Relationship Matters 165
Daily Matters 168
Where to Start 172
Spiritual Dimensions of Forgiveness 180
Reconciliation 183

7 SHARING HOPE: AN ACTIVE PROCESS ONE STEP AT A TIME 188
The Importance of Hope in Caresharing 188
Definitions of Hope 190
Four Key Aspects of Hope 193
Keeping Hope Alive 200
An Action Plan for Building on Hope 206

Postlude 223
Suggestions for Further Reading 225
Acknowledgments 227

Editorial Reviews

"Opens up a world of possibilities of ways to 'share' the caring experience and provides a detailed path to support people on their own journey."
—Rev. Gwen Brandfass, chair, Forum on Religion, Spirituality and Aging (a constituent group of the American Society on Aging)

"Offers precious wisdom and comfort.... Points the way for caregiver and care receiver to learn, grow, heal and thrive amidst soul-searing challenges."
—Rabbi Dayle A. Friedman, director, Hiddur: The Center for Aging and Judaism, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College; author, Jewish Visions for Aging: A Professional Guide for Fostering Wholeness

“The perfect handbook for anyone called to give or receive care. Brims with wise counsel, inspiring stories and practical resources. Offers a fresh and hopeful vision of mutual relationships to help us realize this graced togetherness.”
—Kathleen Fischer, PhD, author, Winter Grace: Spirituality and Aging

“A creative and vital new approach to caring. Provides an honest, down-to-earth approach to the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of the caregiver and the care receiver. A great blessing and benefit to all persons involved in caring relationships.”
—Dr. Richard H. Gentzler, Jr., director, Center on Aging and Older Adult Ministries, The United Methodist Church

“Nothing less than masterful. Richards' concrete and profound perspective on hope and how hope affects caresharing is a wonderful addition to existing literature on caregiving and care receiving. Needs to be read by every caregiver and care receiver as well as their families and friends.”
—Rev. Donald Koepke, director emeritus, California Lutheran Homes Center for Spirituality and Aging

“Gently but thoroughly confronts the myth of independence. We are in this life together. A must read for all pastors and parish life directors.”
—Rev. James P. Oberle, S.S., PhD, director, Holy Spirit Center, Anchorage, Alaska

“An inspiration to many of us in the field of Alzheimer’s care. Touches the spirit in all of us, teaches and inspires. Highly recommended.”
—David Troxel, coauthor, The Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s Care

From the Publisher

A clinical social worker with decades of experience, Richards (Caregiving: Church and Family Together) knows her subject deeply. She proposes revising the usual understanding of caregiving; it's not a one-way connection in which one gives and the other receives, but rather a mutual relationship of shared care that takes advantage of each person's strengths. This is a radical and timely idea given the aging of 78 million baby boomers and the present experience of millions now caring for aging, ill or disabled loved ones. Also innovative is Richards's steady insistence that care sharing is spiritual work; with this view, resources multiply, from congregational support to supplies of hope and meaning. The book is eminently practical, with dozens of suggestions and a helpful and manageable bibliography of key texts from the growing literature. But Richards is more than a peripheral observer; she conveys in a caring way her profound understanding of this inevitable part of the life cycle. There are, and will be, many books about caregiving; this one is sensitive and essential. (Jan.)

Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Publishers Weekly

Caresharing: A Reciprocal Approach to Caregiving and Care Receiving in the Complexities of Aging, Illness or Disability by Marty Richards. The word caregiver typically suggests someone doing all the giving for a frail, physically or mentally challenged, or aging person who is doing all the receiving. Marty Richards proposes a rebalanced approach of "caresharing." From this perspective, the "cared for" and the "carer" share a deep sense of connection. Each has strengths and resources. Each can teach the other. Each can share in grief, hope, love and wisdom.

Richards shows you how to move from independent caregiving to interdependent caregiving by engaging the spiritual and emotional aspects of caring for a loved one. Whether you are a daughter or son, a husband or wife, a sibling, long-term partner or good friend, Caresharing offers a multilayered, reciprocal process that will help you keep your spirit—and your loved one's spirit—alive in challenging times.

Marty Richards, a clinical social worker, is an affiliate assistant professor at the University of Washington School of Social Work. She is a popular speaker on the topics of chronic illness, Alzheimer's disease, elder care, and spirituality and aging. She is the primary author of Eldercare: The Best Resources to Help You Help Your Aging Relatives and Caregiving: Church and Family Together.

The Messenger

Caresharing approaches the complexities of aging, illness or disability with an emphasis on mutual sharing of care, interdependence, affirmation, lovingkindness and understanding.

"Providing care is not a solitary journey, but a relational one," the author asserts in the introduction. "Giving and receiving care offer an "opportunity to recognize what is most deeply human—and most deeply divine—in the other." Richards encourages reciprocal care between caregiver and receiver as well as others providing support. This approach she calls caresharing. When readers accept Richards' invitation to shift from caregiving to caresharing, she suggests, they will feel less alone, more connected and more hopeful.

The book has shown me that my experiences of caring for my wife are meaningful and part of the universal human experience of caring. Until about a year ago, I cared for my wife Ruth, who lives with Alzheimer's, at home, mostly on my own. Since moving her to the nursing care facility across from my cottage, I continue to spend most of the day with her; enjoying her, feeding her at mealtimes and eating beside her. We are experiencing the reality of caresharing each day. My wife and I work together with the health care staff and residents as a community. I highly recommend this hopeful book to anyone caring for a loved one.

Connections Newsletter - Robert Harnish

Odds are favorable that at some point in each of our lives, we will be called upon to care for a loved one due to illness or infirmity. Those who have either served in such a capacity or who have required the care of another know that it can be overwhelmingly stressful. In Caresharing, Marty Richards draws upon her four decades as a clinical social worker and her own personal experience caring for a family member to redefine the roles of caregiver and care recipient in a way that can change the experience into an opportunity for growth for all. By tapping into the strengths of each, the Caresharing approach transforms the traditional give-and-take relationship of caregiving into a dynamic of reciprocal interdependence

Richards provides numerous practical suggestions for forming a relationship of mutual love and respect, for building a network of spiritual and congregational support and for exploring other resources for assistance, all rounded out with a bibliography for further reading.

This would be a handy resource for any congregational library.

Congregational Libraries Today - Robet Lewis