Brave Face: A Memoir

by Shaun David Hutchinson Narrated by Shaun David Hutchinson

Overview

A YALSA 2020 Amazing Audiobooks for Young Adults Selection

“[P]rofound...a triumph-a full-throated howl to the moon to remind us why we choose to survive and thrive.” -Brendan Kiely, New York Times bestselling author of Tradition

“Razor-sharp, deeply revealing, and brutally honest...emotionally raw and deeply insightful.” -Booklist (starred review)

The critically acclaimed author of We Are the Ants opens up about what led to an attempted suicide in his teens, and his path back from the experience.

“I wasn't depressed because I was gay. I was depressed and gay.”

Shaun David Hutchinson was nineteen. Confused. Struggling to find the vocabulary to understand and accept who he was and how he fit into a community in which he couldn't see himself. The voice of depression told him that he would never be loved or wanted, while powerful and hurtful messages from society told him that being gay meant love and happiness weren't for him.

A million moments large and small over the years all came together to convince Shaun that he couldn't keep going, that he had no future. And so he followed through on trying to make that a reality.

Thankfully Shaun survived, and over time, came to embrace how grateful he is and how to find self-acceptance. In this courageous and deeply honest memoir, Shaun takes readers through the journey of what brought him to the edge, and what has helped him truly believe that it does get better.

Editorial Reviews

JUNE 2019 - AudioFile

Author and narrator Shaun David Hutchinson wants listeners to remember one thing: Never give up. This memoir is not about the highs in Hutchinson's life after he became a bestselling author—it’s about the lowest of the lows. Through his own voice, he painfully recalls his younger years—the depression that compounded his confusion over his sexuality—he is gay—and his fear that the important people in his life would no longer accept him. In a clever literary device, his depression continually chimes in, speaking directly to him and egging him on to give up anytime he encountered difficulty. Hearing that depression brought to life through Hutchinson's own voice is chilling. Though Hutchinson’s story includes some horrific events—preceded by trigger warnings—this is an important audiobook. A.R.F. © AudioFile 2019, Portland, Maine

Publishers Weekly

★ 03/25/2019

YA author Hutchinson (The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried) explores the travails of coming into his sexuality in the early 1990s, when homophobia was deeply rampant in the U.S., the AIDS crisis was in devastating full force, and equal rights for anyone on the LGBTQ spectrum were still a distant dream. With the lack of positive representation of queerness, Hutchinson’s views of gay people were so negative that it took him years to recognize his own sexuality. In the meantime, trying to live an inauthentic life left him angry and depressed for reasons he couldn’t grasp. The author explores his teenage years with raw honesty, presenting the truth as he saw it and sharing passages from his diaries to illustrate the turmoil he experienced—which many queer teens will continue to empathize with. Though he describes himself at times in deep depression and engaging in self harm, the memoir ends on a positive note, sharing the ways in which he finds acceptance both within himself and within the queer community, and sending an important message to other queer teens: your life is a gift, and support is out there. Ages 14–up. Agent: Katie Shea Boutillier, Donald Maass Literary Agency. (May)

June 18, 2019 - Shelf Awareness

Coming of age in the 1990s, Shaun David Hutchinson (At the Edge of the Universe) knew certain things about being gay from the messages society sent: "Gay people, especially gay men, were so often portrayed as promiscuous sexual deviants and drug abusers that, even in spite of my own limited personal experience, it's how I saw them too." Through pop culture, politics and news headlines, Shaun learned "there was no future to being gay," which presented a tremendous problem for the teen when he finally came to terms with the fact that he is gay.

In his powerful memoir, Brave Face, the young adult author bares his soul to the world about realizing his sexual orientation and suffering from a depression so profound he attempted suicide. Hutchinson's raw honesty pierces readers as he describes his fight to find an identity in a world that viewed homosexuals as "so worthless that they didn't even deserve to live." His fear and pain radiate off the pages, demanding others experience a small part of it, too. Audiences will be hard-pressed not to feel the emotional weight Hutchinson carries: "It was like every person I came into contact with was plugging themselves into me, and occasionally I'd overload and short." His journey to acceptance is one marred with struggle and loss, but also imbued with hope.

Hutchinson's gift for language makes this uncomfortable story beautiful and forceful. Courageous and commanding, Brave Face is a bold, banner announcement that there is a future for everyone. —Jen Forbus, freelancer

Discover: A young adult writer tells his personal story of coming to terms with his sexual orientation and his battle with life-threatening depression.

Sam J. Miller

"Shaun David Hutchinson has long been one of our brightest lights and best storytellers. In Brave Face, he shares all the sh*t he had to survive to get there - and how we can too. Brutal and essential.

Caleb Roehrig

"Fearless and resonant, Hutchinson’s memoir explores personal darkness with profound candor and earned wisdom. Courageous, devastating, and beautiful.

Kathleen Glasgow

"As much a book about coming out as it is a book about simply coming to be, Brave Face is the bravest memoir I've read in years. Illuminating, brutally honest, poignant, and sometimes laugh out loud funny, this isn't a book just for queer kids, it's a book for any teen (or adult) who feels left out, rejected, confused, and scared about their place in the world.

Brendan Kiely

"Shaun David Hutchinson has been hammering out one brilliant book after another, and Brave Face is his most honest and courageous one yet. This profound memoir is a triumph—a full-throated howl to the moon to remind us why we choose to survive and thrive."

