Breakthrough Conversations for Coaches, Consultants and Leaders

by Graham Lee

Overview

Conversational effectiveness is a barometer of human thriving and facilitating insightful conversations is a powerful method for accelerating psychological change and collaboration. This ground-breaking professional book provides a map of Breakthrough Conversations together with a practical toolkit for enhancing awareness, emotional resilience and creativity.

Neuroscience, mindfulness and psychological research shows that awareness is pivotal to skilful conversations. By supporting clients to observe and manage their own body-brain states during conversation, they can learn to switch on the physiological systems that support more authentic, agile, and attuned interactions. Three body-brain states, reactive, habitual and reflective – characterised as Red, Amber and Green (RAG) - are differentiated in terms of body-sensations and behaviours, and these correspond to predictable interactive patterns. Facilitated to experience more emotionally resilient conversations, clients access their natural capacities for collaboration, compassion and shared creativity. This journey, through the five stages of Breakthrough Conversations, drawing on the RAG frame and a number of other practical models, is richly illustrated with case studies from working one-to-one and with pairs.

Coming to see conversations as a dance driven by the interactions of underlying needs and emotions frees clients to make paradigm shifts in their self-awareness and interpersonal effectiveness. This book, and the approach it outlines, will be essential reading for coaches, consultants, leaders and all professionals seeking to choreograph more insightful conversations.

Product Details

ISBN-13:	9780367515881
Publisher:	Taylor & Francis
Publication date:	09/15/2021
Pages:	210
Product dimensions:	6.12(w) x 9.19(h) x (d)

About the Author

Graham Lee is a leadership coach, psychotherapist, and mindfulness teacher. By integrating the domains of neuroscience, psychology, mindfulness, and leadership, he offers a unique blend of pragmatism and depth in facilitating change in individuals, pairs and teams.

Table of Contents

List of Figures x

List of Tables xi

List of Case Studies xii

Acknowledgements xiii

1 The power of conversations 1

Breakthrough conversations 2

Breakthrough in relation to four conversational purposes 5

Origins of this approach 14

Distinctive elements of this approach 15

Who is this book for? 15

The ladder of capabilities for facilitating change 16

The structure of the book 18

Summary 23

Worksheet 1: Understanding relational patterns in four domains of conversation 23

2 Developing a breakthrough body-brain 25

What is the body-brain? 26

The skull-based portion of the brain 27

Polyvagal theory 28

Heart rate variability 31

Hormones and emotional regulation 32

Three body-brain systems 32

The RED/reactive system 33

The AMBER/habit system 36

The GREEN/reflective system 37

Diagnosing body-brain states 38

Signifiers of the RED body-brain system 39

Signifiers of the AMBER body-brain system 41

Signifiers of the GREEN/body-brain system 43

Summary 47

Worksheet 2: Identifying body-brain states 47

3 Awareness is the key to breakthrough 50

What is awareness? 50

Taking an observer perspective 53

Practical models for enhancing conversational awareness 56

PACES - deconstructing experience 57

The Five-Eyed Model of Conversations 66

Summary 73

Worksheet 3: Deconstructing body-brain states using PACES 73

4 A Map of Breakthrough Conversations 76

Research evidence 79

The Breakthrough Conversations approach in context 80

A Map of Breakthrough Conversations 81

Summary 85

Worksheet 4: Recognising conversational stages and capabilities 85

5 Preparing the ground 88

Introducing a conversational lens 88

Constructing purpose in terms of conversation 89

Character habits and personal intentions 93

Practical considerations 103

Engaging client reflectiveness 104

Summary 106

Worksheet 5: Checklist of areas for exploration during Stage 1: preparing the ground 107