April 15, 2019 - Booklist *STARRED REVIEW*

Hutchinson (The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried, 2019) lays bare his high-school and early college years—his coming out, the resulting family tension, friendship difficulties, depression, selfharm, failed relationships, a suicide attempt—in this razor-sharp, deeply revealing, and brutally honest exploration of growing up gay in the South amid an intolerant sociopolitical backdrop that seems hell bent on denying him a future. Emotionally raw and deeply insightful, Hutchinson's reminiscence of his earlier years is not tainted by the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, nor is his story so macabre as to avoid heartwarming moments and frequent instances of humor to break up the tension: "I was right! Kissing really was like an H. P. Lovecraft story, but with less xenophobia and racism." Although this is a straightforward coming-out narrative in some ways, the depth and complexity of each recounted moment serve to illustrate to readers the myriad ways in which society creates paradoxical and near-impossible expectations for queer young people to adhere to on a daily basis. Brave Face serves not just as a personal story but as a guide to help queer and questioning readers survive—better yet, to thrive—against all odds, in defiance of a world that so often appears to want them to fade away. — Rob Bittner

Alex London

"It takes talent to render personal truth with clear-eyed honesty, and deep empathy for the wounded, bewildered selves we’ve been. It takes greater bravery to share that truth. Hutchinson has talent and bravery in droves and BRAVE FACE is a triumph. This book is a balm and I’m grateful it exists."

--Caleb Roehrig

"Fearless and resonant, Hutchinson’s memoir explores personal darkness with profound candor and earned wisdom. Courageous, devastating, and beautiful.” 

--Kathleen Glasgow

"As much a book about coming out as it is a book about simply coming to be, Brave Face is the bravest memoir I've read in years. Illuminating, brutally honest, poignant, and sometimes laugh out loud funny, this isn't a book just for queer kids, it's a book for any teen (or adult) who feels left out, rejected, confused, and scared about their place in the world.” 

--Alex London

"It takes talent to render personal truth with clear-eyed honesty, and deep empathy for the wounded, bewildered selves we’ve been. It takes greater bravery to share that truth. Hutchinson has talent and bravery in droves and BRAVE FACE is a triumph. This book is a balm and I’m grateful it exists." 

JUNE 2019 - AudioFile

Author and narrator Shaun David Hutchinson wants listeners to remember one thing: Never give up. This memoir is not about the highs in Hutchinson's life after he became a bestselling author—it’s about the lowest of the lows. Through his own voice, he painfully recalls his younger years—the depression that compounded his confusion over his sexuality—he is gay—and his fear that the important people in his life would no longer accept him. In a clever literary device, his depression continually chimes in, speaking directly to him and egging him on to give up anytime he encountered difficulty. Hearing that depression brought to life through Hutchinson's own voice is chilling. Though Hutchinson’s story includes some horrific events—preceded by trigger warnings—this is an important audiobook. A.R.F. © AudioFile 2019, Portland, Maine

Kirkus Reviews

2019-03-07
A '90s era teen-cum-YA novelist presents a frank, good-humored recollection of depression, self-loathing, and eventual self-respect.

For the fainthearted, a disclaimer gives fair warning that this trip is pregnant with discomfort and mounds of bad behavior. Make it past that fence post and there's an amalgam of emails, journal entries, and early writing peppered throughout a contemporary memoir. These time-capsule bread crumbs of Hutchinson's (The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried, 2019, etc.) younger voice layer even more honesty than might otherwise be there; though it's autobiographical, he's acutely aware that he's writing what he remembers. As a teen he grapples with his sexuality, unable to understand why his heterosexual make-outs skew repulsive instead of gratifying. When Hutchinson's own writing helps him realize that he's gay, it's not a smooth shift to self-love; rather, the realization helps him articulate why he hates himself. Being gay instills a fear of rejection because he doesn't yet have the faculty to realize that homosexuality is more than subscribing to a flamboyant Hollywood stereotype doomed to be treated with disgust or ridicule. In recognizing he's gay, he's now tasked with re-establishing a future that had been previously forecast on a disingenuous heterosexual foundation. His depression's always-there voice of suicide says he'll never have what he wants, coloring his days difficult. There's a lot to endure and survive and screw up before he finds there's a niche for anyone in the queer community.

Compelling. (Memoir. 14-adult)

Product Details

BN ID:	2940171179458
Publisher:	Simon & Schuster
Publication date:	05/21/2019
Edition description:	Unabridged
Age Range:	14 - 17 Years

Read an Excerpt

Brave Face
THANKFULLY, I WAS ABLE TO piece together time lines and events from old e-mails and journals that I managed to hold on to. I’ve changed the names of all schoolmates and friends as well as many identifying details. Some of the people portrayed are composites. When it came to re-creating conversations, I’ve done my best to recall the flavor of the conversation, because it’s not always possible to recall something from twenty years ago word-for-word.

One thing I do want to point out is that memory isn’t always accurate. I gave a speech for the 2016 School Library Journal Leadership Summit, where I discussed some of my personal history with suicide and depression. In it, I mentioned how my mom had been tested in the hospital as a potential match for liver donation. Later, after my mom watched the speech, she told me that I’d gotten it wrong. She’d never been tested; she’d only talked to the doctor about being tested.

That’s not how I remembered it, though. So as I started writing this memoir, I wondered what was more important: what actually happened or what I remembered happening.

I think the answer depends on who’s doing the telling. How I remember events is more important to this memoir than how someone else remembers them, and someone else’s recollection isn’t necessarily the objective truth either. For example, I don’t remember my mom crying when she came to the emergency room after my suicide attempt. Her strength and stoicism set an example for me later in my life. If I found out that she had actually cried in the ER, it wouldn’t change the effect my original belief ultimately had on me.

Therefore, while I’ve done my best to verify dates and other objective truths, the majority of this memoir is how I remember events. Anything I’ve gotten wrong is on me.

Finally, this memoir contains e-mails, journal entries, and some of my early writing. Even though it’s incredibly embarrassing, I’ve left all my awful grammar and spelling errors intact except where doing so rendered the passage too confusing to read. Please don’t judge me.

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