6 Managing emotional states 108

Establishing a space for mindful, embodied inquiry 109

Awareness of RAG body-brain states 109

The two stages to mindful inquiry 110

Deconstructing states using PACES 114

Emotional regulation during conversations 116

The 9-Minute Form 118

Formal practices to deepen emotional regulation 124

Summary 126

Worksheet 6: The 9-Minute Form 127

7 Loosening habit and reactivity 129

Self-disclosure 129

Identifying core relational needs 130

Personality 132

Attachment patterns 138

Using attachment patterns to foster skilful conversations 139

Cultural and social conditioning 144

Summary 149

Worksheet 7: Summary of underlying factors impacting conversations 150

8 Seeing the dance from the balcony 153

Disidentifying, attunement, and both-and thinking 154

Vertical development 154

The potential space between self and other 157

Identifying the conversational dance 161

Primary and secondary emotions 162

Organising the interactive cycle 165

Summary 169

Worksheet 8: Seeing the conversational dance 170

9 Harnessing Expanded Perspectives 172

The stage of playfulness 173

Awareness amidst interaction 174

Celebrating positive cycles of interaction 178

Fostering change and acceptance 181

Agreeing pragmatic goals 185

Planning to fail 185

Ongoing development 187

Summary 188

Worksheet 9: Harnessing expanded perspectives 189

Index 190

Editorial Reviews

"Most of us struggle to have skilful conversations, and it’s partly our lack of self-awareness and skill in this arena that’s got humankind in the trouble it’s in today. Lee lives up to his description of coach as ‘wilderness guide’, mapping out the territory of skilful dialogue, and accompanying us on a journey to discovery of what it takes to have meaningful courageous compassionate conversations. A generous treasure trove of resources, from accessible explanations of the underpinning science, to case studies, nifty tools and techniques, this timely book can transform our world, one mindful conversation at a time."

• Liz Hall, author of Mindful Coaching, editor of Coaching at Work magazine, leadership coach and mindfulness teacher

"Graham Lee is at once a safe and an exciting pair of hands to be in, when you are navigating the choppy but rewarding territory of breakthrough conversations. His thinking is structured and clear, and his writing so transparent that you are struck, viscerally, by the powerful ideas that it carries. Lee’s intent is more than positive: it is transformational. He provides a trusty framework for the novice and the unsure, and a compendium of delights for the experienced and the confident."

• Alison Hardingham, Executive Professor at Henley Business School, Fellow of the British Psychological Society, APECS accredited Master Executive Coach and Coaching Supervisor, Psychodynamic Psychotherapist (Oxford)

"Our shared future relies more than ever before on conversations that break down division, build trust, and generate collaboration. Graham Lee provides organisational consultants and coaches with a profound methodology for enabling their clients to engage in such conversations. Drawing on key ideas from the worlds of psychology and mindfulness, he presents practical tools that can be applied immediately in the workplace, so that conversational participants can remain resourceful and constructive, even in the toughest of situations."

• Peter Young, Leadership Coach and Consultant, Bladon Leadership Ltd.

"Graham Lee sets out a coherent and worthwhile theory of human functioning that provides a particularly convincing account of how we deal with emotions. I am of the opinion that Lee’s position has sufficient psychological depth even if the obligatory references to neuroscience are removed. The book is full of insightful ideas for practitioners that are based on robust knowledge and the rich professional expertise of the author. I will certainly be recommending it, not only to students of coaching but also to seasoned and discerning practitioners."

• Prof Tatiana Bachkirova, Professor of Coaching Psychology, Oxford Brookes University

"Given the complexity of today’s world, developing the capacity to have breakthrough conversations is more important than ever. Graham provides us with a map that has both clarity and depth. In a digital age effective collaboration is becoming a key competitive advantage. Breakthrough Conversations is a rich and skillful guidebook that shows the way. For those interested in vertical development, it provides a beautifully accessible pathway into observing and transcending habitual and reactive patterns and in doing so, finding the balcony and expanded perspectives. These are important developmental moves for us all in navigating complexity and enabling transformational change."

• Mark McMordie, CEO, The Conscious Leader and co-author of Mindfulness for Coaches

From the Publisher